Back in the 1980s there was a hit game for the ZX Spectrum home computer called Worse Things Happen At Sea. In it you play a robot whose job is to get a heavily-laden cargo ship safely to port, except that more and more disasters keep befalling it.
It springs leaks, it veers off course, the engine overheats and the robot’s power runs down, until eventually the catalogue of catastrophes overwhelms the harassed metallic custodian and the boat slides down into the murky depths.
We wonder if that feels familiar to anyone at the moment.
On 23rd March this year, after Alex Salmond was found not guilty of 13 criminal charges in the High Court, I called on the Scottish Government to set up a judge-led inquiry into the allegation that he had been the subject of a conspiracy involving the Scottish Government, which resulted in him being accused of criminal behaviour.
There’s an especially interesting post on the blog of Scottish solicitor-advocate Gordon Dangerfield at the moment, pointing out that there are no legal reasons whatever for the Crown Office and Procurator Fiscal Service (COPFS) to be withholding documents relating to the allegations against Alex Salmond, and indeed issuing dire threats of prosecution against him or anyone who might put them into the public domain.
(All of the blog’s coverage of the inquiry in general has been expert and revealing, and should be the first stop for readers seeking to understand proceedings.)
The items in question include the infamous WhatsApp messages exchanged by the group of people attempting to have Salmond imprisoned for crimes he didn’t commit, among them SNP chief executive Peter Murrell.
When two of Murrell’s messages were leaked recently it was front-page news in the Scottish press, and generated a huge amount of subsequent coverage. Commentators as diverse as Mandy Rhodes of Holyrood magazine and Alex Massie of the Times and Spectator have noted that while they’d initially disbelieved talk of a conspiracy, the Scottish Government’s actions have given them the opposite impression.
The message log is absolutely central to Salmond’s claim of a conspiracy against him, so the last thing that either COPFS or the leadership of the SNP wants is for it to become public knowledge. Indeed, COPFS has denied that the messages exist at all, which makes it a bit weird that the police are currently conducting a serious criminal investigation into who leaked some apparently entirely imaginary documents.
So it would be quite astonishing if they suddenly disappeared, wouldn’t it?
Readers, we can’t tell you how much we want to get back to just dissecting Scotland’s hopeless Unionist media for a living. It’s a lot more fun than what the current political circumstances are obliging us to do, so you can hardly imagine our excitement when we spotted what looked like an open goal in yesterday’s Mail On Sunday.
Our ears pricked up immediately at the sight of the words “up to”, which is invariably a sign of dodgy doings on the way, and so it proved. The article contained no solid data at all about the size of Scottish Government special advisers’ pay rises, only how many SpAds there were and which general pay bands they were in, each of which spans a wide range of between £14,000 and £23,000.
But while the Mail had spooned the sitter six feet over the crossbar – because the crude spin they’d put on it was total rubbish – there was still a loose ball just waiting to be knocked into the back of the net.
The SNP’s earth-shattering 2011 majority election victory, which paved the way for the 2014 independence referendum, dropped a bomb on Scottish politics.
What few people realised at the time was that it was also going to set up a series of massive paydays for one of Scotland’s wealthiest demographics: lawyers.
SNP Members For Independence? What a ridiculous phrase – surely every member of the SNP is in favour of independence, right?
That’s mostly true of course, but the leadership and many elected representatives of the party appear to be intent on repeating the failed Section 30 route to independence, and also on restricting serious debate about alternative strategies.
It seems that a revised “Plan B” may be discussed at the party conference, still almost two months away, and for all Plan B’s merits it is seriously flawed and its inclusion at the expense of alternative and better plans at conference would merely pay lip service to the term “serious debate”
Something clearly needed to be done, which is why SNP Members For Indy has been set up. So what’s it for and what is it trying to do?
We’re very busy today writing more FOI requests and the like, so we’ll just take a brief moment here to note that hiring super-expensive lawyers to object to the questions you’re being asked DEFINITELY sounds like the behaviour of people who are keen to co-operate fully and in the most transparent way possible with an inquiry:
Having been privileged to serve as SNP National Treasurer, I’m aware of the duties that go with the post. Of course, it’s changed in some ways since then due to the scale of the party, the resources available and even technology. The days are long gone when Joan Knott, who has sadly since passed away, required to take a taxi down to my legal office to have cheques signed between court or clients.
But some things still remain fundamental, and in particular providing annual accounts for the party. That has been done for 2019, in the administrative sense, but what’s missing is their publication and provision either to the NEC or the party more widely.
For sure there’s been no conference but there are other bodies and other ways of making them available to party members. At NEC, conference and indeed anywhere else, members were entitled to see them and question me. It was their right to see them, and it remains so now. So why haven’t they seen them?
A column on a Sturgeon-loyalist indy website that we read yesterday has been mildly annoying us ever since, and in the interests of open debate (but mainly because it’s cold and grey and rainy outside and we can’t go out and feed the swans) we thought it was worth taking half an hour to walk through it a little and explain just why it’s such a dangerous piece of fantasy nonsense.
But first here’s one of said swans. She’s about five months old and her adult feathers are just starting to come through. Isn’t she lovely?
In case things get a bit rough later we’ve got some squirrels and a really fat dachshund as emergency backup, so buckle in.
The comments from committee convener and SNP MP Linda Fabiani (we guess she must be another of those MI5 plants/secret Unionists) are really quite extraordinary. In terms of Parliamentary language they’re only a hair’s-breadth short of an invitation to step outside and settle things with an old-school dust-up in the car park.
Insider on The Final Robbery: “Mark Beggan says: 25 May, 2026 at 4:39 pm “The truth is like the sun. You can shut it out…” May 25, 16:43
Al-Stuart on The Final Robbery: “. Seriously well done on your forensic research Stu., I see that the Scot-Grifts-Cash chancer Jimmy The Crowdfund Weaver is…” May 25, 16:42
Insider on The Final Robbery: ““Mickey Mouse First Minister Mickey Mouse Governing Party Mickey Mouse Parliament Mickey Mouse Judiciary Overall… A big black rat infested…” May 25, 16:41
Mark Beggan on The Final Robbery: ““The truth is like the sun. You can shut it out but it ain’t going anywhere…”” May 25, 16:39
agentx on The Final Robbery: “Nemisis Benn says:Jeremy Thorpe admitting all sorts of things under oath knowing that he would be immune from future prosecution…” May 25, 16:32
Al-Stuart on The Final Robbery: “. Seriously well done on your forensic research Stu., I see that the Scot-Grifts-Cash chancer Jimmy The Crowdfund Weaver is…” May 25, 16:30
agentx on The Final Robbery: ““The 18 June polls in Aberdeen South and Arbroath and Broughty Ferry have been triggered after the two MPs in…” May 25, 16:28
Blackhack on The Final Robbery: “I’m positive that the money spent in Estee Lauder Cosmetics, and Shetland Jewellery were not for him…. So should she…” May 25, 16:26
Jon Drummond on The Final Robbery: “Lying grifting charlatan bastards. Everyone one of the Scottish Nonce Party and those who follow them; may they rot in…” May 25, 16:19
Young Lochinvar on The Final Robbery: “So where is the £600,000 raised by public donation for independence? Will we ever know?” May 25, 16:16
Frank Gillougley on The Final Robbery: “What I find unbelievable is how did he think that he’d get away with it? What on earth was he…” May 25, 16:15
robertkknight on The Final Robbery: “Mickey Mouse First Minister Mickey Mouse Governing Party Mickey Mouse Parliament Mickey Mouse Judiciary Overall… A big black rat infested…” May 25, 15:59
factchecker on The Final Robbery: “The BBC reports “Murrell’s clothing purchases included £75.55 on a men’s “slouch pouch onesie”.”. I don’t even want to think…” May 25, 15:56
Young Lochinvar on The Final Robbery: “What by election?” May 25, 15:55
Ian Smith on The Final Robbery: “I almost fell off my chair the other week when I saw Colin Beattie getting reelected. Criminal or off the…” May 25, 15:55
Owen Mullions on The Final Robbery: “The mere sight of that narcissist swanning about on holiday boils my piss. Even now the cultists are sending her…” May 25, 15:50
Young Lochinvar on The Final Robbery: “This old ditty comes to mind: Lavender’s blue dilly dilly Lavenders green When I am king dilly dilly, you shall…” May 25, 15:38
MaryB on The Final Robbery: “So John Swinney professes to be ‘shocked’ and ‘betrayed’. But he’s been at the centre of the SNP for many,…” May 25, 15:37
100%Yes on The Final Robbery: “Do they still provide soap on a rope? My brother used to ask me to send him women’s mags, so…” May 25, 15:34
100%Yes on The Final Robbery: “My brother in law who’s English calls Sturgeon, Teflon.” May 25, 15:29
lothianlad on The Final Robbery: “Well done Stu!! yet again WELL DONE!! seriouosly, without you, we would still be in the dark about these things.…” May 25, 15:28
MaryB on The Final Robbery: “Robin McAlpine has a forensic analysis on his blog entitled ‘ The Protection Racket: why is Sturgeon free tonight? It’s…” May 25, 15:23
Kev on The Final Robbery: “How the SNP’s auditors never uncovered any of this over a ten year period is both startling and suspicious.” May 25, 15:22
Mike on The Final Robbery: “I’m old enough to remember the great coffee machine scandal of 2015, which according to some reports on stv news…” May 25, 15:20
Andouillette on The Final Robbery: “Too many other skeletons rattling around in his closet? I have heard tell of some VERY interesting photographs taken in…” May 25, 15:16
Marie on The Final Robbery: “So glad I never gave this shower a single penny of my hard-earned cash.” May 25, 15:15
Pete on The Final Robbery: “Now we will never know which of the alphabeties were given “gifts” to compensate them. Well done Rev you called…” May 25, 15:10
100%Yes on The Final Robbery: “The reality is the UKG wants to protect the SNP because the SNP is protecting the union.” May 25, 15:06