Actual result: Labour 37, SNP 9, Lib Dems 6, Tories 5. The two horses in the two-horse race finished second and fourth, and won just 19% of seats between them.
And here’s John Swinney a week and a half ago:
The two horses finished second and third.
The matter of whether Yousaf and Swinney are a pair of massive liars, or are simply hopelessly out of touch with political reality, is one we’ll leave to your own judgement.
One of the very few phrases universally recognised in Scotland but which will draw blank looks anywhere else in the UK is the dry, dark “Well, ye ken noo”. Until recently it had no equivalent that we can bring to mind in the rest of the English-speaking world, although arguably that gap has now been at least partly filled by the acronym “FAFO”.
(We try not to swear on the site, so let’s say it stands for “Fool Around, Find Out”.)
So now the smoke has cleared, the troops have departed the battlefield and the winner is enjoying the spoils, what did we find out on Thursday night, and what didn’t we?
We must admit, we don’t quite get what the Daily Record is trying to achieve.
Having already told its dwindling band of readers that voting for both the SNP and Labour is the only way to stop Reform in today’s Hamilton by-election, for the last two days it’s deployed some random loony in a hard hat and the vegan former Rangers captain Graeme Souness to the same ostensible end.
Souness, famously a supporter of Margaret Thatcher and the Conservatives, tells Record readers today that they must vote Labour in order to prevent Thatcher’s right-wing heirs from winning the seat – even though Labour are dead, plucked, stuffed and cooked geese in the eyes of the bookmakers and voting for them only increases the chances of both Reform AND the SNP.
And this is what they say elsewhere, when they think nobody in Scotland is looking:
One day someone’s going to tell them about the internet, and our life’s going to get a lot more difficult. Until that day, though, let’s just enjoy the laughs.
If you’ve been reading Scottish social media or the Scottish press for the last year and a half or so, the following graph is going to come as a bit of a shock to you.
We’ve just taken delivery of some REALLY interesting polling results, readers, but it’s going to take a while to fully analyse and write them up, so in the meantime let’s look at some slightly less interesting ones which came from the same poll – the Norstat one commissioned by the Sunday Times and published today, which we hitched a lift on.
The headline figures show an eight-point Yes lead, which is nice, although it’s also entirely abstract since the SNP has no current policy for translating independence support into actual independence (or even another referendum about it).
All the same, it seemed a good time to assess the wider picture.
If you’re a fan of lazy, superficial political analysis from the mentally unwell, you might have read this week about John Swinney’s great strategic triumph of having “coaxed” an “endorsement” out of the Daily Record for Thursday’s by-election in Hamilton.
And if so, you might be forgiven for thinking that that analysis looks pretty stupid now.
(Holiday Boy is still jetting his way around the globe, and indeed will be for the next few weeks, so in the absence of cartoons what else can we do but look at comics?)
But what, if anything, do those front pages tell us?
Alert readers will be familiar with this site’s ongoing quest for an explanation as to why controversy-plagued charity LGBT Youth Scotland continues to operate in dozens of Scottish primary and even nursery schools, pushing gender ideology onto children as young as four despite only having a remit to support 13-25-year-olds.
Last month we were, to coin a phrase, stonewalled by Scotland’s charity regulator, the OSCR, but we filed a review request and today we received – a couple of weeks past the deadline – a response.
The entire Scottish media and professional-politician community is currently in a self-righteous froth about a campaign ad being run by Reform for the Hamilton by-election targeting Scottish Labour leader Anas Sarwar.
Obviously none of the acres of press coverage trusts voters to see the ad and decide for themselves, because that simply isn’t how journalism works nowadays. You’re told that a bad thing happened – whether it be a campaign ad, a comedian’s joke or the supposed terrible abuse sent to a celebrity – and how outraged various pundits or other celebrities are about it, with the clear implication that you should feel the same, but you almost never get shown or told what was actually said.
So to start with, as a basic journalistic principle, here’s the ad itself in its entirety.
Now let’s look at what you’re being ordered to think about it.
Aidan on Seven Days Too Long: “Nope – but then of course the status quo would prevail and Scotland would be further and further away from…” May 1, 16:44
Aidan on Seven Days Too Long: “@CC – do you get the sense that Northcode is moving from charming simpleton to banal troll? I used to…” May 1, 16:43
Young Lochinvar on Seven Days Too Long: “JCD If you can’t bring yourself to vote for Tommy then just sharpie in large letters across the ballot “end…” May 1, 16:25
Young Lochinvar on Seven Days Too Long: “AI Dun @ 4.09 They wouldn’t have to hold their nose if they voted for the alliance and similar and…” May 1, 16:20
Captain Caveman on Seven Days Too Long: “Yes, your life must be pretty dull indeed, Northcode. I imagine you must reminisce frequently upon your halcyon days back…” May 1, 16:16
Oneliner on Seven Days Too Long: “We need to find a pejorative for ‘English based unionist’ ‘County Lines’ or just simply ‘Colonial’” May 1, 16:13
Aidan on Seven Days Too Long: “Yes and that’s perfectly sensible YL, but the Alliance isn’t going to hold the SNP to account when it comes…” May 1, 16:09
JCD on Seven Days Too Long: “Could someone advise me on the most constructive way to spoil a ballot? What I’m looking for is the nearest…” May 1, 16:01
Young Lochinvar on Seven Days Too Long: “Fat Slag Wilma Flintstone @ 3.35 “Maaaaaate”..” May 1, 15:44
Young Lochinvar on Seven Days Too Long: “AI Dun @ 2.30 PS: Sinn Fein I believe take their seats at Stormont (not Westminster). It’s the Unionists now…” May 1, 15:41
Mark Beggan on Seven Days Too Long: “One would have thought the Lady boys and the attempted brain washing of children would have been enough for most…” May 1, 15:40
Alf Baird on Seven Days Too Long: “Colonialism is described as ‘legalized lawlessness’ (Elkins), which raises questions about what may be deemed ‘lawful’ by a dominant power.…” May 1, 15:40
Captain Caveman on Seven Days Too Long: “Aww! Rambo’s triggered *again*… Good grief, you’re such a fragile little twerp aren’t you. Looks like my original remark went…” May 1, 15:35
Northcode on Seven Days Too Long: ““Oh my mistake…” That’s a pretty weak retort… you’re no fun to play with. In fact, none of the current…” May 1, 15:27
Young Lochinvar on Seven Days Too Long: “Fat Slag Wilma Flintstone @ 2.48 Oh I’m perfectly comfortable to be rated as smaller than you Wilma thunderthighs, heck,…” May 1, 15:24
Young Lochinvar on Seven Days Too Long: “AI Dun & 4.02 Somebody has to unambiguously hold the SNPs feet to the fire about actually striving for independence…” May 1, 15:18
Aidan on Seven Days Too Long: “Oh my mistake, it’s just that all of your posts are so verbose, boring and absurd that it’s hard to…” May 1, 15:11
sarah on Seven Days Too Long: “@ Potace: not ALL the candidates are “an utterly depressing shower”. You’re right about the established parties but there’s independents,…” May 1, 15:09
Northcode on Seven Days Too Long: “Good God! First… far from being tiny and deluded, my mind is vast and crystal clear and far, far beyond…” May 1, 14:54
Captain Caveman on Seven Days Too Long: ““All parties start small, that’s life.” Well, the word on the street is you know all about “being small”, Rambo.…” May 1, 14:48
Aidan on Seven Days Too Long: “I’m aware YL that all parties start small, but think also how many countless political parties have been started and…” May 1, 14:30
Young Lochinvar on Seven Days Too Long: “AI Dun and Fat Slag Wilma Flintstone All parties start small, that’s life. I believe I made that pretty clear…” May 1, 14:02
Aidan on Seven Days Too Long: “Your tiny deluded mind cannot possibly think that your life would be in anyway better if a war started with…” May 1, 13:31
Aidan on Seven Days Too Long: “That is absolutely true Alf, but that’s a different proposition from dispossessing people of property they now already lawfully owned…” May 1, 13:28
Del G on Seven Days Too Long: “As each day passes, Reform UK manage to flush themselves further down the pan. Their % rating in polls is…” May 1, 13:26
Aidan on Seven Days Too Long: “Sorry fat stinker are you telling me where I am and am not welcome? You don’t have authority over your…” May 1, 13:25
TimePilot on Push The Button: “This is a common misconception. Whilst it may be of interest, you DO NOT need to PROVE anyone’s motivation in…” May 1, 13:16
Frank Gillougley on Seven Days Too Long: “I know that I’m a slow learner, but the obvious answer to this d’hondt groundhog day is staring everyone in…” May 1, 13:11
Northcode on Seven Days Too Long: “The resulting affspring produced whin the seed o the Scots and that o the English is mixt thegither is an…” May 1, 13:04
James on Seven Days Too Long: “Depends on wether you want a health service dunnit? Like tax cuts for the rich and service/benefit cuts for the…” May 1, 13:01