Not So Octopus
Alert readers will have noticed something of a minor furore in recent days around a boneheaded Scottish Greens candidate (as if there were any other kind) calling for the complete abolition of prisons.
So far Kate Nevens – who on the latest polling has a very reasonable chance of being elected on the list – has resisted calls to step down, which is probably for the best as, incredibly, her replacement would be even worse.
With the implosion of Your Party concentrating the nutter vote firmly in Green hands, the next term of the Scottish Parliament is set to feature the worst array of MSPs in Holyrood’s history, with almost everyone in the SNP with any sort of ability or experience resigning to be replaced by hyper-obedient young party drones, while the opposition are mostly putting forward the same old faces who’ve been such utter failures for the last 20 years.
It’s a grim prospect, but we do have a solution to propose.
No, wait, hear us out. The current election will usher in dozens of useless candidates nobody likes, largely by default for want of any better alternatives. We know nothing about most of these people. The Greens may get two list MSPs per region, but see what you can find out about most of their second-placed list candidates – it’s nothing.
Here, for example, is the entirety of the Greens’ web page for their #2 list candidate in Central And Lothians West, Claire Williams.
And here’s pretty much everything we could find out about her:
As far as we can tell she has no personal site and no social media presence except a Facebook page, which mostly contains notifications about upcoming roadworks.
This is the most substantive or personal statement we’ve been able to find from Cllr Williams on any subject:
Good luck with your informed voting decision. We’re using Cllr Williams purely as a typical example of a list candidate, not picking on her particularly, because there’s nothing to pick on, other than the basic assumption that she supports all the repulsive policies of her party in general.
We’re about to elect a whole herd of pigs in pokes without the slightest notion whether any of them might be capable MSPs. (And let’s face it, the odds are rotten.) If we had a Squid Game parliament we’d at least know that they were good at SOMETHING.
The 129 survivors would have demonstrated intelligence, co-operation, adaptability and strength under pressure – all fine traits for anyone, let alone politicians, a job for which there are no qualifications. (Indeed, most of the things that qualify someone as a good and useful human being, like the ability to think for yourself, are an active hindrance in politics.)
And it’s not a brute-force contest either. To win at Squid Game requires a wide and diverse range of skills, as well as the bravery to enter in the first place. You’d know your representatives REALLY wanted that seat, not just because they lacked the talent to get any other job. (There’d be no financial prize other than their normal wages, of course.)
We already know that Squid Game is box-office, compared to the current election which most people already desperately wish would just be over. Voters would actually care. Put it on pay-per-view and you could generate many millions of pounds for hard-pressed public services, as well as improving the quality of your public servants a thousand-fold.
There are no downsides. Convince us we’re wrong.
A Parliament of the Never-Will-Bes awaits us on 8th May.
Duncanio @ 14.04.
With a few “Has Beens” and “Never Was” clingons still trousering the copious public funds on offer.
“the same old faces” – same old faeces surely?
As for the low profile of Claire Williams on social media, maybe that’s a good thing? I’d like to think she has a meaningful and rewarding life far away from the twitosphere bubble. Or she’s realised that’s a total waste of time. Though I accept this may well be a step too far.
CAMPBELL I have been a keen reader of your excellent site and a firm supporter of you since before the 2014 Referendum. I hold you in high regard.
However, I must take exception with your blanket slander of all Scottish Green Party candidates as “boneheaded”.
One of my grandsons is a List candidate for that party – ok, so far down that list, he has no chance of being elected to Holyrood. However, boneheaded he aint.
I find his politics strange, but, he’s no daft.
Consider yourself telt.
If he is in the Greens he is a cunt.
The obvious solution is to vote for the Alliance to Liberate Scotland Party on the Regional list:
link to barrheadboy.com
Who ever get elected in may to Holyrood, doesn’t need any IQ test the job doesn’t require you to even have an education.
All you have to do is turn up when ever you want and you’ll get paid regardless, the job is guaranteed for 5yrs.
Heaven help us all! Scotland is well and truly screwed! Just when you think things couldn’t get any worse they do – the prospect of any of these wired to the moon batshit crazy lunatic Green candidates getting elected and making decisions or passing laws in Scotland should fill us all with dread
Beam me up Scotty!
Squid Game and the Scottish Parliamentary elections have at least one thing in common – they are both works of fiction… and of the two Squid Game is the more believable.
Glibness aside, the glaringly obvious solution, as Alf Baird says, is to vote for the Alliance to Liberate Scotland Party on the Regional list.
And if that option isn’t available to liberty-seeking Scots then better that they don’t vote at all.
However, it would be a massive kick tae Westminster’s teeth – aye, and tae the teeth of its creature, the SNP – if the Scots turned out en masse and gave their vote to an ALS candidate.