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Situation Vacant

Posted on December 09, 2022 by

This is real. Sounds right up our street, frankly.

We’ve got some pretty exciting ideas.

(The position evidently doesn’t pay enough to be able to afford putting the heating on, but luckily the SNP have some handy advice for struggling by on just £85,000 a year plus expenses so we should be okay.)

We think we’ve made a strong pitch. Judge for yourselves.

Fingers crossed, gang!

.

[EDIT 1.29pm: Oh man, this is going to be money for old rope.]

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131 to “Situation Vacant”

  1. Anonymoose says:

    £68,000 – £80,000 for writing speeches? Fair pay?!!

    I’d say anyone getting that level of renumeration, paid for by the tax payer, for writing speeches ought to be getting paid the median Scottish salary of £26.007* and not a salary far larger than than even an MSP on their basic salary of £66,662**.

    We have homeless and working-poor people in Scotland lining up every night in the streets of Glasgow for a hot meal at soup kitchens, we have single people and OAP’s who cant afford to heat and eat, and now we’ve got some MP who claims her own energy bills on expenses and is taking the piss out of the electorate – many of who wont see it through this winter.

    They really do live on a completely different fucking planet.

    * https://digitalpublications.parliament.scot/ResearchBriefings/Report/2022/3/9/ce765259-d82e-4db7-8ecf-802683f7e56b
    ** https://www.parliament.scot/msps/msp-salaries

  2. Desimond says:

    What’s Gaelic for VEEP?

    Its getting more and more like that comedy show every day!

  3. Curious says:

    Why is that fucking halfwit playing at being poor? Does it think that sitting in its robe covering its purple hair and lobotomy scars with a hood will make us feel that it is like we are? It’s a FUCKING INSULT. There are people everywhere in this country right now, including me, sitting in a single room under the covers because we cannot fucking afford to put the heating on, because this mentally unbalanced clown and her rainbow-wanking cohort scum have done FUCK ALL to get us independence for YEARS. We are an energy-rich nation who are covers-cowering in fucking hypothermia whilst dumb cunts roleplay being poor and cold! That photay is one of the biggest fucking insults to this country that I have ever seen. Pity we couldn’t just fire her and the rest of the braindead SNP and start again. What a total fucking car crash from top to bottom, start to (never) finish.

  4. Gordon Currie says:

    How on earth can that be a full-time job!

  5. John Main says:

    Go for it Rev Stu!

    There’s a copy of the collected speeches of NS been sitting in one of my local charity shops for best part of a year. I was going to get it for my sister’s Xmas if she misbehaved, but naw, she’s been good this year, so it’s safe.

    If you run out of inspiration, crib from that. Nobody is going to notice.

  6. Scotsrenewables says:

    You are the perfect man for the job. Looking forward to reading the transcriot of the interview.

  7. Rookiescot says:

    I am going to fill out the application saying I am a non gender specific unicorn with no English language skills but I suffer from excessive gas and have previous convictions for hanging around toilets exposing myself.

    I will wager I will get an interview before you do.

  8. John Main says:

    I wonder if the job interview is subject to the “New Scots” bias I found the last time I applied for a ScotGov job.

    I was just a little scunnered to find that if you claimed to be a “New Scot”, you were automatically short-listed for interview.

    I didn’t get called for interview.

  9. Calum says:

    It’s in the bag, I’m sure of it.

    Your phone will ring sometime soon. Wait and see, anytime now…

  10. Andy Ellis says:

    @Desimond

    The Gaelic for president is cheann-suidhe. According to Google translate Vice President would be iar-cheann-suidhe, but you might want an actual Gael to verify Google translate!

    Fittingly I think the sense of Cheann-suidhe in the Gaelic (if my limited Duolingo Scots Gaelic serves!) is “big seat”, which seems as good a description as any of the kind of SNP sinecures who have sat on their arses doing SFA for the past 8 years.

    Se do bheatha / toilichte do chuideachadh! 🙂

  11. 100%Yes says:

    It take a lot to be talking bull for the last eight years and get away with it, so £79,000 is on the cheap side.

  12. Johnny says:

    Couple of questions there with the disclaimer only to answer if you are over 16.

    Can you even apply if you are not yet of that age?

    What’s that all about? By implication, you can be under 16 and answer the rest, i.e. apply.

    Who writes these things?

  13. crisiscult says:

    I transitioned from Metal to Goth in the early 90s so not sure if that was a similar journey to you, or if you transitioned out of Goth. I’d say I’m Xetal these days however. I’ll show you mine if you’ll show me yours.

  14. Stoker says:

    Rev, with that application i’d employ you in a heartbeat. A hefty dose of realism in a super ultra fake world.
    __________

    John Main says on 9 December, 2022 at 12:48 pm: “I wonder if the job interview is subject to the “New Scots” bias I found the last time I applied for a ScotGov job. I was just a little scunnered to find that if you claimed to be a “New Scot”, you were automatically short-listed for interview. I didn’t get called for interview.”

    Nah, John! I’m reliably informed you never got to the interview stage because when you were asked to state your name you shouted:

    ((((( SHOW ME THE FUCKIN’ MONEY! ))))) 😉

  15. scozzie says:

    Me thinks you don’t fit the woke profile.
    But just for a laugh we should all apply, flood it with loads of woke applications. See how many of us get an interview.
    My bingo top 3 attributes will be – non-binary, climate change activist, vegan…oh and like writing speeches.

  16. Rev. Stuart Campbell says:

    “£68,000 – £80,000 for writing speeches? Fair pay?!!”

    How many SPEECHES does she actually give? One or two a week? Nice work if you can get it.

  17. Dave Hansell says:

    The only weak point in the application is the response to the early question concerning trans identity.

    [Bear with me here]

    The problem with the binary/non-binary dichotomy is that it is just soooooooo binary.

    You would increase your chances of landing this post by coming out, like myself*, as Hexadecimal – which is surely the future of self-id. Listing your Pronouns as: nybble (Monday-Wednesday); octact (Thursday & Friday); and tetrade (Weekends and Bank holidays).

    * https://gettr.com/user/davehansell

    Lets hope this will not too adversely affect your chances.

  18. Rev. Stuart Campbell says:

    “I transitioned from Metal to Goth in the early 90s”

    I think that makes you a Moth.

  19. Rev. Stuart Campbell says:

    “Me thinks you don’t fit the woke profile.”

    Hey, I’ve ticked a lot of diversity boxes, got to be good for an interview at least.

  20. Vivian O’Blivion says:

    It isnae £70k to £80k for some rando aff the street. The position is earmarked for a specific, preordained individual. The “selection process” is farce intended to disguise the diversion of yet mair public funds into the already well remunerated pockets of the undeserving clique around party HQ. Just as the wife of a certain party high-heid-yin (who we cannie name for legal reasons) has open access to the budget of Creative Scotland for entirely inexplicable reasons.

  21. David Hannah says:

    The Scottish Government are corrupt to the core.

    Robin MaCalpine put it perfectly in on of his blog posts, that stuck in my mind.

    Sturgeon’s been successful in turning the Scottish Government into a get rich quick scheme, that has been successful in bribing a professional management class into silence and complicity. Along those lines.

    Pay rise for the public sector nurses – where I work. Bring Nicola down, how dare she give us a pay cut. She can ram it.

  22. Vanessa McC says:

    * chortles furtively in womanish *

  23. A bloke called Gerald says:

    What an absolutely wierd/naff job application form that is… “Trans/ Trans History” “Sexual Orientation” “Health Conditions” “Illnesses.” WTF’s going on with these people

  24. PhilM says:

    I have it on good authority that the person responsible for the phrase ‘Chief Mammie” was recently taken all the way to the utter desolation of Stracathro Services and shot.
    Hence the job vacancy.

  25. Neil in Glasgow says:

    What a bloody chancer you are.

    Part-time pffft.

    What’s the pension like though? A couple of real chancers in need of a top up in the last couple of days, or so I heard.

  26. auld highlander says:

    That’s a hefty salary for a mere speech writer.

    Has some crony been hand picked and promised the job already??

  27. Breeks says:

    Nicola, you don’t need a speechwriter.

    Just look at yourself in the mirror, take a deep breath, and say, “I resign”, then write it down before you forget. Job done. The most vital and important Speech of your career, written.

    Then you can smile, because you’ve saved the Nation £79,000.00

    And we can smile, because you’ve saved the Nation,… from you.

  28. Neil Mackenzie says:

    [EDIT 1.29pm: Oh man, this is going to be money for old rope.]

    It certainly looks like it HAS been.

  29. Rev. Stuart Campbell says:

    “What an absolutely wierd/naff job application form that is… “Trans/ Trans History” “

    I’m pretty sure that the idea of a “trans history” is transphobic. After all, isn’t the line that trans people have ALWAYS been the thing they say they are now? It therefore follows that there can’t possibly be any “history”.

  30. Rev. Stuart Campbell says:

    “What a bloody chancer you are.

    Part-time pffft.”

    I just thought that was more diverse 😀

  31. stuart mctavish says:

    Lol, brilliant!

    Either

    FM/ truth starts getting fierce by next Spring
    or
    $1/2 million* compensation for discrimination/ nepotism incoming

    *possibly £Trillions in event the truth vector (as Musk oddly described it recently) continues its perverted course..
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jo4cw-kLeZ0

  32. Republicofscotland says:

    Who the f*ck does Blackman think she’s kidding with that utterly obvious staged photo, as if her and hers need to worry about heating the house.

    Meanwhile another useless troughing SNP MP has moved to the back benches in the HoC this time its Chris Law, Law ran about my hometown (Glasgow) in a Green Goddess fire engine around the time of the 2014 indyref, he had promise then, now he’s just part of the problem another troughing careerist SNP MP.

  33. X_Sticks says:

    Isn’t Blair McDougall touting for work just now. Someone should maybe let him know. He’d fit right in.

  34. Neil Mackenzie says:

    It doesn’t say who the First Minister is… or will be by the time they’re filling the job. Is there more to this?

  35. George says:

    Job’s yours, when can you start?
    Given how few speeches she makes, this will be a part time post. Hope part time hours suit.
    Sorry you’ve missed this year’s Christmas night out but look forward to your company next year.

  36. Cringe says:

    I wonder if Liz Lloyd’s new job was advertised?

  37. David says:

    Superstright and an exceptional compulsion for the truth?

    That won’t even get past the filters. 🙂

  38. dramfineday says:

    If you are needing any references or supportive commentary, I’m your man.

    For example: Stuart has an ability, from a (then)small audience base, to inspire great dedication in those that read his columns.

    During one of the early walks down the Royal Mile with Nicola and Alex, at a time when Stuart’s audience was a fraction of the size it is now, Stuart appeared at the Albannach Pub in the Royal Mile with the aim of meeting his audience. I, thinking that I had nothing better to do than turn up and shake his hand, was absolutely stunned that I couldn’t even get in the pub door. Consequently no handshake and worse still, no gold wings badge (still greetin about that to this day). If Stuart was to try a “meet the audience” now, I cant think of a pub in Edinburgh that could cope.

    So employ this man Nicola and he’ll soon generate a huge support base for you, a base that will cheer to the rafters when they wave you off to the UN. [Edit: was I supposed to mention the UN or not?]

  39. James Che says:

    If you were to take the Claim of Right seriously, the right to choose a new government for Scotland.

    The SNP would be gone, just like that,
    so would the gender issue along with climate change,
    Rewilding the world, would be another dead ideology that would save the people of Scotland and the original wildlife we had a few years ago,

    Farmers could provide food for Scotland.
    Our fishermen could provide seafood for Scotland.
    And our oil would provide our heating energy and industries,

    We could avoid being limited it our freedom of speech,
    Avoid unnecessary lockdown zones under climate change, akin to what is trialed in Oxford.

    Meanwhile we nibble around the edges at minor snp issues, not changing the source of our governance for the benefit of the people of Scotland by ridding ourselves of a whole Scottish westminster legislated government in Scotland.
    Playing with the Frillies such as the SNP is not enough to to save Scotland alone from a slow declining death of its people under siege of bad policies that are being implimented in every country,

    It is the governance that is the problem, the governance of Scotland that allows ideological idiots to into its system of government by funding that government from elsewhere.

    Quite deliriously happy never to hear of the snp ever again, but the present system allows for regime change of Scotland,
    and WE do not control that system of funding or the Laws of our own government.

    Changing the contents , the Snp , still leaves us with with the same long term problem , packet label on the box, it not ours, its no longer a scottish system of choice.

  40. Willie says:

    It’s not just the salary of £79,000. It the cost of the gold plated pension, the essential car users allowance, the generous holidays with full pay, the extensive sick pay if one is sick – six months full pay then six months half pay
    . All adds up to a pretty package.

    And that is why the whole SNP government thing is a money making wheeze for the political clique and their chums.

    Oh and keep the big business elite sweet and there’s a benefit ot two.

    Anyway Stu, even if you got the job, somehow I don’t think the slot of a mini Goebels would suit you.

    The thought of you in a leather coat, double breastfed, horn rimmed glasses, and standing next to the Gauleiter is not you.

  41. robertkknight says:

    Perhaps someone should give Stephen King a call. As a veteran writer of horror fiction, he’s well qualified.

  42. Robert Hughes says:

    Deer Nikla

    I think I shud get the job coz i suffer from FUCK OFF 2rettes sindrum n hav a diss abilty , I can diss at a grate distence , ask my mate Peat . I think I mite be trans as well , coz once I was a wee boy and now im a big boy ( 48 , i think ) and can cross the road by mi self . I think yoor reely great Nikla , can I have the job pleeze , it wood make my mum very happy .

  43. Robert Louis says:

    Couldn’t that epic failed Prime Minister Gordon Brown take this on? Maybe he would pace around too much, and just write nonsense* What’s all that pacing back and fro about anyway? Is it to make him appear thoughtful??

    *see his recent output

  44. Robert Louis says:

    Oh, forgot to say, I would die laughing if they actually pulled Rev’s chain and gave him an interview. ‘our man on the inside’. Does seem like awfully generous pay- I would apply myself, but would get stuck at the ‘trans’ bollocks (oo-er!) question.

  45. Would you take it, if offered?

  46. David Ferguson says:

    “Do you have any questions from your side Mr Ferguson?”

    “Yes. Just so I’m clear. Basically, I have to write a speech every year about how there’s going to be a referendum next year. Is that right?”

    “That’s exactly right.”

    “Great. Thanks. No more questions.”

  47. I should add, I think you would be great at it.

  48. Colin M says:

    Isn’t it transphobic to ask if someone is trans? Or is it safe to ask if they have a trans history?

  49. Robert McAllan says:

    Gordon Currie@12.17;”How on earth can that be a full time JOB”?

    Sturgeon talks pure shite aw the time every time, THAT’S HOW!!

  50. Geoff Anderson says:

    You know that She is going to use that speech! It is perfect!

  51. Geoff Anderson says:

    Someone mentioned that Blair McDougall was available. He would be perfect. He doesn’t want Independence either.

  52. Jim Bo says:

    Lovely touch using Open AI Stu. Damn addictive so it is and an easy money maker for you in your new role as FM speech writer.

  53. John Main says:

    @ Willie says:9 December, 2022 at 2:24 pm

    “The thought of you in a leather coat, double breastfed

    Assuming that’s a typo.

    Then again, happy to admit my ignorance of all things transywoky.

  54. Aulbea1 says:

    All things being equal – that job should be yours.

  55. Vivian O’Blivion says:

    Well, MI5 can launder a further £65.4k through to Kezia Dugdale on the entirety spurious grounds that she’s now a Professor (now, don’t laugh). A job that she’s neither qualified or experienced for. Quite why MI5 would think Dugdale suitable for a performance bonus is beyond me, but with a budget of £3 billion in financial year 2017 – 18 (last year available) they won’t be counting the pennies.
    Who do we know that’s fallen on hard times of late? Who lost their sinecures fae Glesga Cooncil? Oh jeez, not Mhairi Hunter! Oh double jeez, not Rhiannon Spear!

  56. David Hannah says:

    The Nicola Sturgeon trade Union negotiation strategy.

    She can go and fuck h*rself.

    The SNP, Scottish Government self preservation society.

    Mocking the poor. They are laughing at us.

    Stand firm. Solidarity with the workers.

  57. Frank Black says:

    dont think i seen that doon the joab center.

  58. gregor says:

    FOI Release: Scottish Government: Press officers and special advisors: Published 17 November 2022:

    “Information requested:

    …3. How many special advisers does Nicola Sturgeon have? How many does each minister have? How much are they paid/what are their salary bands?

    4. How many special advisers did Nicola Sturgeon have in 2018, 2019, 2020, 2021?

    5. How much is spent on both press officers and special advisers each year from 2018, 2019, 2020, 2021 and 2022? Breakdown of both categories…

    Response:

    …Number of SpAds as at 31st December:

    2018/19: 14: £1,049,536
    2019/20: 14: £1,305,923
    2020/21: 14: £1,658,757
    2021/22: 17: £1,605,621…”:

    gov.scot/publications/foi-202200325260/

  59. Calum says:

    So, if you get the job what happens to Wings? Write it in your evenings?

  60. Calum says:

    Just spotted a minor flaw:

    “Location
    Edinburgh, Scotland, EH1 3DG”

    Surely in the name of diversity they’ll let you work remotely though?

  61. Calum says:

    Ah, yes:

    “Location
    This post is based in Edinburgh, with hybrid working in line with current Scottish Government policies.”

  62. Sean says:

    Nice wee bit of satire ta.

  63. Flower of Scotland says:

    I wonder how the SNP are coping with this edition of Wings??

    This made my day!

  64. PacMan says:

    Robert McAllan says: 9 December, 2022 at 3:01 pm

    Gordon Currie@12.17;”How on earth can that be a full time JOB”?

    Sturgeon talks pure shite aw the time every time, THAT’S HOW!!

    The role also includes advising Sturgeon what not to say. The recurring one is that she is not allowed to say ‘am gonnae malky ye wi an iron’ to anybody who disagrees with her.

  65. Ottomanboi says:

    Lie about everything and never ever give authentic date of birth. On that info they, those Globalists, will def hang you and quarter you.
    After all, *they* lie to you, so be inventive brothers and sisters.
    What’s sign for *go shaft yourself*
    ??

  66. John says:

    All the best for the new job, would be shocked if you didn’t get an interview let alone the job, who are you using for a reference, sure Alex would help out.
    Please keep everyone updated.

  67. Caledonia says:

    Alex Salmond should apply just to see what credentials he does not have.

  68. Shug says:

    Having a disability you should be guaranteed an interview

  69. scottiedog says:

    First speech to write is her resignation speech..

  70. Astonished says:

    Brilliant stuff – Might have a go myself.

    We are laughing at her, now. Dictators know they are finished as soon as that happens.

    “When a silver aeroplane flies over, it’s American. When there’s a green ‘plane, it’s British. When there are no aircraft, that’s the Luftwaffe.”.

    Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn joke (from memory) : A new conscript arrived and when the guard was asked why said he’d shouted “Arrest Stalin”.

    The prisoners all congratulated the new arrival and asked why had he done it – Food? Arrests? Shoes?

    The new prisoner looked surprised and replied ” No, I shouted “Arrest Stalin” because I’m the Czar!”.

    Regarding Sturgeon, someone said on twitter the job advert should say ‘needs an ability to sell carrots – repeatedly”.

    I hope she goes quickly because this nightmare has got to end.

  71. Willie says:

    talking about speech writers, they’ve certainly been out in force across the entire MSM putting the absolute boot into Price Harry and Meghan.

    The Sun, the Scottish Sun no less, had eight full pages, attacking the couple from every angle possible. And the rest of the press is the same. Even a government ministers are issuing statements decrying them as utterly irrelevant and calling for them to be stripped of all titles, decorations, honorarium.

    Clearly the adulterer King and his bidey in Camilla are not amused and the state is moving into absolute war mode against them. And you wonder why there are rumours that Princess Diana was murdered.

    Even the old Queen has been dragooned up. Her name, her legacy it seems, is besmirched now by the scum bag prince, whose father is very probably not King Charles. It’s utterly unbelievable. The establishment is out to kill.

    But you know what ordinary folks know the score. Just look at what Prince Harry was saddled with.

    Grandfather Phillip who knew a piccaninny or two and was not adverse to a bit of the rumpy pumpy on side. And old grand auntie Margaret, his grans sister soaked in gin and fags and who like nothing better than a shag from young men on Mystique, his father, although maybe not his genetic father who shaggged about on the side cheating on his mother, his uncle air miles Andy who it seems was more than fond of using underage girls for sex,
    and a mother who was potentially murdered. And against this Harry goes on to marry an American half breed wher he big concern was how dark his children would be.

    Racist, fascist does describe this scum bag Royal Family and today’s MSM outpouring of hate against Harry and Meghan reinforces it.

    But you know what, people here know the truth and more importantly there’s a whole America and wider world watching tampax King Charles destroy his kingdom.

  72. Lollysmum says:

    Thanks for this Stuart. You’ve made my day.

    I’ve not stopped laughing since I read it. Trying to picture you in an interview with the whole panel’s chins heading floorwards at some of your answers.

    Oh to be a fly on that wall 🙂

  73. And Spouse says:

    Stu, I could be wrong but I think you’ve had a really nice day!

  74. Rev. Stuart Campbell says:

    “So, if you get the job what happens to Wings? Write it in your evenings?”

    Going by the state of Sturgeon’s current speeches, I’ll have at least 23 hours a day free.

  75. Linda McFarlane says:

    Wear a frock and dye your beard blue – cracked it.

  76. Cenchos says:

    If national identity is a feeling, then is dancing on the ceiling a nationality?

  77. Republicofscotland says:

    The Westminster government might try to block Sturgeon the betrayers precious GRR reforms. Sturgeon’s fanzine the National claims there’s fury over it, I see no fury, more like elation.

    https://12ft.io/proxy?q=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.thenational.scot%2Fnews%2F23182356.fury-reports-uk-government-ignore-scottish-gra-reforms%2F

    Meanwhile the House Jock foot soldiers of the foreign country holding Scotland prisoner in this union the O/O, have..well read for yourselves.

    “The Orange Order has launched its own blend of coffee, made from beans originating in the 17th century Dutch coffee houses where King William’s Glorious Revolution was planned.”

  78. Ruby says:

    Rev. Stuart Campbell says:
    9 December, 2022 at 6:04 pm

    “So, if you get the job what happens to Wings? Write it in your evenings?”

    Going by the state of Sturgeon’s current speeches, I’ll have at least 23 hours a day free.

    I wouldn’t be too sure about that. Judging by all the questions about your sex life there may be some extra curricular activities involved.

  79. Shug says:

    You have to remember Nicolas brief is to break the SNP carefully so that it looks like their own fault and is not caused by nasty westminster

  80. Republicofscotland says:

    I think Sturgeon the betrayer is a bit of a misandrist, I don’t see a guy getting the job, I’m sure I read somewhere that Sturgeon will be glad to see the day that she doesn’t have to shake any man’s hand.

  81. Tinto Chiel says:

    Astonished 5.39: “We are laughing at her, now. Dictators know they are finished as soon as that happens.”

    What would be the Scottish equivalent of Ceausescu’s Timisoara Moment? The Broughty Ferry Moment? Crianlarich? Auchentibber?

    Hey, Stu, honestly: if you could just get a loan of Eddie Izzard’s dress, buy a pair of court shoes and put some fuchsia lippy on, your dream could come true 🙂 .

    Telling it like it is…..

  82. Joe says:

    Vivian O’Blivion says:9 December, 2022 at 1:17 pm
    It isnae £70k to £80k for some rando aff the street. The position is earmarked for a specific, preordained individual. The “selection process” is farce intended to disguise the diversion of yet mair public funds into the already well remunerated pockets of the undeserving clique around party HQ. Just as the wife of a certain party high-heid-yin (who we cannie name for legal reasons) has open access to the budget of Creative Scotland for entirely inexplicable reasons.”
    ——————————————————–
    You are without doubt correct that the winning candidate has already been decided but these Jobs have to be legally advertised .. so its just the process of installing another one of the SNP family Clique to a large chunk of Taxpayers money. The one thing who isn’t likely to get the job though is Her Dim sister who is currently endlessly shamelessly deceiving people on Social Media in order to try to sell “Beauty ” and weight loss products. If anyone wants ideas on how they could possible break the Trades Description Act just take a look at Her FB account.

  83. FionaN says:

    Ruby “Judging by all the questions about your sex life there may be some extra curricular activities involved.”

    I had to laugh out loud at this one – Ruby, your input has improved dramatically since Stu got back in the saddle.

    Stu, you would walk this job – but I wonder, given the astronomical salary for a writer, might this job not be for Turdgeon when she is finally demoted out of Holyrood and Scottish politics to the US lecture circuit? Might be more work than anticipated.

  84. Black Joan says:

    Anyone betting on the begging dug being lined up for this?

  85. Joe says:

    auld highlander says:
    9 December, 2022 at 1:50 pm
    That’s a hefty salary for a mere speech writer.
    Has some crony been hand picked and promised the job already??
    ——————————
    You needed to ask ? I wonder what odd’s Ladbrokes would give on this job still being actually available ?

    The salary needs to be high, after all they are looking for someone with the storytelling capability of Hans Christian Andersen crossed with Walter Mitty’s ability to blatantly lie.

  86. John Main says:

    @Willie 5:51

    I get the felling you don’t like the royals – something about your tirade of unsubstantiated, dog-whistle goss & innuendo.

    Here’s the thing Willie. Not only does your list of alleged wrong-doings sound like quite a few “normal” families I know, but I can’t even fathom what your list of alleged wrong-doings has to do with Indy.

    All right if I refer to you as “Holy Willie” from now on? Strikes me that Scotland’s national bard had you down to a tee, centuries before you were born.

  87. Ross says:

    An appalling salary scale.

    SNP used to be for the working class.

    Gravy train.

  88. Derek says:

    Not sure that I ever moved fully away from rock and metal.

    I spent quite a while drumming for C’n’W bands (it pays well) and discovered a lot of punk, goth, powerpop*, surf, garage and whatever world the Cramps inhabited.

    *It’s tempting to include the Ramones in this…

  89. Confused.com says:

    I can just imagine it if you get the job – cat/pigeons…!! Fingers crossed.

  90. Frank Black says:

    the snp have never been for the working class. they didn’t call them the tartan tories for fuck all.

  91. Brian Doonthetoon says:

    Hi Derek.

    You have bypassed The Tubes…

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y8e0i_jwhK4

  92. Colin Alexander says:

    I could write Sturgeon’s speeches:

    Main points of speech:

    Waffle

    Indy Carrot

    Delay

    Indy Carrot

    Waffle

    Must kick can down road

    Conclusion:

    We are only colonial subjects

    Scot Parliament, Scot Govt and Scots MPs – colonial administrators

    So must do what the imperial masters say and wait for the time when the English Empire no longer wants to rule Scotland.

  93. Geoff Anderson says:

    University staff union leaders have been accused of attacking freedom of speech after they took steps to block a screening of a feminist documentary they described as “transphobic”.
    https://archive.ph/OfEy9

  94. Iain More says:

    So who wants to stick his or her non lubricated hand up Sturgeons arse and perform some ventriloquism? Gottle of geer Indy anybody?

  95. Shug says:

    I was at a salvo meeting and an interesting point was raised.
    King Charles in his accession oath swore to uphold the claim of right. However on a daily basis Westminster MPs do all they can to undermine Charles and his oath, as indeed did the supreme court
    How can parliamentarians and the courts undermine the new king like this

  96. PhilM says:

    I wish the sorely missed Leslie Evans would apply. Her “we may have lost the battle but we will win the war” is right up there with Churchill for me. Similarly Peter Murrell’s “it was a good time to be pressurising the police” is probably as close as we will ever get in Scotland to Dr King’s “I have a dream” speech.
    These are golden times for such glowing examples of Attic rhetoric, even if they were sadly hidden away on Instagram. We would be right to throw ferryloads of public money at those who can conjure up such oratorical spells.
    Come back to Scotland Stu, to Edinburgh, to this Athens of the North, we need Moorov people like you returning for the coming Big Pish.
    Fucking autocorrect, you lot know what I mean…

  97. Charles Findlay says:

    Athens of the North? More like the Inverness of the South, as John Craxton once said.

  98. PhilM says:

    I read Braxton said that whilst painting a mural at Stirling University.
    Stirling which happens to be Scotland’s Chicago. Those in the know won’t need that explaining…

  99. Breeks says:

    Why in the name of god does a job application need to pry into your sex life?

    Can you imagine going for a job as a bricklayer or a lorry driver and the prospective employer starts prying into your sex life? None of your fkg business mate.

    And looking at it reverse, as an employer, my toes start to curl merely at the thought of inquiring into someone’s sexual proclivities. It simply feels like an entirely inappropriate thing to be asking, I’ve employed various women in the past, and I’d have been beetroot with embarrassment prying into their preferences. Some of them were married women for goodness sake. What they get up to between the sheets is none of my business.

    Why, when your job is a speech writer, does the employer have the cheek to ask about sexual orientation? I mean once upon a time, you’d be asked about your hobbies, and whether you played sports or volunteered for things, That’s fair enough. Tells you a lot about a person.

    When does a job application cross the line and stray into grooming territory?

    And then, there’s that wee alarm bell again… Wasn’t the SNP’accursed of running a sex survey of school pupils which was also an invasion of privacy and borderline grooming?

    Who is pushing this?

  100. Ian Brotherhood says:

    @Breeks (6.25) –

    It’s all a bit dodgy.

    Oh, for the days when they just asked which school you went to.

    🙁

  101. Ruby says:

    Geoff Anderson says:
    9 December, 2022 at 10:03 pm

    University staff union leaders have been accused of attacking freedom of speech after they took steps to block a screening of a feminist documentary they described as “transphobic”.
    https://archive.ph/OfEy9

    Monica Lennon good little party member!

    No doubt she’s another ‘feminist’

  102. Cath says:

    Judging by the last SNP conference the job’s a piece of piss. You just copy and paste whatever Alex Salmond said in 2014 and sprinkle in a dollop of what Eva Comrie said last Sunday. Then add a bit if vitriol against Alex and Alba for good measure. Job done.

  103. Dorothy Devine says:

    Rev, I really enjoyed this and the comments.

    A great chortle was had!

  104. Robert Hughes says:

    Breeks says:
    10 December, 2022 at 6:25 am

    ” Why in the name of god does a job application need to pry into your sex life? ”

    I’m sure you know the answer/s to that , Breeks .

    One is the pathological obsession with sex , sex-as-Identity , sexual preference as THE most important aspect of * personality * that pervades the entirety of Western * Culture * and this SNP * Culture * to the point of insanity .

    Look at the calibre of many of the current SNP MPs & MSPs ; are they in the positions they are because of their outstanding intellect , life-experience or – god forbid – unrelenting commitment to Independence ? You def know the answer to that .

    Another purpose of the voyeuristic job application questions is to ensure the applicant is already a Cult member or is sufficiently biddable to become one .

    Can’t have any of those un-progressive types disrupting the Gravy Gondola with independent thought and that tiresome habit of pointing-out naked emperors/empresses when they see them

  105. Viscount Ennui says:

    To put things into perspective:

    Epidemiology of gender dysphoria and transgender identity
    Kenneth J Zucker

    PMID: 28838353 DOI: 10.1071/SH17067

    Abstract

    This review provides an update on the epidemiology of gender dysphoria and transgender identity in children, adolescents and adults. Although the prevalence of gender dysphoria, as it is operationalised in the fifth edtion of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), remains a relatively ‘rare’ or ‘uncommon’ diagnosis, there is evidence that it has increased in the past couple of decades, perhaps reflected in the large increase in referral rates to specialised gender identity clinics. In childhood, the sex ratio continues to favour birth-assigned males, but in adolescents, there has been a recent inversion in the sex ratio from one favouring birth-assigned males to one favouring birth-assigned females. In both adolescents and adults, patterns of sexual orientation vary as a function of birth-assigned sex. Recent studies suggest that the prevalence of a self-reported transgender identity in children, adolescents and adults ranges from 0.5 to 1.3%, markedly higher than prevalence rates based on clinic-referred samples of adults. The stability of a self-reported transgender identity or a gender identity that departs from the traditional male-female binary among non-clinic-based populations remains unknown and requires further study.

  106. Karen says:

    Orange Order coffee – cold, white, bitter, extremely full-bodied, but tasteless.

  107. Andy (not Wightman) says:

    You’re wasting your time Stu. The post is already lined up for Pension Pete. But save your application form. The top job at Bute House may soon become vacant….. Hopefully!

  108. Ian Brotherhood says:

    Makes you wonder if she’s ever written a speech that’s straight from the heart and if so, how long ago?

    Is there *anything* about NS that’s genuine?

  109. stuart mctavish says:

    @Karen

    Also great character, colourful in good way & packing heck of a punch when fortified with Jamaican and Havana Gold

  110. Ruby says:

    Ian Brotherhood says:
    10 December, 2022 at 9:09 am

    Makes you wonder if she’s ever written a speech that’s straight from the heart and if so, how long ago?

    Is there *anything* about NS that’s genuine?

    That’s what I was thinking. Is she just a actress with a script a Tribly with her Svengali?

    The question is who is this Svengali who is controlling the minds of all the ‘feminist’ Trilbys?

    Oh! Oh!

    Nearly mentioned ‘Ra Ra you know who, lover of the Russian Queen’
    that would have ‘triggered the ‘mad auto moderation bot oppressor’
    No! No! No! nobody wants to trigger the MAMBO.

    Have you been Mamboed lately?

  111. Dave Llewellyn says:

    Rookie Scot
    Forget Speech Writer you will be a shoe in for diversity Minister

  112. Breeks says:

    Ruby says:
    10 December, 2022 at 10:12 am
    Ian Brotherhood says:
    10 December, 2022 at 9:09 am

    Makes you wonder if she’s ever written a speech that’s straight from the heart and if so, how long ago?

    Is there *anything* about NS that’s genuine?

    That’s what I was thinking. Is she just a actress with a script a Tribly with her Svengali?

    Funny, I was thinking along the same lines. If she’s only speaking the lines of a speechwriter, why don’t we cut out the middleman and vote for the speechwriter?

  113. Alan Swanson says:

    If only Hans Christian Andersen was still with us.
    Maybe one of his great great grandchildren is available.

  114. Iain mhor says:

    The sad thing is, reading this I thought it was all your own satirical pseudo-application form, starting with the ‘Diversity’ pre-amble’

    Then I thought, no, it looks like it could be the actual multi-choice application…
    (*also ‘Showperson’ shurely?)

    Then, by the outro, I just didn’t know again.

    It’s true, satire is dead.

  115. Derek says:

    “Brian Doonthetoon says:
    9 December, 2022 at 9:49 pm

    You have bypassed The Tubes…”

    I had, but I couldn’t mention everybody! That looks like Beki off of/out of Vice Squad.

  116. Mario says:

    ChatGPT really does make it a part time position. Maybe as much as 5 minutes per week.

    My fellow Scots,

    As many of you are aware, the issue of Scottish independence continues to be a highly debated and contentious topic. While some believe that we are better off as part of the United Kingdom, others believe that it is time for Scotland to take control of our own future and become an independent nation once again.

    I want to assure you that, as your First Minister, I am listening to all of your views on this important matter. I have heard your concerns, your hopes, and your dreams for the future of our country. And I can assure you that I am considering all options, including the possibility of a second independence referendum.

    But let me be clear: any decision on a second independence referendum would not be made lightly. It would only be pursued if it is in the best interests of the people of Scotland and if there is a clear and decisive mandate from the Scottish people for such a vote.

    In the meantime, I will continue to work tirelessly to secure the best possible deal for Scotland within the United Kingdom. We will continue to stand up for our values and protect our interests in the face of the challenges posed by Brexit and other global events.

    But rest assured, my fellow Scots, that I will never stop fighting for the rights and interests of our nation. And I will continue to consult with you, the people of Scotland, as we navigate the path ahead.

    Thank you

  117. Rev. Stuart Campbell says:

    “Then, by the outro, I just didn’t know again.”

    It’s 100% real. I have genuinely applied for the job.

  118. John Main says:

    @Mario 12:18

    TBH, not sure if you are taking the piss.

    Cos here’s the thing. I thought your “speech” was quite reasonable for a politician trying to work with a nation that is deeply divided on a number of issues (not that these divisions get much coverage on this site).

    And for the record, I personally favour the calling of a HR plebiscitary election, followed by a time-limited constitutional convention at which the future iScotland’s fundamentals are thrashed out, topped off with a “go for it” referendum, Yea or Nay, 50% + 1 wins.

    But, if I were in NS’s shoes, with Indy support “surging” to 56%, I would probably be hesitant about risking all on one roll of the dice right now. So yes, I would probably want to wait until support had surged a bit higher, for a longer time period.

    Of course, immediately taking the bold, unilateral action outlined above might well cause a tsunami of pro-Indy support as we apathetic Scots become electrified at the exciting news. Then again, it might not, possibly even causing the opposite.

    Would you be willing to take that risk, knowing that calling it wrong would finish Indy, quite possibly for the rest of our lives?

    Again, it’s something you don’t read about much on here, but all this palaver about us Sovereign Scots fails to recognise that sovereignty cuts two ways. Those opposed to Indy are every bit as sovereign as those in favour. For that reason, the belief that sovereignty somehow or other favours Indy is misguided.

    Nope, it’s the third decade of the 21st century. Like it or lump it, the route to Indy is through a democratic vote. Right now, the plebiscitary election solution looks best to me as the way of kick-starting the process, free of the WM shackles. But I have to agree with NS, a recent surge to 56% support looks a flimsy foundation on which to ground the process, given all of the heavy lifting still to do.

  119. Alan Swanson says:

    What a shame Hans Christian Andersen isn’t still about.
    Perhaps one of his great great grandchildren would be interested.

  120. Hatuey says:

    More semantic contradictions from John Main. The will of the people is indivisible and therefore not a doubled-edged sword. Try reading some Rousseau, specifically his explanation of ‘the general will’ as compared to ‘the will of all’. I warn you in advance that it’s quite complicated, not of the staple Daily Star standard.

    I’ve yet to see a comment on here that explicitly advocates for any sort of coup by an Indy supporting minority. 56% is not a minority though. Since pro-Unionist forces control about 99% of MSM news sources, we can probably comfortably add about 20%.

  121. Andy Ellis says:

    @Hatuey

    I’ve yet to see a comment on here that explicitly advocates for any sort of coup by an Indy supporting minority. 56% is not a minority though. Since pro-Unionist forces control about 99% of MSM news sources, we can probably comfortably add about 20%.

    The thing is that’s just not true though is it? BTL here has been full for months of people banging on about 30 seats at Westminster being all the mandate we need, irrespective of the level of popular support. We’ve had wall to wall screeds of magical thinking about Constitutional Conventions, Conventions of the Estates, independence via 100,00 signatures on a petition, independence via an individual taking the government to court via nobile officium, decalring the Treaties of Union null and void because *reasons*. Nary a one amounts to a hill of beans.

    56% for independence in one poll – encouraging as it might be – signifies precisely nothing unless and until it is replicated in either a referendum or a plebiscitary election. If support was at >70% we’d know about it. Those banging on about the “real” % being consistently under-estimated, particularly those alleging it’s all part of a sinister plot, just come across as a bit ….well…..barking.

    Converting a strong show in polls to an actual vote for independence is what matters. To do that, we need two things: first is a campaign, and second is an actual opportunity to vote.

    Those – including John Main I see – who always come out with the: “we can’t afford another loss, or it’s over for out lifetimes / a generation / centuries” need to get real.

    The only people who get to decide when, how often and on what terms we get to exercise our self determination are the Scottish people. They just need to have the balls to tell not ask. If we decided we wanted an annual vote, then that’s what should happen. Allowing Westminster or anyone else to dictate terms to us simply demonstrates that we aren’t hungry enough for it, and don’t deserve it. Independence won’t fall in to our laps or be delivered to us by external forces.

  122. Chic Murrays's Chiropodist says:

    Charles Findlay says:
    10 December, 2022 at 12:42 am
    Athens of the North?

    Never mind Inverness of the South, mair like Little Surbiton-on-Forth.

  123. Chic Murrays's Chiropodist says:

    Don’t always agree with Mr Ellis and his style but…..

    “The only people who get to decide when, how often and on what terms we get to exercise our self determination are the Scottish people. They just need to have the balls to tell not ask. If we decided we wanted an annual vote, then that’s what should happen. Allowing Westminster or anyone else to dictate terms to us simply demonstrates that we aren’t hungry enough for it, and don’t deserve it. Independence won’t fall in to our laps or be delivered to us by external forces.”

    This – all day long, everyday.
    Our country, our choice, no other effer matters…..

  124. Mario says:

    @ TBH, not sure if you are taking the piss

    No, I was just observing that the AI can do quite convincing speech scripts, and I guessed that’s what Stu had used for his one in the article.

    But fair enough to observe that what it came up with was more honest sounding than NS’s usual announcement about indyref.

  125. John Main says:

    @Andy Ellis 3:02

    Not quite seeing how having a yearly, five-yearly or every decade Indy campaign is “getting real”.

    At some point, a nation has to make up its mind what it wants, just as an individual has to, or be written off as a permanent juvenile.

    Just as with individuals, that kind of sitting on the fence has consequences. Real world investment and development propositions are often measured in decades, not years. As the UK is about to find out with its windfall tax vaccilating, serious people and serious institutions need stability, or they take their investments elsewhere.

    How regularly do they hold their Indy referendums in Quebec?

  126. Andy Ellis says:

    @John Main

    I don’t think it’s that hard: the frequency of votes is – and should be – entirely a matter for the Scottish people and their representatives to decide. If they want an annual vote and express a desire for that to happen, who are you or anyone else to deny them that?

    Of course in practice, that’s not going to happen. Few people on the morning after the defeat in 2014 thought #indyref2 was going to be on the cards for an extended period, whether a “real” generation or “X’ years, but I bet it wouldn’t have been now. As we’ve all seen….circumstances change. We wouldn’t be talking about indyref2 or plebiscitary elections at all if it weren’t for brexit.

    I don’t think the situation in Quebec is really comparable. The PQ hasn’t been in the position the SNP is in post their referendums. In the 2022 Provincial election they only won 3 seats with 14% of the vote: their smallest ever vote share. The party came a distant fourth place and lost it’s official party status. At present the 3 PQ assembly members are barred from taking their seats for refusing to swear the oath to Charles III, although it’s subject to legal appeal as the ruling CAQ party in Assembly is attempting to have the requirement abolished.

  127. Brian Doonthetoon says:

    Hi Derek.

    I’ve never watched ‘Vice Squad’.

  128. Joe says:

    Andy Ellis says:10 December, 2022 at 6:35 pm
    @John Main

    We wouldn’t be talking about indyref2 or plebiscitary elections at all if it weren’t for brexit.
    ——————————————
    Can you explain why considering we would have been out of the EU with a Yes vote at Indy time in 2014 anyway ? And we couldn’t get back in without committing to get the Scottish Deficit from over 9% down to 3% as the EU joining rules require, a 3 times multiple of the Tory Austerity would be needed to meet that requirement.
    A large number of Yes Voters got exactly what they Voted for with Brexit and would hardly help the Indy movement to try to undo what those Yessers voted for. https://www.heraldscotland.com/news/14950013.36-snp-labour-supporters-backed-brexit-finds-survey/

  129. Joe says:

    Andy Ellis says:
    10 December, 2022 at 6:35 pm

    Cancel that i just missed the obvious LOL

  130. I. Despair says:

    Very interesting – don’t answer the questions about “trans and trans history” and “sexual orientation” unless you’re 16 or older. Why not, if we’re to be gender-questioning, genderfluid and proud etc from toddler age onwards? Could this be a last faint flicker of the notion that weans aren’t supposed to be sexual beings?

  131. Patsy Millar says:

    Brilliant. Best laugh I’ve had today although tinged with anger at the salary being offered.



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