There’s a very strange article on the front page of the Herald website this morning. It’s an interview with Nigel Farage in which the UKIP leader insists that his party, not the SNP, will hold the balance of power in the UK parliament after May’s election.
It’s a bold assertion given that current projections put the SNP on anywhere from 30 to 56 seats with UKIP expected to struggle to get 5 to 10. But Farage’s rationale for the statement is an interesting one.
The abusive Facebook comments recently directed at Labour MP Margaret Curran and highlighted in a piece on the STV website today make us sigh. Not only are they horrible but they’re counter-productive, in every sense of the term – they’re not going to change Curran’s mind about anything by yelling at her, and they feed a narrative about “vile cybernats” that the media is all too eager to gleefully perpetuate.
So let’s make something clear from the off: shut up, idiots. You’re not helping.
Because a good satirist can sometimes make a point better in seven sentences than idiots like us can in a 1000-word article, and make it funny at the same time.
The very few readers who don’t immediately just snort and turn the page when they see the words “George Foulkes” may have noticed in yesterday’s Herald that the thirsty peer could be found gloating gleefully that had Scotland voted for independence last September it would now be “bankrupt” due to the decline in oil prices.
We can’t be bothered pointing out for the 500th time that a Yes vote wouldn’t have seen Scotland actually independent until March 2016, and that the oil price NOW is therefore about as relevant to anything as, well, Baron Foulkes himself.
But we couldn’t help noticing a couple of small arithmetical details.
There really isn’t very much of a news story in this morning’s Sun “exclusive” that some Labour MPs say they’d quit the party rather than work with the SNP should the electorate deliver such a result in May. One told the paper:
Those of us who remember the parade of furious Scottish Labour figures going on TV and openly threatening to scupper any “rainbow coalition” involving the Nats in 2010, thereby ensuring that David Cameron and George Osborne came to power, won’t be the least bit surprised at the sheer depth of hatred and jealous rage that consumes Labour’s branch office in North Britain when the SNP are mentioned.
And there’s nothing eyebrow-raisingly new in Scottish Labour’s spiteful determination that if Scots vote against the Conservatives – but not for Labour – they should be punished with Tory governments. It’s the standard policy of electoral blackmail that the party has deployed against the rise of rivals from the left for years, and which it’s now also turning against the Greens south of the border.
But there is a telling phrase in that short quote.
Independent website Political Compass has just released its 2015 graph charting the ideological positions of all the political parties of the UK. It’s a fairly predictable one.
On the image above, we’ve added, for parties active in Scotland only, striped circles indicating each party’s 2010 position. But what does it tell us about 2015?
It’s somehow fitting that the lead article on Labour Hame today is headed by a lie before it even starts – an offer to join the party for £1 that takes you to a page where it actually costs five times as much.
(We’d noticed days ago that the much-hyped £1 offer had been quietly dumped after just a month, but it appears that nobody in the Scottish branch office thought to keep poor hapless Labour Hame in the loop.)
The article below, though, is remarkably even more dishonest.
A number of readers last night sent us copies of the response to complaints they’d made to the Independent Press Standards Organisation about the Daily Record’s infamous “The Vow” front cover. We attach the full judgement at the bottom of this article, and as far as we’re concerned it’s fair and accurate. The Vow was a deliberate deception, but it didn’t break any rules – it merely relied on readers misinterpreting it.
The bit we’re still interested in is the paragraph above.
It gets clearer with every passing day that Scottish Labour’s chief election strategy is to assume that Scottish voters are goldfish. There’s no other explanation for a piece in yesterday’s Courier on the SNP’s Jamie Hepburn’s call for the implementation of a 2009 report into which sporting events should be protected from pay-TV broadcasters.
The article concluded with some comments from Labour.
James Che on Anything But That: “Does that also make Englands nation a independent nation from its UK government.” Sep 7, 05:38
James Che on Anything But That: “There would be no united kingdoms Constitution any longer, and this is where all four nations in these Isles realise…” Sep 7, 05:33
James Che on Anything But That: “Now all four Countries and nations in Britain will be thinking “is our Country a Colony also if the 1707…” Sep 7, 05:21
James Che on Anything But That: “Here and now, For a State to exist It must contain an agreement of a union, For the State to…” Sep 7, 05:12
Young Lochinvar on Anything But That: “FC Is that a fact? Just checking. FYI: all sorts were at it feathering their nests at a time of…” Sep 6, 23:49
Young Lochinvar on Anything But That: “HMcH Ford Focus. The settled down ageing badly hairdressers car! Not bad mpg, nae room necessary for the (non existent)…” Sep 6, 23:25
Young Lochinvar on Anything But That: “MB Nah! Not allowed into those sorts of establishments till you were 18 years old. Air Cadets “Verboten” (spelling apols)..…” Sep 6, 22:50
Young Lochinvar on Anything But That: “HMcH Yer projecting again “old boy”.. As for my post; Not at all! I was merely making mild oblique reference…” Sep 6, 22:40
Mark Beggan on Anything But That: “I dont remember much about operation lion-heart. I was drunk in a whore house most of the time. Deutsche girls…” Sep 6, 21:29
Hatey McHateface on Anything But That: “Can’t you read, sam? It’s Mr Beggan to you. Seriously, though. Do you honestly believe you rate being hated? Get…” Sep 6, 21:25
Hatey McHateface on Anything But That: “What is it now, Sooty? Auld Lochnagar always quick to get the shirt lifting accusations in early? Well, he did…” Sep 6, 21:18
sam on Anything But That: “No friends, no wife, no job. Just hatred and Beggan.” Sep 6, 21:01
Young Lochinvar on Anything But That: “MB Wrong (yet) again.. You probably never heard those insults on yer air cadet “Lionheart deployment” in ‘84 (to make…” Sep 6, 21:01
Young Lochinvar on Anything But That: “To the Cow (Chas) from the Confused dot com tv add: “Who’s That Whistling!!! Lighten up FFS..” Sep 6, 20:50
Young Lochinvar on Anything But That: “HMcH Corrie and Emmerdale.. Sigh! Such is life Sweep (or is it Parsley the Lion) to keep a happy marriage.…” Sep 6, 20:42
Mark Beggan on Anything But That: “No they never. You just made that up. It was a Jerry helmet and a Japs eye. That’s why all…” Sep 6, 20:41
Chas on Anything But That: “It is refreshing to see a bout of common sense and realism breaking out on Wings and…….. from an unlikely…” Sep 6, 20:25
Hatey McHateface on Anything But That: “What’s that you say, Sooty? What would Auld Lochnagar ken aboot a TV soap that only his missus watches? You’re…” Sep 6, 20:24
agentx on Anything But That: ““Jenny Gilruth is being groomed as a potential successor to John Swinney” https://www.scottishdailyexpress.co.uk/news/politics/stephen-flynn-infuriates-civil-servants-37632876 —————————————— Could there be a more inappropriate…” Sep 6, 20:15
Mark Beggan on Anything But That: “If anyone turns up declaring that they are chicken farmer then we should really begin to panic.” Sep 6, 20:05
Young Lochinvar on Anything But That: “Call Quality Polis!! Hatey has Northcode locked up in his basement and has stolen his log-in details!!! It’s like a…” Sep 6, 20:03
Mark Beggan on Anything But That: “I would like to read more of what you wrote today. You are on it. Ideological europhiles are yesterday. The…” Sep 6, 20:01
Young Lochinvar on Anything But That: “MB We used to call the Germans “box heads”, they called us “island monkeys” Whits yer hat size Beggars? 12×12…” Sep 6, 20:00
Hatey McHateface on Anything But That: “There’s a precedent. Ribbentrop was a champagne salesman.” Sep 6, 19:53
Hatey McHateface on Anything But That: “Wow, Northy! The bridges are in sheets of flame today. I hope you’ve found the courage and decency to tell…” Sep 6, 19:48
Hatey McHateface on Anything But That: “Man up, Northy! Don’t let sam intimidate and cow you into agreement and obedience. Stand tall! Besides, even if he…” Sep 6, 19:40
Northcode on Anything But That: “Interesting… TURABDIN is chasing symbols: UN intervention external validation geopolitical rescue fatalistic narratives AgentX is describing strategy: democratic legitimacy internal…” Sep 6, 19:16
Northcode on Anything But That: ““Northcode, I have always enjoyed your posts.” As do I yours.” Sep 6, 19:13
Hatey McHateface on Anything But That: “Well, well. I predicted there would be a few things you wouldn’t want to talk about, sam. And my prediction…” Sep 6, 19:12
Mark Beggan on Anything But That: “It is Mr Beggan to you. You dont decide anything about this page. Threats of violence Sam is the squeak…” Sep 6, 19:04