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Royal Week 632

Posted on July 03, 2021 by

Fix up, look sharp 702

Posted on June 26, 2021 by

Holiday Boy is still “resting”, so here’s a laugh from nearly six years ago.

Hear the bang? See the spark? No, us either.

The Weekend Cartoon 691

Posted on June 19, 2021 by

Alert readers will have noticed that our quasi-regular crayonsmith Slacky The Holiday Boy is off again this week (and indeed next week), so as a special emergency service we bring you something almost as funny, albeit in a rather darker vein than usual.

The punchline, of course, is the last sentence of paragraph 9.

A tale of four nations 804

Posted on May 28, 2021 by

The Ship Song 1,078

Posted on May 12, 2021 by

Ten years ago this month I was in a pub called The Porter in Bath with my girlfriend and her family, buying everyone whiskies and gabbling deliriously (I’d been up for over 40 hours at that point) about the significance of what had just happened.

Alex Salmond’s SNP had just broken the Scottish electoral system, winning an absolute majority of seats in a Parliament designed expressly to stop that from ever happening. A total of 72 pro-independence MSPs had been elected, and it was already clear that an independence referendum was going to happen despite the Labour Party’s best efforts. It was impossibly exciting.

This month I sat and watched 72 ostensibly pro-indy MSPs be elected again, but this time with my heart breaking, knowing that they would achieve nothing and indeed had no real intention to even try.

And I’ve had enough of feeling that way.

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Trans Greens Are Greens 89

Posted on May 11, 2021 by

Misogynist racist midget Patrick Harvie is furious this week, which is always nice.

It seems he really doesn’t like it up ‘im.

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A butterfly on a wheel 328

Posted on May 11, 2021 by

Craig Murray was today sentenced to eight months in prison for the crime of “jigsaw identification” of one or more of the complainers in the trial of Alex Salmond, despite the supposed existence in Scotland of a presumption against prison sentences for any crimes attracting a penalty of less than 12 months.

We believe he is the first person ever to be convicted of this extremely vaguely-defined crime, and certainly the first ever sentenced to imprisonment for it.

In her judgement Lady Dorrian cited a number of factors, one of which was that the case was an extremely high-profile one which had attracted a great deal of media attention. This was of course in large part due to the actions of an “unknown” person within the Scottish Government or Scottish civil service who illegally leaked the story to David Clegg, then of the Daily Record and now editor of The Courier.

In reality everyone in Scottish politics knows who this person was and whose orders they were acting under, but even though they’re not the subject of any current court case we cannot say their names or we too would face prosecution and imprisonment. (As ever, DO NOT speculate or hint about their identities in comments. Any such comments will be deleted and the commenter banned.)

In sentencing Murray to incarceration rather than the fine which is almost always used for contempt charges, Lady Dorrian emphasised the danger of dissuading victims of crime, and especially sexual assaults, from reporting the offence if they thought they might be identified publicly.

But it must be noted that NONE of the complainers against Mr Salmond were victims of any crime. The jury heard their evidence and the defence evidence – the latter of which went almost entirely unreported except by Craig Murray – and concluded that none of them had in fact been assaulted in any way whatsoever.

Several of the complainers gave evidence which in the light of the verdict suggested a strong case for charges of perjury, but no prosecutions (or, as far as we’re aware, even investigations) have followed.

At least 10 Scottish newspaper journalists have also published information which by any empirical measure enables the identification of complainers. Two separate independently-conducted opinion polls have found that far more people claim to have identified complainers via these newspaper publications than from Craig Murray’s blog. All the articles in question remain online, yet none of their authors have even been questioned or warned by the Crown Office or police, let alone prosecuted.

(The Crown Office has for over a year refused to tell this site whether we’re allowed to quote those articles or not.)

Craig Murray is only one of a long list of people supportive of Alex Salmond to have been prosecuted in connection with his trial – others, including this site, have been threatened – while absolutely nobody hostile to Mr Salmond has faced any criminal action. The official in charge of prosecutions in Scotland, the Lord Advocate James Wolffe, is a minister of the Scottish Government directly answerable to the First Minister. We are sure these matters are unconnected.

We understand, though we have not confirmed, that Craig Murray remains at liberty for now, pending a request for leave to appeal to the Supreme Court. He is an elderly man of previously impeccable character with a number of serious health conditions which could create a severe risk to his life in prison, and who clearly poses absolutely no sort of danger to society. His appeal fund is linked at the bottom of this post.

The Taking Of Holyrood 129 310

Posted on May 09, 2021 by

So here’s your majority:

And we know because they told us.

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Dawn Of The Imbeciles 211

Posted on May 09, 2021 by

The SNP collected slightly over 1 million list votes in Thursday’s election, which nevertheless elected just two list MSPs because SNP voters care about power for the SNP rather than about independence, and chose to let dozens of Unionist MSPs get seats rather than other pro-indy parties.

But the bigger tragedy is that one of those two was Emma Roddick.

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What you voted for 270

Posted on May 08, 2021 by

We apologise for our post of earlier today.

It looks like 2026 was much too optimistic an estimate.

The Day Nothing Changed 206

Posted on May 08, 2021 by

Our sincerest congratulations go to The National on what by our count is their 250th “INDY IS COMING SOON!” front page. A real landmark.

Any readers pointing out that there was a “pro-indy majority and mandate for indyref2” after the 2016 Holyrood election, and yet here we are five years later without indyref2 having actually happened even though the Parliament voted for it twice, can only be MI5 Unionist plants and must of course be shunned and vilified and ideally put in prison if at all possible.

We’re so excited we’re already looking forward to the May 2026 version.

Contact with the enemy 666

Posted on May 07, 2021 by

We are, as always, absolutely enthralled at the prospect of discovering from James Kelly what our vile secret masterplan has been over the last 18 months.

So we, at least, will be reading, James.

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    • Mark Beggan on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “Shield of the Americas. The cartels are Toast.Mar 7, 20:02
    • Mark Beggan on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “Rugby is a hooligans game played by gentlemen. Football is a gentleman’s game played by hooligans.Mar 7, 19:52
    • Mark Beggan on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “Mahmood from the Hood.Mar 7, 19:49
    • Hatey McHateface on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “Invest £100 on a return ticket.Mar 7, 19:21
    • Hatey McHateface on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “Nine tenths of all rational BTL comments, Alf. Don’t you ever feel an overwhelming urge to mock some of the…Mar 7, 19:16
    • agentx on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “Yes Scotland were great today and England were crap.Mar 7, 19:06
    • David Holden on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “Oh well I see Italy has just beaten the mighty England at rugby union only a few years after our…Mar 7, 18:50
    • TURABDIN on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “VIVA L’ITALIA…… the «big one», bring it on Donaldo, after your mega dose of viagra of course.Mar 7, 18:43
    • Red on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “whatever happened to the Scottish independence movement? When they killed nationalism, which was the intellectual foundation of the independence movement,…Mar 7, 18:38
    • Mark Beggan on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “Who wants £40K to piss off.Mar 7, 18:29
    • Mark Beggan on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “The majority of their drones have been fired at the UAE. Who also think Starmers a wanker.Mar 7, 18:25
    • TURABDIN on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “Forget Eurabia, we have Euramerica….. Some one’s end is nigh. Very Sad. Classical reason is cowering in a corner.Mar 7, 18:17
    • Mark Beggan on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “It was on the good ship Dragon The deckhand started cryin’ His lipstick broke Coz he’s a poncy woke As…Mar 7, 18:13
    • Alf Baird on Scotland’s Most Frightened: ““you already have a solid track record of mocking anybody” Pot and kettle, Hatey over Scotland, as ‘mocking anybody’ is…Mar 7, 18:12
    • Hatey McHateface on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “Thousands, Willie? Reports indicate dozens certainly, maybe into the low hundreds in total. But thousands? Naw.Mar 7, 18:11
    • Mark Beggan on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “Dusty Miller.Mar 7, 18:08
    • Cynicus on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “Had you told me last week that France would come to Murrayfield and scored 40 points I would’ve put my…Mar 7, 17:11
    • Willie on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “Seems that one of the UKs aircraft carriers is being readied in case it needs to head off to protect…Mar 7, 16:59
    • Sven on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “I take it our Prime Minister was successful then, and they must have, “Released the sausages” then Mark. Calls for…Mar 7, 16:38
    • Hatey McHateface on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “Does Milliband know it’s going full speed? That must be slaying the nautical miles per gallon figure. Won’t anybody think…Mar 7, 16:35
    • TURABDIN on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “GÉNIAL….VIVE L’ÉCOSSE…..& the sun shone too.Mar 7, 16:25
    • Hatey McHateface on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “Not factually accurate, YL. We all know that in the Mad Mullah’s frame of reference, step 2 is: 2. Slay…Mar 7, 16:22
    • Mark Beggan on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “HMS Sausage steaming full speed towards Cyprus. Britannia rules the waves.Mar 7, 16:19
    • David Holden on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “Well that was a bit special as Scotland beat France at Murrayfield in what has to be one of the…Mar 7, 16:14
    • diabloandco on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “OMG they WON! Well done the lads!Mar 7, 16:09
    • Hatey McHateface on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “Actually, Geri, your juxtaposition of R and love reminds me. I was wondering if your recent absence was down to…Mar 7, 16:08
    • Mark Beggan on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “Shalom.Mar 7, 15:49
    • TURABDIN on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “Aaaah…let us psychoanalyze the word SHITHOLES. «they make shitholes and call it peace» an update on an old theme. eneuch…Mar 7, 15:20
    • Geri on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “You reap what you sow, hatey. Didn’t the good Lord tell you that? He’d spit you out of the land..…Mar 7, 15:11
    • Hatey McHateface on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “Perhaps you need to read our history. Centuries of every horror imaginable. Our ancestors fought each other to a standstill…Mar 7, 15:04
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