Remember this guy? Go on, give it a minute, it’ll come to you.
He popped up today to chuck in his tuppence-worth about inflammatory language in politics, and how – like everything else bad – it all started with vile cybernats in 2014 (because as you’ll of course remember, it was Yes supporters who never shut up about “surrendering”) and has now sullied even the dignified halls of Westminster.
If you’re a writer for a living and you want to check if something you’ve written might be embarrassingly stupid, there’s an easy and quick technique you can use.
By way of example, here’s Kenny Farquharson in the Times today, on the subject of the supposed similarities in the relationships between the Tories and the Brexit Party, and the SNP and the potential new Wings party:
So here’s the trick: switch the protagonists around.
We weren’t sure whether tomorrow’s Cairnstoon was going to be delayed by technical gremlins (it turns out it isn’t), so we prepared an emergency backup plan on the same theme and you may as well see it now as a sort of trailer.
It’ll be good every time they dig him up yet again in the future too.
We suspect that LBC’s Iain Dale might have been reading this morning’s Wings article before he interviewed Jo Swinson tonight.
We can only hope any subsequent Scottish interviewers do as diligent a job, and also pick her up on a few of the blatant lies she did manage to sneak past Dale.
You’re going to need to before you watch today’s episode of The Jeremy Vine Show, featuring Paul Burrell (who used to be a royal butler about 20 years ago and somehow is now a political commentator), Nicola McLean (who used to get her surgically-altered breasts out for tabloid newspapers around the same time and then went on a reality show for halfwits with no actual talents), and Carole Malone, who we assume is some sort of live public-safety-information warning about the dangers of overdoing HRT.
Vine watches the unfolding horror with the expression of a man absolutely convinced he’s going to be murdered the next time he comes to Scotland. The most painful part is probably just after (Scottish) co-host and former weathergirl Storm Huntley (no, really) helpfully pipes up to suggest “shortbread, tartan… bagpipes” as Scotland’s economic foundations, at which point Jeremy turns in last-ditch desperation to the audience to save him from this slow-motion trainwreck and… well, you’ll see how that goes.
When the second indyref comes along, whenever the Yes campaign has a political broadcast slot on TV, we suggest just putting this on every time.
We thought you might enjoy watching Sarah Smith just about remembering to mention the European elections while conveying to a watching nation her amazement that the dastardly SNP still want independence, from tonight’s Reporting Scotland.
A little snippet in today’s Times caught our eye earlier.
As alert readers may recall from our numerous investigations into the enduring enigma that is Scottish Labour’s membership figures, at the end of 2014 the branch office was claiming to have either 14,000 or 20,000 members.
Geri on Two Men Unalike: “The Geopolitics street. Where strategists talk sense instead of bumping their gums with racist shit all day. You should put…” Mar 4, 10:18
TURABDIN on Two Men Unalike: “Removing an elected president for diminished responsibility is a complex matter which it would seem the US system has no…” Mar 4, 08:56
Hatey McHateface on Two Men Unalike: “Did Kipling or Churchill ever write anything about oath breakers?” Mar 4, 08:50
Mark Beggan on Two Men Unalike: “‘An appeaser is one who feeds the crocodile hoping it will eat him last’ Winston Churchill” Mar 4, 08:39
Hatey McHateface on Two Men Unalike: “Hmmm. Every total a multiple of 100. What are the chances? Indicative to me of somebody in charge of an…” Mar 4, 08:19
Hatey McHateface on Two Men Unalike: “Pop one in every Baby Box. Get Scotland’s future citizens accustomed to reality at a formative age.” Mar 4, 08:13
Hatey McHateface on Two Men Unalike: ““it’s actions” It’s “its actions”, Geri. Key to the restaurant business is presentation. That’s true, even when you’re naught but…” Mar 4, 08:05
Hatey McHateface on Two Men Unalike: “Good link, TURABDIN, and probability theory most certainly tells us that if we all read online articles for long enough,…” Mar 4, 07:47
Hatey McHateface on Two Men Unalike: ““word on the street” What street is that, Geri? Of far more interest, what are you doing there? BTW, did…” Mar 4, 07:34
Young Lochinvar on Two Men Unalike: “Oi Vey! Guys! Guys! Settle.. What you’ve both just railed about came direct courtesy of Uncle Sam! BIGLY FACT! Jesus…” Mar 4, 03:19
Young Lochinvar on Two Men Unalike: “Hmmmm.. Try: I could not dig, I dare not rob Instead I lied to please the mob. What tales shall…” Mar 4, 03:05
Young Lochinvar on Two Men Unalike: “Geri @ 11.31 Mystic Meg there Geri.. Pearl clutching from the “never have or will see service” hawks here but…” Mar 3, 23:40
Geri on Two Men Unalike: “Just in time for him to claim diminished responsibility & unfit for trial. I dunno why the yanks don’t ever…” Mar 3, 21:19
Geri on Two Men Unalike: “I hate to break it to you but the UK is the terrorist. The shit they’re involved in across the…” Mar 3, 21:12
Geri on Two Men Unalike: “Does it have an invisibility cloak? A secret stash of interceptors?” Mar 3, 20:58
TURABDIN on Two Men Unalike: “UNFIT.. https://archive.is/8oxBO keep away from matches, sharp objects and military hardware.” Mar 3, 20:40
Mark Beggan on Two Men Unalike: “Never in the field of British politics has so little been done by so few to protect so many.” Mar 3, 20:21
Iain More on Two Men Unalike: “It seems that those that followed the orders of Fuhrer Von Trump the Child Rapist are going to heading home…” Mar 3, 19:33
Sven on Two Men Unalike: “Maybe the ones whom some may feel to be too white, white, white, Mark.” Mar 3, 18:35
agentx on Two Men Unalike: ““At 1 December 2024 The total number of people registered at December 2024 to vote in Scottish Parliamentary and local…” Mar 3, 18:32
Mark Beggan on Two Men Unalike: “That needs changed. It’s being abused.” Mar 3, 18:25
agentx on Two Men Unalike: “” Voting by post If you know that you won’t be able to get to the polling station on polling…” Mar 3, 18:11
agentx on Two Men Unalike: “Earlier on Tuesday, it had been speculated that HMS Duncan might be deployed to the area, however Starmer confirmed on…” Mar 3, 18:04
Mark Beggan on Two Men Unalike: “Should the Scottish government issue Stab Vests to its citizens?” Mar 3, 17:39
Mark Beggan on Two Men Unalike: “With the Postal vote scandal now hitting the news it begs the question. How many postal votes are there in…” Mar 3, 17:29
Geri on Two Men Unalike: “It will become the currency. Do you think anyone in the ME will continue to trade in $ when the…” Mar 3, 17:23
Mark Beggan on Two Men Unalike: “We are already involved in the ‘big game of RISK’. In fact we are up to our necks in the…” Mar 3, 17:21
Hatey McHateface on Two Men Unalike: “I guess it’s a completely forlorn hope that even if the data is ever compiled and published, it will detail…” Mar 3, 16:55
Breastplate on Two Men Unalike: “Yes, John, I hadn’t noticed my ‘nd’ missing but I’m absolutely sure you understand what I have said. You are…” Mar 3, 16:50
Hatey McHateface on Two Men Unalike: “Informed and incisive analysis, Geri. I don’t know how you do it. How many billions will President Trump need to…” Mar 3, 16:48
