There’s a strange new affliction affecting the SNP: fear of figures.
Now, we should say that we don’t believe for even a second that the SNP has actually had 10,000 new members in the last two days. It’s ridiculous to the point of insulting. But purely for the sake of argument, let’s imagine it was true.
Finally, after an astonishing four and a half days of “counting”, the SNP have released their candidate rankings for the regional list in this year’s Holyrood election. We’ll give you the results first, and then something much more interesting.
Like an old man getting up for the fourth time in the middle of the night, the Scottish Government has squeezed out another little dribble of its legal advice in respect of the conduct of its shambolic investigation into false allegations against Alex Salmond.
And to push that gross analogy to its outermost limit, it must have found releasing one of the documents in particular as painful as passing a rather large kidney stone.
What puzzles many about the Alex Salmond situation is motive. It’s incredibly difficult for some Yes supporters to imagine any motive that could justify the awfulness of what Alex Salmond has been put through by his successor, and so they reject the whole idea of any sinister goings-on out of hand.
However, it’s far easier to understand what went on when you look at the personality of Nicola Sturgeon and her historical pattern of behaviour.
Because the core fact is that Sturgeon simply cannot bear to lose. She’s very single-minded, and doesn’t really adapt or regroup in the face of adversity. When events and new information make problems for her ideas and plans, she just keeps going – often creating more problems as she tries to force the plan back on track.
Sturgeon’s main priority – in common with most politicians – is to stay in power and to boost her own image and profile. We can look at some hot topics and her behaviour around them, and gain clear insights into what happened to Alex Salmond and why.
We thought readers might like a look at the draft SNP manifesto introduction (written, we hear, by Mike Russell) that’s currently being passed around branches for comment.
Having once been a Scottish Labour MEP, I joined the SNP 10 years ago because I believed we needed the party to secure independence. I was warmly received by local and national members including Alex Salmond.
I became an active member in Edinburgh West and represented them at conference, became a member of the National Council and almost became the MP for Kilmarnock, losing narrowly to Alan Brown (now the MP) in the selection.
(I was incidentally almost blocked from running because I wasn’t “sufficiently loyal”. I was allowed to stand on appeal because Kenny MacAskill on the appeal panel said, “Well Hugh if you don’t agree with a vote in Parliament couldn’t you just go to the opera instead?” I agreed and was approved accordingly.)
My relations with the SNP have not admittedly always been plain sailing. I resigned once, when Nicola Sturgeon held up the front page of the Sun during the 2016 election after it tactically decided to back the SNP in Scotland (whilst supporting the Tories in England) because Murdoch always liked to back winners.
This raised serious questions about Nicola’s judgement and made me suspect she isn’t as smart as she thinks.
We’re only two-thirds of the way through Nicola Sturgeon’s evidence to the Fabiani inquiry, and there’s probably not much point in expressing our opinion on it because you could almost certainly have guessed what it was going to be. The First Minister has been disingenuous, evasive, defensive and at times outright dishonest.
But although we were expecting all of that, this truly shocked us:
That’s the First Minister flatly stating, under oath, that even now she doesn’t know who all the complainers are. And readers can make their own minds up about how credible a claim that is. But I can tell you this:
I know who they all are.
Craig Murray knows who they all are.
Every journalist who covered the trial knows who they all are.
(And we can reasonably assume their editors also know who they all are.)
In fact pretty much everyone who’s in any way connected to Scottish politics knows the identity of every single one of these women. If you’re willing to believe that we all do but Nicola Sturgeon doesn’t, well, fair enough. But also, I’m a Nigerian prince and I’d like to pass several million pounds through your bank account. Please get in touch.
Yesterday’s evidence session at the Fabiani inquiry had several standout moments, but by a narrow margin this was our favourite.
And just in case you were wondering, yes, that IS Scotland’s top prosecutor, the Lord Advocate, chief of the Crown Office and Procurator Fiscal Service, James Wolffe QC, repeatedly refusing to tell an MSP whether or not it’s a criminal offence in Scotland to refuse to comply with a court-ordered search warrant.
So next time you’ve ramraided a load of iPads and the polis come knocking on your door asking if they can have a nosy around your attic for them, just tell them they can’t come in because it’s a matter of your motivations.
We just put up a post, readers, but we’ve pulled it again because this has happened:
Because of this:
More as we get it, but this would seem to be an extraordinary move from the Tories if they weren’t pretty confident they had the backing of the other opposition parties. At a minimum it’s quite the scene-setter for tomorrow’s appearance of the First Minister in front of the Fabiani committee. We presume we don’t need to tell you to stay tuned.
Aidan on Two Men Unalike: “No wonder Geri is so salty this morning, given how badly her side is loosing.” Mar 1, 12:35
TURABDIN on Two Men Unalike: “Remember too that the star of the Ukrainian arms industry is the drone. Drones supplied to any takers including the…” Mar 1, 12:31
The Flying Iron of Doom on The Tactics Of Suicide: “Andy Ellis says: 1 March, 2026 at 8:40 am Of course I believe I’m a cut above the usual suspects…” Mar 1, 12:24
Northcode on Two Men Unalike: “Well, that was a pointless, time-wasting bundle of fun. But there are too many extremely rude and childish anti-Scots racist…” Mar 1, 12:17
Andy Ellis on Two Men Unalike: “Uncle Vlad must be feeling a tad nervous now. He’s rapidly running out of besties isn’t he? His supply of…” Mar 1, 12:13
Northcode on Two Men Unalike: ““I’m sure however the erudite and modest Mr Baird would decline the offer of such ostentation…” Maybe you’re right, Willie……” Mar 1, 11:53
Mark Beggan on Two Men Unalike: “North needs a hug. Any volunteers?” Mar 1, 11:48
TURABDIN on Two Men Unalike: “THE GRAND AYATULLAH is dead….but there will thousands along in a minute. Fancy the job Don? Think of all those…” Mar 1, 11:44
Northcode on Two Men Unalike: “The colonialists… they funny today. Not in any deliberate way, ye unnerstaund.. they don’t possess the wit fir that level…” Mar 1, 11:36
Mark Beggan on Two Men Unalike: “Once you liberate yourself from teenage masterbating sessions with fat plukey post colonial analy retentive burnt out socialists. Then the…” Mar 1, 11:33
Andy Ellis on Two Men Unalike: “@Mark Beggan If we see a lot of the keffiyeh wearing classes minus some fingers I guess we’ll know why,…” Mar 1, 11:26
Willie on Two Men Unalike: “I smiled at your comment about putting up a statue to Alf Baird. I’m sure however the erudite and modest…” Mar 1, 11:04
Northcode on Two Men Unalike: “I wonder if Burns ever wrote doun the word ‘cunt’… because if he had he would have nailed the likes…” Mar 1, 10:56
Northcode on Two Men Unalike: “““we’re a’ equal in the sight o’ The Lord” on Sundays.” Not all of us, I’m afraid… God telt me…” Mar 1, 10:55
James on Two Men Unalike: “Don’t worry about it, Adrian; it’s got nothing to do with the likes of you.” Mar 1, 10:53
James on Two Men Unalike: “YL; Nah, nae oil there.” Mar 1, 10:50
Mark Beggan on Two Men Unalike: “I’m sure there’s space in yer prayer to the good Lord for the peoples of Iran. Amen.” Mar 1, 10:50
Northcode on Two Men Unalike: “It looks like it’s that time again. It fair nips ma heid that a hiv been compelt tae issue sic…” Mar 1, 10:45
Mark Beggan on Two Men Unalike: “The Jockstinians cashflow is just about to dry up. That in itself will be telling. The IDF will be sending…” Mar 1, 10:40
Aidan on Two Men Unalike: “Appreciate you aren’t the sharpest tool in the shed Geri, but it’s not slander if it’s true!” Mar 1, 10:35
Geri on Two Men Unalike: “Subbed #2 Hey Fandan, I’ve never quite got to the bottom of why Tories have been there since it’s doors…” Mar 1, 10:30
Hatey McHateface on Two Men Unalike: “Virtue signalled” Mar 1, 10:29
Hatey McHateface on Two Men Unalike: “Hypocritical blethers, Northy. Don’t come on here prejudiced, biased and potty mouthed 6 days of the week and then give…” Mar 1, 10:17
Hatey McHateface on Two Men Unalike: “It’s the F16s wot done it, Geri.” Mar 1, 10:06
Hatey McHateface on The Tactics Of Suicide: ““there is no point engaging with whatever psychotic rant you’ve decided to treat us all to” Ah, c’moan noo, Aidan.…” Mar 1, 10:00
Northcode on Two Men Unalike: “Guid mornyng aw ye wha wander this place. May ye aw hae a guid Sabbath Sunday day the day. And…” Mar 1, 09:53
Geri on Two Men Unalike: “You really are unhinged to come out with something as pathetic & slanderous as that statement. Seek help, ya pathetic…” Mar 1, 09:52
Hatey McHateface on Two Men Unalike: “Ach, Andy. This time next year there will likely be a puckle of IRGC fanatics living in Houses of Multiple…” Mar 1, 09:24