Social media is alive today with tales of people being refused a vote in the Labour leadership election on the grounds that they don’t support Labour values (if anyone even knows what those are any more). We suspect you’ll be hearing quite a bit about it in the press over the coming days.
The prevailing reaction seems to be slack-jawed astonishment at the planetary-scale car-crash the party has allowed to develop around the issue, with another “coup” story thrown in for good measure in the Telegraph.
We can only think of one way the farce could become even worse.
Not our judgement, you understand, but that of Scottish Labour spokesclown Michael Kelly, former Lord Provost of Glasgow, speaking on today’s Good Morning Scotland:
So there’s definitely going to be a second referendum, the No campaign is going to win it again and a shattered SNP will collapse as a result, sending Labour triumphantly back to Holyrood power. (Having now come out on top in not one but two internal elections, presumably Kezia Dugdale is now also a “proven winner”.)
It’s just that we feel like we’ve heard that before somewhere.
An update, then: as we write, our anti-poverty fundraiser (which set out to gather just £500 for a young woman in Kidderminster fined almost £330 for stealing a 75p pack of Mars bars out of desperate hunger after her benefits were sanctioned) stands at a phenomenal £14,395.
This spoon-faced howler was pointed out mirthfully by vile cybernats days ago, but we suspect that the person at Scottish Labour who knows how to work the internets only comes in on Tuesdays and Thursdays. It’s going to be a long road back.
Earlier today Gordon Brown gave a speech in London, on a subject and for reasons which are unclear. It was widely trailed in the press, however, as an intervention in the Labour leadership campaign, with the particular goal of stopping Jeremy Corbyn from winning. It was – naturally – broadcast live and in full by the BBC News channel.
Corbyn wasn’t mentioned by name so far as we noticed, but to tell the truth we drifted in and out of the rambling, 49-minute, 30-page monologue full of celebrity namedrops and unconnected anecdotes, hypnotised as we were by Brown’s relentless pacing up and down the room like a caged animal.
Nobody who isn’t getting paid should have to endure the entire grimness of it, so using the magic of technology we’ve compressed it all down to a mere fraction of its length (just 20%) for you, but without losing any of the tone, content or intellectual nuance.
We offer it to you as an elegy. It marks the day that Labour reanimated the walking corpse of the only person left in the party that it considers to have any gravitas – not to win an election, but to try to crush the first man in living memory to enthuse tens of thousands of new members to join a political party in the hope of restoring the values it was created to uphold.
It is the day the soul of the Labour Party finally died.
Keen followers of First Minister’s Questions will doubtless be excited to witness the weekly jousts, as the dynamic new regime of Kezia Dugdale sweeps out the tired old broom of Labour’s previous FMQs inquisitor, er, Kezia Dugdale.
Curiously, while the BBC was present and broadcasting live at the announcement of the new leader and deputy, neither’s acceptance speech was broadcast on TV, radio or online, which may well have surprised viewers and listeners who’ve become used to 50-minute prime-time Gordon Brown “intervention” specials.
In Dugdale’s case, our best guess is that the BBC didn’t want to have to fact-check it.
There’s another rather bizarre Kenny Farquharson column in today’s Times. Under the headline “Holyrood wasn’t built for a one-party state”, it asserts that “the Scottish Parliament is no longer fit for purpose” on the grounds that the opposition parties are useless, as if that were the fault of the electoral system rather than their leaders.
After that, though, it just gets flat-out insulting.
The papers these days are full of horrendous stories. For some reason this one just tripped a nerve, and we wanted to do something. Click here for details.
Mark Beggan on Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off: “Great Scots of their time. John Witherspoon born in East Lothian, minister of the laigh kirk in Paisley. A founding…” Mar 28, 14:45
willie on Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off: “Filled up with diesel today at a cost of £1.84 a litre. Up +28.7% from the £1.43 cost a couple…” Mar 28, 14:43
Mark Beggan on Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off: ““Out of the west come a curious fool He tried to impress me with his furious cool He lied from…” Mar 28, 13:21
Mark Beggan on Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off: “Oops that should have been “In times of famine… This is what Goebbels wrote in his diary when his boss…” Mar 28, 11:07
Mark Beggan on Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off: “Der giftswerg, 1941. “I’m times of famine even the devil eats flies.”” Mar 28, 10:53
Sven on Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off: ““A liar knows that he is a liar, but one who speaks mere portions of truth in order to deceive…” Mar 28, 09:54
Alf Baird on Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off: “Dinna fash yersel, Northcode, mair is revealed ivvery day aboot Scotland’s colonial condeetion: “Indictment at the United Nations: A Report…” Mar 28, 09:12
Northcode on Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off: “In 1941, Goebbels wrote: “The English follow the principle that when one lies, one should lie big, and stick to…” Mar 28, 08:55
Northcode on Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off: “Joe Goebbels’ ‘Big Boss’, *Adalwolf, had already written about the ‘Big Lie’ in his best seller (only rivalled in sales…” Mar 28, 08:32
Mark Beggan on Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off: “@Geri I was going to lend you my first edition copy of 1984 but it would be like giving a…” Mar 28, 01:18
Geri on Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off: “That’s an aye then & even I spotted that in two seconds flat. PS, you do know yer ballot is…” Mar 27, 23:03
Mark Beggan on Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off: “That’s like asking a pedophile to take charge of the day care centre.” Mar 27, 21:23
Mark Beggan on Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off: ““A lie told often enough becomes the truth.” Vladimir Lenin.” Mar 27, 21:06
Mark Beggan on Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off: ““The price we pay for freedom is the right to disagree.” Benjamin Franklin.” Mar 27, 21:00
Mark Beggan on Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off: “Are you scared James? Because if the Fascists get power in England and Wales it’s good night woo woo land.” Mar 27, 20:54
Mark Beggan on Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off: “Maybe Ayes an maybe Naws. Like the Indy election you’ll never know. That’s the beauty of the ballot box.” Mar 27, 20:49
Alf Baird on Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off: “One wonders whose rights public inquiries undertaken within colonial societies would seek to defend, the colonizer or the colonized?” Mar 27, 20:41
agentx on Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off: “Captain Caveman says: I’m a Reform voter and I’m still here. _______________________________________________- thanks – you could have said that the…” Mar 27, 19:40
Geri on Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off: “Have you heard what ex Tory MP Andrew Bridgen says about these gangs? Go watch him whistleblow what is really…” Mar 27, 19:35
Captain Caveman on Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off: “You asked were there any Reform voters left on here and I said “Hi!” Not really sure how ambiguous that…” Mar 27, 19:12
Geri on Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off: “Was there any to begin with? They’re just disgruntled Tories. Same shit, different party. Do we know what it is…” Mar 27, 19:12
agentx on Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off: ““On February 25, 2026, the Scottish Government ordered a public inquiry into grooming gangs, marking a significant shift in position…” Mar 27, 19:10
Fearghas MacFhionnlaigh on Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off: “BLOG PÀRLAMAID NA h-ALBA Fiosrachadh is naidheachd bho Phàrlamaid na h-Alba Tha an seisean pàrlamaideach a-nis air tighinn gu crìch…” Mar 27, 19:07
Mo on In Your Name: “They all need punted asap! #WomenAndChildrensSafetyMatters” Mar 27, 18:47
Young Lochinvar on Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off: “Thanks Lorncal I’m sick of “demeaning and discriminatory” whining ie because it’ll find you out. I don’t know if it’s…” Mar 27, 18:45
