One of the compensations of living in England (from the perspective of editing a website about Scottish politics) is that you get a much clearer picture of how English people – who make up 85% of the UK electorate, and as such in practice determine who the government is – see the country’s political leaders.
For those of you who don’t, here’s Charlie Brooker – a man who’s no fan of the Tories by any stretch of the imagination – casting a weary and exasperated eye over Ed “these strikes are wrong” Miliband on last night’s Weekly Wipe.
In our experience it’s a pretty accurate snapshot of how the hapless Labour leader is regarded by most left-leaning people down on this side of the border. You’ll need to have seen the rest of the episode to get the “Schofield!” joke.
There’s a very strange article on the front page of the Herald website this morning. It’s an interview with Nigel Farage in which the UKIP leader insists that his party, not the SNP, will hold the balance of power in the UK parliament after May’s election.
It’s a bold assertion given that current projections put the SNP on anywhere from 30 to 56 seats with UKIP expected to struggle to get 5 to 10. But Farage’s rationale for the statement is an interesting one.
The abusive Facebook comments recently directed at Labour MP Margaret Curran and highlighted in a piece on the STV website today make us sigh. Not only are they horrible but they’re counter-productive, in every sense of the term – they’re not going to change Curran’s mind about anything by yelling at her, and they feed a narrative about “vile cybernats” that the media is all too eager to gleefully perpetuate.
So let’s make something clear from the off: shut up, idiots. You’re not helping.
Because a good satirist can sometimes make a point better in seven sentences than idiots like us can in a 1000-word article, and make it funny at the same time.
The very few readers who don’t immediately just snort and turn the page when they see the words “George Foulkes” may have noticed in yesterday’s Herald that the thirsty peer could be found gloating gleefully that had Scotland voted for independence last September it would now be “bankrupt” due to the decline in oil prices.
We can’t be bothered pointing out for the 500th time that a Yes vote wouldn’t have seen Scotland actually independent until March 2016, and that the oil price NOW is therefore about as relevant to anything as, well, Baron Foulkes himself.
But we couldn’t help noticing a couple of small arithmetical details.
There really isn’t very much of a news story in this morning’s Sun “exclusive” that some Labour MPs say they’d quit the party rather than work with the SNP should the electorate deliver such a result in May. One told the paper:
Those of us who remember the parade of furious Scottish Labour figures going on TV and openly threatening to scupper any “rainbow coalition” involving the Nats in 2010, thereby ensuring that David Cameron and George Osborne came to power, won’t be the least bit surprised at the sheer depth of hatred and jealous rage that consumes Labour’s branch office in North Britain when the SNP are mentioned.
And there’s nothing eyebrow-raisingly new in Scottish Labour’s spiteful determination that if Scots vote against the Conservatives – but not for Labour – they should be punished with Tory governments. It’s the standard policy of electoral blackmail that the party has deployed against the rise of rivals from the left for years, and which it’s now also turning against the Greens south of the border.
But there is a telling phrase in that short quote.
Independent website Political Compass has just released its 2015 graph charting the ideological positions of all the political parties of the UK. It’s a fairly predictable one.
On the image above, we’ve added, for parties active in Scotland only, striped circles indicating each party’s 2010 position. But what does it tell us about 2015?
It’s somehow fitting that the lead article on Labour Hame today is headed by a lie before it even starts – an offer to join the party for £1 that takes you to a page where it actually costs five times as much.
(We’d noticed days ago that the much-hyped £1 offer had been quietly dumped after just a month, but it appears that nobody in the Scottish branch office thought to keep poor hapless Labour Hame in the loop.)
The article below, though, is remarkably even more dishonest.
A number of readers last night sent us copies of the response to complaints they’d made to the Independent Press Standards Organisation about the Daily Record’s infamous “The Vow” front cover. We attach the full judgement at the bottom of this article, and as far as we’re concerned it’s fair and accurate. The Vow was a deliberate deception, but it didn’t break any rules – it merely relied on readers misinterpreting it.
The bit we’re still interested in is the paragraph above.
Stevie on The Party Of The Dead: “Wish they would just, collapse and disappear – repugnant lot. The MacGhost of a dream that should now just fade…” Aug 6, 23:34
Young Lochinvar on The Party Of The Dead: “Sorry Meant to add.. The “next” party.. What’s to stop the grifters and SPADS from just jumping ship to the…” Aug 6, 22:37
Hatey McHateface on Anatomy Of A Grift: “I think that anybody predicting anything for 5 years in the future really isn’t paying attention to the news. But…” Aug 6, 22:25
Young Lochinvar on The Party Of The Dead: “100 percenter That raises the fundamental problem. If an alternative Indy party is not nurtured then the death of the…” Aug 6, 22:17
Young Lochinvar on The Party Of The Dead: “Powerful post indeed Red. Needed said.” Aug 6, 22:00
Hatey McHateface on The Party Of The Dead: ““all part of the decolonization process (Fanon)”, eh, Alf? What does Fanon say about the hijab and tea towel wearers?…” Aug 6, 21:44
Skip_NC on The Party Of The Dead: “The Express? Well that explains it. I prefer the Beano.” Aug 6, 21:37
Hatey McHateface on The Party Of The Dead: ““Nicola could not have done this alone” The killer punch line in a knock out post.” Aug 6, 21:36
Andrew Kidd on The Party Of The Dead: “Large amount of assets disposed of. Looks like the auditors have done a thorough inventory of what was actually owned…” Aug 6, 21:27
James Barr Gardner on The Party Of The Dead: “If the SNP gang bankrupt an’ restart again wull it be ca’d the Newco SNP, jist asking fer a freind……..” Aug 6, 21:14
Bilbo on The Party Of The Dead: “Great post Red. I only got involved in independence around late 2000’s but I always remembered that nationalism was a…” Aug 6, 21:12
James Barr Gardner on The Party Of The Dead: “Fraser MacDonald left SNP in February 2026. He took over from Murray Foote who quit after 14 months in the…” Aug 6, 21:07
100%Yes on The Party Of The Dead: “The SNP is refusing to pay it back, if I’m correct.” Aug 6, 20:24
Alf Baird on The Party Of The Dead: “Helpful analysis, Red, and where the impending ‘disintegration’ of a national party that has been ‘co-opted by colonialism’ and which…” Aug 6, 20:16
100%Yes on The Party Of The Dead: “Sorry Naw, clad YES. The SNP lost its true supporters and ended up with tits and morons as a membership…” Aug 6, 20:13
Nicky T Naquetti on The Party Of The Dead: ““Heather Herbert”…? “Humbert Humbert”, moar like” Aug 6, 19:15
Young Lochinvar on The Party Of The Dead: “Whoa there LL!! I was a brickies labourer prior to enlisting, it was a blistering hot summer way back then…” Aug 6, 18:43
Aidan on Anatomy Of A Grift: ““Any money you send us will be split as usual between running costs, commissioning polls, a wage for myself and…” Aug 6, 18:41
Red on The Party Of The Dead: “Lothianlad mentioned Nicola Sturgeon as the architect of the SNP’s demise. She is greatly responsible, but the rot set in…” Aug 6, 18:14
Dan on Anatomy Of A Grift: “What’s the status of a new Wee Blue Book and revenues raised for producing it? https://wingsoverscotland.com/the-loose-end https://donorbox.org/last-call” Aug 6, 18:00
thothScot on The Party Of The Dead: “It’s not uncommon that the undead are still there years and years later, shambling around shopping malls accosting people who…” Aug 6, 17:55
Bilbo on Anatomy Of A Grift: “I’ve got a feeling that social media is going to change beyond recognition in 5 years time. This is going…” Aug 6, 16:57
agentx on The Party Of The Dead: ““John Swinney @JohnSwinney ? The publication of the SNP’s accounts today shows that at the end of 2025 the party…” Aug 6, 16:51
Ian Smith on The Party Of The Dead: “I would not be surprised if they lined up positions for anyone leaving with one of their pet quangos or…” Aug 6, 16:43
Effijy on The Party Of The Dead: “They could busk until dusk and not finance the next election. Anyone with glass bottle returns, Embassy Coupons or Greenshield…” Aug 6, 16:42
Knuckle_Heid on The Party Of The Dead: “Good point Elmac and even if the SNP do manage to claw back the £400k from Peter Murrell, hopefully enough…” Aug 6, 16:38
Ian Smith on The Party Of The Dead: “Has anyone heard when the campervan and miscellaneous luxuries go up for auction? With no appeals, would it generally all…” Aug 6, 16:37
agentx on The Party Of The Dead: “I notice that they spent £221,079 on Information technology (page 15) and £117,636 on Audio Visual at the Conference (page…” Aug 6, 16:32