…by which we mean “IQs in the history of the Scottish Parliament”.
Put a cushion on your desk before you start listening to this, gang, or you might hurt your jaw. Because surely nobody quite as paralysingly, catastrophically thick as this clueless, bumbling, deranged and dangerous imbecile has ever been allowed to make the laws of Scotland before. We wouldn’t let her make orange squash, to be honest.
And yes, we’re including Kezia Dugdale and Jamie Greene in that reckoning.
(Although we’re not sure how “new followers” is being calculated there. We actually have more than 500 extra followers since 8pm – we can only assume that it’s only counting those who right-clicked and followed from that specific tweet.)
And part of the reason is that it’s plain that almost nobody knew about the report, even though it came out three months ago (when Wings was still in retirement). We had to dig deep to find any media coverage of it at all, and what there was was cursory at best, and sometimes a lot worse.
As a journalist, readers, sometimes you want to pep a story up a bit. From time to time, it’s perfectly legitimate to sensationalise a relatively minor aspect of something in order to draw attention to a worthwhile but intrinsically dull subject.
At other times, you find yourself in the strange position of having to talk a subject down as much as you can, because if you simply report the facts calmly and neutrally it’ll sound so outrageous and ridiculous and deranged that everyone will think you’ve gone full-on, tinfoil-hat, pencils-up-the-nose insane.
It’s manifestly obvious to anyone paying any amount of attention to Scottish politics that the current Holyrood chamber is stuffed to the gills with otherwise-unemployable dum-dums. When we recently had cause to go through the entire roster of 129, the number who leapt out as either vaguely honourable or even just halfway-competent didn’t require us to take our shoes off to count.
(Indeed, speaking as a professional Scottish politics website about a thousand times more interested in this stuff than normal people, the number of expenses-guzzling seatwarmers we’d never even heard of was more than a little disturbing.)
So these figures from a Panelbase poll this month – which was conducted BEFORE the grim scenes around the SNP’s Gender Recognition Reform bill – can only be explained in two ways: either people have become accustomed to very low standards, or (more likely) people don’t pay that much attention to politics.
But there’s a much more interesting story in the numbers.
Religious figures normally restrict their political commentary to matters within their obvious remit, such as poverty and inequality, for which they can cite plentiful scripture about rich men and the eyes of needles and whatnot. We’re unaware of any passages in the Bible relating to the constitutional implications of the Scotland Act 1998.
Moderator in the Church Of Scotland is a ceremonial role lasting only 12 months, but Dr Iain Greenshields has attempted to put his stamp on it (one for the folks at home, there) by opining that a UK general election – and he was quite specific about meaning a UK one – is not an appropriate means of achieving Scotland’s independence.
From his quoted comments in the Times piece it’s not clear whether he’s some sort of ecumenical Kenny Farquharson who just wants Scots to shut up and vote Labour again, or a radical Yes supporter attempting to subtly influence the SNP towards a Holyrood plebiscite instead. But either way, for such a traditionally-neutral figure to come out with such an unexpectedly blunt political opinion is perhaps a sign of just what a terrible idea using a Westminster election to decide Scotland’s future is.
The SNP love to indignantly tell everyone how healthy the party’s finances are these days, especially in response to impertinent queries about the infamous “ring-fenced” £600,000 for a second indyref that everyone now knows isn’t going to happen.
We suppose we should be grateful nobody had any ribbons to hand, or a full-scale terrorist alert might have been declared, riot police deployed and martial law declared.
Yesterday we watched the first day’s proceedings of For Women Scotland taking the Scottish Government to court over its definition of what a woman is.
The topic is really very niche but will affect us all if the judge rules for the government (we won’t know the outcome for at least a month or two), so here’s the short version of what it’s all about.
Do you remember, readers, how the next UK election was supposed to be a single-issue de facto referendum on independence if the Supreme Court ruled Holyrood didn’t have the power to hold one itself?
Well, it appears that policy has been abruptly and quietly ditched.
Because just a couple of hours ago SNP Westminster leader Ian Blackford told BBC News that “I can assure you” the SNP “will have a growth manifesto” for the whole UK whenever the next election comes around, because in his view the UK economy hasn’t been growing enough for the last few decades and the SNP would have a plan to fix it. Because apparently fixing the UK is the SNP’s purpose now.
Guess we better hope for a good result from the Supreme Court, then.
And while the prediction itself wasn’t vindicated, the reasoning behind it certainly was, because she duly lost her majority just as we said she would, and limped pitifully into oblivion over the next two painful and shambolic years. (While Nicola Sturgeon ponced around hopelessly trying to stop Brexit instead of saving Scotland by getting it the hell out of the UK before it was too late.)
So it’s in that spirit that we’re going to stick our necks out once again and predict that despite the opinions of most political pundits Liz Truss is going nowhere any time soon, because as incredible as it seems, she’s almost certainly the least worst option for the Conservative Party right now.
Between recesses and the mourning period for the Queen, the UK Parliament has been sitting for just four weeks since the 1st of July this year.
In that time the government has somehow managed to lose three Chancellors Of The Exchequer and is about to engage its fourth in the alarming form of Jeremy Hunt, a man whose primary claim to fame and utility to the UK is as rhyming slang.
Marie on The Valley Of The Dolls: “Scottish judges – what are they like eh? Third rate – that’s what they’re like.” Dec 10, 00:37
sog on The Valley Of The Dolls: “I got as far as the ‘Assigned male at birth’ bollocks, and gave up. Anyone quoting that should be fired,…” Dec 9, 23:24
Lorncal on The Valley Of The Dolls: “If you do, those spaces become mixed sex spaces, not single sex spaces. Would you allow women who have had…” Dec 9, 23:08
Lorncal on The Valley Of The Dolls: “Because, Kate, we let them get away with the “stunning and brave” bulls**t instead of calling them out as that…” Dec 9, 23:00
sarah on Off-topic: “NHS dentist, Tinto? No chance, I’m afraid. Though it sounds as if we have been let off lightly compared with…” Dec 9, 22:16
Lorncal on The Valley Of The Dolls: ““… The argument was essentially of a man using the façade of gender reassignment for improper purposes, including for sexual…” Dec 9, 21:55
McDuff on The Valley Of The Dolls: “Congratulations rev on another powerful article.” Dec 9, 21:27
Jay on The Valley Of The Dolls: “Sarah: Agreed that Rev Stu has conducted a masterly exercise of demolishing the position taken by the Tribunal, a wonderful…” Dec 9, 21:16
Tracey on The Valley Of The Dolls: “Thanks for this. Excellently written and explained. I am glad I am already subscribed. You are worth it!” Dec 9, 21:06
sarah on The Valley Of The Dolls: “You missed your calling, Rev. You could have been a senior judge in Scotland or England. There was a wonderful…” Dec 9, 19:29
Hatey McHateface on The Valley Of The Dolls: “As always, a masterful analysis from Scotland’s greatest living journalist. Just one tiny quibble: “It’s not often you see a…” Dec 9, 19:24
Hatey McHateface on The Valley Of The Dolls: “They’re aiming for the institutionalized watering down of women’s rights. It’s a war. The trannies are the leading shock troops…” Dec 9, 19:21
Kate L on The Valley Of The Dolls: “Thank you for this breakdown, even though it may lead to a breakdown of my own. This is legitimately bonkers.…” Dec 9, 19:20
agentx on The Valley Of The Dolls: “There will be an appeal from both sides and the decision will go to the higher courts. But please note…” Dec 9, 19:18
diabloandco on The Valley Of The Dolls: “Excellent idea! The whole thing is stratospherically ridiculous.” Dec 9, 19:17
Tinto Chiel on Off-topic: “Forgot to mention that thoughts of Gruinard Bay and its seals always make me think of the incomparable Julie and…” Dec 9, 19:10
diabloandco on The Long Walk To Freedom: “I think I must have met that man in Edinburgh one lovely sunny afternoon in the gardens when a great…” Dec 9, 19:07
Tinto Chiel on Off-topic: “I don’t give up, Sarah, I adapt 🙂 . Despite the best efforts of the security services, the Edinburgh Proclamation…” Dec 9, 18:59
Hatey McHateface on The Long Walk To Freedom: “Ah, the fragrant James has dragged himself once again, out from under his stone. You can choose to believe that…” Dec 9, 18:51
Craig on The Valley Of The Dolls: “Any chance for a copy of THAT dogs breakfast to be sent to the Supreme Court judges so they may…” Dec 9, 18:46
twathater on The Valley Of The Dolls: “I would believe that judges decision had been made at the start of the tribunal , anyone who uses the…” Dec 9, 18:32
100%Yes on The Valley Of The Dolls: “Trying to fit a square into a circle is never going to work. I’m afraid the SNP and the Greens…” Dec 9, 18:07
Iain More on The Valley Of The Dolls: “It is a toxic world for any white heterosexual males and females.” Dec 9, 18:04
Vronsky on The Valley Of The Dolls: “It’s too easy to point out the madness, we need to understand that to your average politician this apparent silliness…” Dec 9, 17:57
panda paws on The Valley Of The Dolls: “Indeed it isn’t. It is illegal for someone who in an official capacity knows another person has a GRC to…” Dec 9, 17:44
