Remember before the referendum, readers, when the £30bn cost of decommissioning oil platforms was a nightmarish unaffordable millstone around a future Scotland’s neck that proved it couldn’t be independent?
It turns out it wouldn’t have been so bad after all.
The Telegraph, 13 September 2014:
We can only assume something pretty amazing must have happened since then.
We know we were all traumatised at the time, but how on Earth did we miss this?
Even we can’t quite believe this one, readers.
Good grief, where do we even start?
Since we’ve been talking about mad letters from Scottish Labour MPs today, we’re sharing this one with you too. We’ve been trying to make sense of it all evening.
We haven’t made any progress. It’s not just a simple accidental transposition of words, because if you switch “increased” and “decreased” around it’s still gibberish – why would the threat have decreased because of proliferation? If anyone can explain it, do drop us a line.
Because there’s really no satire we can add to this magnificent zoomery:
So we might as well pop out to the shops for a bit.
An alert reader pointed us today to this audio clip of Jim Murphy. It’s not tagged, but we THINK it’s from a Radio Clyde interview about three weeks ago which oddly didn’t seem to get picked up at the time by anyone in the media.
It’s an interesting viewpoint.
Jim Murphy didn’t turn up at Westminster today to vote with the Tories for £30bn of austerity cuts, like 28 of his Scottish Labour colleagues did. That’s because he was taking some Scottish journalists to lunch to explain an important thing to them.
We’ve been sat staring at a blank paragraph for the last 10 minutes trying to think of something satirical to say. We’ve got nothing, readers.
Alert readers may recall that since the election of Jim Murphy as Scottish Labour branch office manager he’s barely gone a moment without promising to “reach out” to Yes voters. Last month he even pledged that he’d employ some in his team if he won the Labour job.
We imagine they’ll be fair hammering on his door after the latest addition to his crew, because today’s Herald reveals that Murphy’s new chief of staff, and joining “Better Together” director Blair McDougall among Jim’s backroom boys, is to be our old pal John “there will be no referendum” McTernan.
From today’s Telegraph:
Actual number of children belonging to Nicola Sturgeon and Peter Murrell: 0.
You literally can’t make this stuff up.
We had to extend our festive semi-break for a day to deal with some administrative matters, readers, but it’s just as well, because the thing that happened today would have defied our best attempts at either analysis or satire.
That’s a real thing we didn’t make up. Saints preserve us.
Wait, what?
We know there’s a lot of talk of the other Unionist parties stepping aside in order to give Scottish Labour a clear run in 2015, in a desperate attempt to stop the SNP from picking up too many seats, but this is surely taking it a bit far.
Wings Over Scotland is a thing that exists.
