I went to “Dunkirk” at the cinema today. If you want to know what it’s like, just watch this trailer 40 times in a row and save yourself the £12.
It’s a poor movie, disjointed and aimless and curiously lacking in tension or narrative given the real-life subject matter. (It’s remarkably short on dialogue, which is lucky because you can barely make out any of what little script or story there is from behind the endlessly howling one-note airhorn of the soundtrack. It’s a bit like someone filmed an IKEA assembly manual in live action during a Formula 1 race.)
But I couldn’t help thinking that part of the reason it was so unengaging was because it felt akin to watching a boxing match between two fighters you don’t like. If Mike Tyson took on Tyson Fury, would you cheer for the rapist or the anti-Semitic homophobe?
Today’s Daily Record covers the story we mentioned yesterday about a report from a Scottish Labour campaign group making the pretty factually-uncontestable point that the branch office’s dismal strategy in last month’s election held the UK party back.
We’ll be honest with you here, readers – even though it’s only July, when it comes to sheer ham-fisted, tin-eared, clown-shoed, foot-shooting idiocy we didn’t think anything in Scottish politics in 2017 could possibly top the SNP’s decision that the surefire way to win back voters after a poor election result was literally mutilating puppies.
After all, that’s the sort of thing you say as a self-evidently ludicrous and hyperbolic joke: “Ha ha, the SNP are so dominant in Scotland these days that the only way they could lose an election would be if Nicola Sturgeon went on telly and started hacking the tails off week-old puppy-dogs without anaesthetic! LOL!!!!!”
It couldn’t even be defended as a grotesque but cynically cunning attempt to win votes from the rural hunting-and-fishing lobby – they did it right AFTER the election, when all those people had just gone out and voted Tory anyway.
But bless their hearts, Scottish Labour never once saw a low bar that they didn’t try to slither under, and today they pulled off the seemingly impossible.
Broadly speaking, the psychological phenomenon known as the Pollyanna Principle is a tendency to neurotically see the most positive possible view of a situation. It’s not generally widely found in newspapers – for whom bad news as a rule sells much better than good news – but for some reason the Scottish press makes a uniform exception when it comes to military shipbuilding.
This, for example, is today’s Herald:
Now, in itself that headline is – unusually – true, so far as it goes. But it only takes until the first sentence of the article text before things start to fall apart.
Deep in the summer news desert, the papers today are struggling for material again. The Sunday Herald has a shock-horror front-page exposé about some photos from an Orange Lodge party that turn out to be from 2010 and 2013, while the Scottish Mail On Sunday reaches all the way back to 1940 to fill a couple of pages.
Al Harron on These Words Are My Own: ““What happened with the £60,000-worth of items that were dropped from the indictment: the hairstylers, the lingerie and the books…” Jul 17, 23:30
sarah on These Words Are My Own: “Oh dear, Rev. You will never get on in public life. Far too principled and brave.” Jul 17, 22:53
Hatey McHateface on A Matter Of Declinature: “I see, Alf. Inevitably, yes, but individually to a greater or lesser extent. Like death, inevitable, but not for everyone,…” Jul 17, 22:39
Hatey Mchateface on A Matter Of Declinature: ““More to be pitied then scorned sadly” Ach, why not stick in your comfort zone and scorn ignorantly? Or sit…” Jul 17, 22:33
sam on These Words Are My Own: “Sturgeon is unlikely to ever want to face cross examination in court on any of the issues you raise. And…” Jul 17, 22:28
Hatey McHateface on A Matter Of Declinature: “Scots blokes are able to present themselves as women. It doesn’t mean they’re women. If you don’t understand what “present”…” Jul 17, 22:22
robertkknight on These Words Are My Own: “Well said all round. The dogs in the street know who did what to whom and when and why. Agent…” Jul 17, 22:21
Ian on These Words Are My Own: “Q to AI – Sturgeons head bobs around when she seems under pressure or maybe lying. She also blinks a…” Jul 17, 22:20
Tommy B on These Words Are My Own: “If there is a requirement for a fundraiser for legal fees, you can rely on a donation from this direction.…” Jul 17, 22:20
Alf Baird on A Matter Of Declinature: ““A consequence that is inevitable would inarguably and unarguably leave all Scots suffering from a colonial mindset.” Yes, this must…” Jul 17, 22:09
George Ferguson on A Matter Of Declinature: “Your too late. The Institutions have been taken over. You had your chance. Today I went to a special occasion…” Jul 17, 22:08
robertkknight on A Matter Of Declinature: “13 minutes of my life I’ll not get back and I didn’t learn anything I didn’t already know, apart from…” Jul 17, 22:07
James on A Matter Of Declinature: “Dan/Northy; as we know they have an agenda and don’t like being put right. More to be pitied then scorned…” Jul 17, 21:56
Northcode on A Matter Of Declinature: ““…in one self-pitying, self-justifying post from Northy.” All I did was state a fact, backed that fact up by referencing…” Jul 17, 21:40
Hatey McHateface on A Matter Of Declinature: ““Other Scots might deny the colonisation of Scotland entirely; but this latter group could be suffering from a colonial mindset…” Jul 17, 21:10
sam on A Matter Of Declinature: “Yes, wee Johnny. That’s why the UK parliament site remarks that “Jacobites across Scotland were able to present themselves as…” Jul 17, 21:08
Glenn Boyd on A Matter Of Declinature: “David Davis makes allegations about Nicola Sturgeon in Westminster. Professor Tim Wilson site on You Tube. This report is well…” Jul 17, 21:00
Glenn Boyd on A Matter Of Declinature: “David Davis makes allegations about Nicola sturgeon in Westminster Professor Tim Wilson on You Tube Worth a view” Jul 17, 20:46
Glenn Boyd on A Matter Of Declinature: “David Davis makes allegations about nicola sturgeon in Westminster Professor Tim Wilson You Tube Well worth a view.” Jul 17, 20:43
Hatey McHateface on A Matter Of Declinature: ““I believe James used “Scotch” in his comment to make a point” I believe you don’t believe that at all.…” Jul 17, 20:34
Alf Baird on A Matter Of Declinature: ““Logic, eh? It’s a scunner” Some Scots might say the colonisation of Scotland is inarguable. Some Scots might say the…” Jul 17, 20:21
Northcode on A Matter Of Declinature: ““[The] Scotch don’t like Tories generally, Inglis.” This, taken from the Dictionary of the Older Scottish Tongue (up to 1700):…” Jul 17, 20:13
Aidan on A Matter Of Declinature: “Sorry Dan – are you really sticking up for “James” here?” Jul 17, 18:30
Hatey McHateface on A Matter Of Declinature: “Sure, sam. That’s why the Jacobite army marched on London, getting as far south as Derby before turning back. “Jacobites…” Jul 17, 18:27
Hatey McHateface on A Matter Of Declinature: “@Wee Wally Walrus W. Winky says: 17 July, 2026 at 4:05 pm “That right, aye, Prick?” Aye. That’s right. Scotch…” Jul 17, 18:19
Dan on A Matter Of Declinature: “TBH I don’t think many folk could blow the skin off a rice pudding… The phrase is usually: Couldn’t knock…” Jul 17, 18:05
Captain Caveman on A Matter Of Declinature: “Is that it, Fatso? 😀 My 5 year old granddaughter could do better (and could probably batter you too), if…” Jul 17, 18:04
