Earlier today we reported on the mysterious failure of the Herald to notice that its front page lead story about supposedly poor ScotRail punctuality figures made a number of serious errors with regard to the facts, most notably confusing the excellent figures for last month with a 12-month rolling average which was significantly worse.
But as we read the rest of the papers, we noticed the oddest thing.
Today’s Daily Record covers the story we mentioned yesterday about a report from a Scottish Labour campaign group making the pretty factually-uncontestable point that the branch office’s dismal strategy in last month’s election held the UK party back.
We’ll be honest with you here, readers – even though it’s only July, when it comes to sheer ham-fisted, tin-eared, clown-shoed, foot-shooting idiocy we didn’t think anything in Scottish politics in 2017 could possibly top the SNP’s decision that the surefire way to win back voters after a poor election result was literally mutilating puppies.
After all, that’s the sort of thing you say as a self-evidently ludicrous and hyperbolic joke: “Ha ha, the SNP are so dominant in Scotland these days that the only way they could lose an election would be if Nicola Sturgeon went on telly and started hacking the tails off week-old puppy-dogs without anaesthetic! LOL!!!!!”
It couldn’t even be defended as a grotesque but cynically cunning attempt to win votes from the rural hunting-and-fishing lobby – they did it right AFTER the election, when all those people had just gone out and voted Tory anyway.
But bless their hearts, Scottish Labour never once saw a low bar that they didn’t try to slither under, and today they pulled off the seemingly impossible.
We’re still on holiday, because five years of stuff like this ruins your soul:
Let’s look at the logic of that closely for just one minute, and then we’re going to go back to smashing our head off a brick wall to try to make the stupid go away.
Brexit is already a shambles. Everyone south of Manchester is unhappy because it’s too suffocatingly hot to move, and everyone north of Manchester is unhappy because they’ve not got the sunshine. We could all, for various reasons, do with a chuckle.
So without further ado, readers, enjoy the “clueless metropolitan hacksplaining” hit of the summer: Kezia Dugdale, Comeback Queen.
She’d insisted explicitly several times that a Jeremy Corbyn administration WOULD block a new indyref, even after being shown a video clip of Corbyn from earlier in the day saying he wouldn’t, and she repeatedly urged readers not to listen to the party’s leader and to instead go and look at the Labour manifesto.
The Labour general election manifesto is officially launched today, as if it mattered. It will reportedly say that the party will block a second independence referendum if it’s in power at Westminster, which of course it won’t be.
And while Labour’s position on anything – particularly anything involving Scotland – is a complete irrelevance, it’s still quite fun to listen to them tying themselves in knots.
So with no further ado, ladies and gentlemen, we bring you Duncan Hothersall.
sarah on Like Responsible Citizens Do: “Liberation Scotland will be presenting a petition to the C-24 Decolonisation Committee of the UN next month!!! This is great…” Sep 14, 22:01
sarah on Like Responsible Citizens Do: “I don’t think we need fear that the current lot of MSP/MPs will be organising the separation. They haven’t the…” Sep 14, 21:31
Fearghas MacFhionnlaigh on Like Responsible Citizens Do: “LIBERATION SCOTLAND 2026 CROWDFUNDER ANNOUNCEMENT « Dear Liberation Scotland member / Independence supporter: Liberation Scotland’s mission is to restore the…” Sep 14, 21:13
Rocky on Like Responsible Citizens Do: “You would have to get rid of all the trough-munching, incompetent managerial classes, too. They keep it all going.” Sep 14, 21:02
Mark Beggan on Like Responsible Citizens Do: “‘Goebellsian “The National” agitprop circular. It’s readers are out of this world. I think some readers are wanting for the…” Sep 14, 20:52
McDuff on Like Responsible Citizens Do: “Sorry Sarah but I disagree,the rev is right Scotland is not fit for independence at this present time. Yes the…” Sep 14, 20:50
agentx on Like Responsible Citizens Do: “Ah – OK thanks – my apologies. But I am sure that Sturgeon would entirely agree with the reasons for…” Sep 14, 20:47
Spartan 117 on Like Responsible Citizens Do: “Indeed Hatey. Bad me. Wings BTL gets all the more hysterical and surreal with every passing day.” Sep 14, 20:26
PhilM on Like Responsible Citizens Do: “Incorrect. Check again. There was about a six-month gap before she was sworn in as FM.” Sep 14, 20:18
Hatey McHateface on Like Responsible Citizens Do: “There’s no way that can happen if it hasn’t been foretold by the post colonial boys.” Sep 14, 20:16
Hatey McHateface on Like Responsible Citizens Do: “Hoho, Spartan, twathater has you bang to rights. You’ve been enabling and celebrating their corruption for far too long. High…” Sep 14, 19:46
Hatey McHateface on Like Responsible Citizens Do: “If they’re largely Muslim with a Christian minority, they give us advance warning of what Scotland will likely be in…” Sep 14, 19:39
Spartan 117 on Like Responsible Citizens Do: “Ahem. I was criticising the blatant hypocrisy, not supporting Reform. I also made the point that Nigel and his TechBros…” Sep 14, 19:13
M.E on Like Responsible Citizens Do: “> “is isn’t fit for anything.” Your grammar checker ain’t isn’t is fit for anything, Stu. Also the way you…” Sep 14, 18:56
Spartan 117 on Like Responsible Citizens Do: “I think the graphic to the right of this page titled “A Tall Tale” composing a pastiche of laughable front…” Sep 14, 18:47
bumsrush on Like Responsible Citizens Do: “I admit to just a cursory reading of the Proceeds of Crimes Acts but it does appear Stu has taken…” Sep 14, 18:44
Bonzo Dogg on Like Responsible Citizens Do: “In this case a Citizen’s arrest is not appropriate, not least because you have to establish that detention is necessary…” Sep 14, 18:43
twathater on Like Responsible Citizens Do: ““The only thing that will defeat this blatant corruption will be diligent investigative journalism and holding the corrupt to account.”…” Sep 14, 18:29
agentx on Like Responsible Citizens Do: ““Why the Rule Was Changed Historically, the common law presumed that a wife was under the total coercion and control…” Sep 14, 18:19
Chas on Like Responsible Citizens Do: “Again I note that the missive is unsigned. Somebody is clearly watching their back or has been instructed!” Sep 14, 18:16
Dan on Like Responsible Citizens Do: “Well done Stuart for doing this. Though tbh I am a bit miffed nobody else had done this already after…” Sep 14, 18:02
Marie on Like Responsible Citizens Do: “It’s a flag recognised throughout the world as the flag of Palestine. Do you despise Palestinians because they are Arabs…” Sep 14, 17:22
Mark Beggan on Like Responsible Citizens Do: “There’s more interest online about Sturgeon being reported to the police than there is about the devolved powers announcement. Just…” Sep 14, 17:16
Spartan 117 on Like Responsible Citizens Do: “https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cn5dlq35v2xo 2nd Indyref “By 2031” carrot being dangled by Honest John.” Sep 14, 17:04
Nicky T Naquetti on Like Responsible Citizens Do: “In an ideal world, the Sturgeon would also be charged with possesion of a “Fray Bentos” hair-do, and possession of…” Sep 14, 17:02
Spartan 117 on Like Responsible Citizens Do: “Good. Keep at it Stu. The only thing that will defeat this blatant corruption will be diligent investigative journalism and…” Sep 14, 16:56
