Honestly, readers, swear to God, all joking and sarcasm aside, when we saw this tweet yesterday we were wondering how on Earth some clever satirist had managed to hack Anas Sarwar’s account to insert the screenshot into it.
Because we didn’t believe that even Scottish Labour’s low-watt-bulb of a branch manager would willingly post something that made him look so much of an imbecile.
One might almost imagine that once every Parliament, a drawing of lots is conducted at The Times’ offices in Scotland and the loser is obliged to write this column, on pain of a ceremonial debagging and a jolly good paddling with an old cricket bat from all the other chaps in the newsroom.
Perhaps the fear is playing tricks with Alex Massie’s memory.
Right, as promised, one last piece of admin. (This post will be removed in due time.)
We left yesterday’s piece and the associated poll up for two full days to make sure the people who don’t read Wings at weekends saw it and had the chance to vote in it too. But in truth it was pretty obvious how the vote would go from about 20 minutes in.
When the Rolling Stones drummer Charlie Watts died last month, the first of their songs that popped into my head, for no particular reason, was “Under My Thumb”, a mildly controversial 1966 album track the band never released as a single in the West.
Its most infamous place in history, though, is this.
Until Watts’ death I was only very broadly aware of the events at Altamont Speedway in 1969, a free festival at a racetrack near San Francisco at which four people died in scenes of malevolent chaos and which is widely regarded as the grim headstone of the hippy era.
But on seeing the extraordinary footage above for the first time on the day of Watts’ death – taken from “Gimme Shelter”, notionally the official movie of the show, although the first two-thirds of it are actually a mundane travelogue of the preceding tour dates – I did some proper reading up on it.
And as I did, a horribly familiar feeling started to unfold.
It’s a curious thing to say before either of the inquiries has delivered its report. The only people who are asserting that Sturgeon has been somehow cleared of involvement in a conspiracy are the SNP, and even their own voters are split down the middle on it.
But let’s just check on how big the SNP are winning right now.
As a spinoff from the hysterical Scottish media witch-hunt over last week’s piece on Neil Mackay, today we found ourselves listening to a podcast from last May by Courier editor Davie Clegg and former Scottish Labour branch manager Kezia Dugdale.
While it was obviously of personal interest, we had a specific reason for listening – we suspected it might contain some helpful information that our lawyers had been looking for (which as it happened it did).
But there was also something else really interesting that we weren’t expecting.
But they also ruled that because Dugdale is a drooling halfwitted imbecile who doesn’t know what simple words mean she was entitled to use her stupidity and ignorance as a defence, so we lost the case and to this day (the original smear having happened way back in 2017) our lawyers are still negotiating with her lawyers over the final costs.
So trust us when we tell you this: today’s front-page lead in the Herald On Sunday is a great big pile of stinky unmitigated horse-bollocks.
With precisely the grim level of cynicism we’ve now come to expect as standard, the Scottish Government has released a key document relating to the Salmond inquiry two days before Christmas, hoping it’ll be buried in the ongoing coronavirus-and-Brexit-related implosion of the UK.
The document, which contains legal advice relating to the judicial review brought by Salmond regarding the Scottish Government’s investigations into false allegations of misconduct against him, is extremely heavily redacted. But a few interesting passages remain, so let’s have some fun.
One of them, of course, is who leaked the story to Davie Clegg of the Daily Record in August of that year, when the whole thing should have been confidential and passing it to the press was an unambiguously malicious and criminal act.
sarah on Safety First: “Hooray! Welcome back, Chris. Will the public finally get the message as to who is responsible for spreading this faux…” Jul 26, 07:58
Effijy on Safety First: “Well Done Chris! The police have become something of a farce in recent years. Homes with professionally monitored intruder alarm…” Jul 26, 07:36
Frank Gillougley on Safety First: “Welcome back Chris you have been sorely missed. Your commentary is essential Saturday viewing. Everybody knows the small things are…” Jul 26, 07:35
Hatey McHateface on Everybody’s Normal Nowadays: “Have it your way, YL Sah! Only, your way, the Declaration of Arbroath is hoaching with lies. Whoops 🙂” Jul 26, 04:32
Young Lochinvar on Everybody’s Normal Nowadays: “He’s thrown himself into the arena of public consciousness. Taking notes in his book of grudges and pulling his nostril…” Jul 26, 02:14
Young Lochinvar on Everybody’s Normal Nowadays: “Fingers crossed. I suspect there is a lot of money backing it though..” Jul 26, 01:58
Young Lochinvar on Everybody’s Normal Nowadays: “Just exactly the same “green and pleasant England” propping up failed Scotchland too wee too poor too stupid, begging bowl…” Jul 26, 01:42
Young Lochinvar on Everybody’s Normal Nowadays: “Correct. It was a dynastic takeover following on from the Picts apparently taking the biggest hit (hierarchy wise) from standing…” Jul 26, 01:31
Mark Beggan on Everybody’s Normal Nowadays: “The damage is being acutely felt across every sector. This Upton maniac has not only shown himself for what he…” Jul 26, 00:28
Hatey McHateface on Everybody’s Normal Nowadays: “What makes you think it was an accident, Rob? The sterling efforts by the Covid Spreaders, long after it had…” Jul 26, 00:27
Hatey McHateface on Everybody’s Normal Nowadays: “What make you think it was an accident, Rob? The sterling efforts by the Covid Spreaders, long after it had…” Jul 26, 00:24
Hatey McHateface on Everybody’s Normal Nowadays: ““Do the Norwegians lie in their beds at night fretting over whether their country has an impact out of proportion…” Jul 26, 00:14
Hatey McHateface on Everybody’s Normal Nowadays: “Given the historical concerns over the damage to the environment (and human health) caused by female hormones found in fresh…” Jul 26, 00:05
Rob on Everybody’s Normal Nowadays: “Everyone believed it was possible, it has been for some considerable time. What no-one believed was that it was possible…” Jul 25, 23:54
Hatey McHateface on Everybody’s Normal Nowadays: “Northcode breaking entirely new ground on Wings BTL. He’s been colonised to the power of two. Colonised squared in other…” Jul 25, 23:51
robertkknight on Everybody’s Normal Nowadays: ““However there is no doubt that we had an impact out of proportion to our size. The problem will be…” Jul 25, 23:49
Fearghas MacFhionnlaigh on Everybody’s Normal Nowadays: “3-YEAR-OLD WITH PUBERTY SYMPTOMS AFTER EXPOSURE TO FATHER’S ‘SEX CHANGE’ DRUGS A three-year-old has experienced signs of puberty after exposure…” Jul 25, 23:22
Hatey McHateface on Everybody’s Normal Nowadays: ““ardent nationalists for a madeup “country” they couldn’t find on a map” What was it the Burns boy wrote? Something…” Jul 25, 23:01
Northcode on Everybody’s Normal Nowadays: “This: People who identified themselves as Picts formed a majority group in the new kingdom, and most of them remained…” Jul 25, 23:01
Nae Need! on Everybody’s Normal Nowadays: “Yip. A criminal mafia. And a disgusting bunch of perverts to boot.” Jul 25, 22:22
Mark Beggan on Everybody’s Normal Nowadays: “Call me anglophobic but there’s a little England in NHS Fife.” Jul 25, 22:10
Hatey McHateface on Everybody’s Normal Nowadays: “@Rob I suspect you may be new on here. So you won’t know that according to the usual Wings BTL…” Jul 25, 22:04
Fearghas MacFhionnlaigh on Everybody’s Normal Nowadays: “Marie, as a Scottish Republican and Christian, I’ll post this comment here if I may — SOME HISTORICAL SCOTTISH CONTRIBUTIONS…” Jul 25, 21:54
Hatey McHateface on Everybody’s Normal Nowadays: “@Rob says: 24 July, 2025 at 1:54 pm All that needs to be said, and can be said, to summarise…” Jul 25, 21:49
Hatey McHateface on Everybody’s Normal Nowadays: “FFS, Marie. Open the een the Guid Gowd gave ye. Learn to deal with the world as it is -…” Jul 25, 21:38
Hatey McHateface on Everybody’s Normal Nowadays: ““Tnere’s no two way’s about it.” Erm… two way’s of what?” Jul 25, 21:32
Hatey McHateface on Everybody’s Normal Nowadays: “Good to see you self-identifying as a Pict, NC. I can happily address my racist bigotry at you. And I…” Jul 25, 21:30
Xaracen on Everybody’s Normal Nowadays: ““Yes – you’re happy to waffle endlessly about how the treaty doesn’t “subordinate” Scotland to England, but as soon as…” Jul 25, 21:26