Alert readers will have noticed something of a minor furore in recent days around a boneheaded Scottish Greens candidate (as if there were any other kind) calling for the complete abolition of prisons.
So far Kate Nevens – who on the latest polling has a very reasonable chance of being elected on the list – has resisted calls to step down, which is probably for the best as, incredibly, her replacement would be even worse.
With the implosion of Your Party concentrating the nutter vote firmly in Green hands, the next term of the Scottish Parliament is set to feature the worst array of MSPs in Holyrood’s history, with almost everyone in the SNP with any sort of ability or experience resigning to be replaced by hyper-obedient young party drones, while the opposition are mostly putting forward the same old faces who’ve been such utter failures for the last 20 years.
It’s a grim prospect, but we do have a solution to propose.
The turnout at the “independence march and rally” yesterday was so abysmally poor that it seems almost unfair to pick on any of the scores of SNP elected representatives who didn’t bother to show up.
But dear old Cosy Feet Pete Wishart had the most chef’s-kiss excuse of all.
The reason he didn’t fancy getting his wee Billy Whizz quiff blown about a chilly Calton Hill was that he had important business “taking on the far right” – who were of course nowhere to be seen – with “half a million” (50,000) of his British besties, a convenient short Tube ride away from his London residence, at a pretty openly anti-Semitic protest called, with a double layer of delicious comedic value… UK Together.
If events in Edinburgh today are anything to go by – when a march and rally announced with great fanfare seven months ago, backed by both the “independence” parties in the Scottish Parliament and featuring the First Minister as main speaker, attracted perhaps 1,500 people at the most to Calton Hill on a bright and sunny day – the independence movement faces an imminent final apocalypse.
So here’s how to prepare yourself for when the SNP win a landslide with 35%, Keir Starmer says “So what?” and then a deathly silence descends for another five years.
Even Kelly Given and Iona Fyfe didn’t show up for this one. That’s how bad it is.
The last faint hope of any remotely positive or at least interesting outcome of May’s election just left the building.
It wasn’t MUCH of a hope, and it’s absolutely no surprise in the wake of the comically shambolic, belief-defyingly inept farce that has been the birth of Jeremy Corbyn and Zarah Sultana’s fringe-of-the fringe party, but all the same its extinguishing means the next two months will be even more of a waste of time than they looked like being.
Frankly, readers, we may as well not bother having an election at all.
The number of parties who got MSPs elected at the last election is… five. (Though in fairness there are now six, Reform having a single MSP after Graham Simpson defected from the Tories. The Lib Dems are even outnumbered by independents, of whom there are seven.)
There is a not particularly funny joke that is sometimes told in legal circles about why a law student failed to finish his coursework – because he had no conviction. With rare exceptions lawyers aren’t renowned for their sense of humour but I can’t help thinking someone, at the highest levels of our justice system, is having a right laugh at my expense and those who have loyally supported me over the past six years.
I’m talking about the Lord Advocate, Dorothy Bain KC – a sitting member of the Scottish Government’s cabinet who was nominated by Nicola Sturgeon to that post in 2021, five months after I was acquitted.
For those unfamiliar with my case, I offer this brief summary. In March 2020 I made a short video on my mobile phone that was two minutes and thirty eight seconds in length. I hadn’t planned to make the video when I went out for a walk in a field near my home. But I was annoyed and wanted to articulate that annoyance, although at the time I recorded it I wasn’t intending for it to go much further.
Later that night, just before turning in, I uploaded it to my YouTube channel on a closed, unlisted link and then posted that link to my Twitter account that, at the time, had a modest 1000 or so followers. I then forgot about it.
Little did I know that short mobile phone video would result in me facing initially a criminal trial, then a five year legal battle in the highest civil court in Scotland and now, most likely, an appeal to the European Court of Human Rights in Strasbourg.
So on the one hand there’s obviously very little point paying attention to the SNP’s regional list candidates for May’s Holyrood election, because as this website has comprehensively demonstrated over recent months, the chances of the SNP having any list MSPs elected are remote.
However, nothing is impossible, so let’s take a look at the B team, which also serves as a guide to the party’s upcoming talent taking its first steps towards the gravy bus.
This clip was broadcast on ITV News Wales this week.
It’s a staggeringly obvious mess for a whole raft of reasons – a number of completely spurious, illogical and unsupported claims are accepted as facts without any sort of challenge or balancing voice (which has been standard practice on ITV News for a while now across almost any contentious political topic) – but it led us to somewhere magnitudes of crazier still.
Big Jock on Haven’t had a dream in a long time: “The UK is a trap. They are openly admitting it. A normal government would go to the UN , as…” Sep 1, 00:52
Young Lochinvar on The Shortest Day: “SB I don’t knock hot pot, or food from the slow cooker. Tasty, and be honest now; it’s not really…” Sep 1, 00:44
Saffron Robe on The Shortest Day: “A forced marriage is, by its very nature, illegitimate, because it is entered into without the free consent of one…” Sep 1, 00:30
Young Lochinvar on The Shortest Day: “HMcH Aye Hatey, it’s being so cheery that keeps ye going isn’t it? One baleful benediction after another tonight, and…” Sep 1, 00:30
Young Lochinvar on The Shortest Day: “Chas There’s no guarantees in this life. Even sitting on your hands scared and so holding with the status quo…” Aug 31, 23:44
Aidan on The Shortest Day: “Yes, no it isn’t James. Alcohol duty is not levied on exports, so there isn’t a specific duty to accrue…” Aug 31, 23:35
Northcode on Haven’t had a dream in a long time: “The Record doesn’t even come close to making a valid point… or any point at all. This is the Record’s…” Aug 31, 23:35
Young Lochinvar on Haven’t had a dream in a long time: “100% Yup. Why not 70%, 80, 90 or any of the above over who knows how many years before we…” Aug 31, 23:23
Hatey McHateface on Haven’t had a dream in a long time: ““After years of simply stalling on the pursuit of independence, the SNP now appears to be in full headlong retreat,…” Aug 31, 23:07
Young Lochinvar on The Shortest Day: “LC Very good! However you forgot to mention the bribery, offers of position and rank and overall subterfuge with a…” Aug 31, 22:58
Hatey McHateface on Haven’t had a dream in a long time: “A disappointing but perhaps not unexpected reversion to type, Northy. The Record View makes a valid point, not that any…” Aug 31, 22:49
duncanio on Haven’t had a dream in a long time: “The Daily Record’s ‘suggestion’ is merely an effort to make British Labour relevant again in Scotland so that they can…” Aug 31, 22:46
Spartan 117 on Haven’t had a dream in a long time: “Well, quite. Lard Foolkes and his ilk would happily do away with elections permanently, makes things much easier for them…” Aug 31, 22:41
Hatey McHateface on The Shortest Day: “Naw, Spartan. Exhibit W.” Aug 31, 22:35
Hatey McHateface on The Shortest Day: “That’s the Spandau gonna be well and truly cocked now!” Aug 31, 22:33
Spartan 117 on The Shortest Day: “QED, Exhibit A.” Aug 31, 22:18
Northcode on Haven’t had a dream in a long time: “By George Foulkes, Baron Foulkes of Cumnock’s – Born in Shropshire and educated privately at The Haberdashers’ Aske’s Boys’ School…” Aug 31, 22:14
James on The Shortest Day: “So say the English Nationalists. Fuck off.” Aug 31, 21:57
James on The Shortest Day: “Ah. “…Naw it isnae….” The usual. Dan kindly provided the relevant liknk. https://wingsoverscotland.com/true-faith/ Read it, and weep, Yoon.” Aug 31, 21:54
Effijy on Haven’t had a dream in a long time: “With all financial levers controlled by Westminster these 300 years and debt spiralling up to £3 Trillion and the first…” Aug 31, 21:44
100%Yes on Haven’t had a dream in a long time: “The reality is the more and more people voice that Independence is their preferred option to the union. The more…” Aug 31, 21:40
Alf Baird on The Shortest Day: ““Maybe you could start one of the ‘democratic legitimacy’ processes yourself!” 20,000 sovereign Scots already have: https://liberation.scot/” Aug 31, 21:37
100%Yes on Haven’t had a dream in a long time: “This is all because the SNP membership has grown a back bone and got upset about not being being able…” Aug 31, 21:29
Mike Fenwick on Haven’t had a dream in a long time: “For info, my contribution in The National today. Tommy Sheppard writes in The National as to ” Why a de…” Aug 31, 21:28
Cuphook on Haven’t had a dream in a long time: “Not that we’re going to get one due to our current political emasculation, but we’d lose another referendum unless the…” Aug 31, 21:26
100%Yes on Haven’t had a dream in a long time: “The simplest solution is for Westminster to transfer the Constitutional authority to Holyrood for good and allow the Scots to…” Aug 31, 21:19
Spartan 117 on The Shortest Day: “And often with a load of abuse heaped in, along with Grrr Bloody English racism. The Siol nan Gaidheal members…” Aug 31, 21:09