Back in the 1980s there was a hit game for the ZX Spectrum home computer called Worse Things Happen At Sea. In it you play a robot whose job is to get a heavily-laden cargo ship safely to port, except that more and more disasters keep befalling it.
It springs leaks, it veers off course, the engine overheats and the robot’s power runs down, until eventually the catalogue of catastrophes overwhelms the harassed metallic custodian and the boat slides down into the murky depths.
We wonder if that feels familiar to anyone at the moment.
On 23rd March this year, after Alex Salmond was found not guilty of 13 criminal charges in the High Court, I called on the Scottish Government to set up a judge-led inquiry into the allegation that he had been the subject of a conspiracy involving the Scottish Government, which resulted in him being accused of criminal behaviour.
There’s an especially interesting post on the blog of Scottish solicitor-advocate Gordon Dangerfield at the moment, pointing out that there are no legal reasons whatever for the Crown Office and Procurator Fiscal Service (COPFS) to be withholding documents relating to the allegations against Alex Salmond, and indeed issuing dire threats of prosecution against him or anyone who might put them into the public domain.
(All of the blog’s coverage of the inquiry in general has been expert and revealing, and should be the first stop for readers seeking to understand proceedings.)
The items in question include the infamous WhatsApp messages exchanged by the group of people attempting to have Salmond imprisoned for crimes he didn’t commit, among them SNP chief executive Peter Murrell.
When two of Murrell’s messages were leaked recently it was front-page news in the Scottish press, and generated a huge amount of subsequent coverage. Commentators as diverse as Mandy Rhodes of Holyrood magazine and Alex Massie of the Times and Spectator have noted that while they’d initially disbelieved talk of a conspiracy, the Scottish Government’s actions have given them the opposite impression.
The message log is absolutely central to Salmond’s claim of a conspiracy against him, so the last thing that either COPFS or the leadership of the SNP wants is for it to become public knowledge. Indeed, COPFS has denied that the messages exist at all, which makes it a bit weird that the police are currently conducting a serious criminal investigation into who leaked some apparently entirely imaginary documents.
So it would be quite astonishing if they suddenly disappeared, wouldn’t it?
Readers, we can’t tell you how much we want to get back to just dissecting Scotland’s hopeless Unionist media for a living. It’s a lot more fun than what the current political circumstances are obliging us to do, so you can hardly imagine our excitement when we spotted what looked like an open goal in yesterday’s Mail On Sunday.
Our ears pricked up immediately at the sight of the words “up to”, which is invariably a sign of dodgy doings on the way, and so it proved. The article contained no solid data at all about the size of Scottish Government special advisers’ pay rises, only how many SpAds there were and which general pay bands they were in, each of which spans a wide range of between £14,000 and £23,000.
But while the Mail had spooned the sitter six feet over the crossbar – because the crude spin they’d put on it was total rubbish – there was still a loose ball just waiting to be knocked into the back of the net.
The SNP’s earth-shattering 2011 majority election victory, which paved the way for the 2014 independence referendum, dropped a bomb on Scottish politics.
What few people realised at the time was that it was also going to set up a series of massive paydays for one of Scotland’s wealthiest demographics: lawyers.
We’re very busy today writing more FOI requests and the like, so we’ll just take a brief moment here to note that hiring super-expensive lawyers to object to the questions you’re being asked DEFINITELY sounds like the behaviour of people who are keen to co-operate fully and in the most transparent way possible with an inquiry:
Having been privileged to serve as SNP National Treasurer, I’m aware of the duties that go with the post. Of course, it’s changed in some ways since then due to the scale of the party, the resources available and even technology. The days are long gone when Joan Knott, who has sadly since passed away, required to take a taxi down to my legal office to have cheques signed between court or clients.
But some things still remain fundamental, and in particular providing annual accounts for the party. That has been done for 2019, in the administrative sense, but what’s missing is their publication and provision either to the NEC or the party more widely.
For sure there’s been no conference but there are other bodies and other ways of making them available to party members. At NEC, conference and indeed anywhere else, members were entitled to see them and question me. It was their right to see them, and it remains so now. So why haven’t they seen them?
Just two days ago the Electoral Commission gave us a fourth supposed date for the publication of the SNP’s 2019 accounts: having first been due out in early August, they then told us to expect them in early September, and then last week, and then in “the next three weeks”, ie the middle of October.
But someone gave us a tipoff that we might be able to request them via Freedom Of Information, since ostensibly the only holdup was that the EC wanted to wait until ALL of the main parties’ accounts were ready and publish them all at once for tidiness.
So we sent one in, and we just got a very quick reply.
The SNP have historically been swift to suspend any party members when there’s any hint of inappropriate conduct, never mind even a whiff of illegality. It’s been that way since 2015, with the axe falling on elected members as well as candidates in target seats and critical elections, and ordinary activists.
Not even a by-your-leave, let alone an explanation, is afforded – just suspension with immediate effect. And that’s all well and good, some might say. No hint of impropriety should attach to the party and making a virtue of acting swiftly can be both necessary and appropriate.
So why then no action against the Chief Executive?
Following up this morning’s article, we’ve been trawling through the Publications/FOI section of the Scottish Government website to see which other articles might be being hidden from its search function. We found quite a few, and you’re never going to guess what the common factor in all of them is.
We’ve given you a wee clue with that picture, though.
Whichever side you’re on, it’s simply observably true that the Scottish Government is doing everything in its power to obstruct, delay and derail the Parliamentary inquiry into its ruinously botched investigation of false allegations against Alex Salmond.
Any investigative journalist attempting to get to the bottom of the subject and find out what really happened is met with a wall of secrecy and misinformation while trying to navigate their way through the publicly-available information, and just to give you some idea of what it’s like, we’d like to offer you one tiny but typical example.
Northcode on Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off: “On the bright side – once Scotland has been coloniZed to the maximum extent and her people and their culture…” Mar 24, 19:53
Nae Need! on Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off: “I’ve spent ages writing a post on here and then editing and then deleting it. Tongue tied, all fingers and…” Mar 24, 19:04
Young Lochinvar on Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off: “NC 7 reported “new towns” in Merry ol’ Engerlund is where the money will go..” Mar 24, 17:55
Willie on Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off: “The Scots Parliament has turned out to be exactly what Westminster wanted of it. Westminster never intended to be anything…” Mar 24, 17:24
Andy Storrie on Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off: “The professionally superior spectre of wee Jim Kelly looms larger and larger over this site with every passing day, Campbell.…” Mar 24, 17:10
Cherrybank on Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off: “I think Craig Houston the You Tuber representing the SDP will be a surprise winner of a seat on the…” Mar 24, 15:42
Rob on Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off: “The de Hondt system is skewed to stop having a majority but essentially if enough folk wanted the SNP out…” Mar 24, 15:29
100%Yes on Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off: “I’d say John Swinney couldn’t turn a car around never mind the Country. The man is so unappealing I wish…” Mar 24, 14:58
100%Yes on Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off: “New poll predicts a 18 Pro-Indy majority lead for May’s election, so what? The parliament has had a Pro-Indy majority…” Mar 24, 14:46
Northcode on Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off: ““So what will we get for this £53m?” A cheap, and not very entertaining, second-rate circus laid on by Westminster…” Mar 24, 14:42
James Che on Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off: “Lets call the whole thing off is a good idea, This is meant to be a Scottish election, not parties…” Mar 24, 14:30
Cynicus on Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off: “This was always on the cards- after Craig Murrays’s (latest) defection.” Mar 24, 14:00
Mark Beggan on Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off: “Alright everybody. The electron’s here. Beautiful Scotland. Great people. Run by lunatics and morons. Ok. Everybody knows this. You have…” Mar 24, 13:53
sarah on Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off: “Well, this poll proves, yet again, that pollsters ask people who have no idea of what is really going on…” Mar 24, 13:36
diabloandco on Irony you can’t buy: “Speaking of irony , apparently the Minister for War in the US of A said ,”The problem with Iran is…” Mar 24, 11:10
diabloandco on Irony you can’t buy: “Thanks Alf! The Caledonian Isles is a bit elderly much like me!” Mar 23, 20:30
diabloandco on Irony you can’t buy: “Thanks Alf! The Caledonian Isles is a bit elderly much like me!” Mar 23, 20:25
Iain More on Irony you can’t buy: “Re Iran war . Poor wee stupid Norway is laughing all the way to the Sassanach Offshore Tax Haven Banks.…” Mar 23, 20:07
twathater on Irony you can’t buy: “It is sometimes extremely difficult to gauge how stupid some people really are , but time and time again they…” Mar 23, 18:19
Aidan on Irony you can’t buy: “As much as it pains me to say this, I am inclined to agree with James here. This feels like…” Mar 23, 18:06
Alf Baird on Irony you can’t buy: ““Has your position now changed” Nothing of any significance can change in a colony until it becomes independent and in…” Mar 23, 18:03
agentx on Irony you can’t buy: ““Alf Baird says: 20 March, 2026 at 9:11 am My preference would be for Scotland to reduce dependence on England’s…” Mar 23, 15:52
Del G on Irony you can’t buy: “First I wash my clothes. Then I dry them. Then I do the irony.” Mar 23, 15:06
Geri on Irony you can’t buy: ““London governments sold Scotland’s public utilities including port monopolies for peanuts based on the specific argument that private owners would…” Mar 23, 12:43
James on Irony you can’t buy: “Yoon Troll X; “A £3m funding pledge…” LOL. ‘Here’s some crumbs, Jock’” Mar 23, 11:56
Alf Baird on Irony you can’t buy: ““investment in Rosyth from the UK’s Growth Mission Fund” London governments sold Scotland’s public utilities including port monopolies for peanuts…” Mar 23, 11:31
agentx on Irony you can’t buy: ““A £3m funding pledge for a Scottish port comes with hopes that a new ferry service to France will set…” Mar 23, 11:01
Alf Baird on Irony you can’t buy: “Fog should not necessarily prevent a sailing. Modern ships have excellent navigation systems, they can tell what is around them.…” Mar 23, 10:42
Geri on Irony you can’t buy: “The SNP & it’s membership have been completely captured. There is zero point in hoping for a road to Damascus…” Mar 23, 09:54
