Having solved cat hunger in Greece, the tireless Holiday Boy has now turned his hand to addressing Scotland’s crippling golfing shortage, so we’ve got a different sort of cartoon again for you this weekend.
The clip below is from a 1981 arcade videogame called Venture, by Exidy, in which you play a cheerful character called Winky on a mission to loot treasure from a series of monster-infested dungeons.
For the purposes of this article the treasure in the room above, which takes the form of a castle tower, represents Scottish politics. The room itself is the Union.
The SNP released their general election manifesto today. We’re not going to link you to it, because we don’t want to be responsible for wasting your time. This is everything it has to say on the party’s (cough) strategy for achieving independence.
It deserves much, much less respect than we’re giving it. Tomorrow, ice lolly reviews.
We’re still trying not to pay attention to the election because it’s so tedious and awful and pointless, but this is worth putting on the record because it’s in The National and otherwise nobody’s going to read it.
Holiday Boy has of course chosen the general election campaign to spend the next three weeks feeding stray cats somewhere sunny, so here’s a cartoon by the brilliant webcomicname that summarises the Baillie Gifford story for anyone joining us late.
January 2018, with no general election due for four and a half years: “I very rarely talk about Scottish independence in the chamber, because I talk about things that matter”
June 2024, with an election in four weeks and a £91,346 salary, expenses and pension at stake: “ROBERT THE BRUCE! BANNOCKBURN! DECLARATION OF ARBROATH! FLOWER OF SCOTLAND! FREEEEEEEEEDOOOOOOMMMM!”
Because, for startlingly obvious reasons, even the SNP hasn’t had the brass neck to do a general fundraiser for this election, with the police’s inquiries still going on into the whereabouts of the cash from their last big appeals.
But in fact the party has managed to wring over £100,000 from the most gullible of its remaining supporters in the days since the election was announced. It’s just been a bit more subtle about it.
Jamie on Sicknote Slippers: “I really do not see how a vote for Reform which is basically a vote for unionism and austerity helps…” Mar 31, 09:57
JPFife on Clocks And Calendars: “What do you think the chances of Sarwar getting a seat rather than getting in on the list, due to…” Mar 31, 09:04
Young Lochinvar on Clocks And Calendars: “Beggars You missed out Enoch Powell’s “rivers of blood” hysteria in your post. A but remiss of you there “old…” Mar 31, 02:59
Young Lochinvar on Clocks And Calendars: “Now now Beggars, don’t get carmugeonly.. Pains me to say it, but Baby Uncle Sam has done what Amnesiac Baby…” Mar 31, 02:50
Mark Beggan on Clocks And Calendars: “Any gamblers amongst us? General election before 2029. 3/1 General election 2027. 7/1 General election 2026. 11/1 Marshall Law declared.…” Mar 31, 02:12
Mark Beggan on Clocks And Calendars: “I don’t think you understand what’s going on geopolitically. There’s a new sheriff in town. The war has been won.…” Mar 31, 02:07
Young Lochinvar on Clocks And Calendars: “Beggars That’s LONG since breached paying for rusted subs and missiles that go “plop” – and you didn’t even notice…” Mar 31, 01:03
Charlie on Clocks And Calendars: “You must have lived somewhere posh, that was in my local newsagents 😉” Mar 30, 23:17
James on Protest But Don’t Survive: “Dirty protest? What’s that, voting Tory? More your two’s style, I’d say.” Mar 30, 22:59
Captain Caveman on Protest But Don’t Survive: “Heh. Like, as if that imbecile is on the Electoral Roll… probably doesn’t even have a fixed address.” Mar 30, 22:53
Mark Beggan on Clocks And Calendars: “When will the IMF come knocking on the door? Any number crunchers out there? How long till Britains credit is…” Mar 30, 22:09
Glenn Boyd on Clocks And Calendars: “Lord help us if that New Labour Scumbag Sarwar gets anywhere near taking power. Lets remember this is the fucking…” Mar 30, 20:51
Southernbystander on Sicknote Slippers: “Thanks for saying this. It is of course correct. It has becomes standard for any progressive / anti-fascist march to…” Mar 30, 20:50
Aidan on Protest But Don’t Survive: “Assume you’ll be planning your normal dirty protest in the polling booth “James”?” Mar 30, 19:53
George Ferguson on Clocks And Calendars: “To some my claim of Scottish Labour finishing fourth is fanciful. As fanciful as Sarwar claiming moral authority. We will…” Mar 30, 19:31
James on Clocks And Calendars: “YL; Here’s to Good King Robert. Cheers! They don’t like it up ’em.” Mar 30, 18:50
Dan on Sicknote Slippers: “I had an ironic chuckle at Stu having a go at Slipper’s albeit limited hair! At least as the cost…” Mar 30, 18:39
James on Protest But Don’t Survive: “Aye, draw a great big ‘Captain Caveman’ on your ballot paper, folks.” Mar 30, 18:37
twathater on Clocks And Calendars: “The Scotsman in conjunction with every other shite rag is trolling the electorate with this insulting PISH The Headline should…” Mar 30, 18:26
Young Lochinvar on Clocks And Calendars: “Happy anniversary tomorrow of the 1307 battle of Glentrool. Bruce’s looking at spiders days were put behind him at Glentrool…” Mar 30, 18:19
Frank Gillougley on Clocks And Calendars: “Aye, ‘Vote fur Jack Duggan Sarwar’, it’s definitely got a ring tae it. Pure wild wae it so he is.” Mar 30, 17:23
Young Lochinvar on Clocks And Calendars: “Yee haw pardner.. Uncle Sam’s getting all worked up about a super bigly expensive low gear fly by mission “to…” Mar 30, 17:21
Alf Baird on Clocks And Calendars: “Past time The Hootsman changed its teetle tae ‘The Hoose Jock’; or just go the hale hog as ‘The Colonialist’.…” Mar 30, 15:50
Aidan on Clocks And Calendars: “Labour are really going to form a coalition with Reform are they? Oh aye i bet they’ll be shouting about…” Mar 30, 15:14
Captain Caveman on Sicknote Slippers: “Although approaching things from a different perspective to my own, what a marvelous post, though doubtless largely wasted here. Bravo.…” Mar 30, 14:12
Mark Beggan on Clocks And Calendars: “If you thought that was crazy did anyone see Scottish Labours political broadcast online. A day in the life of…” Mar 30, 14:11
David on Clocks And Calendars: “I assume this was written and supplied to The Scotsman by a deluded Labour Hack. Why don’t The Scotsman republish…” Mar 30, 14:10
Campbell Clansman on Clocks And Calendars: “Labour, and The Scotsman, must think voters are dumb enough to take this “analysis” seriously. Which says a lot about…” Mar 30, 13:28
Lorncal on Sicknote Slippers: “The real far right is a tiny minority of heid-the-bas. Always was. Even in the halcyon days of Mosley. What…” Mar 30, 13:25
Confused on Sicknote Slippers: “better together, pooling and sharing so, exactly what benefit do we draw from this “arrangement”, being siamese-twinned to these kleptomaniac…” Mar 30, 12:59
