Although to be scrupulously fair to General Sir Anthony Cecil Hogmany Melchett, he did at least actually launch an offensive from time to time, rather than just putting out occasional half-arsed discussion papers and press releases about it.
The party is now primarily a vehicle for processing cash and funnelling it to carefully selected and ideologically vetted activists, mostly from the fundamentalist youth wing, who are given well-paid jobs working for MPs and MSPs or parachuted into council seats in return for their unquestioning loyalty to Nicola Sturgeon.
And at this, it must be admitted, the SNP is still a highly effective operation. Which is fortunate, because without UK government money it would be bankrupt.
Above are the Electoral Commission’s donation figures for the third quarter of 2022. They note that 100% of the SNP’s reportable income for that period came from the UK government’s coffers – a trait shared with Plaid Cymru, the SDLP and the DUP.
Given that three of those four parties are nationalists committed to removing various constituent parts of the UK, one might almost be tempted to commend Westminster’s generosity. But perhaps it knows exactly what it’s doing.
Word reaches us, readers, that Nicola Sturgeon was “furious” when she joined the most recent meeting of the SNP’s Westminster group by Skype. Her rage was driven by the suggestion that the party should trigger a Holyrood election to act as a de facto independence referendum, a policy we’re reliably told is supported by a number of MPs who are too scared of being browbeaten by Sturgeon in front of their colleagues to actually speak out in favour of it.
(We won’t mention their names at this point.)
Our source mentioned to us that they seemed to remember an interview in which the First Minister had revealed a possible reason for her extreme antipathy to the idea – one for the BBC’s extensive and rather good three-part documentary “Yes/No – Inside The Indyref”, which was broadcast in August 2019 and never seen again.
It’s not available on iPlayer or YouTube, but fortunately we happened to still have the show recorded on our Sky+ box, so we went to check, and lo and behold our source’s recollection was correct. Apologies for the slightly wonky quality of this video, as we had to record it off the TV screen.
You can’t move on social media today without tripping over effusive tweets from SNP MPs and MSPs singing the praises of departed Westminster leader Ian Blackford and admiring all his achievements in the position over the last five years, although weirdly nobody has actually listed any of them.
Or possibly the other way round, we’re not sure. All we know is that we’re always surging upwards and forwards but somehow never actually getting anywhere.
If anyone knows when “this process” will have ended and we’ll get our choice – or indeed what she achieved for Scotland in the Brexit negotiations – do let us know.
It’s more than two years now since we published this article, but it’s worth quickly going over it again, because there’s nothing on Earth more tedious than boneheads on social media going “Oh, you slag off the SNP but what’s YOUR plan if you’re so clever?”, who haven’t bothered to read any of the dozen times we’ve already answered that question since 25 months ago.
This is it. This is our plan. Try listening this time, thickos.
Alf Baird on Scotland’s Most Frightened: ““Surely, for the colonised, it is always “our” government?” Not so. Since annexation in 1707 Scots remain subject only to…” Mar 5, 23:19
Northcode on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “Interesting, Fearghas, but I’m afraid I no longer trust Alba – I’m not entirely sure I ever did. The refusal…” Mar 5, 22:22
Northcode on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “I have an urge to scribble doun some Scots words and post them to this place: Tho we hamespun Scottis…” Mar 5, 21:47
Northcode on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “To compare colonisation wth immigration is a false equivalence. Here is a modern definition of colonialism: ” [colonialism] depends first…” Mar 5, 21:21
Fearghas MacFhionnlaigh on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “ALBA CONTINUATION GROUP WELCOMES MACASKILL’S POSITIVE ENGAGEMENT PRESS RELEASE For Immediate Release Alba Continuation Group Welcomes MacAskill Engagement as Members…” Mar 5, 20:15
Hatey McHateface on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “Excellent points, Lorncal. Both gender woowoo and multiculturalism have another thing in common – we, the people, were never asked…” Mar 5, 18:49
Lorncal on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “H McH: the thing about decolonisation is that it rarely turns out the way you thought it might before you…” Mar 5, 18:19
Young Lochinvar on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “So very New Testament of you HMcH It’s much older; Lilith then Cain kicked it all off for the Abrahamics..” Mar 5, 17:51
Mark Beggan on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “When the Eagle soars and the Lion roars the world stands still. America is waiting.” Mar 5, 17:38
Hatey McHateface on Scotland’s Most Frightened: ““Be more like Spain” In early 2026, Spain agreed to unilaterally grant legal residence and work permits to approximately 500,000…” Mar 5, 17:12
Hatey McHateface on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “Did you hear that on the street like yesterday? Crivens. Fit an interesting street ye hing oot oan!” Mar 5, 17:03
Hatey McHateface on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “Surely, for the colonised, it is always “our” government? It’s the post colonised for whom it isn’t. I don’t have…” Mar 5, 16:58
Mark Beggan on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “I thought you would still be mourning the elimination of the father of post colonial theocracy. From my reckoning you…” Mar 5, 16:50
Fordy on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “Been saying that since Sturgeon was first minister all the faux grievances with Westminster is just to keep the sheep…” Mar 5, 16:24
Alf Baird on Scotland’s Most Frightened: ““our government” ? For the colonized it is never ‘our’ government.” Mar 5, 15:48
Geri on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “The English keep voting for these parasites. They’re lazy, they don’t even get off their arse & threaten to physically…” Mar 5, 15:31
Geri on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “Last I heard it’s basically over for the yanks. Iran sent a £600 drone that bypassed the American billion dollar,…” Mar 5, 15:17
Hatey McHateface on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “MSM reporting the Home Secretary wants to sub asylum seeker families to the tune of £40,000 to sling their hooks.…” Mar 5, 14:50
Hatey McHateface on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “Isn’t that a Catholic thing? I don’t think they call it a shambles, though.” Mar 5, 14:42
Young Lochinvar on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “Alf The impact of extended Scotchland Office lunch “hour” tea trolley duties away from the internet.. Quack quack 🙂” Mar 5, 14:37
Young Lochinvar on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “4 fighters to Qatar, 1 frigate to Cyprus (sometime), 2 helicopters to Cyprus and 1 charter repatriation flight (eventually).. World…” Mar 5, 14:32
Hatey McHateface on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “Both poles of the Baird/Northy axis have been absent until today. So, little of worth that merited responding to. Can…” Mar 5, 14:28
Alf Baird on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “Tut tut, only 13 out of 46 comments here for Hatety ower Scotland. Ye’ve drapped belaw yer usual 30%.” Mar 5, 13:54
Hatey McHateface on Scotland’s Most Frightened: ““The solution? STOP ILLEGALLY INVADING OTHER COUNTRIES. Simples” I find myself on the horns of a dilemma. Is it flattering…” Mar 5, 13:49
Hatey McHateface on Scotland’s Most Frightened: ““the current crop of politicians may not have the requisite skills & intelligence to handle” Maybe aye, maybe naw. I…” Mar 5, 13:35
Hatey McHateface on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “That so? These people sound like what we would call colonialists on here. Happy to be proved wrong. Maybe they’re…” Mar 5, 13:19
agentx on Scotland’s Most Frightened: ““Flight data shows that in the week leading up to the US and Israel’s attack on Iran, 24 US military…” Mar 5, 13:15
Hatey McHateface on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “Wheesht, Northy, that carpet has been gnawed to threads. There’s a plush new carpet on the flair, 100% acrylic, with…” Mar 5, 13:14
Lorncal on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “John Swinney says he will hold another referendum only because he is sure that the SNP will not have a…” Mar 5, 13:14