We followed with interest an exchange over the weekend between Times columnist Kenny Farquharson and the anti-Brexit QC Jolyon Maugham, regarding the difference between the UK government’s insistence that there won’t be a hard border between Northern Ireland and the Republic of Ireland because of the UK leaving the EU, and its continued insistence that there WOULD have to be one between the rUK and an independent Scotland, despite the legal circumstances being indistinguishable.
Farquharson, who like much of the Scottish political commentariat clings doggedly to the implausible dream of a “federal” UK, was adamant that the rules would – and indeed that they should – be different for the two ostensibly identical situations, and his given reason was a deeply disturbing one.
Kenny, it seems, thinks Scottish nationalists should do a lot more murdering.
Actual Scottish politics news continues to be thinner on the ground than the crowds at a Donald Trump inauguration, so we sympathise once more with the gentle souls of the Scottish press as they endeavour to fill empty pages without doing anything more journalistically strenuous than slightly rewording a Labour or Tory press release.
Fortunately for us, of course, we’ve always got their dismal efforts to talk about.
Alert readers may recall as far back as July of last year, when we highlighted an odd thing that Scottish Labour branch manager Kezia Dugdale had started saying.
Regardless of the fact that it was total hooey, Dugdale repeated it every chance she got, and the inevitable Scottish-media consequences have duly followed.
You very rarely get useful stats about online newspaper readership, so we were quite intrigued by this snippet on tonight’s BBC2 Scotland documentary “Paper Thistle”, about the 200th anniversary of The Scotsman.
We don’t know what the numbers are or how brief the period was, but Wings’ average traffic is higher now than it was in 2014, while we suspect The Scotsman is moving in the opposite direction. For a single-issue website to be anywhere even in the same ballpark as a two-centuries-old broadsheet news brand with scores of full-time writers and production staff and a daily newsstand presence is a remarkable thing indeed.
We might start doing classifieds and sport just to see what happens.
It’s a well-known fact, of course, that 87% of all statistics are made up. But as this site regularly observes, if you’re the Scottish opposition and media there’s no need to invent fake ones when you can twist the real ones to present an image completely at odds with the reality.
The Sunday Times today has some fine examples of the craft of massaging figures for the purposes of deception. It carries two separate scare stories on the NHS, both of them using figures which aren’t based on any sort of news, but on opposition spin on existing stats. One comes from the Tories, under a dramatic headline:
The banner is pulling a classic trick – the £685m figure is actually the total sum spent in a decade, not the single year that most people would assume (since there’s no good reason to measure spending in decades, so headlines usually don’t do it). But remarkably it’s just about the most honest thing in the paper’s health coverage today.
While normally the Unionist media deploys the ever-reliable blunt sledgehammer in its tireless war against Scotland controlling its own affairs, it’s also occasionally capable of more subtlety, slipping in a sneaky stiletto of a lie in passing. Take this piece from today’s Mail On Sunday:
The thing is, that’s not how currency reserves work.
As we’ve always understood it, readers, the definition of “news” is supposed to be “a new thing which has happened that people didn’t previously know about”.
Evidently the rules have changed since we were young cub reporters.
We weren’t going to dignify the utterly absurd media stushie over a tweet by Glasgow MSP John Mason yesterday with any coverage because it was too cretinous to even bear thinking about, but this from today’s Daily Record was just too good.
It might only be the 2nd of January, but it’s already pretty clear what we should expect from Scottish politics and the Scottish media in 2017.
Yesterday saw an absurdly petty response from Scottish Labour to the SNP’s “baby box” initiative, sourly carping at a dirt-cheap measure with a proven record of reducing infant mortality and providing vital help to the poor.
Today’s Herald, meanwhile, leads on a meaningless story about people being opposed to having a second independence referendum in 2017 – something nobody has proposed and which has no prospect of happening barring wildly unforseeable events.
The National has an interesting-sounding front page lead story today.
Donalda MacKinnon’s immediate predecessor Ken McQuarrie has been a hostile and toxic presence at the top of BBC Scotland for many years now, so we were naturally intrigued to hear if a change of heart at the Corporation was on the horizon.
While its pages are mostly filled with toadying drivel about the Royal Family, today’s Scottish Daily Mail does manage to squeeze in a bit of supposed politics news.
We say “supposed” because as alert readers may have already suspected, the story quickly disintegrates under inspection. The figure of 3000 police officers leaving the force since it became Police Scotland (buffed up with a hysterical editorial on page 14 talking about the “truly alarming scale of the mass exodus”) is presented without any context as to whether this is a higher number than one would normally expect.
And sure enough, a few paragraphs in we find out that the vast majority have quit after 20 to 30 years of service, which is entirely normal – the article notes that “most officers retire in their late forties or early fifties”.
The line that caught our eye, though, was this:
“Last night, Scottish Conservative leader Ruth Davidson said: ‘Officers seem to be leaving Police Scotland in their droves.'”
Last night? You mean on Christmas Day Ruth Davidson had nothing better to do with her life than offer vacuous quotes to justify meaningless non-stories in the Daily Mail? For the love of God, someone get the poor woman a Netflix subscription.
Young Lochinvar on The Invisible Rabbit: “HMcH Errrrrrrr.. That’s a No. Please accept my explanation that it no way infers respect or conviviality! PS: anyways remember…” Jul 16, 00:11
Hatey McHateface on Blue In The Face: “Scottish voters were denied their right to an Independent Scotland because not enough Scottish voters turned out to vote for…” Jul 16, 00:01
Young Lochinvar on A Matter Of Declinature: “DB Qwerty = (top line of a keyboard) is a kind of shorthand for LGBTQIgodknows what else gobbledegook gibberish freakery..…” Jul 15, 23:55
Hatey McHateface on The Invisible Rabbit: “Well, Breeks, I note you’re still of the opinion that former colonies should roll over and accept forced re-colonisation by…” Jul 15, 23:38
Hatey McHateface on The Invisible Rabbit: “Aw, YL. I’m touched to discover you’re thinking of me. I guess there’s absolutely no point in asking you to…” Jul 15, 23:30
James on The Invisible Rabbit: “Long time no see, Breeks. Best to you.” Jul 15, 23:26
Graf Midgehunter on A Matter Of Declinature: “Viagra. Take two and be a world champ” Jul 15, 23:20
Skip_NC on A Matter Of Declinature: “The assorted has-beens and never-will-bes on the BBC are blaming Tuchel and it’s not just because he went defensive very…” Jul 15, 23:18
robertkknight on A Matter Of Declinature: “Either that, or the supine media have been served DSMA-Notices and are avoiding mentioning the elephant in the room in…” Jul 15, 23:10
Captain Caveman on A Matter Of Declinature: “No one is blaming the manager, although his subs were crap. We scored a great goal with 30 minutes to…” Jul 15, 22:56
Young Lochinvar on A Matter Of Declinature: “Viagra.. For when you can’t make it past a semi.. PS; Its just a game 🙂” Jul 15, 22:43
Andy Wiltshire on A Matter Of Declinature: “Great stuff – you can almost imagine the rising panic as they read it. Squeaky bum time!” Jul 15, 22:36
Confused on A Matter Of Declinature: “INGLUND have “HEARTS-ED IT” LAVVERLY JABBLY – now let’s play : BLAME THE MANAGER ‘es a bit forun innee ……” Jul 15, 22:25
Andrew scott on A Matter Of Declinature: “YAH BEAUTY Btw how come that horror who “works” for Aberdeen uni is still in a job after HIS terrible(now…” Jul 15, 21:53
Oneliner on A Matter Of Declinature: “Indeed. Prior to his resignation, Healy was the last Defence Secretary to call out the SNP as being ‘a threat…” Jul 15, 21:13
robertkknight on A Matter Of Declinature: “The more they (Police Scotland/COPFS) squirm the more it smacks of someone in Thames House playing the National Security card…” Jul 15, 20:36
Carol Neill on A Matter Of Declinature: “Dug wi a bone , wish we had more of you” Jul 15, 20:13
Aidan on A Matter Of Declinature: “@RevStu – has anyone initiated the victims right to review with respect to the original complaint? I’ve no doubt that…” Jul 15, 19:51
diabloandco on A Matter Of Declinature: “Young Lochinvar, sorry you lost me with your comment , can you explain – I know being old restricts my…” Jul 15, 19:33
Mark Beggan on A Matter Of Declinature: “Qwertys days are numbered. Just like that mentally unstable transvestite who calls himself Confused.” Jul 15, 19:22
100%Yes on The Invisible Rabbit: “We should protest outside Holyrood or Bute house demanding Swinney is removed from office and investigated.” Jul 15, 18:56
100%Yes on The Invisible Rabbit: “We shout protest outside Holyrood or Bute house demanding Swinney is removed from office and investigated.” Jul 15, 18:56
100%Yes on The Invisible Rabbit: “I have been arguing since 2015 on here about the SNP and Sturgeon true commitment to Independence being Nil. Its…” Jul 15, 18:25
Young Lochinvar on A Matter Of Declinature: “Talking of lawyers letters I see JK Rowling has made qwerty captured Amnesty back down after putting out a qwerty…” Jul 15, 18:12
Jeannie McCrimmon on A Matter Of Declinature: “Under your instructions. That ? was a wee emoji.” Jul 15, 18:08
Sean Duffy on A Matter Of Declinature: “Succinct, and elegantly addresses the question of why the Police Scotland failed in their statutory duties to fully investigate what…” Jul 15, 17:56
Rev. Stuart Campbell on A Matter Of Declinature: “Roddy and David are obviously doing most of the heavy lifting here 😀” Jul 15, 17:54
Young Lochinvar on The Invisible Rabbit: “AX Well at least I made it to the end 🙂 (Hatey for instance has problems reading things like oaths…” Jul 15, 17:48