Last month saw the first meeting between the UK Brexit delegation and the EU’s, and by many accounts it fell far short of the UK’s expectations. David Davis spent months drumming up the “strong and stable” approach which would see both the divorce deal and the subsequent post-Brexit trade deal negotiated simultaneously. He was told by everyone that this wouldn’t happen, but simply brushed off the warnings. When push came to shove, he finally accepted that he’d have to negotiate the divorce deal first.
This is just the latest in a long string of failures and ineptitudes over the course of the UK’s handling of the whole farcical process and it got me thinking. If Scotland had voted Yes in 2014, what would it have looked like if the Scottish Government had handled that vote the way the UK has managed Brexit?
Millionaire-funded diehard loyalist forelock-tugging faction Scotland In Union published an extraordinary blog post yesterday.
Its 606 words comprised a sort of Caledonian Cringe Greatest Hits, allegedly penned by someone called Fiona Annesley (of whom we’re told nothing else, and who has no detectable online presence), but the line that particularly caught people’s eye was this:
The complete series so far. If you’ve got a story like this to tell, or you know anyone who does, Phantom Power want to hear from you – drop them a line.
I went to “Dunkirk” at the cinema today. If you want to know what it’s like, just watch this trailer 40 times in a row and save yourself the £12.
It’s a poor movie, disjointed and aimless and curiously lacking in tension or narrative given the real-life subject matter. (It’s remarkably short on dialogue, which is lucky because you can barely make out any of what little script or story there is from behind the endlessly howling one-note airhorn of the soundtrack. It’s a bit like someone filmed an IKEA assembly manual in live action during a Formula 1 race.)
But I couldn’t help thinking that part of the reason it was so unengaging was because it felt akin to watching a boxing match between two fighters you don’t like. If Mike Tyson took on Tyson Fury, would you cheer for the rapist or the anti-Semitic homophobe?
Today’s Daily Record covers the story we mentioned yesterday about a report from a Scottish Labour campaign group making the pretty factually-uncontestable point that the branch office’s dismal strategy in last month’s election held the UK party back.
We’ll be honest with you here, readers – even though it’s only July, when it comes to sheer ham-fisted, tin-eared, clown-shoed, foot-shooting idiocy we didn’t think anything in Scottish politics in 2017 could possibly top the SNP’s decision that the surefire way to win back voters after a poor election result was literally mutilating puppies.
After all, that’s the sort of thing you say as a self-evidently ludicrous and hyperbolic joke: “Ha ha, the SNP are so dominant in Scotland these days that the only way they could lose an election would be if Nicola Sturgeon went on telly and started hacking the tails off week-old puppy-dogs without anaesthetic! LOL!!!!!”
It couldn’t even be defended as a grotesque but cynically cunning attempt to win votes from the rural hunting-and-fishing lobby – they did it right AFTER the election, when all those people had just gone out and voted Tory anyway.
But bless their hearts, Scottish Labour never once saw a low bar that they didn’t try to slither under, and today they pulled off the seemingly impossible.
Broadly speaking, the psychological phenomenon known as the Pollyanna Principle is a tendency to neurotically see the most positive possible view of a situation. It’s not generally widely found in newspapers – for whom bad news as a rule sells much better than good news – but for some reason the Scottish press makes a uniform exception when it comes to military shipbuilding.
This, for example, is today’s Herald:
Now, in itself that headline is – unusually – true, so far as it goes. But it only takes until the first sentence of the article text before things start to fall apart.
Northcode on Push The Button: “Are the Scots living in a movie? Arnold Schwarzenegger did it first back in 1990. It would take another nine…” Apr 27, 11:55
Alf Baird on Push The Button: ““an absolutely callous vicious and utter hatred for the natives” Of course, being colonised, us Scots are already subject to…” Apr 27, 11:17
Cynicus on Push The Button: “I am kinder than our host who does not mess around eviscerating you with probabilistic logic. I am open to…” Apr 27, 11:00
James Che on Push The Button: “First option-Red or blue button. Third option suicide by sticking a name tag on yourself and country. Forth option,- accepting…” Apr 27, 10:53
James Che on Push The Button: “The two red and blue button options are wether the populations want supposed governing bodies to do it for them…” Apr 27, 10:11
James Che on Push The Button: “Lornical explained Scotlands situation and its people very well on the 25th of April with remarks on subject of rational…” Apr 27, 09:27
Hatey McHateface on Push The Button: “Well, well. I read the question through twice, to ensure I understood it, then I chose Blue. Seemed bloody obvious…” Apr 27, 08:51
Chas on Push The Button: “What a load of shite…………. as usual.” Apr 27, 08:44
Captain Caveman on Push The Button: “*(Sorry, lots of annoying autocorrect gibberish there, but you get the gist)” Apr 27, 08:27
Captain Caveman on Push The Button: “I totally see your logic, but as human beings the situation is surely more nuanced? Speaking for myself, I simply…” Apr 27, 08:15
Angus on Push The Button: “Being a Rev., I am surprised it does not bother your conscience to vote red, given that a red majority…” Apr 27, 03:09
Rev. Stuart Campbell on Push The Button: “Man, these comments are a real disappointment.” Apr 27, 02:02
Rev. Stuart Campbell on The Narcissism Of No Differences: “You know I edited all those front pages satirically, right?” Apr 27, 01:57
Rev. Stuart Campbell on Push The Button: “So, yes, stupid. Willing to risk death to appear “social” rather than actually think about what they’re doing.” Apr 27, 01:54
Rev. Stuart Campbell on Push The Button: ““ Does this not depend on your estimation of the trust level within the group doing the vote?” If you’re…” Apr 27, 01:53
James Barr Gardner on Push The Button: “I was once caught up in a redundancy situation, the dept had 10 staff, the management issued an edict, all…” Apr 27, 00:34
George Ferguson on Push The Button: “My daughter was a Graduate of the Royal Dick Veterinary School. And she was on the bus with us. She…” Apr 26, 22:12
Confused on Push The Button: “MAIRI MCALLAN SAYS WE NEED MORE MIGRANTS furgrowthunthuconmynetzero – brian wilson agrees, he says we need 20000 a year; did…” Apr 26, 22:02
Dan on Push The Button: “Hmm, regardez divide and rule in action. https://whocanivotefor.co.uk/elections/sp.r.2026-05-07/scottish-parliament-elections-regions/ So catch up in another 5 years for more of the same…” Apr 26, 21:41
Mark Beggan on Push The Button: “The left have created a Frankenstein they cannot control. This summer is going to be the ‘Summer of Hate’!” Apr 26, 20:14
Northcode on Push The Button: “Are you a knob or a stud? The word “button” originates from the Old French word “boton”, meaning “knob” or…” Apr 26, 20:09
Alf Baird on Push The Button: “Aye Northcode, the native ‘forgetting’ their past is a big part of colonialism, and that what is called ‘Scotland’ is…” Apr 26, 20:07
Northcode on Push The Button: ““What a load of shite. . . . . . . as usual.” Whereas the sparkling sentences of the unionist…” Apr 26, 20:05
Southernbystander on Push The Button: “But this is not an either or – helping others does not require that you have sorted your world out…” Apr 26, 20:00
Southernbystander on Push The Button: “Yes. This shifts the criticism of blue voters from virtual signalling wokerati to people with a conscience who worry voting…” Apr 26, 19:52
George Ferguson on Push The Button: “@Mark Beggan A few articles ago I detailed the precarious nature of the X38 bus route from Edinburgh to West…” Apr 26, 19:33
Steve Ashton on Push The Button: “Button! They tried to proof test the nuclear button. But the man there to press it had brains of dead…” Apr 26, 19:25
James on Push The Button: “Well, you’re the “shite” expert right enough… maaaaate.” Apr 26, 18:58
Chas on Push The Button: “What a load of shite……. as usual.” Apr 26, 18:30
Sven on Push The Button: “And, indeed, below the self proclaimed breast enhancer, the former David Paulden.” Apr 26, 18:09
