Millionaire-funded diehard loyalist forelock-tugging faction Scotland In Union published an extraordinary blog post yesterday.
Its 606 words comprised a sort of Caledonian Cringe Greatest Hits, allegedly penned by someone called Fiona Annesley (of whom we’re told nothing else, and who has no detectable online presence), but the line that particularly caught people’s eye was this:
The complete series so far. If you’ve got a story like this to tell, or you know anyone who does, Phantom Power want to hear from you – drop them a line.
I went to “Dunkirk” at the cinema today. If you want to know what it’s like, just watch this trailer 40 times in a row and save yourself the £12.
It’s a poor movie, disjointed and aimless and curiously lacking in tension or narrative given the real-life subject matter. (It’s remarkably short on dialogue, which is lucky because you can barely make out any of what little script or story there is from behind the endlessly howling one-note airhorn of the soundtrack. It’s a bit like someone filmed an IKEA assembly manual in live action during a Formula 1 race.)
But I couldn’t help thinking that part of the reason it was so unengaging was because it felt akin to watching a boxing match between two fighters you don’t like. If Mike Tyson took on Tyson Fury, would you cheer for the rapist or the anti-Semitic homophobe?
Today’s Daily Record covers the story we mentioned yesterday about a report from a Scottish Labour campaign group making the pretty factually-uncontestable point that the branch office’s dismal strategy in last month’s election held the UK party back.
We’ll be honest with you here, readers – even though it’s only July, when it comes to sheer ham-fisted, tin-eared, clown-shoed, foot-shooting idiocy we didn’t think anything in Scottish politics in 2017 could possibly top the SNP’s decision that the surefire way to win back voters after a poor election result was literally mutilating puppies.
After all, that’s the sort of thing you say as a self-evidently ludicrous and hyperbolic joke: “Ha ha, the SNP are so dominant in Scotland these days that the only way they could lose an election would be if Nicola Sturgeon went on telly and started hacking the tails off week-old puppy-dogs without anaesthetic! LOL!!!!!”
It couldn’t even be defended as a grotesque but cynically cunning attempt to win votes from the rural hunting-and-fishing lobby – they did it right AFTER the election, when all those people had just gone out and voted Tory anyway.
But bless their hearts, Scottish Labour never once saw a low bar that they didn’t try to slither under, and today they pulled off the seemingly impossible.
Broadly speaking, the psychological phenomenon known as the Pollyanna Principle is a tendency to neurotically see the most positive possible view of a situation. It’s not generally widely found in newspapers – for whom bad news as a rule sells much better than good news – but for some reason the Scottish press makes a uniform exception when it comes to military shipbuilding.
This, for example, is today’s Herald:
Now, in itself that headline is – unusually – true, so far as it goes. But it only takes until the first sentence of the article text before things start to fall apart.
Deep in the summer news desert, the papers today are struggling for material again. The Sunday Herald has a shock-horror front-page exposé about some photos from an Orange Lodge party that turn out to be from 2010 and 2013, while the Scottish Mail On Sunday reaches all the way back to 1940 to fill a couple of pages.
Geri on Looking up at the stars: “He doesn’t seem very wise. A wiser man would’ve said: Look mate, you clearly don’t like that forum, now fck…” Mar 16, 00:35
Geri on Looking up at the stars: ““but you seem to jet about the place a fair bit” I think that’ll be a thing of the past…” Mar 16, 00:25
Young Lochinvar on Looking up at the stars: “Ten past eleven and Hatey has been unco quiet.. Hmmm.. Oh heck, wait Sky Arts has Exodus (1960) on -…” Mar 15, 23:19
Young Lochinvar on Looking up at the stars: “Stop!! Don’t do it Hatey! Getting out and socialising is said to help. Perhaps removing yourself from online forums like…” Mar 15, 22:54
Young Lochinvar on Looking up at the stars: “So Chas, given adults have a choice, why not expect everyone else to scroll on past your posts? Open forum…” Mar 15, 22:37
Young Lochinvar on Looking up at the stars: “Aaawww! Don’t take it so hard Hatey-proud boy, contrary to what you seem to believe, people aren’t just posting here…” Mar 15, 22:24
Dan on Looking up at the stars: “@Aidan I don’t expect myself or everyone else to grow all our own food requirements in our gardens. But I…” Mar 15, 19:52
Hatey McHateface on Looking up at the stars: “He won’t need that if he’s wearing blackface. Unless … what skin colour were the Picts? I think there’s a…” Mar 15, 18:35
Hatey McHateface on Looking up at the stars: “Feck knows what you’re on about, but if you think it’s true, go before a Justice of the Peace and…” Mar 15, 18:07
Chas on Looking up at the stars: “A wise man said ‘it is difficult to ignore the posts of Geri, Baird, Confused, Cheyne to name but a…” Mar 15, 16:45
Aidan on Looking up at the stars: “Alright Geri – if it’s not total nonsense, what date can we expect ration books to be introduced?” Mar 15, 15:18
Young Lochinvar on Looking up at the stars: “HMcH Ah! You can take the shirker out of the Proud Boys but you can’t take the Proud Boys out…” Mar 15, 14:24
Mark Beggan on Looking up at the stars: “As long as he wears his stab vest he’ll be fine.” Mar 15, 13:45
Hatey McHateface on Looking up at the stars: “Good post, Geri. If what you write is true, Indy is becoming ever more of a slam dunk proposition with…” Mar 15, 13:26
Hatey McHateface on Looking up at the stars: “Fa’s Northy? Is he awa in London at the protest? If ye are, Northy, I’m the one wearing the tea…” Mar 15, 13:14
Geri on Looking up at the stars: ““It’s nonsensical demented ranted which isn’t based on any facts or evidence or analysis of any description.” LOL! Is two…” Mar 15, 13:01
Aidan on Looking up at the stars: “What’s wrong with phrases up to and including; “The U.K. is a vassal state” “Scotland has no economy” “We’ll be…” Mar 15, 11:51
Dan on Looking up at the stars: “@Aidan What’s actually wrong with what Geri has stated. The content of the post touches on various relevant matters as…” Mar 15, 10:30
Aidan on Looking up at the stars: “Yes Geri – I am struggling to simultaneously; a) finish my morning coffee; and b) arrange for you to be…” Mar 15, 10:30
Hatey McHateface on Looking up at the stars: “You can’t ever know for sure your dugs don’t fancy me, Geri. Try not to let that keep you awake…” Mar 15, 10:12
Geri on Looking up at the stars: “Hark at shitface. The only thing you’ve signed up to in yer sad life is online chat forums 24/7. You’ve…” Mar 15, 10:01
Hatey McHateface on Looking up at the stars: “On the plus side, Geri, the F16s will finally get off the ground. So not all bad.” Mar 15, 09:57
Geri on Looking up at the stars: “Oh, you cannie multi task? Wid it be bot overload?” Mar 15, 09:55
Geri on Looking up at the stars: “Naw, why don’t you give us a clue, Dumbo? We all know who uses “alert readers” tho to try mimic…” Mar 15, 09:50
Hatey McHateface on Looking up at the stars: “Enjoying the overnight posts. Good to see supposedly Sovereign Scots so keen to have a go. The first Orcs or…” Mar 15, 09:42
Hatey McHateface on Looking up at the stars: “@James Isn’t your eyesight a bit “challenged” for you to be volunteering? I’m not seeing you manning any barricades unless…” Mar 15, 09:24
Hatey McHateface on Looking up at the stars: “Geri says: Boom. Boom. Alert readers will spot the other regulars who also say Boom. Boom. I wonder how many…” Mar 15, 09:14
