Remember, readers, how last year “Better Together” tried to ridicule the fact that we’d put a satirical line about “space monsters” into one of the questions in our first Panelbase poll? Remember how it was the most absurd, stupid thing imaginable?
That was the UK Secretary of State for Defence, yesterday.
We honestly don’t understand how anyone with electricity in their house or a newsagent anywhere within a 30-mile radius can possibly come to say things like this:
Firstly, Elaine, we’d have to say that “it would be crazy” DOES actually sound like quite a strong view on independence to us. But in all seriousness, leaving all snark and sarcasm aside, how on Earth does a human being living in the UK in 2014, seemingly not inside any sort of secure institution, come to believe something like that?
Ms Coates isn’t some lone madwoman. Other people, also not resident in mental hospitals, say the same thing. And we get that lots of people aren’t into politics. But when it comes to ignorance about your own nation, being unaware that Scotland has oil is somewhere on a par with not knowing that Great Britain is an island. How in the world do you go through decades of adult life without ever picking up on that fact?
It’s not a rhetorical question. Can someone actually explain it to us?
We’ve just been watching the latest of the BBC’s big independence referendum debates, and we’d like the hour of our life we wasted back, please.
It wasn’t as though it was the worst we’ve seen by a long chalk. It was, if nothing else, relatively even-tempered, helped by some firm moderation by James Cook. Lesley Riddoch was as reliable, sensible and on top of the facts as she always is (although even we’re starting to get fed up of hearing her go on about Norway all the time). And while Brian Wilson is a dishonest and bilious wee nyaff, he does have the one huge saving grace that he isn’t Anas Sarwar.
But tell us this, readers – what was the point of it all?
Readers who may have been alarmed that the Scotsman hadn’t run any Michael Kelly columns for a while can breathe a sigh of relief this morning, as the role of “clueless idiot blithely spouting inflammatory and wrong-headed drivel about sectarianism and independence” is clearly in safe hands.
One of the great things about this site’s sky-high viewing figures is that on the rare occasions when we might be, for example, out having a walk in the park to get over the crushing disappointment of somehow losing yet another Scottish Cup semi-final, our ever-vigilant readers will remain alert.
Even Sparta’s mythical iron-bar currency – specifically designed, so legend had it, to shackle the economy by being too heavy to buy or trade anything – was marginally better, in Alistair Darling’s view, than anything an independent Scotland might be able to use for money, all of which will lead to inevitable doom.
Because Scotland, as all good unionists know, is the only country in world history for which there is no currency option that will work at all.
Have you seen the film of the coronation? I’m not talking about the grand televised extravaganza in Westminster Abbey with the young Queen Elizabeth done up like a wedding cake – I mean the Scottish coronation, in Edinburgh, three weeks after the glamorous London ceremony of 2 June 1953.
It’s not easy to locate. You’ll struggle to find a picture of it, or even a documented reference – a brief casual mention squeezed in right at the end of this article on the monarchical website is the best we could do.
Acting on the advice of her ministers, Elizabeth attended the ceremony dressed in an ordinary coat and hat. The honours of Scotland were presented to her, and she held them as if they were volatile explosive devices, standing stock-still until they were taken back again by be-gowned flunkies.
There would be no actual official crowning. It might give the natives ideas.
It seems that we’re letting the side down a bit here. If the same percentage of us were willing to vote Yes as the men, we’d be home and dry come September 18th, living in a nuclear-weapon-free democracy for the first time in our lives. But it seems like a lot of us are either not convinced or haven’t begun thinking about it yet.
I don’t believe it’s the former: anyone genuinely looking at the arguments, not to mention the behaviour of those on both sides of the debate, could hardly fail to be convinced that independence is a good thing. So I’m guessing it might be the latter.
We didn’t do a stats post at the start of April (still just under 4m pageviews a month, if you’re curious) but when someone tweeted these figures this morning we thought they were worth a wee toot, because they’re more than just nice news for us.
They’re from the independent web-traffic analysis site Alexa.com, and they detail the relative rankings for the seven biggest dedicated Scottish politics sites on the web.
We’ve had these sitting around for a few days without getting round to posting them, but as we’re currently knee-deep in the last tranche of data from our Panelbase poll, it seemed as good a time as any to clear the decks.
First up in the ambiguously-named Posterotron is the “respectable” face of British nationalism, in the form of UKIP European-election candidate David Coburn.
Cherrybank on Seven Days Too Long: “The You-Tuber Craig Houston stands a good chance of being elected as an independent for Glasgow.” May 2, 09:14
Fearghas MacFhionnlaigh on Seven Days Too Long: “REALLY STRUGGLING WITH DRUGS? If you are OK with a Christian ambience, Glaswegian Terry McCutcheon is founder and current Executive…” May 2, 09:13
Nicky T Naquetti on Seven Days Too Long: “@diablo Get a Linux/Ubuntu installation. Unless you are a gamer or run some esoteric Windows-only software, you can easily make…” May 2, 08:22
Hatey McHateface on Seven Days Too Long: ““carpet bomb Tehran – that’ll show them! So now those who maybe were West leaning are all dead” An odd…” May 2, 07:39
Hatey McHateface on Seven Days Too Long: “Here you go, YL. Your one (1) response per Diem in which I validate your pathetic, pointless, and obsessively focused…” May 2, 07:24
Hatey McHateface on Seven Days Too Long: “Interesting ideas, Confused. But who will talk for the Benefits Classes? Who will champion the grifters, those with hands permanently…” May 2, 07:09
Aidan on Seven Days Too Long: “Oh yes Dan you have me worked right out mate, don’t let me “divert” or “distract” you from whatever exceptionally…” May 2, 07:06
Hatey McHateface on Seven Days Too Long: ““The gas chamber again eh? Do you never bore yourself tae death playing yer banjo again?” Not where you’re concerned,…” May 2, 06:58
Hatey McHateface on Seven Days Too Long: ““There’s nothing that stipulated a lifetime” Naw? Which part of the “heirs and successors” clause continues to defeat your comprehension?” May 2, 06:50
Geri on Seven Days Too Long: “We know where it is. What we don’t know is… Where’s Scotlands oil fund? Where is £15.5 BILLION in fake…” May 2, 03:13
Geri on Seven Days Too Long: “The gas chamber again eh? Do you never bore yourself tae death playing yer banjo again? Treacherous liars & devious…” May 2, 03:03
Mark Beggan on Seven Days Too Long: “Talking money. Where’s the 600K?” May 2, 02:46
Geri on Seven Days Too Long: ““Rational, wise, educated people might well believe it’s far too early to say.” They admitted it, ya plank. The orange…” May 2, 02:03
Geri on Seven Days Too Long: ““The last ugly, overweening monstrosity cost a billion” A Yoon government. A farce from start to finish. It wasn’t their…” May 2, 01:28
Young Lochinvar on Seven Days Too Long: “George I swore-in in sectarian divided Glasgow during the troubles era where the oath was accepted if mumbled. Nonetheless I…” May 2, 01:13
Confused on Seven Days Too Long: “One of the problems with trying to start a new party (there are many) is that politics in a “democracy”…” May 1, 23:31
Young Lochinvar on Seven Days Too Long: “HMcH Highest taxing WESTMINSTER government ever.. I put that in bold as I had to do a double take! It’s…” May 1, 23:20
George Ferguson on Seven Days Too Long: “@Young Lochinvar I will fight alongside you. You are a mucker or a brother. But you must have sworn allegiance…” May 1, 23:20
Young Lochinvar on Seven Days Too Long: “George Aye.. But.. Hardly compares with Westminster and Buckingham Palace ongoing costs really though eh..” May 1, 23:06
George Ferguson on Seven Days Too Long: “@Hatey McHateface The original Scottish Parliament building cost £414 million. Well over budget I grant you that. My estimate of…” May 1, 22:53
Hatey McHateface on Seven Days Too Long: “@Fearghas MacFhionnlaigh Two posters referencing Hemingway in the same day. What are the chances, eh? I’m not issuing a direct…” May 1, 22:45
Geri on Seven Days Too Long: ““SCOTLAND does not need more WASPS on mobility scooters.” LOL! Sad but true. It wouldn’t be so bad if they…” May 1, 22:42
Hatey McHateface on Seven Days Too Long: “How about Raynor? Is Raynor bleating about it? Or perhaps growling? There’s a part of me that desperately wants Prime…” May 1, 22:27
robertkknight on Seven Days Too Long: “I’ll no doubt find someone palatable on the Regional paper, but my constituency paper will be defaced by a black…” May 1, 22:23
Hatey McHateface on Seven Days Too Long: “Once the designs are finalised, we Scots should submit a FOI request to find out how many of the public…” May 1, 22:18
Hatey McHateface on Seven Days Too Long: ““Aren’t Christians supposed to be charitable & believe in rehabilitation” They defo don’t believe in the gas chambers for those…” May 1, 22:11
George Ferguson on Seven Days Too Long: “I looked at standing as an Indendepence Candidate I informed this blog after research it was implausible that any Candidate…” May 1, 22:07
Hatey McHateface on Seven Days Too Long: “Reminds me of the joke about how the oldest profession could never work in certain parts of Scotland because the…” May 1, 22:04
Hatey McHateface on Seven Days Too Long: “@Alf There’s some kind of eejit above pretending to be you.” May 1, 21:58