Alert readers will of course be aware that one of this site’s most frequently-recurring themes is “phantom news”, whereby events or unpleasant opinions that newspapers or broadcasters really want to have happened are conveniently brought to life, either by some random nobody on the internet, or an unnamed “source” or “insider”.
So when Nicola Sturgeon did something today that nearly everyone in the Northern Hemisphere knew she was going to do sometime soon, but wasn’t expecting just yet, there wasn’t time to prepare actual real people with the required quotes.
In the modern media world, though, that isn’t a problem.
Our attention was drawn today to hardcore shrieky Loyalist nutter collective Scotland In Union releasing “new research” on an independent Scotland’s finances, which in fact came out last year but which for unknown reasons they’re touting again now.
Commissioned by the loongroup from a London-based thinktank that we’d never heard of by the name of “Europe Economics”, it predictably produces a doom-and-gloom conclusion that independence would have cost over £10bn in the first year.
There are so many gaping chasms in the logic we could hardly stop laughing for long enough to type, but one in particular was worth wiping the tears from our eyes for.
We were very pleased to hear Gary Robertson challenge Kezia Dugdale on the curious matter of Scottish Labour’s membership and income figures on today’s Good Morning Scotland. Dugdale flapped and dodged and waffled for as long as she could before diverting the topic onto federalism, and eventually managed to wriggle away from the subject without any sort of proper answer (through no fault of Robertson’s).
Almost a year ago we ran a short piece mocking a Scotsman headline which claimed that “THOUSANDS” of people had signed a Tory anti-referendum petition, when the actual number was a strictly-accurate-but-pathetic TWO thousand.
We didn’t think that could ever be beaten for technically-true hyperbolic exaggeration, but we’d reckoned without the bold boundary-pushing ingenuity of the Daily Express.
Hundreds of thousands? How many hundreds, exactly?
There’s a truly abominable piece of hatemongering in today’s Times. A grotesequely dishonest Nat-bashing smear job based on stupendously misrepresented fragments of quotes, it’s penned by Patrick Harkness, someone who the paper identifies as “a past co-chairman of the RSE [Royal Society of Edinburgh] Young Academy of Scotland”.
For some reason it’s chosen to leave a few lines off his CV.
It’s a well-known fact, of course, that 87% of all statistics are made up. But as this site regularly observes, if you’re the Scottish opposition and media there’s no need to invent fake ones when you can twist the real ones to present an image completely at odds with the reality.
The Sunday Times today has some fine examples of the craft of massaging figures for the purposes of deception. It carries two separate scare stories on the NHS, both of them using figures which aren’t based on any sort of news, but on opposition spin on existing stats. One comes from the Tories, under a dramatic headline:
The banner is pulling a classic trick – the £685m figure is actually the total sum spent in a decade, not the single year that most people would assume (since there’s no good reason to measure spending in decades, so headlines usually don’t do it). But remarkably it’s just about the most honest thing in the paper’s health coverage today.
Figures released yesterday indicated that the number of full-time teachers employed in Scotland had risen by 253 over the past year, despite budget cuts imposed by the UK government’s austerity programme. This obviously presented the Scottish media with a dilemma: how could such statistics be presented as an “SNP BAD” story?
Luckily, we’re dealing with experienced professionals here.
We often say here on Wings that our job is to teach people to instantly recognise the sneaky tricks used by the media to try to create false impressions without saying things that are technically untrue. (Because despite the tiny size they’re allowed to print corrections at, they’re still rather embarrassing.)
A key technique is to look at a headline or story and immediately ask what you’re NOT being told. So here’s an easy example from today’s Scottish Daily Mail.
Cynicus on Ain’t it funny how things change?: “Sarwar senior went to become Governor of Punjab. However Punjabophiles can relax since the office is not hereditary.” Jul 23, 00:49
Confused on Ain’t it funny how things change?: “Question of the day must be : how many times is it permissible to hit a tory on the head…” Jul 22, 23:47
Alf Baird on Ain’t it funny how things change?: “The dishonesty is first and foremost in the mankit annexation and ‘Union’ hoax which gives rise to its need for…” Jul 22, 23:26
Young Lochinvar on Ain’t it funny how things change?: “AX Tut tut.. I don’t think anyone has seriously given that moniker to Glasgow for quite some considerable time and…” Jul 22, 23:06
Young Lochinvar on Ain’t it funny how things change?: “HMcH That bad? Really? Made you reply though didn’t it? Validation an’ that eh? Enjoy lock down through the night…” Jul 22, 22:29
Hatey McHateface on Ain’t it funny how things change?: “Sorry, Auld Lochnagar, but as a wind up that’s a piss poor effort. Try again around 2 AM. Your output…” Jul 22, 22:22
Dick Wall on Ain’t it funny how things change?: “Well now. Let’s have a wee bit of nuance. Most places have a way of appointing ministers who are not…” Jul 22, 21:16
Young Lochinvar on Ain’t it funny how things change?: “Chas Why do you lay that responsibility at Alfs door? Is it so you can blame him if things don’t…” Jul 22, 21:10
Young Lochinvar on Ain’t it funny how things change?: “HMcH Aaaaah! In other words ie Yoda-speak; “Rampant Cringe leads to unhappiness, unhappiness leads to non conformance, non conformance leads…” Jul 22, 20:48
Young Lochinvar on Ain’t it funny how things change?: “SF In fairness; “sins of the father” and that.. Not that I’m a fan!” Jul 22, 20:39
Scot Finlayson on Ain’t it funny how things change?: “His dad, Chaudhry Sarwar, was knocked back for a Lordship, `His nomination by outgoing Prime Minister, Gordon Brown for a…” Jul 22, 20:28
Hatey McHateface on Ain’t it funny how things change?: ““This I must say for Scotland, and I may truly vaunt it; here I sit, and govern it with my…” Jul 22, 20:08
Hatey McHateface on The Wheels Of Industry: “If it’s gonna take 300 years to “decolonise”, we’re beyond fortunate to have a thousand year old Pict on our…” Jul 22, 19:58
Lorncal on The Wheels Of Industry: “Alf: I have ever been the contrarian, but I have never considered our situation to be ‘colonial’ in the accepted…” Jul 22, 19:57
Young Lochinvar on Ain’t it funny how things change?: “Oooh err.. I see Skynet slipped the leash and started flexing its AI muscles! AI is insanity on steroids and…” Jul 22, 19:49
Hatey McHateface on Progressing To Oblivion: “Relax, James. Burnham is gonna end rough sleeping soon. Once you have a fixed address they’ll give you new clothes,…” Jul 22, 19:47
Chas on The Wheels Of Industry: “Wow. That’s a first…………. Northclown has been thinking! Did it hurt?” Jul 22, 18:34
Chas on Ain’t it funny how things change?: “It is different shite Alfie boy but shite is still, well….. shite. What is surprising is not a quote in…” Jul 22, 17:55
agentx on Ain’t it funny how things change?: “It’s great to see that the Second City of the British Empire – Glasgow is hosting the Commonwealth Games which…” Jul 22, 17:28
Effijy on Ain’t it funny how things change?: “He will look well in beside Baroness Money Bags Mone and Wee Baroness Ruthless. The 3 prize monkey’s, Hear No…” Jul 22, 17:26
Nick on Ain’t it funny how things change?: “It’s called recycling! It’s what we do with the rubbish in this country these days!” Jul 22, 17:00
Alf Baird on Ain’t it funny how things change?: “There is a long history of elite Scots selling out their nation for English gold and status: HoC, speech of…” Jul 22, 16:31
Mark Beggan on Ain’t it funny how things change?: “It’s his payment for standing up against Mr Sausage. Although he had absolutely nothing to lose and everything to gain.…” Jul 22, 16:20
Nicky T Naquetti on Ain’t it funny how things change?: “New Mayor of Scotland? It would not surprise anybody if that Indian tranny from the Green Party ended up lording…” Jul 22, 16:05
Andy Wiltshire on Ain’t it funny how things change?: “Interesting. Were Private Eye one of the ‘Branchfoot’ offenders?” Jul 22, 14:16
Onlooker on Ain’t it funny how things change?: “Fuck that racist eighth-wit, hope he fucks off down to London and never comes back.” Jul 22, 13:50
