I went to “Dunkirk” at the cinema today. If you want to know what it’s like, just watch this trailer 40 times in a row and save yourself the £12.
It’s a poor movie, disjointed and aimless and curiously lacking in tension or narrative given the real-life subject matter. (It’s remarkably short on dialogue, which is lucky because you can barely make out any of what little script or story there is from behind the endlessly howling one-note airhorn of the soundtrack. It’s a bit like someone filmed an IKEA assembly manual in live action during a Formula 1 race.)
But I couldn’t help thinking that part of the reason it was so unengaging was because it felt akin to watching a boxing match between two fighters you don’t like. If Mike Tyson took on Tyson Fury, would you cheer for the rapist or the anti-Semitic homophobe?
Today’s Daily Record covers the story we mentioned yesterday about a report from a Scottish Labour campaign group making the pretty factually-uncontestable point that the branch office’s dismal strategy in last month’s election held the UK party back.
We’ll be honest with you here, readers – even though it’s only July, when it comes to sheer ham-fisted, tin-eared, clown-shoed, foot-shooting idiocy we didn’t think anything in Scottish politics in 2017 could possibly top the SNP’s decision that the surefire way to win back voters after a poor election result was literally mutilating puppies.
After all, that’s the sort of thing you say as a self-evidently ludicrous and hyperbolic joke: “Ha ha, the SNP are so dominant in Scotland these days that the only way they could lose an election would be if Nicola Sturgeon went on telly and started hacking the tails off week-old puppy-dogs without anaesthetic! LOL!!!!!”
It couldn’t even be defended as a grotesque but cynically cunning attempt to win votes from the rural hunting-and-fishing lobby – they did it right AFTER the election, when all those people had just gone out and voted Tory anyway.
But bless their hearts, Scottish Labour never once saw a low bar that they didn’t try to slither under, and today they pulled off the seemingly impossible.
Broadly speaking, the psychological phenomenon known as the Pollyanna Principle is a tendency to neurotically see the most positive possible view of a situation. It’s not generally widely found in newspapers – for whom bad news as a rule sells much better than good news – but for some reason the Scottish press makes a uniform exception when it comes to military shipbuilding.
This, for example, is today’s Herald:
Now, in itself that headline is – unusually – true, so far as it goes. But it only takes until the first sentence of the article text before things start to fall apart.
Deep in the summer news desert, the papers today are struggling for material again. The Sunday Herald has a shock-horror front-page exposé about some photos from an Orange Lodge party that turn out to be from 2010 and 2013, while the Scottish Mail On Sunday reaches all the way back to 1940 to fill a couple of pages.
Young Lochinvar on These Words Are My Own: “This is all fascinating Rev Gaun yersel.. However one wee thing that whispers in my ear, amongst others you have…” Jul 18, 04:20
Mark Beggan on These Words Are My Own: “It’s the crap they spent the money on that gets people. A national scandal that involves the very highest of…” Jul 18, 02:07
Young Lochinvar on A Matter Of Declinature: “James You got in before me there as I had the 19th noted. Salutations anyway my friend! And correct about…” Jul 18, 01:59
Young Lochinvar on These Words Are My Own: “AH But, but.. “She loved that necklace, so why should she” surrender any of the items??!? Honestly, who speaks like…” Jul 18, 01:28
James on These Words Are My Own: “What a brass neck she has. Always the victim, always. Her time in court will come, Salmond will get justice.…” Jul 18, 01:13
Angus on These Words Are My Own: “Masterstroke by Stuart to challenge the biggest coward, the biggest tractor and the biggest liar in Scottish history who has…” Jul 18, 01:03
Angus on These Words Are My Own: “Utmost thanks to David Davis for exposing the utter corruption of the Scottish state. Can he not also name the…” Jul 18, 00:55
Angus on These Words Are My Own: ““What happened with the £60,000-worth of items that were dropped from the indictment: the hairstylers, the lingerie and the books…” Jul 18, 00:47
Heaver on These Words Are My Own: “She will flee justice by going abroad. Where? That could be revealing. The alphabetty accusers will be checking their passports…” Jul 18, 00:43
Jay on These Words Are My Own: “It is regrettable that the House of Commons at Westminster had to be the channel through which Sturgeon/Murrell might be…” Jul 18, 00:31
Oneliner on These Words Are My Own: “MI5 is working on a plan to save her. Apparently they are not averse to lying in court if it…” Jul 18, 00:22
David Ferguson on These Words Are My Own: “Well, things are bubbling along nicely… Just to keep everything tidy, matters requiring attention: 1. The “ring-fenced” fund. I’d still…” Jul 18, 00:21
James on A Matter Of Declinature: “For Young Lochinvar, and to upset the three stooges….. Thank feck that’s (almost) over for another 4 years. So….July 18th…..must…” Jul 18, 00:01
willie on These Words Are My Own: “The COPFS apparently justify that the dropping of £58.3k of stolen goods from the indictment on the grounds that it…” Jul 17, 23:57
willie on These Words Are My Own: “The dam is ready to absolutely burst. Sturgeon is being exposed for the foul individual that she is. Her lying…” Jul 17, 23:48
Neil in Glasgow on These Words Are My Own: “We are all Stuart Campbell. A couple of quid from each of us and She’s toast. Unlike the sycophants that…” Jul 17, 23:48
Fearghas MacFhionnlaigh on These Words Are My Own: “« The Shadow of that hyddeous strength, Sax myle and more it is of length. » – ‘Ane Dialog betuix…” Jul 17, 23:47
Al Harron on These Words Are My Own: ““What happened with the £60,000-worth of items that were dropped from the indictment: the hairstylers, the lingerie and the books…” Jul 17, 23:30
sarah on These Words Are My Own: “Oh dear, Rev. You will never get on in public life. Far too principled and brave.” Jul 17, 22:53
Hatey McHateface on A Matter Of Declinature: “I see, Alf. Inevitably, yes, but individually to a greater or lesser extent. Like death, inevitable, but not for everyone,…” Jul 17, 22:39
Hatey Mchateface on A Matter Of Declinature: ““More to be pitied then scorned sadly” Ach, why not stick in your comfort zone and scorn ignorantly? Or sit…” Jul 17, 22:33
sam on These Words Are My Own: “Sturgeon is unlikely to ever want to face cross examination in court on any of the issues you raise. And…” Jul 17, 22:28
Hatey McHateface on A Matter Of Declinature: “Scots blokes are able to present themselves as women. It doesn’t mean they’re women. If you don’t understand what “present”…” Jul 17, 22:22
robertkknight on These Words Are My Own: “Well said all round. The dogs in the street know who did what to whom and when and why. Agent…” Jul 17, 22:21
Ian on These Words Are My Own: “Q to AI – Sturgeons head bobs around when she seems under pressure or maybe lying. She also blinks a…” Jul 17, 22:20
Tommy B on These Words Are My Own: “If there is a requirement for a fundraiser for legal fees, you can rely on a donation from this direction.…” Jul 17, 22:20
Alf Baird on A Matter Of Declinature: ““A consequence that is inevitable would inarguably and unarguably leave all Scots suffering from a colonial mindset.” Yes, this must…” Jul 17, 22:09
