When I was a boy at Balbardie Primary School in Bathgate in the mid-70s, football was banned in the playground. Of course we were all fitba-daft laddies, so we sought ways around the prohibition. Occasionally someone would bring in a tennis ball, but those were difficult to control in school shoes and also apt to fly over the wall of the outdoor toilet block if somebody caught one sweetly on the volley.
So most playtimes somebody would produce a tin of Pepsi or Irn-Bru or Cresta, chug the contents, stand the empty container on its end and stomp sharply on it, producing something more akin to an ice-hockey puck that would serve for our kickabout.
But even after being skelped and scudded around a concrete playground into stone walls for 20 minutes, that can was still in better shape at the end of our game than the one the SNP have been kicking down the road since 2016.
The SNP now seem to be involved in some sort of competition where they dare each other to come up with the most blatant insult to their own members and/or the wider independence movement and see just how much they can get people to put up with.
First up was this drivel:
Humza Yousaf is leader of the SNP, a political party whose defining purpose – arguably its SOLE real purpose – is the pursuit of Scottish independence, but his “vision for Scotland” didn’t include a single mention of it.
Instead, Yousaf intends to spend the next three years on “equality”, “opportunity” and “community”, three meaningless buzzwords which every political party on Earth would claim to be in favour of. He might as well have identified his key values as kittens, lollipops and hugs.
Once again, we’re dismayed to report that we called it right. Because last night SNP MSP Mairi McAllan, officially representing the party on Question Time, told a weary audience in Fort William that that was precisely the case.
And readers, if ever a policy has been tested in battle and found wanting, it’s that one.
Just over a year ago, Shona Robison – then the Cabinet Secretary For Social Justice, now the Deputy First Minister – told the Scottish Parliament this:
There now follow some quotes from the media regarding the case of Andrew Miller, aka Amy George, who yesterday admitted the kidnap and repeated sexual abuse of an 11-year-old girl at his home in Galashiels earlier this year.
But we’ve subsequently noticed a number of attempts by various people to muddy the story by talking about a “draft” warrant request, implying that there was no improper delay. So we checked up, and thought you might like to know how the process works.
Dave Hansell on And it’s goodnight from he/him: ““Will we find out that we don’t own our army equipment either and that all the troops are mercenaries?” Given…” Jun 26, 18:04
Andy Ellis on But Don’t Give Yourself Away: “@Insider Northcode and his ilk are proof positive that the much vaunted Scottish conceit about our educational system being (at…” Jun 26, 16:53
Sven on And it’s goodnight from he/him: “Off Topic Post. Interesting new Poll out says majority of voters of all Political Parties support deportation of foreign criminals…” Jun 26, 16:38
Boyce Franks on A different school: “Independence died when Alex Salmond died. The snp died when they tried to kill Salmond’s political career and reputation. The…” Jun 26, 15:42
Insider on But Don’t Give Yourself Away: ““The Scots didn’t leave their own country to knowingly exploit other peoples” Oh dear ! Where do you get your…” Jun 26, 15:00
sarah on And it’s goodnight from he/him: ““Officers say they have nothing to go on.” Boom, boom. Thank you, Rev, we need a laugh. There was I…” Jun 26, 14:20
Sven on And it’s goodnight from he/him: “And, undoubtedly, the station cat searches any suspects who identify as felines.” Jun 26, 14:09
Rob on And it’s goodnight from he/him: “They can ask for this but are the cops forced to comply with the request? Its stupid anyway, the supreme…” Jun 26, 14:03
Hatey McHateface on But Don’t Give Yourself Away: “Stop it! Now I’m imagining a stream of Scots coming from a letter box.” Jun 26, 13:54
Andrew scott on And it’s goodnight from he/him: “How on earth did scotland get to this?No wonder reform are gaining traction” Jun 26, 13:44
Hatey McHateface on But Don’t Give Yourself Away: “That’s odd, Alf. You must be unaware that Ireland allocated a record amount for defence in 2025 and has promised…” Jun 26, 13:31
Peter Campbell on But Don’t Give Yourself Away: “So Seamus is imparting his wisdom by telling us idiots that Westminster won’t just roll over and recognise a victory…” Jun 26, 13:31
dasBlimp on But Don’t Give Yourself Away: “Our lady Northcode sounds like a nasty piece of work. She must be Iranian.” Jun 26, 13:31
Captain Caveman on A different school: ““Stick to 18 yr old Macallan.” Heh! As if, pal. Tennents Super in your case” Jun 26, 13:27
Hatey McHateface on But Don’t Give Yourself Away: “Yes, yes, NC, but it all sounds so pathetic and whiny when you write it in the language of the…” Jun 26, 13:13
Hatey McHateface on And it’s goodnight from he/him: ““One half of their body will be searched by one biological sex officer and the other half of their body…” Jun 26, 13:03
Aidan on A different school: “Well if it isn’t the site cabbage at it again. I sometimes wonder whether you wake up with the sole…” Jun 26, 13:02
Alf Baird on But Don’t Give Yourself Away: ““Assuming your claim that WM has involved us in 150+ conflicts is true, were there never any of them in…” Jun 26, 12:58
Hatey McHateface on Anatomy Of A Lunatic: “It’s a grand day for digging yourself your own tunnel, Confused. Why don’t you put a shift in? You’ll feel…” Jun 26, 12:53
Aidan on A different school: “@Xaracen – you are making a legal argument, when you realise it or not. The constitution is a construct of…” Jun 26, 12:44
Jim Thomson on And it’s goodnight from he/him: “So, let me get this straight, (or should that be hetero?) offenders will now have police cater for *both* of…” Jun 26, 12:43
Hatey McHateface on But Don’t Give Yourself Away: “Oh look, James’s maw has gone oot again. She’ll be back soon, so dinnat play with matches or yersel.” Jun 26, 12:39
Northcode on But Don’t Give Yourself Away: “England is solely responsible for the colonisation of those peoples and their nations it brought under the oppressive control of…” Jun 26, 12:39
Mark Beggan on And it’s goodnight from he/him: “So it’s goodnight from me and it’s goodnight from her/it/them.” Jun 26, 12:31
Confused on But Don’t Give Yourself Away: “Be sure to make your FROGS FROGS FROGS … everywhere speech at the elysee the algerians will like it anyway” Jun 26, 12:29
mike cassidy on And it’s goodnight from he/him: “Police Scotland have issued a statement saying they reject the criticism from WingsOverScotland A spokesperson says this is a hill…” Jun 26, 12:26
Andy Wiltshire on And it’s goodnight from he/him: “Are you seeing (without evidence) a group that you don’t like as the source of all the bad things in…” Jun 26, 12:22
Confused on Anatomy Of A Lunatic: “more from the UGLY ANGLO files : anti “tourist” protests https://archive.ph/FYnHJ Will Barcelona experience its own Jagermeister-Shots-Nacht? Anglos are trying…” Jun 26, 12:13
