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Archive for the ‘wtf’

The Unpersons 350

Posted on April 04, 2021 by

This is an utterly extraordinary tweet.

The three people who were asking to see the SNP’s books weren’t Sean Clerkin, they were MEMBERS OF THE SNP’S FINANCE & AUDIT COMMITTEE. That is, they were people whose actual literal job is to monitor the SNP’s finances, and who are all drawn from the membership of the SNP.

So what Hunter is saying there is that the SNP chose three of its own members to serve on its own finance committee, yet they could not be allowed to carry out their duties because their loyalties did not lie with the party.

In which case, a reasonable observer might very well ask, what sort of stupendously, farcically incompetent organisation puts such people in such positions?

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Three choices 454

Posted on March 22, 2021 by

James Hamilton is either a crook, a coward or an idiot.

There is no other viable explanation for this:

There is NO DOUBT OR DISPUTE WHATSOEVER that the Scottish Parliament was misled when Nicola Sturgeon told it that the first she knew of allegations against Alex Salmond was on 2 April 2018. That is a material fact accepted by all sides, because everyone including the First Minister herself now accepts she was told on 29 March.

The question of whether Parliament was misled deliberately, or merely as the result of a vastly implausible slip of Nicola Sturgeon’s memory, is another matter entirely. But that it was misled – told something that was untrue – is not up for debate.

The Fabiani inquiry, which is stuffed with SNP stooges and has been starved of most key evidence, nevertheless still managed to observe that Parliament had been misled, although it made no judgement on whether it happened knowingly or inadvertently.

For James Hamilton, armed with far more evidence, to conclude not merely that the misleading had been accidental but that it didn’t happen at all, is a lie so barefaced as to be breathtaking, and so farcical as to defy any possibility of honest belief.

Especially as we’re not allowed to know how he arrived at that decision:

Much else in his report is bizarre. But that one paragraph alone destroys its credibility utterly and forever. And unfortunately that means that Scotland is lost. Independence is over. All is destroyed.

We had feared, as the very worst case, a fudge in which Hamilton would find, like the Holyrood committee, that Parliament had been misled but would bottle out of saying whether it had been deliberate or not. This conclusion is so utterly mad and ludicrous that it honestly never even entered our consideration as a possibility.

Readers can choose which of the three causes they find most believable, but at the end of the day it just doesn’t matter. Our country is a banana republic, a nation that North Koreans point at and laugh. To be honest, readers, if we were you we’d get out while we still could.

On a nod and a wink 174

Posted on March 12, 2021 by

Someone forwarded a Freedom Of Information response to us today. It’s frighteningly illustrative of the kind of Scotland that the SNP are bringing into being.

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Where we’re at 78

Posted on March 05, 2021 by

It’s not a parody account, we checked.

Your guess is as good as ours, folks. Perhaps all other women were unavailable.

Top Tips For Tealeafs 417

Posted on March 03, 2021 by

Yesterday’s evidence session at the Fabiani inquiry had several standout moments, but by a narrow margin this was our favourite.

And just in case you were wondering, yes, that IS Scotland’s top prosecutor, the Lord Advocate, chief of the Crown Office and Procurator Fiscal Service, James Wolffe QC, repeatedly refusing to tell an MSP whether or not it’s a criminal offence in Scotland to refuse to comply with a court-ordered search warrant.

So next time you’ve ramraided a load of iPads and the polis come knocking on your door asking if they can have a nosy around your attic for them, just tell them they can’t come in because it’s a matter of your motivations.

Let us know how that works out for you.

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We have several questions 235

Posted on March 01, 2021 by

So this is a thing now:

And basically, what?

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To The Parliament Clerks 135

Posted on February 23, 2021 by

(Click to enlarge.)

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Translation service 307

Posted on February 23, 2021 by

Utterly Insane Demented Crazy World version:

And in English:

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Fighting for the right not to party 100

Posted on February 10, 2021 by

We suppose this is a sort of compliment, in at least two senses.

The second of them, of course, being the sheer surprise of some people at discovering that not everyone is as cynical and devious as they evidently are themselves.

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Rage Of The Wokerati 99

Posted on February 05, 2021 by

It’s safe to say, readers, that our light-hearted new impromptu fundraiser has well and truly unhinged a few members of Scotland’s unhappiest community: the WokeNats.

So when the lovely and super-talented film-maker Phantom Power very kindly tweeted about it this afternoon, asking “where would we be without Wings?” and suggesting people might possibly donate a pound or two, one of them saw no contradiction about making these two replies, less than an hour apart.

We clear on the rules? Death threats bad, putting my head in an incinerator good.

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Burning down the house 138

Posted on February 04, 2021 by

In a surprise development, we made Pete Wishart happy today.

And not just him.

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Beyond comedy 272

Posted on February 04, 2021 by

At a certain point you just have to laugh, even though it’s not really funny.

The submission being referred to is NOT the one Alex Salmond sent to the Holyrood committee this week, but the one he sent to the separate Hamilton inquiry almost a month ago, which had been cleared by his lawyers and was published in full by both Wings and The Spectator and read by tens, if not hundreds, of thousands of people.

(For reasons we’re not allowed to tell you, the Wings version has been totally redacted and the Spectator’s has had one paragraph removed but is still mostly intact.)

Because the Fabiani inquiry won’t be publishing the document, that means Salmond isn’t allowed to discuss it when he gives oral evidence, and the inquiry isn’t permitted to consider any of its contents, just as with Geoff Aberdein’s submission.

(There’s very little Salmond actually WILL now be allowed to talk about if he appears before the committee. He might just about be able to confirm his name before the Lord Advocate has him arrested and charged with whatever the opposite of perjury is.)

In other words, the exact people who are supposed to be getting to the bottom of what happened are the only people in Scotland who have to pretend they haven’t read the evidence of the primary witness. (While also not being allowed to see the evidence of the other most important witness, or almost anything else.)

You really would struggle to make this stuff up, readers.

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