We’re getting so much correspondence from Police Scotland at the moment that we’re starting to feel like their guiltily-neglected penpal.
This one, though, is slightly more involved than their usual two-paragraph brushoff.
This is what it looks like, if you’ve ever wondered.
It’s basically the police’s own version of a seven-hour “no comment” interview.
Given the refusal of Police Scotland to meaningfully answer our questions, we’ve been left with no alternative but to report Nicola Sturgeon for the crime of reset.
We’re sure the matter will be handled with the exact same professional diligence and complete and fearless impartiality that it would be for any other accused person.
More than three months ago now, we sent Police Scotland a Freedom Of Information request. A few minutes ago we finally received a response. Brace yourselves.
That is, um… interesting.
The SNP really really don’t want to have another independence referendum, but if somebody somehow FORCES them into one, they DEFINITELY don’t want to have it in circumstances where they’d be starting the campaign with a 16-point lead.
(We must conclude from all this, incidentally, that John Swinney LOVES the Tories, because he had no problem accepting an indyref from a right-wing party in 2012.)
If Scotland leaves the UK, who might be the Prime Minister of the remains of it is none of his business, and certainly shouldn’t be a dealbreaker in achieving independence.
If there’s anyone left in the SNP with a shred of integrity (and if there is they must be very deep undercover indeed), Swinney ought to be challenged for the leadership at next month’s conference and replaced with someone – the Lord alone knows who – who’s actually willing to pursue the party’s supposed primary goal, because Swinney has now dismissed every possible route to it out of hand.
These are strange days, readers.
It’s getting hard to tell who’s on which side.
Something rather extraordinary happened yesterday, dearest readers. Very briefly, we absolutely genuinely thought someone in a position of some influence in the SNP had taken a meaningful step towards being serious about independence.
We are not being sarcastic. Look: here it is. (Transcript at bottom of article.)
Dave Doogan is the SNP’s leader at Westminster. And let’s be clear: that is EXACTLY what the SNP’s stance ought to be. Its only purpose is supposed to be the securing of Scottish independence, and no peaceful democratic means of achieving that ought to be off the table. We couldn’t believe what we were hearing, like it was a dream.
The SNP was not formed with the purpose of denying England/the UK the government it voted for, it was formed to completely sever the governance of Scotland and England from each other as a matter of permanent principle, regardless of the prevailing political climate at any given point in time.
If England wants Nigel Farage as Prime Minister, that’s England’s business. The point of independence is that Scotland doesn’t have to get him too. No more, no less.
So obviously, the hapless Doogan’s brave and bright new dawn was brutally slapped down within a matter of hours.
Now, readers, it’s not much of a secret that anyone who’s still supporting the SNP in the hopes that they’ll deliver Scottish independence is – and let’s put this as gently and kindly as possible – a bit thick.
From a membership high of 125,000 in the run-up to the 2021 Holyrood election, fully 60% have now wised up and left, and the 40% still left paying annual subscriptions to a party that’s stolen their money TWICE and spent it on pepper pots are pretty much by definition the dumbest of dum-dums.
But it looks like even they’re just about beginning to get it now.
Five more years and they might have just about woken up.
See if you can identify why this isn’t an ideal way to run a justice system.
We’ve put a couple of clues in for the slower folk. Answer below.
We’ve had another email from the Crown Office. Stand by for a surprise!
Well, that seems fair enough: other than the fact that almost £700,000 in “ringfenced” fundraiser money is (still) visibly missing, and the fact that the First Minister of the country and the leader of the party the money was entrusted to has publicly admitted it was misappropriated, there’s insufficient evidence that anything untoward happened to it. Panic over, everyone. Nothing to see here. Carry on with your day.
Great news, everyone – Scottish Labour has finally worked out how to talk to the people of Scotland. This video featuring the party’s MP Melanie Ward just appeared on the Scotland Office’s LinkedIn page, and it explains the complexities of the interlinked Scottish and UK economies in terms that the UK government hopes all of you awful thick Jocko plebs might be able to understand. Enjoy.
And tomorrow morning, do remember to eat your cereal, won’t you?
Wings Over Scotland is a thing that exists.
