Last month, when half a football team of armed police ambushed and arrested comedy writer Graham Linehan at Heathrow Airport for a couple of tweets, we said this:
Today, even more swiftly than we thought, this happened:
We should point out right at the start that a reader donated £12 back in the summer specifically to send us to Nicola Sturgeon’s book event in Bath last night.
So on the surface level this is just flat-out hilarious.
Firstly because, as we showed you yesterday, the “significant proportion of Scotland’s population” which appears to have been won back to the SNP since John Swinney became its leader is… 1%.
We were going to write something today for the anniversary of Alex Salmond’s tragic death, but then we read Kevin McKenna’s piece in today’s Herald On Sunday and we can’t improve on it, so go and have a read of that before you do anything else.
Alex always believed in looking forward, not back, so we doubt he’d be overly fussed at the pathetic “tribute” paid to him at the SNP conference this morning. What would undoubtedly have exercised him a lot more would have been the wretched current state of the party he loved and built from almost nothing into the dominant force in Scottish politics.
And nothing typifies that wretched state better than the craven and gutless capitulation of a speech given by Tommy Sheppard yesterday, opposing the rebel amendments to John Swinney’s non-strategy on independence.
It said a lot more than he thought it did, but none of it good.
It’d be quite hard to find an image that more completely summed up the wretched state of the SNP in 2025 than this one. Look at that tiny handful of miserable faces, sitting dejectedly around a near-empty function room. It’s so bleak Mike Leigh could make an entire movie out of it.
And we know what you’re thinking – that we sat through some internet livestream to find the most pitiful-looking freezeframe imaginable to show them in a bad light. But nope. Kevin Stewart MSP posted this cheery snapshot of his own free will on Twitter on Sunday morning, presumably in the hope of boosting party morale in some way.
Nor was it even the fact that his death was captured in all its shocking, bloody horror on video, and inescapable on social media, nor that it came just the day after footage broke of another appalling killing in the States, the unprovoked stabbing of Ukrainian refugee Iryna Zarutska by a violent lunatic who’d been released on no-fee bail despite 14 previous arrests and should never have been at large.
In the end, the most chilling thing about this particular crime is this: Charlie Kirk was killed for doing exactly what civilised people are supposed to do.
The Scottish Greens, who until last year were a party of government, claim to have 7,600 members. This month they conducted an election to choose two people as their “co-conveners”, from a list of four candidates, and almost 90% of the party’s members decided that they didn’t want any of them.
(All of which she chose to accompany with a series of photographs that made her look like a sinister Cockney chav crime matriarch in a Guy Ritchie movie. She once dubbed herself Scotland’s “chief mammy”, but now comes across more like Ma Baker.)
But we’ve only just finished reading the whole book, so here’s the actual review.
Scotland’s two main political parties have published their 2024 accounts. The SNP’s can be found here, and Scottish Labour’s here. Neither tells a massively inspiring tale.
(Click pics to enlarge.)
The SNP lost £445,000 despite being boosted by donations totalling almost £940,000 from just FOUR individuals. Scottish Labour made a profit of £350,000 but only because it was bailed out to the tune of £777,000 by the UK party, otherwise it would have made a very similar loss to the SNP’s (specifically £428,000).
Neither of those things are surprising, since 2024 was a UK general election year and those are when parties spend big. But the devil, as always, is in the details.
Before becoming a politician Nicola Sturgeon had a brief and somewhat unsuccessful career in the world of law. Which means she has no excuse whatsoever for this:
Because in law, yes it does. That’s EXACTLY what it means.
Young Lochinvar on Seven Days Too Long: “Wonder why the MSN news is what it is today and who is pulling Starmers strings? Google: declassified uk for…” May 2, 14:13
Geri on Seven Days Too Long: ““They would have run you through, quick as look at you, and worried afterwards that perhaps they had defiled their…” May 2, 13:31
Geri on Seven Days Too Long: “I doubt it. Anyone who follows outside news is well aware this thuggish behaviour by law enforcement is indoctrinated, imported,…” May 2, 13:06
James Che on Seven Days Too Long: “Runners for Scottish elections registered in England. The devolved Scottish act government under The Scotland act legislation from Westminsters parliament…” May 2, 13:00
Young Lochinvar on Seven Days Too Long: “HMcH @ 7.24 Up early in the Remand block again Hatey eh? Maybe that’s why your rambling post makes no…” May 2, 12:13
TURABDIN on Seven Days Too Long: “CHICKEN OR THE EGG https://archive.is/gYo12 Two elephants vying for supremacy? Not just a matter of taste but the very heart…” May 2, 11:25
Bilbo on Seven Days Too Long: “Install Firefox, Chrome or some other internet browser.” May 2, 11:23
Bilbo on Seven Days Too Long: “I see that Polanksi has dug a right big hole for himself with his tweets. I also see that there…” May 2, 11:21
Aidan on Seven Days Too Long: “Fuck me Geri – that’s nuts even for you! Have you been to bed yet? @CC – we’ve been told…” May 2, 11:18
Aidan on Seven Days Too Long: “Fuck me Geri – that’s nuts even for you! Have you been to bed yet?” May 2, 11:17
Bilbo on Seven Days Too Long: “Second this comment from Confused. Ingrained tribalism in Scottish politics is never going to change. This will result in the…” May 2, 10:56
Captain Caveman on Seven Days Too Long: “Heh. Hot on the heels of “Geri” quoting forum rules for personal attacks, here he/she is extolling their supposed moral…” May 2, 10:14
Geri on Seven Days Too Long: “Well said, Confused. The Yes movement was like that. A collective of everyone, all political backgrounds or of none at…” May 2, 10:09
Geri on Seven Days Too Long: “I disavow nothing. I’ll gladly play tour guide Barbie if yer going to take everything literally. That’s so your type.…” May 2, 09:32
Cherrybank on Seven Days Too Long: “The You-Tuber Craig Houston stands a good chance of being elected as an independent for Glasgow.” May 2, 09:14
Fearghas MacFhionnlaigh on Seven Days Too Long: “REALLY STRUGGLING WITH DRUGS? If you are OK with a Christian ambience, Glaswegian Terry McCutcheon is founder and current Executive…” May 2, 09:13
Nicky T Naquetti on Seven Days Too Long: “@diablo Get a Linux/Ubuntu installation. Unless you are a gamer or run some esoteric Windows-only software, you can easily make…” May 2, 08:22
Hatey McHateface on Seven Days Too Long: ““carpet bomb Tehran – that’ll show them! So now those who maybe were West leaning are all dead” An odd…” May 2, 07:39
Hatey McHateface on Seven Days Too Long: “Here you go, YL. Your one (1) response per Diem in which I validate your pathetic, pointless, and obsessively focused…” May 2, 07:24
Hatey McHateface on Seven Days Too Long: “Interesting ideas, Confused. But who will talk for the Benefits Classes? Who will champion the grifters, those with hands permanently…” May 2, 07:09
Aidan on Seven Days Too Long: “Oh yes Dan you have me worked right out mate, don’t let me “divert” or “distract” you from whatever exceptionally…” May 2, 07:06
Hatey McHateface on Seven Days Too Long: ““The gas chamber again eh? Do you never bore yourself tae death playing yer banjo again?” Not where you’re concerned,…” May 2, 06:58
Hatey McHateface on Seven Days Too Long: ““There’s nothing that stipulated a lifetime” Naw? Which part of the “heirs and successors” clause continues to defeat your comprehension?” May 2, 06:50
Geri on Seven Days Too Long: “We know where it is. What we don’t know is… Where’s Scotlands oil fund? Where is £15.5 BILLION in fake…” May 2, 03:13
Geri on Seven Days Too Long: “The gas chamber again eh? Do you never bore yourself tae death playing yer banjo again? Treacherous liars & devious…” May 2, 03:03
Mark Beggan on Seven Days Too Long: “Talking money. Where’s the 600K?” May 2, 02:46
Geri on Seven Days Too Long: ““Rational, wise, educated people might well believe it’s far too early to say.” They admitted it, ya plank. The orange…” May 2, 02:03
Geri on Seven Days Too Long: ““The last ugly, overweening monstrosity cost a billion” A Yoon government. A farce from start to finish. It wasn’t their…” May 2, 01:28
Young Lochinvar on Seven Days Too Long: “George I swore-in in sectarian divided Glasgow during the troubles era where the oath was accepted if mumbled. Nonetheless I…” May 2, 01:13