At a certain point you just have to laugh, even though it’s not really funny.
The submission being referred to is NOT the one Alex Salmond sent to the Holyrood committee this week, but the one he sent to the separate Hamilton inquiry almost a month ago, which had been cleared by his lawyers and was published in full by both Wings and The Spectator and read by tens, if not hundreds, of thousands of people.
(For reasons we’re not allowed to tell you, the Wings version has been totally redacted and the Spectator’s has had one paragraph removed but is still mostly intact.)
Because the Fabiani inquiry won’t be publishing the document, that means Salmond isn’t allowed to discuss it when he gives oral evidence, and the inquiry isn’t permitted to consider any of its contents, just as with Geoff Aberdein’s submission.
(There’s very little Salmond actually WILL now be allowed to talk about if he appears before the committee. He might just about be able to confirm his name before the Lord Advocate has him arrested and charged with whatever the opposite of perjury is.)
In other words, the exact people who are supposed to be getting to the bottom of what happened are the only people in Scotland who have to pretend they haven’t read the evidence of the primary witness. (While also not being allowed to see the evidence of the other most important witness, or almost anything else.)
You really would struggle to make this stuff up, readers.
Tonight somebody’s sent us a copy of the SNP’s official Social Media Policy, which is exactly the sort of awful corporate wonk-drivel you’d probably expect it to be.
Our favourite part was this masterpiece of unrememberable gibberish in the vein of the Scottish Government’s hopeless “FACTS” slogan (honestly, without going and looking can you remember what ANY of the letters represent?) for the coronavirus :
And here’s a tweet from earlier today from a prospective SNP candidate:
We’re not sure which of the letters that conforms to.
Alert readers will have noticed by now that while we were at the dentist getting rid of all our excess money, the Fabiani inquiry has published Alex Salmond’s written evidence submission, ahead of his in-person appearance currently scheduled for next week.
We’re feeling a bit confused this morning, readers. Maybe someone can help.
Below is the key part of the letter sent by the Clerks of the Scottish Parliament, acting on behalf of the Fabiani committee, to the Crown Office and Procurator Fiscal Service (COPFS) a week and a half ago, requesting material for their investigation into the Scottish Government’s botched handling of false allegations against Alex Salmond.
As we’d told you at the time, the request was a sham, designed to produce nothing of any value, because it carefully excluded the only person whose communications with Sue Ruddick were actually of relevance – SNP chief executive Peter Murrell.
(Murrell being an employee of the party, NOT a member of the Scottish Government, a civil servant or a special adviser.)
Readers, we swear to you we are not making this up. What you’re about to read are genuine extracts from the SNP’s official new (probably illegal) Equalities Mechanism explanatory note, detailing what does and doesn’t count as a disability when it comes to jumping the queue for a regional list nomination.
And straight away it’s a real punch in the gut for firestarters, muggers, rapists, flashers and, in most cases, hay-fever sufferers. THIS BIGOTRY WILL NOT STAND.
Having never been part of a political party, an area where Wings lacks expertise is in understanding the nuts and bolts of their operation, and how a party’s rules can be used to usurp their members’ power. We’re delighted to have someone equipped to provide a valuable insight into how that’s happened to the SNP in the last two years.
The following line is still a definitive statement in the SNP constitution:
“National Conference is the supreme governing and policy-making body of the Party.”
But in practice it is no longer the case. The 2018 redraft of the constitution centralised power in the Leader and in the NEC. The party Leader has sole and total power over policy – both in the manifesto and in government – and the NEC has sole power over who represents the party and what they are allowed to say.
So in effect, since 2018 the party elite – not the membership – has ruled the SNP.
Something most people don’t know about the infamous Spanish Inquisition is that it was never the Catholic Church that actually executed heretics. Particularly if a prisoner had refused to confess their vile heresy even under torture, the Church instead handed them over to the “mercy” of the state to deliver their end.
So SNP MP Kirsty Blackman (or as we understand some are already calling her, “the Tiny Torquemada“) would have fitted right in with it.
Or more likely, they just wanted to try to bury all of their skeletons at once in a single giant avalanche of crookedness. But either way, enough is enough. Criminals accused of perjury don’t get to decide if they’ll answer for their lies or not.
The Fabiani committee has the power to compel witnesses to attend. They must now use that power without further delay, or they must call on the police to arrest the SNP’s chief executive immediately and drag him into an interview room by his ears if need be with a solicitor in attendance. (Doubtless also paid for by SNP members.)
Scotland is not GoodFellas. Nobody is above the law. Stop this damn rot now.
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Geri on Only An Excuse: “Countries used to be treated like a pariah state for assassinating other Sovereign countries leaders. Then the Americans took over…” May 24, 23:26
Young Lochinvar on Only An Excuse: “I’mnogay McI’mnogayface @ 7.18 Yes, I did indeed laugh about C3 wanting to be a piece of ladies intimate toiletries..…” May 24, 22:58
Aidan on Only An Excuse: “He can be replaced, but only by Trump sending in the bombers!” May 24, 22:22
Geri on Only An Excuse: “They can vote him out, ya eejit. & So can his government. I know it’s hard to imagine, cause your…” May 24, 22:06
Geri on Only An Excuse: “That was a funny autocorrect…lol I really need to turn that off.” May 24, 21:50
Geri on Only An Excuse: “& btw, that was only cause they’d came back from WW1. They’d little option but amend voting rights. They’d just…” May 24, 21:41
Hatey McHateface on Only An Excuse: “Vote out a president, Geri? You’re having yet another laugh at Scotland’s expense. You think we’ve forgotten your admiration for…” May 24, 21:37
Hatey McHateface on Only An Excuse: “@CC 11:46 The Auld Man Of Lochnagar has quite a hyperactive imagination, hasn’t he? Forever posting about shirt lifting. Forever…” May 24, 21:17
Hatey McHateface on Only An Excuse: “Why, Geri? Are you having an organism again?” May 24, 20:59
Hatey McHateface on Only An Excuse: “But Geri disnae want tae gang, Sven.” May 24, 20:50
Hatey McHateface on Only An Excuse: ““trying to tarnish an individual due to the times they may post” Wow, Dan, is that all you can find…” May 24, 20:40
Geri on Only An Excuse: “The people’s act didn’t give us democracy. It only ammended who could vote to include the working class.” May 24, 20:29
Hatey McHateface on Only An Excuse: “Don’t you let them stop you rioting, Geri. Just say when and where. Wild horses couldn’t keep me away from…” May 24, 20:28
Hatey McHateface on Only An Excuse: ““No one person is inherently better than the next” The loser’s charter, re-invented by the woke as their pathetic plea…” May 24, 20:23
Hatey McHateface on Only An Excuse: “That’s only half the story, Geri. If they despise socialism, they’ll despise socialists too. Private education too, eh? There will…” May 24, 20:09
Geri on Only An Excuse: “Factchecker We don’t live in a democracy. Westminster is just pantomime for the plebs to keep us from rioting. The…” May 24, 20:04
Hatey McHateface on Only An Excuse: “Purves, eh, Alf? The pantheon continues to grow.. Was/is he/she a Scot? Or are you going to continue to pursue…” May 24, 20:02
Hatey McHateface on Only An Excuse: ““Call a spade a spade” Sure, Bilbo. What kind of infantile fantasist decides to call himself after a Hobbit?” May 24, 19:53
Geri on Only An Excuse: “Aye, USAID & National Endowment for Democracy (which is US snoops) written all over it. They recruit through private education…” May 24, 19:49
Hatey McHateface on Only An Excuse: “Sae mony points, yet nae point, Northy. Can’t believe I’m the first to point that oot!” May 24, 19:21
Hatey McHateface on Only An Excuse: “Ah weel, Auld Lochnagar, yer service was in defence o a furrin croon. Might just be admirable, per se, but…” May 24, 19:18
factchecker on Only An Excuse: “Well don, NC. Further to the earlier point: factchecker says: 24 May, 2026 at 4:32 pm Absolutely. We have always…” May 24, 18:59
Northcode on Only An Excuse: “Here is Point Six in my eight point pattern of points: Six: A tragic sense of history Not defeatist —…” May 24, 17:54
Northcode on Only An Excuse: “Here is Point Five in my eight point pattern of points: Five: Pragmatism — ideas must work in the real…” May 24, 17:19
Northcode on Only An Excuse: “You confuse the notion of a democratic philosophy with a political process… these are not the same. Open your mind…” May 24, 17:12
agentx on Only An Excuse: “” New Scotland Party: Peter A Bell is going to launch this new party.” —————————————- Oh no – will there…” May 24, 16:51
Young Lochinvar on Only An Excuse: “There is this wee queer Man in a van In parliament on the Greens list Because he’s a tran (also…” May 24, 16:37
factchecker on Only An Excuse: “Absolutely. We have always loved democracy. That must be why the first time all adult Scots had the right to…” May 24, 16:32