It seems like almost every time somebody gets accused of rape, sexual harassment or any kind of horrible creepy sex-based sleaze in Scotland these days, the same face is always lurking around grinning in the background somewhere.
Back in the 1980s and 1990s, before the internet, scammers used to have to work a bit harder to cheat people than they do now.
A popular method was to advertise a “clearance sale” in the press. You’d see an ad in the Daily Record or a local paper for an event in a High Street location – typically a vacant shop – promising brand-new TVs for £20, microwaves for a fiver, toasters for £2.50 or whatever. So you’d show up on the day and it always worked the same.
There’d be the ringmaster on a raised platform, surrounded by loads of unmarked white boxes, and he’d start off by picking some “random” punter from the crowd and bestowing gifts upon him. This guy would walk away with armfuls of swag for £25 or something (doubtless just going straight round the back with them), and the real show would begin.
Next the ringmaster would say “Now, before we get properly started, who’ll give me £10 for what’s on my mind?” (that phrase, “what’s on my mind”, was always the same). And basically they were flogging a mystery box, invariably containing a few trashy trinkets worth a fraction of the cost.
Any chump who bought one would then be escorted out of the shop before opening it, on the pretence that the bargains on offer in these sales were so great that they were limited to one per person. (There was always security on the door, sometimes even cops. There’s nothing intrinsically illegal about selling mystery boxes, even mainstream chainstores still do it today.)
And that was basically it. The ringmaster would delay and delay, punting more mystery boxes and never actually getting to the bit where you could buy a specific item at a specific price, and after a couple of hours the event would close down and the would-be customers would disperse in disgruntlement.
Police Scotland have nevertheless denied that prisoners in their custody are being excessively pampered, following reports that a man was hustled out of St Leonard’s station in Edinburgh with an electric blanket over his head.
Meanwhile, following the Supreme Court ruling in the For Women Scotland case, the force’s HQ at Tulliallan was burgled by a gang of militant transactivists who stole all the toilets. Officers say they have nothing to go on.
Seamus Logan, an SNP MP of whom it has often been said “Seamus who?”, has an article in The National today categorically ruling out Scotland achieving independence via a democratic vote in an event fully recognised by the UK government.
Logan’s stance that if begging Westminster for another Section 30 doesn’t work (which it doesn’t, hasn’t and never will) then it’s basically impossible and we should just give up has – to anyone paying the slightest bit of attention – been official SNP policy since at least the resignation of Nicola Sturgeon and in reality long before then, and we don’t think it’s a coincidence that the party has lost more than half of its members and over 40% of its voters over that period.
Honestly, folks, I don’t even want to do this because almost nothing is more tedious for anyone else to read than two people having an internet beef – a lesson that I learned, ironically, from reading the site this post concerns, which does little else – but as well as reacting on a basic human level to someone being THIS deranged by hatred of you, it’s worth marvelling, like an elegant Victorian gentleman or lady taking a guided tour of an asylum, at how much insanity they can squeeze into a small space as a result.
And to detail the madness we have to start with that headline.
We’re thinking of just handing over Wings to Grok for the summer so we can spend all our time feeding the swans, readers. Here’s what the Twitter artificial intelligence bot said when we asked it to assess today’s National front page.
Lacking anything better to do on a grey and cloudy day in Bath, we thought it might be a lark to go through every Holyrood constituency in Scotland and contemplate where it might go in next year’s election, based on the current state of polling.
And just to make things interesting, compared to our last assessment we’re going to give opposition parties the (often considerable) benefit of the doubt in a few seats for the sheer heck of it, and see if there’s any even slightly plausible outcome that means the SNP might win some list seats if all their voters vote for them on both ballots, or if they’ll waste a million votes for nothing and get dozens of Unionists elected like they did in 2021. [SPOILER: don’t prepare yourself for a surprise.]
100%Yes on According As We Need Them: “For those interested in Scotland, the message about the union is making its mark. https://menafn.com/1109571674/Scotlands-Constitutional-Status-Revealed-As-Legal-Fiction-Experts-Confirm-Basis-For-UN-Decolonisation” Jul 15, 08:06
DaveL on According As We Need Them: “‘…on the route to liberation, I reckon mime and interpretative dance are the only way to go.’ Can you explain…” Jul 15, 02:20
Hatey McHateface on According As We Need Them: “Poetry is all very well if you’re into that sort of thing. But when it comes to illustrating the oppressed…” Jul 15, 00:17
Confused on According As We Need Them: “guy charged was an “aussie”, in a kilt; maybe done an ancestry.com and got told he was “connor macleod of…” Jul 14, 23:32
Confused on According As We Need Them: “I was never an inmate unlike yourself. Did we meet? – if they had held onto the asylums we could…” Jul 14, 23:20
Confused on According As We Need Them: “there was a young poster on wings cheap snarky disruption his thing agent x was his name the union his…” Jul 14, 23:18
Alf Baird on According As We Need Them: “Development of poetry in the native tongue forms a key part of the liberation process and in understanding the colonial…” Jul 14, 23:01
agent x on According As We Need Them: “@ James What in particular did you find Excellent?” Jul 14, 22:00
James on According As We Need Them: “Funny how the unionist rag describes the removal of the stone from a thief as ‘notorious’….” Jul 14, 21:48
Gribble on According As We Need Them: “On the subject of intimidation on the stump, the impression as often given that this is a worsening problem. But…” Jul 14, 21:39
Northcode on According As We Need Them: “Excellent article about a young Martinican psychiatrist’s time studying with the great Francesc Tosquelles at the Saint-Alban psychiatric asylum. Thanks…” Jul 14, 21:30
Breastplate on According As We Need Them: “John Main, You Unionists seem to routinely register your disapproval on the reliance of 300 year old documentation, but accept…” Jul 14, 20:43
agent x on According As We Need Them: “@ Northcode I notice there has been minimal, or maybe make that no support or encouragement for your poems on…” Jul 14, 20:15
Fearghas MacFhionnlaigh on Just Good Friends: “In case you are unaware (and for comparison): WAR O THE WARLDS By H. G. Wells – Owerset intae NOR-EAST…” Jul 14, 20:11
Hatey McHateface on According As We Need Them: “Enjoying your use of iambic quadrameter, NC. And your random departures from it too. If you’re taking requests, highlights from…” Jul 14, 19:49
Northcode on According As We Need Them: “I posted one of ma braw poems recently about the demon Nuckelavee being cawd up fae the depths o’ the…” Jul 14, 19:38
Hatey McHateface on Just Good Friends: ““trying as usual to undermine anything about Scotland” You should read Rev Stu’s articles and not just jump straight to…” Jul 14, 18:06
Hatey McHateface on According As We Need Them: “In this heat you need to be eating salads.” Jul 14, 17:55
twathater on Just Good Friends: “Wow the yoonies are out in force trying as usual to undermine anything about Scotland ,they’re like wee yapping dugs…” Jul 14, 17:35
Dan on According As We Need Them: “In a bid to disrupt mental Main’s posting stream… Related to this article, there’s a fair few quid being spaffed…” Jul 14, 17:14
Mark Beggan on According As We Need Them: “The Gravy boat is just a woke away. Just a woke away Just a woke away Just a woke away.” Jul 14, 16:55
Hatey McHateface on According As We Need Them: ““can a thief be robbed?” Now I’m confused, Confused. You have stated on here many times that when it comes…” Jul 14, 16:48
Hatey McHateface on According As We Need Them: ““nothing of the colonizer’s is appropriate for the colonized” Stand out post from Professor Baird. Anybody with him on calling…” Jul 14, 16:20
Hatey McHateface on According As We Need Them: “Nice try, NC, but easily discounted, as you have failed to provide any evidence for your assertion that Scotland’s high…” Jul 14, 16:01
Hatey McHateface on According As We Need Them: ““Scotland as a Lunatic Asylum” When Confused writes on a subject so aligned with his own, lived experience, it behoves…” Jul 14, 15:51
Hatey McHateface on Just Good Friends: “Another post from Confused enthusing over the idea of a bankrupt and socially fractured England just south of our unprotected…” Jul 14, 15:47
Confused on According As We Need Them: “mythology – when Edward 1 stole the stone of destiny it was to make himself legitimate, for a “true king”…” Jul 14, 15:21
James Cheyne on According As We Need Them: “Northcode. The trouble with ignorance is that it can, if left unfettered become an indoctrination of the mind. Even if…” Jul 14, 15:01