Millionaire-funded diehard loyalist forelock-tugging faction Scotland In Union published an extraordinary blog post yesterday.
Its 606 words comprised a sort of Caledonian Cringe Greatest Hits, allegedly penned by someone called Fiona Annesley (of whom we’re told nothing else, and who has no detectable online presence), but the line that particularly caught people’s eye was this:
The complete series so far. If you’ve got a story like this to tell, or you know anyone who does, Phantom Power want to hear from you – drop them a line.
I went to “Dunkirk” at the cinema today. If you want to know what it’s like, just watch this trailer 40 times in a row and save yourself the £12.
It’s a poor movie, disjointed and aimless and curiously lacking in tension or narrative given the real-life subject matter. (It’s remarkably short on dialogue, which is lucky because you can barely make out any of what little script or story there is from behind the endlessly howling one-note airhorn of the soundtrack. It’s a bit like someone filmed an IKEA assembly manual in live action during a Formula 1 race.)
But I couldn’t help thinking that part of the reason it was so unengaging was because it felt akin to watching a boxing match between two fighters you don’t like. If Mike Tyson took on Tyson Fury, would you cheer for the rapist or the anti-Semitic homophobe?
Today’s Daily Record covers the story we mentioned yesterday about a report from a Scottish Labour campaign group making the pretty factually-uncontestable point that the branch office’s dismal strategy in last month’s election held the UK party back.
We’ll be honest with you here, readers – even though it’s only July, when it comes to sheer ham-fisted, tin-eared, clown-shoed, foot-shooting idiocy we didn’t think anything in Scottish politics in 2017 could possibly top the SNP’s decision that the surefire way to win back voters after a poor election result was literally mutilating puppies.
After all, that’s the sort of thing you say as a self-evidently ludicrous and hyperbolic joke: “Ha ha, the SNP are so dominant in Scotland these days that the only way they could lose an election would be if Nicola Sturgeon went on telly and started hacking the tails off week-old puppy-dogs without anaesthetic! LOL!!!!!”
It couldn’t even be defended as a grotesque but cynically cunning attempt to win votes from the rural hunting-and-fishing lobby – they did it right AFTER the election, when all those people had just gone out and voted Tory anyway.
But bless their hearts, Scottish Labour never once saw a low bar that they didn’t try to slither under, and today they pulled off the seemingly impossible.
Broadly speaking, the psychological phenomenon known as the Pollyanna Principle is a tendency to neurotically see the most positive possible view of a situation. It’s not generally widely found in newspapers – for whom bad news as a rule sells much better than good news – but for some reason the Scottish press makes a uniform exception when it comes to military shipbuilding.
This, for example, is today’s Herald:
Now, in itself that headline is – unusually – true, so far as it goes. But it only takes until the first sentence of the article text before things start to fall apart.
Deep in the summer news desert, the papers today are struggling for material again. The Sunday Herald has a shock-horror front-page exposé about some photos from an Orange Lodge party that turn out to be from 2010 and 2013, while the Scottish Mail On Sunday reaches all the way back to 1940 to fill a couple of pages.
BigJay on The Queer Parliament: “Come on Rev., do a takedown on that howling success of an SNP politician, Angela Constance. I think she’s now…” May 21, 15:53
lothianlad on The Queer Parliament: “Lets not forget his so called friends in PIE. Harvey that is. Disgusting!!” May 21, 15:33
Geri on The Queer Parliament: “No reason that can’t happen again & forever more. Better to sail our own ship, & remove fools. Than someone…” May 21, 15:12
agentx on The Queer Parliament: “Speaking to the Press Association on Thursday, the First Minister said: “I intend to bring forward a motion to Parliament…” May 21, 15:04
Captain Caveman on The Queer Parliament: ““And the demonstrated possibility of such a condition existing is, I’d suggest, the period between 2007-2014 when with the deft…” May 21, 14:40
Sven on The Queer Parliament: “Lorncal @ 12.16. “I want a return to the norms by which society can thrive.” Exactly, LornC. And the demonstrated…” May 21, 14:22
sam on The Queer Parliament: “Having read the Tribunal Tweets transcript of much of the Employment Tribunal hearing of Ms Young v Manchester City Council…” May 21, 13:46
Stuart MacKay on The Queer Parliament: “Returning to norms does not benefit any of the existing political parties, or their positions. In fact quite the opposite.…” May 21, 13:42
Alf Baird on The Queer Parliament: ““decent unionists” Scotland was annexed by England in 1707, Scots made subject to colonial procedures ever since. There niver wis…” May 21, 13:28
Alf Baird on The Queer Parliament: ““Personally, I want a return to the norms by which society can thrive.” Return? Really? Has the hale o Scotland…” May 21, 13:20
Aidan on The Land Of No Laws: “Do you think Geri is enjoying a Pimm’s in the garden CC, or do you think she’s hanging around her…” May 21, 12:53
Aidan on The Land Of No Laws: “There are now a grand total of 70 mentions under the phrase ‘Northcode’ under this one post. All referring to…” May 21, 12:47
Northcode on The Land Of No Laws: ““I’d add extreme ideology, thought police, group think/hive mentality to accept without question the State amending laws for said ideology.”…” May 21, 12:39
Captain Caveman on The Queer Parliament: “I pretty much agree with all of that. I’m used to Reform being denigrated as “far right” (especially by “ultra…” May 21, 12:35
Geri on The Land Of No Laws: “Southerbystander We know that isn’t the reason for illegally attacking a Sovereign Nation. These clowns would have us believe they’re…” May 21, 12:25
Northcode on The Land Of No Laws: “” I do love the smell of burning Northcode in the morning.” Man, I really got into your head, didn’t…” May 21, 12:23
Captain Caveman on The Land Of No Laws: “Agreed, Southernbystander. As would any decent, sane, rational person with an IQ>80. 🙂 The facts speak for themselves.” May 21, 12:20
Lorncal on The Queer Parliament: “HMcH/CC: Ia absolutely agree that something drastic needs to be done now, but I am not sure the far right…” May 21, 12:16
Fearghas MacFhionnlaigh on The Queer Parliament: “EX-BBC DIRECTOR: ‘PRO-TRANS BIAS PERVADED CORPORATION’ A former BBC Director of News and Current Affairs has revealed how the trans…” May 21, 12:12
Geri on The Land Of No Laws: “Yer flying today, Northy..haha! Trust the dour, humourless, clypey eejits not to see any humour in anything. Also, absolutely spot…” May 21, 12:11
Northcode on The Land Of No Laws: “I never found any of the shite you pissed aboot this place amusing… or interesting. “boring the life out of…” May 21, 12:06
Northcode on The Land Of No Laws: “Look, Geri… atween the twa o us we really pissed off those thick Inglis colonialists. Mission accomplished, eh? I don’t…” May 21, 12:05
Southernbystander on The Land Of No Laws: “Isn’t this all dancing on the head of a pin? ‘Persia’ is a murderous and very oppressive regime, that has…” May 21, 12:00
Captain Caveman on The Land Of No Laws: ““You colonialists are far too thick too engage in genuine argument, that was always a given sae why wid a…” May 21, 11:57
Geri on The Land Of No Laws: “Well explained, Northcode.. I’d add extreme ideology, thought police, group think/hive mentality to accept without question the State amending laws…” May 21, 11:56
robertkknight on The Queer Parliament: “Don’t hold your breath… The British State tends to take care of its own.” May 21, 11:53
diabloandco on The Queer Parliament: “Sam , ‘scroll on , piss off’ has a nice ring to it!Unfortunately the invitation will not be taken!” May 21, 11:47
Northcode on The Land Of No Laws: ““your “erse” being well and truly handed to you …” In yer dreams, Inglis… you mistake my fucking with you…” May 21, 11:45
Aidan on The Land Of No Laws: “Presented with “hard fact” Geri. I hope you aren’t using the term to describe any of your opinion-based diatribes. I…” May 21, 11:41
