Don Paterson is a celebrated Scottish poet, writer and musician. The essay below comes from a new anthology of Scottish writers called Irish Pages: Scotland, and is reproduced with his permission.
Remember The Vow? Most of us have tried to forget it. This was Westminster’s Hail Mary as polling day approached in the 2014 referendum; a vote that Yessers – people tend to forget this part too – initially had no real expectation of winning, until an inspirationally positive campaign saw the polls draw neck-and-neck.
Then lo! There it was, splashed across the Daily Record: a fancy-font promise from Westminster party leaders that if Scotland voted to stay within the UK, we would enjoy new devolved powers. There was some other waffle about defence and opportunities and having an equal share in the UK’s prosperity. But the message was clear enough. We would be listened to.
The Scottish Tory MSP reacted furiously to a story in The National which said Scotland had been absorbed into England by the 1707 Act Of Union, rather than becoming a “partner” in anything, and had ceased to exist as a state in international law.
Which was a weird response, because that’s been the official stated position of both the UK government and the Conservative Party for at least the last 12 years.
Despite everything, we almost allowed ourselves just the very tiniest little micro-flicker of optimism when we read Tommy Sheppard’s latest in The National.
Because that much is certainly true, and it’s uncommonly candid to have anyone in the SNP admit it. So what’s the answer?
(Kelly’s article is here. Link to Grok’s answer here. The ChatGPT analysis that triggered the article can be read in this tweet thread. A verifiable analysis by Grok of the debate, based on a neutral question, can be read here.)
The legal imprint at the bottom means that that’s official SNP election communication. One assumes it’s intended for leaflets to be put through actual voters’ letterboxes.
Hi! I noticed, with very considerable amusement, your complaint last night that I hadn’t made a “substantive reply” to the [EDIT] EIGHT posts (totalling nearly 11,000 words) of semi-coherent ranting about me that you’ve made on your site in the last eight days.
(I’ll be absolutely honest, I’ve only skimmed the last few.)
We both know the reason that’s so tear-streamingly comical, of course.
In so far as it’s worth talking about Scottish constitutional politics at all these days, it’s worth taking a moment to analyse the bloodless, anodyne nothingness spouted by the First Minister on The Sunday Show at the weekend.
That clip is less than three minutes long, but it’s so soul-crushingly boring and full of content-free drone and waffle that it’s almost impossible to sit all the way through it, so we’re going to translate and summarise it for you.
Warning: despite the quite zingy title this is actually going to be a very dry stats post, readers. It is, on the other hand, based on a man having something disturbingly close to a complete psychotic mental breakdown, so there’s always that for a bit of colour.
Because the paragraph above, and in particular the highlighted part, is without a doubt the most dishonest, diametrically false and wildly extreme lie about Scottish politics that we’ve ever seen anyone tell in the 13.5 years of Wings Over Scotland’s existence.
And as a rule we don’t bother addressing them because they’re so demented you could spend 5,000 words pulling apart all the individual strands of lunacy every time, and lunatics thrive on attention, but this one does merit a very brief comment.
Because “Vote Labour, get indy” wasn’t our plan. It was John Swinney’s.
Even by the embarrassing standards of The National, the gulf between this morning’s blaring front-page splash and the weak, watery weasel words in the actual article is a chasm so wide and so yawning (in every sense of that word) that it would put the epic planetary scar of Mars’ Valles Marineris to shame.
Coupled with a feebly underwhelming Programme For Government (in which the main policy was the re-abolition of peak rail fares just months after the SNP insisted such a move was unaffordable, with no clue as to where the money had suddenly been found) and a pitiful list of candidates for next year’s Holyrood election featuring the likes of Sally “all aboard the gravy bus!” Donald, Kaukab “DECAPITATE TERFS” Stewart, Kirsten “DECAPITATE TERFS” Oswald, Alison “DECAPITATE TERFS” Thewliss and Alyn “throw anyone who doesn’t want to DECAPITATE TERFS out of the SNP” Smith, the story was an abject vision of a bleak future for independence.
Nae Need! on Shield Of The Phantom: “An interesting point, lothianlad. When we consider that Sturgeons idol WAS, in fact, Thatcher. And then when we consider the…” Jan 26, 19:25
Nae Need! on Shield Of The Phantom: “It is. They will obfuscate, though. There’s a part of my mind that still can’t fully understand how government business…” Jan 26, 19:16
Lorna Campbell on Shield Of The Phantom: “I think you may be right, Rev. Had Kemp used AI, or listened to his two lay colleagues, he would…” Jan 26, 19:12
100%Yes on Shield Of The Phantom: “Just watched a political broadcast from the Scottish Greens, no mention of transgender or Independence, not surprised. What I will…” Jan 26, 19:05
Nae Need! on Shield Of The Phantom: “No surprises there. Thank you for pushing at the firmly closed door, Stu, cos nobody else would have. Now we…” Jan 26, 19:01
agentx on Shield Of The Phantom: ““Nicola Sturgeon MUST be called to give evidence about deadly super hospital as she dodges scrutiny Scottish Labour leader Anas…” Jan 26, 18:51
Effijy on Shield Of The Phantom: “The confidence tricksters posing as a judicial system are using a blackout curtain for transparency. A response such as this…” Jan 26, 17:52
Willie on Shield Of The Phantom: “An absolute outrage of a response. No one, and I mean no one can have any confidence in the integrity…” Jan 26, 17:18
100%Yes on Shield Of The Phantom: “@bobo bunny, The National still has the offer of 1 years subscription for £20, just think you’ll be able to…” Jan 26, 16:48
James Cheyne on Shield Of The Phantom: “Or we could walk away legally not being in a 1707 treaty of union with neither the UK parliament or…” Jan 26, 16:47
100%Yes on Shield Of The Phantom: “One thing is certain Scotland will never become Independent by the hands of the SNP and I’ll be my house…” Jan 26, 16:41
Hatey McHateface on Shield Of The Phantom: “Crash course in Arabic (focus on water features) and a chequered T towel and you’ll be ready to rock n’…” Jan 26, 16:10
Hatey McHateface on Shield Of The Phantom: ““elect wee nige and let him destroy HR and give our SNHS to his american millionaire pals” You’ve got in…” Jan 26, 16:05
bobo bunny on Shield Of The Phantom: “Time to start burning things down, and blowing shit up.” Jan 26, 16:02
bobo bunny on Shield Of The Phantom: “You’re hardly 100%Yes then, are you?” Jan 26, 16:01
Robert Burns on Shield Of The Phantom: ““6b: it is about a judicial decision, or judicial case management.” So, making up stories to support a ‘judicial decision’…” Jan 26, 15:42
twathater on Shield Of The Phantom: “Aw well it’s nae big deal there’s nothing happening with Scottish politics just now anyway I wish there was some…” Jan 26, 15:37
James Cheyne on Shield Of The Phantom: “The law in and of Scotland goes much deeper than what Stu is contending with, As we have to ascertain…” Jan 26, 15:17
100%Yes on Shield Of The Phantom: “Not surprised or disappointed! Professional people never turn on each other, the get the less fortunate to do it for…” Jan 26, 15:15
James Cheyne on Shield Of The Phantom: “Sarah. Other sources, As is the 1707 Treaty of Union between Scotland and…the Great Britain parliament They think up any…” Jan 26, 15:04
James Cheyne on Shield Of The Phantom: “All the political down south and up here in Scotland have shied away from the truth over law and the…” Jan 26, 14:56
James Cheyne on Shield Of The Phantom: “North Code, But that imperialsm and Scotland may be a Colony can be challenged on a legal bases because non…” Jan 26, 14:43
lothianlad on Shield Of The Phantom: “Welcome to the New Scotland of limited self Government run by The SNP!! Who nneds thatcher eh?” Jan 26, 14:42
sarah on Shield Of The Phantom: “My goodness, what an appallingly dismissive response. “No we won’t look again nor think again nor do anything whatsoever to…” Jan 26, 14:36
Hatey McHateface on Yelling at the tide: “Nae mentions of Fanon or Memmi? Not even a nod tae Jonesy? The boy’s a tube.” Jan 26, 14:20
Hatey McHateface on Shield Of The Phantom: “Comment #8! A new record!” Jan 26, 14:16
James Cheyne on Shield Of The Phantom: “How many illegal “Scotland Acts” have led up to this sad point of the deterioration of law in Scotland. When…” Jan 26, 14:08