It seems like almost every time somebody gets accused of rape, sexual harassment or any kind of horrible creepy sex-based sleaze in Scotland these days, the same face is always lurking around grinning in the background somewhere.
Back in the 1980s and 1990s, before the internet, scammers used to have to work a bit harder to cheat people than they do now.
A popular method was to advertise a “clearance sale” in the press. You’d see an ad in the Daily Record or a local paper for an event in a High Street location – typically a vacant shop – promising brand-new TVs for £20, microwaves for a fiver, toasters for £2.50 or whatever. So you’d show up on the day and it always worked the same.
There’d be the ringmaster on a raised platform, surrounded by loads of unmarked white boxes, and he’d start off by picking some “random” punter from the crowd and bestowing gifts upon him. This guy would walk away with armfuls of swag for £25 or something (doubtless just going straight round the back with them), and the real show would begin.
Next the ringmaster would say “Now, before we get properly started, who’ll give me £10 for what’s on my mind?” (that phrase, “what’s on my mind”, was always the same). And basically they were flogging a mystery box, invariably containing a few trashy trinkets worth a fraction of the cost.
Any chump who bought one would then be escorted out of the shop before opening it, on the pretence that the bargains on offer in these sales were so great that they were limited to one per person. (There was always security on the door, sometimes even cops. There’s nothing intrinsically illegal about selling mystery boxes, even mainstream chainstores still do it today.)
And that was basically it. The ringmaster would delay and delay, punting more mystery boxes and never actually getting to the bit where you could buy a specific item at a specific price, and after a couple of hours the event would close down and the would-be customers would disperse in disgruntlement.
Police Scotland have nevertheless denied that prisoners in their custody are being excessively pampered, following reports that a man was hustled out of St Leonard’s station in Edinburgh with an electric blanket over his head.
Meanwhile, following the Supreme Court ruling in the For Women Scotland case, the force’s HQ at Tulliallan was burgled by a gang of militant transactivists who stole all the toilets. Officers say they have nothing to go on.
Seamus Logan, an SNP MP of whom it has often been said “Seamus who?”, has an article in The National today categorically ruling out Scotland achieving independence via a democratic vote in an event fully recognised by the UK government.
Logan’s stance that if begging Westminster for another Section 30 doesn’t work (which it doesn’t, hasn’t and never will) then it’s basically impossible and we should just give up has – to anyone paying the slightest bit of attention – been official SNP policy since at least the resignation of Nicola Sturgeon and in reality long before then, and we don’t think it’s a coincidence that the party has lost more than half of its members and over 40% of its voters over that period.
Honestly, folks, I don’t even want to do this because almost nothing is more tedious for anyone else to read than two people having an internet beef – a lesson that I learned, ironically, from reading the site this post concerns, which does little else – but as well as reacting on a basic human level to someone being THIS deranged by hatred of you, it’s worth marvelling, like an elegant Victorian gentleman or lady taking a guided tour of an asylum, at how much insanity they can squeeze into a small space as a result.
And to detail the madness we have to start with that headline.
We’re thinking of just handing over Wings to Grok for the summer so we can spend all our time feeding the swans, readers. Here’s what the Twitter artificial intelligence bot said when we asked it to assess today’s National front page.
Lacking anything better to do on a grey and cloudy day in Bath, we thought it might be a lark to go through every Holyrood constituency in Scotland and contemplate where it might go in next year’s election, based on the current state of polling.
And just to make things interesting, compared to our last assessment we’re going to give opposition parties the (often considerable) benefit of the doubt in a few seats for the sheer heck of it, and see if there’s any even slightly plausible outcome that means the SNP might win some list seats if all their voters vote for them on both ballots, or if they’ll waste a million votes for nothing and get dozens of Unionists elected like they did in 2021. [SPOILER: don’t prepare yourself for a surprise.]
Actual result: Labour 37, SNP 9, Lib Dems 6, Tories 5. The two horses in the two-horse race finished second and fourth, and won just 19% of seats between them.
And here’s John Swinney a week and a half ago:
The two horses finished second and third.
The matter of whether Yousaf and Swinney are a pair of massive liars, or are simply hopelessly out of touch with political reality, is one we’ll leave to your own judgement.
TURABDIN on Just Good Friends: “WE, THE PROGRESSIVES’ — runs the argument — ‘are the wise and good; we know what reforms the world needs;…” Jul 10, 12:35
Casper1066 on Just Good Friends: “Birds of a feather…….” Jul 10, 12:23
Rev. Stuart Campbell on Just Good Friends: “Oh my word that’s extraordinary. Just grabbing it before it vanishes, will edit it in when I’ve got it.” Jul 10, 12:22
Confused on Too Tight To Mention: “the anglos always were pirates, it’s in their DNA “wherever wood floats, you will find an englishman, stealing all he…” Jul 10, 12:09
Confused on Just Good Friends: “I would love to get the full story on Leeza Lawrence demise; total radio silence. I am thinking … chemsex…” Jul 10, 12:09
Confused on Too Tight To Mention: “We have a lot of formorian sea devils on this forum. Have you guys not worked it out yet? -…” Jul 10, 12:07
Brotyboy on Just Good Friends: “If you’d seen the 2 trannies on the plane yesterday you’d not be saying TWAW. No self respecting woman would…” Jul 10, 11:59
sarah on Just Good Friends: “Well analysed and informative, Lorn. Thank you.” Jul 10, 11:58
Lorn on Just Good Friends: “For starters, we do not know that Iain Robertson is actually guilty of anything. Innocent men have been arrested and…” Jul 10, 11:42
sarah on Just Good Friends: “Haha! Excellent, robertknight!” Jul 10, 11:39
robertkknight on Just Good Friends: “In a remarkable coincidence, Sturgeon (acipenseridae) are also bottom feeders. Fancy that!” Jul 10, 11:36
Anon A Mouse on Just Good Friends: “Of course, Iain famously laid on a Burns Supper for the SNP in Glasgow where Nicola was the guest of…” Jul 10, 11:23
sarah on Just Good Friends: ““same face grinning in the background…”. “Foreground”, surely, Rev?” Jul 10, 11:14
James Cheyne on Too Tight To Mention: “It has been argued that the old members of the old Scottish parliament joined the new parliament of Great Britain,…” Jul 10, 10:48
Shug on Just Good Friends: “You can understand why the Swinney’s of this world did not speak up. She must have beed an absolute bitch…” Jul 10, 10:38
Southernbystander on Too Tight To Mention: “The British and Anglo-Saxon are not synonymous. I am sure you know this. But you often use the term Anglo-Saxon…” Jul 10, 10:20
duncanio on Just Good Friends: “Surely not another case of hiding in plain sight. “Think about it”.” Jul 10, 10:17
James Cheyne on Too Tight To Mention: “The devolved Scottish parliament can only be referred to as a subsidiary parliament of England and Wales under the introduced…” Jul 10, 10:07
James Cheyne on Too Tight To Mention: “Worthless Treaties. Un-democratic voting for Scots. The other half of the treaty of union down south after much discussion decided…” Jul 10, 09:51
James on Too Tight To Mention: “Cheers, YL. They don’t like it up ’em. LOL” Jul 10, 08:50
James Cheyne on Too Tight To Mention: “Undemocratic elections, Rigged elections for Scots. They knew they should give the Scots a vote ‘they” had discussed it in…” Jul 10, 08:41
twathater on Too Tight To Mention: “It never ceases to amaze me how many fuckwits actually think they are in the same rich league as these…” Jul 10, 03:05
Young Lochinvar on Too Tight To Mention: “Wow! Did the paramedics get to you in time and are you alright? Would have sent you a posse of…” Jul 10, 02:06
Young Lochinvar on Too Tight To Mention: “That I believe would be the Celtic mythical Tuatha de Danann, the Celtic equivalent of the Gods of Mount Olympus.…” Jul 10, 01:48
Young Lochinvar on Too Tight To Mention: “Reply to Chas @ 8.26 Oi Chas Leave James alone! It’s me that goes fishing and frankly, it’s no-one here’s…” Jul 10, 01:38
Young Lochinvar on Too Tight To Mention: “Well that would be you P3nisbreath; posting about “sucking blokes off” (your post), shafting blokes between “spread bum cheeks” (your…” Jul 10, 01:13
Alf Baird on Too Tight To Mention: “Yes, worthless treaties simply used ‘to legalize colonialism’, at least in the eyes of an Imperial justice system. A hoax…” Jul 9, 22:59