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Archive for the ‘wtf’


The Whining Of The Bams 51

Posted on December 06, 2020 by

These people are deranged. That is all

(Pictured: Guy Ingerson, yesterday.)

The team player 258

Posted on December 02, 2020 by

If you don’t have the time to read Alyn Smith’s astonishing response to the SNP NEC election results in today’s National, we’ve edited it down to 10 seconds for you.

If you’re in no rush, read on.

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The Worst People In Scotland 124

Posted on November 27, 2020 by

In case anyone was looking for a list:

One’s just turned up.

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The state is not her 224

Posted on November 19, 2020 by

One of the dumber things we see regularly posted on social media is that Yes voices should stop criticising the First Minister because her leadership is the only reason Yes is now consistently ahead in the polls and we would have no chance of winning a new referendum with someone else in charge.

This is obviously nonsense, because Nicola Sturgeon was SNP leader and FM for five years in which support moved barely a single millimetre, until COVID-19 came along. Our current lead is due entirely to a tiny invisible virus and a giant Etonian buffoon.

But you know us, readers – we like to check.

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Light and shade 332

Posted on November 01, 2020 by

In today’s Sunday National:

Well, that’s good to know. Which members exactly?

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The fireworks factory has not exploded 430

Posted on October 15, 2020 by

We’ve had another Freedom Of Information response from the Scottish Government.

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Deny the flesh 232

Posted on October 13, 2020 by

We’ve just received the most extraordinary Freedom Of Information response from the Scottish Government, readers. Trust us, you want to go and make yourselves a strong cup of tea before you read it. Or get this guy to bring you one.

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The dodgy dozen 131

Posted on September 21, 2020 by

Following up this morning’s article, we’ve been trawling through the Publications/FOI section of the Scottish Government website to see which other articles might be being hidden from its search function. We found quite a few, and you’re never going to guess what the common factor in all of them is.

We’ve given you a wee clue with that picture, though.

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Darwin’s Failures 305

Posted on August 20, 2020 by

The BBC ran a completely insane story this week about a transman (ie a mentally ill woman) who almost died of kidney failure because she didn’t tell her doctors what sex she really was. The standout paragraph was probably the one pictured below, in which the atom-brained narcissist imbecile explained to a startled nation that apparently having a mental disorder also changes your physical biology:

(Also, y’know, “cute and awesome!” is definitely how men talk.)

But anyway. When we commission opinion polls, we’ve often noted that in any given poll you can expect around 5-10% of respondents to vote for even the most seemingly ridiculous options – either as a “joke”, or because they’re too dim to have understood the question, or whatever.

And last week we thought we’d put that to the test.

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Kartoon Klown Korner 202

Posted on August 15, 2020 by

Our regular weekend comedian Chris Cairns is off on a golf holiday this weekend (in fairness he’s only had four so far this year and it’s already August), but this is a sicker joke than anything he’s ever come up with.

We haven’t covered Martin Keating’s court case because we have some unanswered concerns about its transparency and communication, but it’s doing just fine without us, having passed £100,000 of its £155,000 funding target earlier today.

It’s bad enough that some random activist is having to do this and pay for it when the Scottish Government – who SHOULD have been doing it three years ago – sits with its thumb up its hole staring out of the window, but having their representatives actively attack and try to sabotage it is disgusting to a degree we can barely find words for.

We’ve had our fair share of doubts about stuff of late, but if Scottish independence achieved nothing more than putting a useless wage-stealing tosser like Pete Wishart out of a cushy Westminster job-for-life, it’d be worth doing for that alone.

The Fix 434

Posted on August 04, 2020 by

This post was written by an SNP NEC member present at last week’s controversial Zoom meeting, who wishes to remain anonymous. Wings has verified their credentials.

A farce, a shambles, an incompetent mess. There’s no other way to sum up the NEC stitch-up of the Edinburgh Central seat last week.

Bad enough was the situation of the Glasgow Cathcart seat, over which my sources tell me it didn’t take long for someone in ministerial tower to realise “but what if Dornan jumps ship to an Indy list party, we’ve just given them a seat in Parliament to promote why our both votes SNP message doesn’t make sense.”

And of course those looking at what really matters in the near future were noting “we could already be relying on Derek Mackay to turn back up at Parliament – and for Mark McDonald to crawl out from the bus we threw him under – to survive a confidence vote if the inquiry doesn’t go our way, now we’ve just lost Dornan’s vote, the Greens are going to hold us to ransom…” 

Fast forward a mere day and James Dornan didn’t even need to threaten legal action to get that decision overturned.

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Just another day in 2020 108

Posted on July 31, 2020 by

The Wings Over Scotland Twitter account was – whether coincidentally or otherwise – banned very shortly after it made this famous quote from “1984” its pinned tweet:

So it was only ever a matter of time until a trans activist went there:

That’s an MSc in maths, an MA in statistics and a PhD student in statistics at Harvard University there, readers, publicly calling for the flexible redefinition of the meaning of the number 2 so that two plus two can sometimes make five. Humanity is doomed.

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    • Jay on Pick Your Poison: “With reference to comment from jay on 7 May 2026 at 12:41: I did not make that comment. Are there…May 7, 19:26
    • agentx on Pick Your Poison: “Women fought for years to get the vote and you want to just “sit on your hands”!May 7, 19:10
    • agentx on Pick Your Poison: “Is there any evidence anywhere that spoilt voting papers ever changed any Party policies whatsoever?May 7, 18:49
    • George Ferguson on Pick Your Poison: “Hi Alf/ Dan Mathematics and Statistics tells me that not one of these minor parties will get elected.The only plausible…May 7, 18:46
    • Potace on Pick Your Poison: “Didn’t vote. Just couldn’t be arsed and wasn’t giving that lot my vote. Fool me once…May 7, 18:42
    • agentx on Pick Your Poison: ““Cuphook says: 7 May, 2026 at 11:16 am Today I’m staying at home.” —————————————- Polls are open till 22.00. There…May 7, 18:41
    • Rev. Stuart Campbell on Pick Your Poison: “On the constituency ballot? Pretty much all you’ve got are the Tories and Reform.May 7, 18:26
    • Dan on Pick Your Poison: “Aye, Alf, I found that quite bizarre. But again, it highlights Scotland’s hamstrung political predicament when even some of the…May 7, 18:18
    • George Ferguson on Pick Your Poison: “@Hi Dan My brothers journey is a failure of the Political System in Scotland. This is the last free speech…May 7, 18:04
    • Alf Baird on Pick Your Poison: “Grouse Beater’s List vote decision ignores the fact Ambassador Craig Murray is number 1 for ALLIANCE TO LIBERATE SCOTLAND on…May 7, 17:49
    • Dan on Pick Your Poison: “Cuphook says: “You seriously think any politician appreciates the nobility of your spoilt ballot?” And you clearly choose to focus…May 7, 17:42
    • Geri on Pick Your Poison: “Wrong AI DAN. They intervened because R speaking regions were being ethnically cleansed. That’s what the Minsk agreements were about…May 7, 17:25
    • Dan on Pick Your Poison: “George, your brother’s journey of vote choices is jist a product of the political paradigm Scotland endures within the Union.…May 7, 17:11
    • Aidan on Pick Your Poison: “There is no “moral duty” in international law to launch a totally and completely unprovoked invasion of a neighbouring country…May 7, 16:57
    • Mark Beggan on Pick Your Poison: “Geri you know that’s not true. No one spends as much time as you do ranting on here just to…May 7, 16:56
    • Mark Beggan on Pick Your Poison: “For a complete slabbering idiot with a ridiculous name you certainly have a lot of demands. I bet you rant…May 7, 16:53
    • Geri on Pick Your Poison: “It’ll be cause they’ll know they could be on the ropes so want backup of getting in on the list.…May 7, 16:52
    • agentx on The value bet: “Just been to vote – the ballot boxes were quite full when I was putting my voting papers in. This…May 7, 16:39
    • Dan on Pick Your Poison: “A teatime read from Grousebeater. (Not sure why his articles don’t always show on the voices for independence daily feed)…May 7, 16:38
    • George Ferguson on Pick Your Poison: “My last attempt at humour in a post has been lost to moderation. So let’s be serious. How do any…May 7, 16:21
    • Big Jock on Pick Your Poison: “Reform are an English national party. Any Scot voting for an English national party is deranged! Kelly is still spouting…May 7, 16:03
    • George Ferguson on Pick Your Poison: “I voted for Stand for Israel on the Constituency and Free Palestine on the list. A balanced vote and indicative…May 7, 15:58
    • robertkknight on Pick Your Poison: “Constituency paper duly spoiled… W.nkers, the lot of them! Pity about two separate pro-Indy parties on the regional list (I…May 7, 15:37
    • Captain Caveman on The value bet: ““I couldn’t give a shiny shite what Mayor’s they vote for in another country today,” Er what? What are you…May 7, 15:34
    • Hatey McHateface on Pick Your Poison: “Nice try, Alf. I doubt very much that anybody half-decent fears the kind of people who cheer on lassie torturers.May 7, 15:29
    • Geri on Pick Your Poison: “That’s what happens when you agree terms, (Minsk1 & Minsk2) get the United Nations to rubber stamp it & then…May 7, 15:25
    • Hatey McHateface on Pick Your Poison: ““Scotland has zero control over immigration” Bleeding obviously, if Scotland votes Reform at the next WM GE, Scotland has lots…May 7, 15:24
    • Hatey McHateface on The value bet: ““a shiny shite what Mayor’s they vote” What Mayor’s what, Geri? Such a tiny little thing, yet completely and irrevocably…May 7, 15:20
    • Hatey McHateface on The value bet: “Hae a haddie this time, Wally. And keep that free flipper still. Nae flapping doon below.May 7, 15:15
    • Alf Baird on Pick Your Poison: ““who do we vote for to fix that?” Obviously, to end ‘that’ and the continued colonization of Scots we need…May 7, 15:08
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