There’s a very strange article on the front page of the Herald website this morning. It’s an interview with Nigel Farage in which the UKIP leader insists that his party, not the SNP, will hold the balance of power in the UK parliament after May’s election.
It’s a bold assertion given that current projections put the SNP on anywhere from 30 to 56 seats with UKIP expected to struggle to get 5 to 10. But Farage’s rationale for the statement is an interesting one.
The abusive Facebook comments recently directed at Labour MP Margaret Curran and highlighted in a piece on the STV website today make us sigh. Not only are they horrible but they’re counter-productive, in every sense of the term – they’re not going to change Curran’s mind about anything by yelling at her, and they feed a narrative about “vile cybernats” that the media is all too eager to gleefully perpetuate.
So let’s make something clear from the off: shut up, idiots. You’re not helping.
Because a good satirist can sometimes make a point better in seven sentences than idiots like us can in a 1000-word article, and make it funny at the same time.
The very few readers who don’t immediately just snort and turn the page when they see the words “George Foulkes” may have noticed in yesterday’s Herald that the thirsty peer could be found gloating gleefully that had Scotland voted for independence last September it would now be “bankrupt” due to the decline in oil prices.
We can’t be bothered pointing out for the 500th time that a Yes vote wouldn’t have seen Scotland actually independent until March 2016, and that the oil price NOW is therefore about as relevant to anything as, well, Baron Foulkes himself.
But we couldn’t help noticing a couple of small arithmetical details.
There really isn’t very much of a news story in this morning’s Sun “exclusive” that some Labour MPs say they’d quit the party rather than work with the SNP should the electorate deliver such a result in May. One told the paper:
Those of us who remember the parade of furious Scottish Labour figures going on TV and openly threatening to scupper any “rainbow coalition” involving the Nats in 2010, thereby ensuring that David Cameron and George Osborne came to power, won’t be the least bit surprised at the sheer depth of hatred and jealous rage that consumes Labour’s branch office in North Britain when the SNP are mentioned.
And there’s nothing eyebrow-raisingly new in Scottish Labour’s spiteful determination that if Scots vote against the Conservatives – but not for Labour – they should be punished with Tory governments. It’s the standard policy of electoral blackmail that the party has deployed against the rise of rivals from the left for years, and which it’s now also turning against the Greens south of the border.
But there is a telling phrase in that short quote.
Independent website Political Compass has just released its 2015 graph charting the ideological positions of all the political parties of the UK. It’s a fairly predictable one.
On the image above, we’ve added, for parties active in Scotland only, striped circles indicating each party’s 2010 position. But what does it tell us about 2015?
It’s somehow fitting that the lead article on Labour Hame today is headed by a lie before it even starts – an offer to join the party for £1 that takes you to a page where it actually costs five times as much.
(We’d noticed days ago that the much-hyped £1 offer had been quietly dumped after just a month, but it appears that nobody in the Scottish branch office thought to keep poor hapless Labour Hame in the loop.)
The article below, though, is remarkably even more dishonest.
A number of readers last night sent us copies of the response to complaints they’d made to the Independent Press Standards Organisation about the Daily Record’s infamous “The Vow” front cover. We attach the full judgement at the bottom of this article, and as far as we’re concerned it’s fair and accurate. The Vow was a deliberate deception, but it didn’t break any rules – it merely relied on readers misinterpreting it.
The bit we’re still interested in is the paragraph above.
It gets clearer with every passing day that Scottish Labour’s chief election strategy is to assume that Scottish voters are goldfish. There’s no other explanation for a piece in yesterday’s Courier on the SNP’s Jamie Hepburn’s call for the implementation of a 2009 report into which sporting events should be protected from pay-TV broadcasters.
The article concluded with some comments from Labour.
SilentMajority on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “…have I slipped into a parallel world? Swinney now thinks that having oil & gas is a sensible idea…or is…” Apr 2, 21:24
Geri on Clocks And Calendars: “Exactly, Alf. It still goes on today with the con of being a NATO member. Americans proxies in Europe &…” Apr 2, 21:02
Alf Baird on Clocks And Calendars: “Colonial armies were created by English imperial rule from many annexed territories and peoples, of which the Indian army was…” Apr 2, 19:36
Andy Storrie on Clocks And Calendars: “A lengthy and irrelevant diatribe about a London-supporting party who abandoned their traditional base in 1997! Nae good, son. It…” Apr 2, 17:53
Young Lochinvar on Clocks And Calendars: “Beggars Really? He’s running out of super expensive ordnance, “gas” at American pumps is over $4 and mid terms are…” Apr 2, 16:21
Captain Caveman on Clocks And Calendars: ““Fraid the great colonisation era was British, not English. Many Irish and Scots took major parts in this process but…” Apr 2, 15:45
Northcode on Clocks And Calendars: “Powerful picture driven propaganda and stunning visual rhetoric. Hollywood has a rival… and it’s kicking Turtle Island’s top Turtle’s arse.” Apr 2, 15:26
Captain Caveman on Clocks And Calendars: “Ah, but you’re forgetting something, Aidan. On the one hand, we have the poor man’s own family, as well as…” Apr 2, 15:14
Alf Baird on Clocks And Calendars: ““Type A. The greedy, brutal, thieving, scummy, devious, cruel & demonic kind.” Seems a fair definition of colonialism, and what…” Apr 2, 15:12
Geri on Clocks And Calendars: “Look out for the one with Trump & his allies dressed as teletubbies dancing tae gay music – while P,…” Apr 2, 14:58
Aidan on Clocks And Calendars: “This has been covered at length by people within the independence movement and his family who are adamant that it…” Apr 2, 14:47
Geri on Clocks And Calendars: “Areswipe, Naw I dinnie know. Why don’t you explain tae the group how someone can shoot themselves twice in the…” Apr 2, 13:43
James on Clocks And Calendars: ““….The death of Willie McRae has been investigated thoroughly and there is no evidence that he was murdered by the…” Apr 2, 13:43
Confused on Clocks And Calendars: “the “south park” ayatollahs have put out a banger (as it were …) www.youtube.com/watch?v=xUJGXC4oNOA www.youtube.com/shorts/bdDqVk-MpRY www.youtube.com/watch?v=BAbsKw7f3DU” Apr 2, 13:42
Rob on Clocks And Calendars: “Got to laugh at some of the comments above, particularly the ones about type a and type b peoples and…” Apr 2, 13:41
Confused on Clocks And Calendars: “another nonce scandal at the bbc, whodathunkit, no one saw that coming does not surprise me tell you what though,…” Apr 2, 13:40
Geri on Clocks And Calendars: “The snaw globes are birrlin wi that yin. King o the commode.. USA thinks aww those wee countries are jist…” Apr 2, 13:31
Northcode on Clocks And Calendars: “Turtle Island’s amphibian special forces outfit, the Navy Turtles, are gearing up, Turtle-style, to tackle the anti-Turtle threat that is…” Apr 2, 13:04
Mark Beggan on Clocks And Calendars: “Baby Senator Kennedy says ‘Let me just say for the record my Aunts Facebook page has more credibility than you…” Apr 2, 12:52
Northcode on Clocks And Calendars: ““The death of Willie McRae has been investigated thoroughly…” Yes, indeed… and by the very folk who murdered him to…” Apr 2, 12:26
Northcode on Clocks And Calendars: ““Care to set out a list of countries to go in Type A…” Top of the imperial coloniZing A-listers is….…” Apr 2, 12:19
Aidan on Clocks And Calendars: “Care to set out a list of countries to go in Type A and Type B Geri?” Apr 2, 12:04
Northcode on Clocks And Calendars: “Thon mad, bad and balding man-baby boss-man, King of the Turtles and Chief of Turtle Island… that top Turtillian, Donny…” Apr 2, 12:00
Aidan on Clocks And Calendars: “The death of Willie McRae has been investigated thoroughly and there is no evidence that he was murdered by the…” Apr 2, 11:35
Geri on Clocks And Calendars: “Aye, There really are just two types of ppl in the world. Type A. The greedy, brutal, thieving, scummy, devious,…” Apr 2, 11:25
Mark Beggan on Clocks And Calendars: “Don’t take Trump literally take Trump seriously or you might find yourself in the stone age.” Apr 2, 11:24
TURABDIN on Clocks And Calendars: “Your knowledge of both Irish & Scottish history is worthy of the badly trained AI bot. In the 18c Scotland…” Apr 2, 10:55
TURABDIN on Clocks And Calendars: “From PETER A BELL…..«That the “legal and constitutional” route does exist in Scotland’s own legal and constitutional environment will be…” Apr 2, 10:42
Geri on Clocks And Calendars: “Ach, Breastplate Now you know as well as I do that we have the wrong kinda oil. Tsk! It’s worthless,…” Apr 2, 10:33