Honestly, folks, I don’t even want to do this because almost nothing is more tedious for anyone else to read than two people having an internet beef – a lesson that I learned, ironically, from reading the site this post concerns, which does little else – but as well as reacting on a basic human level to someone being THIS deranged by hatred of you, it’s worth marvelling, like an elegant Victorian gentleman or lady taking a guided tour of an asylum, at how much insanity they can squeeze into a small space as a result.
And to detail the madness we have to start with that headline.
Lacking anything better to do on a grey and cloudy day in Bath, we thought it might be a lark to go through every Holyrood constituency in Scotland and contemplate where it might go in next year’s election, based on the current state of polling.
And just to make things interesting, compared to our last assessment we’re going to give opposition parties the (often considerable) benefit of the doubt in a few seats for the sheer heck of it, and see if there’s any even slightly plausible outcome that means the SNP might win some list seats if all their voters vote for them on both ballots, or if they’ll waste a million votes for nothing and get dozens of Unionists elected like they did in 2021. [SPOILER: don’t prepare yourself for a surprise.]
We must admit, we don’t quite get what the Daily Record is trying to achieve.
Having already told its dwindling band of readers that voting for both the SNP and Labour is the only way to stop Reform in today’s Hamilton by-election, for the last two days it’s deployed some random loony in a hard hat and the vegan former Rangers captain Graeme Souness to the same ostensible end.
Souness, famously a supporter of Margaret Thatcher and the Conservatives, tells Record readers today that they must vote Labour in order to prevent Thatcher’s right-wing heirs from winning the seat – even though Labour are dead, plucked, stuffed and cooked geese in the eyes of the bookmakers and voting for them only increases the chances of both Reform AND the SNP.
And this is what they say elsewhere, when they think nobody in Scotland is looking:
One day someone’s going to tell them about the internet, and our life’s going to get a lot more difficult. Until that day, though, let’s just enjoy the laughs.
The entire Scottish media and professional-politician community is currently in a self-righteous froth about a campaign ad being run by Reform for the Hamilton by-election targeting Scottish Labour leader Anas Sarwar.
Obviously none of the acres of press coverage trusts voters to see the ad and decide for themselves, because that simply isn’t how journalism works nowadays. You’re told that a bad thing happened – whether it be a campaign ad, a comedian’s joke or the supposed terrible abuse sent to a celebrity – and how outraged various pundits or other celebrities are about it, with the clear implication that you should feel the same, but you almost never get shown or told what was actually said.
So to start with, as a basic journalistic principle, here’s the ad itself in its entirety.
Now let’s look at what you’re being ordered to think about it.
The legal imprint at the bottom means that that’s official SNP election communication. One assumes it’s intended for leaflets to be put through actual voters’ letterboxes.
Hi! I noticed, with very considerable amusement, your complaint last night that I hadn’t made a “substantive reply” to the [EDIT] EIGHT posts (totalling nearly 11,000 words) of semi-coherent ranting about me that you’ve made on your site in the last eight days.
(I’ll be absolutely honest, I’ve only skimmed the last few.)
We both know the reason that’s so tear-streamingly comical, of course.
Warning: despite the quite zingy title this is actually going to be a very dry stats post, readers. It is, on the other hand, based on a man having something disturbingly close to a complete psychotic mental breakdown, so there’s always that for a bit of colour.
Because the paragraph above, and in particular the highlighted part, is without a doubt the most dishonest, diametrically false and wildly extreme lie about Scottish politics that we’ve ever seen anyone tell in the 13.5 years of Wings Over Scotland’s existence.
And as a rule we don’t bother addressing them because they’re so demented you could spend 5,000 words pulling apart all the individual strands of lunacy every time, and lunatics thrive on attention, but this one does merit a very brief comment.
Because “Vote Labour, get indy” wasn’t our plan. It was John Swinney’s.
Even by the embarrassing standards of The National, the gulf between this morning’s blaring front-page splash and the weak, watery weasel words in the actual article is a chasm so wide and so yawning (in every sense of that word) that it would put the epic planetary scar of Mars’ Valles Marineris to shame.
Coupled with a feebly underwhelming Programme For Government (in which the main policy was the re-abolition of peak rail fares just months after the SNP insisted such a move was unaffordable, with no clue as to where the money had suddenly been found) and a pitiful list of candidates for next year’s Holyrood election featuring the likes of Sally “all aboard the gravy bus!” Donald, Kaukab “DECAPITATE TERFS” Stewart, Kirsten “DECAPITATE TERFS” Oswald, Alison “DECAPITATE TERFS” Thewliss and Alyn “throw anyone who doesn’t want to DECAPITATE TERFS out of the SNP” Smith, the story was an abject vision of a bleak future for independence.
James on According As We Need Them: “Funny how the unionist rag describes the removal of the stone from a thief as ‘notorious’….” Jul 14, 21:48
Gribble on According As We Need Them: “On the subject of intimidation on the stump, the impression as often given that this is a worsening problem. But…” Jul 14, 21:39
Northcode on According As We Need Them: “Excellent article about a young Martinican psychiatrist’s time studying with the great Francesc Tosquelles at the Saint-Alban psychiatric asylum. Thanks…” Jul 14, 21:30
Breastplate on According As We Need Them: “John Main, You Unionists seem to routinely register your disapproval on the reliance of 300 year old documentation, but accept…” Jul 14, 20:43
agent x on According As We Need Them: “@ Northcode I notice there has been minimal, or maybe make that no support or encouragement for your poems on…” Jul 14, 20:15
Fearghas MacFhionnlaigh on Just Good Friends: “In case you are unaware (and for comparison): WAR O THE WARLDS By H. G. Wells – Owerset intae NOR-EAST…” Jul 14, 20:11
Hatey McHateface on According As We Need Them: “Enjoying your use of iambic quadrameter, NC. And your random departures from it too. If you’re taking requests, highlights from…” Jul 14, 19:49
Northcode on According As We Need Them: “I posted one of ma braw poems recently about the demon Nuckelavee being cawd up fae the depths o’ the…” Jul 14, 19:38
Hatey McHateface on Just Good Friends: ““trying as usual to undermine anything about Scotland” You should read Rev Stu’s articles and not just jump straight to…” Jul 14, 18:06
Hatey McHateface on According As We Need Them: “In this heat you need to be eating salads.” Jul 14, 17:55
twathater on Just Good Friends: “Wow the yoonies are out in force trying as usual to undermine anything about Scotland ,they’re like wee yapping dugs…” Jul 14, 17:35
Dan on According As We Need Them: “In a bid to disrupt mental Main’s posting stream… Related to this article, there’s a fair few quid being spaffed…” Jul 14, 17:14
Mark Beggan on According As We Need Them: “The Gravy boat is just a woke away. Just a woke away Just a woke away Just a woke away.” Jul 14, 16:55
Hatey McHateface on According As We Need Them: ““can a thief be robbed?” Now I’m confused, Confused. You have stated on here many times that when it comes…” Jul 14, 16:48
Hatey McHateface on According As We Need Them: ““nothing of the colonizer’s is appropriate for the colonized” Stand out post from Professor Baird. Anybody with him on calling…” Jul 14, 16:20
Hatey McHateface on According As We Need Them: “Nice try, NC, but easily discounted, as you have failed to provide any evidence for your assertion that Scotland’s high…” Jul 14, 16:01
Hatey McHateface on According As We Need Them: ““Scotland as a Lunatic Asylum” When Confused writes on a subject so aligned with his own, lived experience, it behoves…” Jul 14, 15:51
Hatey McHateface on Just Good Friends: “Another post from Confused enthusing over the idea of a bankrupt and socially fractured England just south of our unprotected…” Jul 14, 15:47
Confused on According As We Need Them: “mythology – when Edward 1 stole the stone of destiny it was to make himself legitimate, for a “true king”…” Jul 14, 15:21
James Cheyne on According As We Need Them: “Northcode. The trouble with ignorance is that it can, if left unfettered become an indoctrination of the mind. Even if…” Jul 14, 15:01
Insider on Just Good Friends: “James at 2:34 If you know “exactly what they mean” why do you misuse them ?” Jul 14, 14:58
James on Just Good Friends: “I also recognise the scratchings of a supercilious c**t when I see them…..” Jul 14, 14:43
James on Just Good Friends: “I know exactly what these words mean, smart arse. Knew that highers exam would come in handy someday.” Jul 14, 14:34
Insider on Just Good Friends: “James 12:47… Do you know what the words “refute” and “bespoke” mean ??? Apparently not !” Jul 14, 13:50
sarah on According As We Need Them: “I am not quite as pessimistic, Lorn! If enough good people get into Holyrood they will tell the civil servants…” Jul 14, 13:41
Lorrn on According As We Need Them: “Caveman: because we allowed our common decency and sense of fairness to dominate our older, more innate and evolutionary senses…” Jul 14, 13:32