The proceedings at the Supreme Court this week were a tough follow even if you could get the court’s abominably bad livestream to work. They’re all archived here now, but non-lawyers will probably glaze over quickly during the nine hours of intense legalese.
We’re not allowed to clip up any illustrative sections, on pain of possible contempt of court, so perhaps the best way to explain the key parts of what happened in a vaguely comprehensible way is by showing you some commentary from social media.
Many expert observers have already noted that the document flatly contradicts the Scottish Government’s previous repeated and strenuous assertions that a Gender Recognition Certificate confers “no new rights” on trans people, and have published extremely detailed assessments which are frankly all but impenetrable to non-lawyers but basically conclude that the Scottish Government’s position is a mess.
Our favourite line, however, is this one.
So if you’re obliged to have a 50/50 sex balance in your boardroom, you can do it by hiring a man with a GRC saying he’s legally female, or by hiring a woman.
We believe that the young folk nowadays call that a “self-own”.
As a lifelong political geek and former SNP and Alba Party member, I’ve spent years supporting Scotland’s independence movement. However, over the last few years, I’ve watched the campaign (as opposed to support for independence) wither away. Being a Scottish nationalist has become increasingly disheartening, like watching someone you love succumb to a slow, debilitating illness. In frustration, I switched off from my homeland and turned my focus to the drama of US politics.
Over the last three years I immersed myself in it, watching both left and right-wing outlets. I became so hooked and invested that I jumped on a plane to Washington DC for the 2024 election. I canvassed with DC Democrats in rural Pennsylvania (that’s me third from the left in the pic below), attended Kamala Harris’s concession rally, and went to Trump’s only watch party in DC.
My journey led me to believe that Scotland’s independence campaign could learn a great deal from Trump’s victory and the Democrats’ failure.
We’ll give you three guesses as to the highly controversial and extravagantly taxpayer-funded organisation that has its rainbow fingerprints all over this story, readers.
To be honest, readers, the peculiar events of yesterday continued to nag at us all day as every news broadcaster in Scotland and beyond leapt eagerly on the ludicrous non-story from the Herald On Sunday’s front page. (It was even the #2 item on BBC Radio Wales, inexplicably).
For such an absolute nothingball of scurrilous sub-gossip to so dominate the entire news media was just too strange to ignore. We cannot remember the last time a low-grade freelancer managed to sell the same story to FOUR major Scottish newspapers – who normally, remember, only want exclusives for their big front-page splashes – let alone a crummy opinion columnist (not even an actual news reporter) who’s only been back in journalism for five minutes after a 15-year break as a failed PR guru.
(Once they’d all run the shoddy hatchet piece, TV and radio then had all the excuse they needed to blare it across the airwaves. “Oh, it’s not us inflating and amplifying this garbage, guv, we’re just reporting what the papers are saying.”)
So in our eternal quest for enlightenment and understanding we thought we’d see if we could find out a bit more about the little-known but recently-revived sleeper assassin with the ironic name: Carlos Alba.
Alex Salmond will be laid to rest in the green turf of Aberdeenshire today in a quiet and dignified private ceremony. (A public celebration of his life will take place next month.)
Most of Scotland’s press and commentariat beclowned itself shamefully after his death just as it did during his life, but below is a (regrettably short) collection of those who did otherwise and who deserve to be noted honourably beside the man himself.
Redaction is a tricky business, and comes with numerous pitfalls even if you’re being careful, which not everyone is. If you’re involved in creating a document you know will have to be redacted, there are a variety of safeguarding approaches you can adopt.
When I worked on a videogames magazine called Amiga Power in the 1990s, we ran a fun comedy feature about censorship. But because the company that published the magazine had had some unfortunate mishaps in the field, we took extra care by typing all the “offensive” words as random-length strings of Xs when we wrote the article.
And it was lucky that we did, because as you can see in the feature’s strapline, the art department misaligned the red redaction bar on some of them, and if there’d been a sweary in there it would have been easily identified.
Mark Beggan on Two Of A Kind: “Aye. If yeh didnae laugh yid greet.” Jun 9, 17:58
Rev. Stuart Campbell on Two Of A Kind: “Yes.” Jun 9, 17:50
Ian McCubbin on Two Of A Kind: “One is like his pal Anas really a unionist. Oh wait a minute so is the other one. Lol nae…” Jun 9, 17:49
Ronnie on Two Of A Kind: “Serious question, is Joanne Cherry still a member of the SNP?” Jun 9, 17:25
Hatey McHateface on What We Don’t Know Now: “On the plus side, after her maternity leave, she should be able to answer the question “What is a woman?”…” Jun 9, 16:54
SilentMajority on Two Of A Kind: “The pair of them leave me black affrontit as a Scot. One was so useless at whatever he touched, and…” Jun 9, 16:48
Nae Need! on Two Of A Kind: “Mark Beggan, Frequently you provide ME with a much needed giggle in these ‘trying’ times. Thank you. For ‘trying’ READ…” Jun 9, 16:45
Nae Need! on Two Of A Kind: “Lying to them comes naturally – cos they are PLAYERS.” Jun 9, 16:33
KiltedSplendour on Two Of A Kind: “I’d add Onanists” Jun 9, 16:32
Nae Need! on Two Of A Kind: “Quite. What do we do about the captive, brainwashed party members who keep voting for them? Is it even possible…” Jun 9, 16:31
Mark Beggan on Two Of A Kind: “Did you know that Wokes can give birth to their own puppy.” Jun 9, 16:22
Nae Need! on Two Of A Kind: “Massive liars. And wot Jon Drummond said up thread.” Jun 9, 16:14
Hatey McHateface on Two Of A Kind: “Yousaf would have been on safer ground predicting the colours of the horses. Predominantly white.” Jun 9, 15:49
Effijy on Two Of A Kind: “I think they both proved they haven’t got a clue about politics. They are the Independence party who are not…” Jun 9, 15:46
GM on Two Of A Kind: “There is always the chance these two mediocre administrators have plenty in the bank account and aren’t doing an awful…” Jun 9, 15:42
Hatey McHateface on What We Don’t Know Now: “I know it’s exceptionally difficult for some people to get their heids around, but the idea that one wee wumman…” Jun 9, 15:40
Jon Drummond on Two Of A Kind: “Aah! Yousaf and Swinney… A pair of (No, let’s include Sturgeon and all the rest of them while we’re at…” Jun 9, 15:39
Nae Need! on What We Don’t Know Now: “BigJay – “That’s pretty much where the SNP management is now . . .” And unfortunately so is the party…” Jun 9, 15:22
ScotsRenewables on Two Of A Kind: “Were their lips moving? If so, we have to assume the first explanation is correct.” Jun 9, 14:58
Dreigh on Two Of A Kind: “You miss the obvious that the two horses are the SNP and independence and the Unionist party that stands the…” Jun 9, 14:58
duncanio on Two Of A Kind: ““It’s a two horse race” cried a pair of donkeys.” Jun 9, 14:56
Campbell Clansman on Two Of A Kind: ““whether Yousaf and Swinney are a pair of massive liars, or are simply hopelessly out of touch with political reality”…” Jun 9, 14:56
Patsy Millar on Two Of A Kind: “Just a pair of useless eejits!” Jun 9, 14:48
Skip_NC on Two Of A Kind: “I’m going to go with the latter. Liars have a habit of winning elections so if they are merely out…” Jun 9, 14:47
Campbell Clansman on What We Don’t Know Now: “If the vast majority of Scottish people truly wanted independence, the politicians would fall all over themselves to back it.…” Jun 9, 14:41
Bilbo on What We Don’t Know Now: “I’m beginning to think the state of affairs in the SNP and Scotland at large isn’t due to Nicola Sturgeon…” Jun 9, 13:56
MaryB on What We Don’t Know Now: “Young Lochinvar @ 12.48am Wally Jumblatt @ 8.48 am Mairi McAllan served her political apprenticeship with Nicola Sturgeon as far…” Jun 9, 13:54
Insider on What We Don’t Know Now: “Oneliner… “an FOI request which revealed over 800 MI5 contacts with the Scottish Government” Utterly meaningless statement without some context…” Jun 9, 13:37
Nae Need! on What We Don’t Know Now: “They won’t get out the way, so we need to try and vote them into obscurity. The SNP is run…” Jun 9, 12:42
Nae Need! on What We Don’t Know Now: “Yip, one of the few things he’s good at is throwing old carrots for the donkeys, like any old circus…” Jun 9, 12:13