The Shortest Day
Something extraordinary happened yesterday. Very briefly, we absolutely genuinely thought someone in a position of some influence in the SNP had taken a meaningful step towards being serious about independence.
We are not being sarcastic. Look: here it is.
Dave Doogan is the SNP’s leader at Westminster. And let’s be clear: that is EXACTLY what the SNP’s stance ought to be. Its only purpose is supposed to be the securing of Scottish independence, and no peaceful democratic means of achieving that ought to be off the table.
The SNP was not formed with the purpose of denying England/the UK the government it voted for, it was formed to completely sever the governance of Scotland and England from each other as a matter of permanent principle, nothing to do with the prevailing political climate at any given point.
If England wants Nigel Farage as Prime Minister, that’s England’s business. The point of independence is that Scotland doesn’t have to get him too. No more, no less.
So obviously, the hapless Doogan’s brave and bright new dawn was brutally slapped down within a matter of hours.
His original comments had been spectacularly clear. He’d been pressed on the matter of working specifically with Reform by a gawping National hack. (Yes, not only was an SNP politician being serious about independence, a National reporter was actually performing conscientious journalism. What a day!)
And he was absolutely explicit – really couldn’t possibly have answered the question any more fully, directly or definitively, with the sort of blunt plain speaking that people yearn for in politicians but almost never get – that “anyone means anyone”.
But then, in a move which was clearly completely spontaneous, all his own idea and definitely NOT the result of a furious phone call from someone who wants to stay First Minister for the next decade, he explained that what he’d meant was the exact and polar opposite of what he’d repeatedly, carefully and unambiguously said.
You know how it is, folks. We’ve all been there.
“Would you like tea or coffee?”
“Tea, please. Milk and two sugars.”
“You’re sure?”
“Yes. Tea.”
“Definitely tea?”
“Yup. Tea is the best. I love tea. Mmmm, tea. Way better than coffee.”
“So just to be clear, you’d like a cup of tea.”
“100%. It’s tea for me.”
“Not coffee?”
“Tea means tea.”
“Here’s your tea.”
“Ah, sorry, I phrased my answer clumsily. I meant to say coffee. Black coffee. I would never ever drink tea under any circumstances. Awful stuff. I hate it with every fibre of my being. Honestly, I’m such a scatterbrain!”
We truly believe the leadership of the SNP is engaging in some sort of game of political Buckaroo with the party’s remaining supporters at this stage, readers – daring each other to make their total opposition to independence more and more blatantly, undeniably obvious and laughing themselves right out of their chairs as hopelessly gullible mouth-breathers in loyal blogs and newspaper comments sections contort themselves into hilarious logic knots to explain it away.
John Swinney’s already upped the stakes by standing in front of a Glasgow crowd in his shortbread-tin outfit and lustily belting out “God Save The Queen”.
So it can only be a matter of time before he gives Ian Murray a call and asks if he can borrow his Union Jack suit. Maybe for this year’s conference.
The last time independence looked like it might have found itself in a propitious set of circumstances – after the Brexit vote, as the UK government blundered from pillar to post like a punch-drunk boxer, stepping on rakes at every turn – the SNP suddenly switched its focus to trying to undemocratically deny England and Wales what THEY’D voted for, rather than using the situation as leverage to get Scotland out of the UK once and for all.
We’re told endlessly that the UK’s woes – whether it’s Brexit or COVID or Boris Johnson or the rise of Reform – will lead to a landslide in support for independence, yet the SNP bends over backwards to stop those things from happening.
And every time support does creep up a tiny bit, the SNP moves the goalposts further away. What used to be a threshold of 50%+1 becomes 60%, then 65%, and – this week, according to Brendan O’Hara – 75% or 80%.
All that matters is that the goal is always just out of reach, like the carrot on a stick dangled in front of a donkey. In the very same article, O’Hara gives the game away:
Alert arithmetic enthusiasts will have noticed that you cannot possibly achieve 75% or 80% if there are 30% who will NEVER vote for something no matter what. The target that would trigger the SNP into action is always designed by the SNP to be impossible.
Because when push comes to shove, the party always reacts the same way to any actual prospect of achieving independence – panic. They know it would end their reign in Scotland, and they really really like life on the gravy bus.
We’re not sure if it’s the gravy bus or the Brexit bus that Dave Doogan just got shoved under, but we suspect it was driven over him heavily enough to make sure he keeps his mouth shut for the forseeable future. Nobody’s going to let him talk to the media again for quite some time, and in fact we’ll honestly be surprised if he’s still the Westminster leader this time next year.
Because in the modern SNP – as Angus MacNeil, Fergus Ewing, Kate Forbes, Ash Regan, Chris McEleny and scores of others will readily attest – doing or saying anything that suggests you might want to bring independence even an inch closer to reality is the most unforgivable crime of all.
