It’s safe to say, readers, that our light-hearted new impromptu fundraiser has well and truly unhinged a few members of Scotland’s unhappiest community: the WokeNats.
At a certain point you just have to laugh, even though it’s not really funny.
The submission being referred to is NOT the one Alex Salmond sent to the Holyrood committee this week, but the one he sent to the separate Hamilton inquiry almost a month ago, which had been cleared by his lawyers and was published in full by both Wings and The Spectator and read by tens, if not hundreds, of thousands of people.
(For reasons we’re not allowed to tell you, the Wings version has been totally redacted and the Spectator’s has had one paragraph removed but is still mostly intact.)
Because the Fabiani inquiry won’t be publishing the document, that means Salmond isn’t allowed to discuss it when he gives oral evidence, and the inquiry isn’t permitted to consider any of its contents, just as with Geoff Aberdein’s submission.
(There’s very little Salmond actually WILL now be allowed to talk about if he appears before the committee. He might just about be able to confirm his name before the Lord Advocate has him arrested and charged with whatever the opposite of perjury is.)
In other words, the exact people who are supposed to be getting to the bottom of what happened are the only people in Scotland who have to pretend they haven’t read the evidence of the primary witness. (While also not being allowed to see the evidence of the other most important witness, or almost anything else.)
You really would struggle to make this stuff up, readers.
Readers, we swear to you we are not making this up. What you’re about to read are genuine extracts from the SNP’s official new (probably illegal) Equalities Mechanism explanatory note, detailing what does and doesn’t count as a disability when it comes to jumping the queue for a regional list nomination.
And straight away it’s a real punch in the gut for firestarters, muggers, rapists, flashers and, in most cases, hay-fever sufferers. THIS BIGOTRY WILL NOT STAND.
Or more likely, they just wanted to try to bury all of their skeletons at once in a single giant avalanche of crookedness. But either way, enough is enough. Criminals accused of perjury don’t get to decide if they’ll answer for their lies or not.
The Fabiani committee has the power to compel witnesses to attend. They must now use that power without further delay, or they must call on the police to arrest the SNP’s chief executive immediately and drag him into an interview room by his ears if need be with a solicitor in attendance. (Doubtless also paid for by SNP members.)
Scotland is not GoodFellas. Nobody is above the law. Stop this damn rot now.
We know that the 5th of January is unusually early to be giving out annual awards, but this is going to be pretty much impossible to beat, so God bless the P&J for giving us all a chuckle in these dark times.
Because 2020 is the maddest year in history, Ruth Davidson opened her contribution to Holyrood’s debate on the Brexit deal today with a lengthy quote from this website.
On 8 December this site ran an article about the Chief Executive Officer of the Scottish National Party, Peter Murrell. It has recently been drawn to our attention that the piece contained a serious inaccuracy, which we would like to remedy.
If you don’t have the time to read Alyn Smith’s astonishing response to the SNP NEC election results in today’s National, we’ve edited it down to 10 seconds for you.
Bilbo on Do You Believe In The Westwood?: “O/T I see that immigration is going to be part of the debate in the forthcoming Holyrood elections: https://archive.is/D4QIZ This…” Apr 12, 09:22
Sven on Do You Believe In The Westwood?: “Bilbo @ 08.36. Possibly one with his own reasons to remain unidentified ? Or am I being overly sceptical in…” Apr 12, 09:17
Captain Caveman on Not So Octopus: “…. Jeezo. Maybe lay off the meths, Rambo.” Apr 12, 08:38
Bilbo on Do You Believe In The Westwood?: “I’m sure it is Gen Z/Reddit thing to make AI generated images of yourself but what man would disguise their…” Apr 12, 08:36
Young Lochinvar on Not So Octopus: “Well Geri If Pastor Faggat was one of the founding fathers then he’s certainly developed a disturbing hate complex of…” Apr 12, 04:47
Geri on Not So Octopus: “He said he was one of the co-founders of Alba.” Apr 12, 02:15
Young Lochinvar on Not So Octopus: “Geri Pastor Faggat was rejected? Gaun! Spread the news! It’ll help ignoring/ putting in context Pastor Faggats sermons in future..” Apr 12, 01:24
Geri on Not So Octopus: ““Arguing with yoons in a “domestic setting” is pissing in the wind & so is domestic elections.” Forgot to add,…” Apr 11, 23:59
Geri on Not So Octopus: “He’s just projecting again… “but when it comes to offering any viable alternative come up empty.” People have came up…” Apr 11, 23:12
Geri on Do You Believe In The Westwood?: “That sounds just like Eppy Island. Allegedly, they liked to hunt live bait no one would miss. Then it’d be…” Apr 11, 22:31
Young Lochinvar on Do You Believe In The Westwood?: “Beggars As the old nursery story goes: “My my grandmother what an active imagination you have there”.. Old boy.. Or;…” Apr 11, 21:54
Young Lochinvar on Not So Octopus: “*Special* Captain Caveman Interview – undertaken without an internet connected device. Interviewer; Wilma Flintstone, welcome. Captain Caveman; Mate, where’s moi…” Apr 11, 19:28
Mark Beggan on Do You Believe In The Westwood?: “Free drugs and empty prisons. Homosexual drag artists at the mosque. What could possibly go wrong.” Apr 11, 19:22
George Ferguson on Do You Believe In The Westwood?: “Well the Masters is on so this is par for the course for the Scottish Government. Well done Stu another…” Apr 11, 18:32
BroughtyBoy on Do You Believe In The Westwood?: “I see the ‘Our People’s page has been taken down Stu… you’re on to something here!” Apr 11, 17:28
Young Lochinvar on Not So Octopus: “AE @ 9.03 Yippee Kate-ae faggat! You done gotten yourself all written up like a Jack rabbit n spring thar…” Apr 11, 15:25
Kevin Cargill on Do You Believe In The Westwood?: “You might need to build an interoceter to communicate with Metaluna where I’m sure Mr Westwood lives. He certainly seems…” Apr 11, 13:44
Geri on Not So Octopus: ““Being offered an opportunity but exercising discretion to turn it down does not make you a “failure”.” It does show…” Apr 11, 13:44
Alf Baird on Not So Octopus: ““the vast majority of “ordinary” Scots” If all else fails the colonizer seeks to make the indigenous native a minority…” Apr 11, 13:41
Knuckle Heid on Do You Believe In The Westwood?: “I agree Iain – who are these polling companies talking to?!” Apr 11, 13:13
Geri on Not So Octopus: “Arsey, I don’t need to. A well respected KC has already given his expert, legal opinion. Go look it up.…” Apr 11, 12:42
Northcode on Not So Octopus: ““…no constructive engagement of any sort, just the blanket unreasoning assertion that anyone who disagrees with you is… a unionist.”…” Apr 11, 12:23
Lorncal on Do You Believe In The Westwood?: “They’ve posted a photo now, have they? It still looks doctored and seems to be an image that has been…” Apr 11, 12:22
Geri on Not So Octopus: “Alf, I know. Whit a dunce! Maybe we should all club together & buy him a dictionary? Oh hang on,…” Apr 11, 12:19
James on Not So Octopus: “We see you, Yoon.” Apr 11, 12:09
Aidan on Not So Octopus: “@Geri – if you believe that your absurd and paranoid ramblings are shared by a majourity of people, or even…” Apr 11, 12:06