Put your hands on your hearts, readers, and tell us that in the event of Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin leading the USA and Russia a year or so from now, you can’t see this actually literally happening. [EDIT: The fight, not nuclear apocalypse. Obviously.]
Look us straight in the eye and tell us there’s a 0% chance.
Newspaper sales figures in Scotland now come out in a patchy and unco-ordinated sort of way, with different frequencies and at different times of year, so we thought it’d be worth collecting them together for easy reference.
The numbers below are the most recent figures for each title that we know of – for papers classed as “national” that means November last year, and for those counted as “regional” (which includes the Scotsman and Herald titles) it’s this month.
Figures have all been rounded to the nearest 100, and increase/decrease stats refer in all cases to the corresponding sales for one year previously.
So just to clear that up: four times £12 million is £200 million. The mystery of why people are increasingly reluctant to believe what they read in newspapers continues.
So after all the kerfuffle and commotion and comedy, a deal was done, of sorts. The unsquareable circle wasn’t squared, but the day of facing up to it was punted down the line for five years, by which point everyone hopes that it’ll be someone else’s problem. (Which is certainly the case for David Cameron.)
Every newspaper in Scotland tomorrow will look like this:
It’s quite incredible that someone with Jim Sillars’ political experience should be so naive about the tactics surrounding the EU referendum. Regardless of your feelings on the EU itself, there’s absolutely no point in any supporter of Scottish independence voting Leave this June, and here’s why.
Alert readers can’t have failed to notice a desperate Scottish Labour dusting off the old “Tartan Tories” attack on the SNP recently, over the Nats’ unwillingness to join in with Kezia Dugdale’s kerrazy kaper of hiking up income tax.
So after today we can only assume they’ll be looking for some similarly pithy zingers for their colleagues in Wales. They can have this one for free.
100%Yes on Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off: “Labour on track to lose 2000 Councillors in this coming May’s election, now this will cause Sir Starmer to resign…” Mar 26, 23:11
Del G on Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off: “Your Party had not so much a faint hope as no hope of impacting the Scottish election: formed far too…” Mar 26, 22:46
agentx on Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off: ““John Swinney has said it is “not a coincidence” that the UK Government announced its decision to block a Chinese-backed…” Mar 26, 22:41
Del G on Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off: “Your Party had not so much a faint hope as no hope of impacting the Scottish election: formed far too…” Mar 26, 22:39
Geri on Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off: “I wouldn’t feel safe visiting Holyrood. Imagine if you were a tourist stumbling intae the gayest gaff in all of…” Mar 26, 20:22
Mark Beggan on Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off: “Couldn’t have said it better myself. Totally agree. I have never been to prison but I believe the first question…” Mar 26, 20:15
Geri on Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off: “He’s a nasty piece of work. That was him behind the astro turfing fake no borders campaign during indyref. Caught…” Mar 26, 20:00
Frank Gillougley on Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off: “Dan, 1kW Electricity for 8p 1 m3 of gas is 23p 1 litre of diesel is 135p in Hungary the…” Mar 26, 19:56
Confused on Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off: “wonder if jordan the bummer will be taking excessively long showers in addiewell, dropping the soap repeatedly and asking if…” Mar 26, 19:39
Dan on Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off: “Hi Frank, any idea how much regular diesel is out where you are? I had to do a double take…” Mar 26, 19:34
George Ferguson on Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off: “Day 1 of the election and I am already thinking about a complaint to Ofcom and the Electoral Commission. An…” Mar 26, 19:34
agentx on Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off: ““Former SNP politician sexually assaulted five young men and boys Jordan Linden, 30, is the former leader of North Lanarkshire…” Mar 26, 19:22
100%Yes on Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off: “It says the crappiest newspaper in Scotland “Outgoing MSPs who made tough decisions on our behalf deserve thanks” I say…” Mar 26, 19:11
Geri on Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off: “Would you look at that. Just in time for LA28 Olympic games. The yanks certainly wouldn’t want every Tik Toker…” Mar 26, 19:06
100%Yes on Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off: “Sounds like Swinney has already excepted defeat. How long can the SNP cry wolf before the public say no more.” Mar 26, 18:44
Sven on Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off: “Young Lochinvar @ 18.04. “Rum, Buggery & the Lash”, sounds like a good election slogan for a Trans Political Party.…” Mar 26, 18:38
Frank Gillougley on Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off: “I am thinking, dangerous I know, but something better change… so here’s my tuppenth worth on the current surreal absurdity…” Mar 26, 18:35
Young Lochinvar on Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off: “The daily rainbow comic the National actually printed Offord’s joke yesterday but only so that they could give a screaming…” Mar 26, 18:18
George Ferguson on Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off: “Classic STV coverage. Don’t mention Jordan Lindon was SNP. But foam at the mouth at a 2018 comment made at…” Mar 26, 18:16
100%Yes on Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off: “The neverendum, I remember Mr Pete Wishart saying in 2019 through the Rag newspaper that claims to support Independence, we…” Mar 26, 18:11
Young Lochinvar on Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off: “A hoy there me hearties! Jolly Rogers aloft as HMS Raleigh and HMS Drake reprise the English Elizabethan role of…” Mar 26, 18:04
Sven on Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off: “I wonder what type of Egregore a collective of would be Picts would bring into being. I sometimes feel that…” Mar 26, 18:02
Young Lochinvar on Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off: “Cards on the table, I don’t really fully understand the science behind the proposed tests but the main thing is…” Mar 26, 17:54
Geri on Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off: “I suggest you go Google public opinion polling figures on the illegal invasion of Iran. Then the polling on jenny.…” Mar 26, 17:35
Red on Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off: “Sven I do support officially renaming Glasgow to “Funky Town” Unfortunately, Susan Aitken ate Funky Town” Mar 26, 15:52
Northcode on Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off: “Totally agree, the Scots suck… the Picts, however, were a class act, and their descendants (myself included) are carrying on…” Mar 26, 15:31
Northcode on Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off: ““Maybe Alba ?” Absolutely no way – Alba is a Scotti Gaelic word meaning ‘bright’ or some shit… from the…” Mar 26, 15:20
agentx on Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off: “Apparently the SNP have found enough enough money to run its “biggest and best campaign” over the next six weeks.” Mar 26, 15:14
