Although to be scrupulously fair to General Sir Anthony Cecil Hogmany Melchett, he did at least actually launch an offensive from time to time, rather than just putting out occasional half-arsed discussion papers and press releases about it.
The party is now primarily a vehicle for processing cash and funnelling it to carefully selected and ideologically vetted activists, mostly from the fundamentalist youth wing, who are given well-paid jobs working for MPs and MSPs or parachuted into council seats in return for their unquestioning loyalty to Nicola Sturgeon.
And at this, it must be admitted, the SNP is still a highly effective operation. Which is fortunate, because without UK government money it would be bankrupt.
Above are the Electoral Commission’s donation figures for the third quarter of 2022. They note that 100% of the SNP’s reportable income for that period came from the UK government’s coffers – a trait shared with Plaid Cymru, the SDLP and the DUP.
Given that three of those four parties are nationalists committed to removing various constituent parts of the UK, one might almost be tempted to commend Westminster’s generosity. But perhaps it knows exactly what it’s doing.
Word reaches us, readers, that Nicola Sturgeon was “furious” when she joined the most recent meeting of the SNP’s Westminster group by Skype. Her rage was driven by the suggestion that the party should trigger a Holyrood election to act as a de facto independence referendum, a policy we’re reliably told is supported by a number of MPs who are too scared of being browbeaten by Sturgeon in front of their colleagues to actually speak out in favour of it.
(We won’t mention their names at this point.)
Our source mentioned to us that they seemed to remember an interview in which the First Minister had revealed a possible reason for her extreme antipathy to the idea – one for the BBC’s extensive and rather good three-part documentary “Yes/No – Inside The Indyref”, which was broadcast in August 2019 and never seen again.
It’s not available on iPlayer or YouTube, but fortunately we happened to still have the show recorded on our Sky+ box, so we went to check, and lo and behold our source’s recollection was correct. Apologies for the slightly wonky quality of this video, as we had to record it off the TV screen.
You can’t move on social media today without tripping over effusive tweets from SNP MPs and MSPs singing the praises of departed Westminster leader Ian Blackford and admiring all his achievements in the position over the last five years, although weirdly nobody has actually listed any of them.
Or possibly the other way round, we’re not sure. All we know is that we’re always surging upwards and forwards but somehow never actually getting anywhere.
If anyone knows when “this process” will have ended and we’ll get our choice – or indeed what she achieved for Scotland in the Brexit negotiations – do let us know.
It’s more than two years now since we published this article, but it’s worth quickly going over it again, because there’s nothing on Earth more tedious than boneheads on social media going “Oh, you slag off the SNP but what’s YOUR plan if you’re so clever?”, who haven’t bothered to read any of the dozen times we’ve already answered that question since 25 months ago.
This is it. This is our plan. Try listening this time, thickos.
Willie on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “And meanwhile if I may change the dial what thoughts if any on the announcement that Mr Swinney is looking…” Sep 23, 03:11
Cynicus on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “Thanks Fheargais. I was in Sleat a few days before the event but had to get home on the Monday…” Sep 23, 00:13
Fearghas MacFhionnlaigh on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “77 SUNSET STRIP – 1958 – TV Series – ABC www.youtube.com/watch?v=0QGvjXDIJ54” Sep 23, 00:07
Bilbo on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “A whole lot of comments and everybody and their dug sees that Hatey is talking mince but has too much…” Sep 22, 23:05
Hatey McHateface on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: ““forgot to iron his shirt” That’s a mystery. In the pic I saw of him boarding the plane to fly…” Sep 22, 22:31
Hatey McHateface on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “If you attach a vid of yourself singing “Imagine”, dressed in a fairtrade kaftan and recycled plastic shoes, you’re guaranteed…” Sep 22, 22:22
Hatey McHateface on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “You got it, Stu. Your site, your rules.” Sep 22, 22:08
Southernbystander on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “True but calling social security ‘welfare’ is a relatively recent US import and in the UK is often used with…” Sep 22, 21:47
Mark Beggan on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “‘piece-rate’ That may well have worked under the colonial system. For your information we both meet the Rev’s representatives in…” Sep 22, 21:23
Mark Beggan on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “The Mayor of Britain looked like a sixth former getting reprimanded by the headmaster. He looked as if he was…” Sep 22, 21:10
Spartan 117 on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “Gordoom went Scorched Earth on the UK in a fit of spiteful rage when the UK public didn’t like him,…” Sep 22, 21:05
Mark Beggan on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “Please call the SNP on 0800 633 5432 if you have any queries about your donation.” Sep 22, 21:02
Onlooker on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “An anti-Sturgeon (in a roundabout way) petition some of you might get a wry chuckle out of. Sign and pass…” Sep 22, 20:57
Spartan 117 on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “United Federation of Planets? I’d sign up for that, happily. A utopia where conflict and want among mankind is eliminated…” Sep 22, 20:56
Spartan 117 on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “I think we all know who’s havering. It’s the one who keeps spam-posting all day, every day BTL. Gie it…” Sep 22, 20:47
Hatey McHateface on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “Wheesht! If that story gets out all the SNP-supporting Scots who think likewise will make her FM.” Sep 22, 19:40
Hatey McHateface on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “Ah, c’moan noo, Alf. Gie the boy a brek. Dave’s nae ganging tae ken fit “et al” means. An try…” Sep 22, 19:38
Mark Beggan on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “Collete Stevenson thinks Braveheart was a fly on the wall documentary.” Sep 22, 18:56
Hatey McHateface on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “Man! The power of social media. For the very first time ever, I post “super sized turdberg of excrement” and…” Sep 22, 18:50
Alf Baird on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “Hatey et al are clearly on a ‘piece-rate’, Dave.” Sep 22, 18:47
Hatey McHateface on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “As you were, folks. US-UK bromance is back on: https://www.theguardian.com/politics/live/2026/sep/22/andy-burnham-donald-trump-un-general-assembly-uk-politics-latest-news” Sep 22, 18:43
Hatey McHateface on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “You’re obviously unaware of my tech savviness, Bob. When I hit “Submit Comment” in reply to one of your posts,…” Sep 22, 18:41
robertkknight on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “20-25% is the norm. Simply can’t help themselves. A BTL whack-a-mole Ninja with nothing of value to add to the…” Sep 22, 18:26
Hatey McHateface on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “As it happens, Spartan, I’m on the DM Online site most days (well of course I am). I’m moderately, no,…” Sep 22, 18:15
Northcode on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “I think we’re talking about two different things. Submitting documents, speaking at side-events, or having NGOs raise issues at the…” Sep 22, 16:10
Aidan on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “Scotland has not been “recognised” in any meaningful way. Documents have been sent in, but the UN receives a whole…” Sep 22, 15:58
sam on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “Scotland has been recognised within the UN framework regarding her claim as NSGT. Documents have been submitted to the UN,…” Sep 22, 15:35
Fearghas MacFhionnlaigh on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “Short presentation by SARA SALYERS 6 days ago, on behalf of SALVO / LIBERATION SCOTLAND. www.youtube.com/watch?v=piEfPOlpI9k” Sep 22, 14:54