Wings Over Scotland

We knew this would be a fast-moving phenomenon when we created it, but we’re only just beginning to realise the magnitude of the rod we’ve made for our own backs. Because the supply of rock-headed clownshows sucking up taxpayers’ money on the opposition benches at Holyrood appear to be effectively infinite.

There’s only actually one “l” in “intolerable”, but that’s still the intellectual high point of the tweet. It really is hard to adequately convey what a brainless piece of idiocy this is without just swearing for a solid hour, but we’ll try.

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We felt sure that our awarding of the inaugural Thickest Politician In Scotland title this morning would be taken as the throwing down of a gauntlet, and we weren’t wrong. Because within just hours, the Prince Regent had staked his claim to the crown.

Greene – who was rejected by the voters of Cunninghame North by almost 9,000 votes but sits in Parliament anyway – is in fact supposed to serve the people of the West Scotland region as a list MSP, not the whole country, and we’re not aware of any breakdown of how Scotland’s eight list regions voted in 2014 so we have no idea how many voted No in WS. But that’s by far the least idiotic part of the tweet.

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A famous quote commonly attributed to Albert Einstein (and hotly disputed, as always, by point-missing Quote Nazis), runs that “the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results”.

It’s been bouncing around our heads for the last couple of days, because with the SNP annual conference in full swing in Glasgow, Scottish political pundits have taken it upon themselves to start issuing bizarre assertions/advice about the party’s strategy for securing a second independence referendum.

This version, from the Herald’s cut-price David Torrance knockoff Mark Smith today, is no more than we’d expect from that source:

But we were a lot more surprised to see the notion also being taken up by someone we’d previously credited with a lot more insight and intelligence.

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Alert readers will be aware that while the absolutely mind-numbing empirical stupidity of Scotland’s latest batch of Unionist MPs and MSPs is a recurring theme on Wings, we’ve never attempted to place it on any sort of formal footing. And to be honest, that sort of laziness on our part is no longer sustainable.

Because folks, look at the pure state of this:

Ladies and gentlemen, we give you the inaugural Thickest Politician In Scotland.

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Especially alert readers may have noticed that we’ve had a new page on Wings for a while, maintaining a current list of Scottish newspaper circulations.

We were just checking it today and noticed that – seemingly unreported anywhere – the Scottish “regionals” had had their biannual figures published, so we thought we may as well keep you updated.

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Tens of thousands of people had a party in Edinburgh today.

They caused no trouble, spat on no priests, and everyone involved had a ball.

And for some reason that really, really upset Unionists.

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The plugin which normally embeds our Twitter feed on the Wings front page still isn’t working (doubtless because Twitter have made yet more spiteful and idiotic changes to their API), so those of you who don’t use the social media platform may have missed out on a gem this morning from everyone’s favourite Labour ultra-moderate.

Phew! Saved from economic devastation! Sounds like a narrow escape!

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When the news is slow, we sometimes steel ourselves and go for a little paddle in the Yoonstream – a private collection of the most unhinged hardcore-Unionist accounts on Twitter – and see what they’re getting themselves all worked up about.

For a good few months now, they’ve all been posting mad graphs like this:

And we’re not quite sure why.

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For our money – and by an admittely wafer-thin margin over the likes of Annie Wells, Miles Briggs, Alex Cole-Hamilton and James Kelly – Tory list MSP Jamie Greene is still the lowest-watt bulb in the Scottish Parliament’s festival of lights.

(Our alerter readers may have spotted that that’s an official watermarked Scottish Conservatives pic, so that’s them making him look as intelligent as they can.)

But being really properly brainless isn’t just a matter of not knowing which powers are devolved before you attack the Scottish Government for your own UK administration’s failings or not being able to do basic arithmetic.

To stand out as especially doltish in a group of epic dolts like the current Tory cohort in Holyrood, you also need to be incapable of following simple logical trains of thought. So let’s see if we can illustrate with a topical example.

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It’s probably time we started collecting all the media articles from the last couple of weeks about our ongoing legal battle with former Scottish Labour branch manager Kezia Dugdale, because it’s getting increasingly hard to plough through them all.

The story that Labour were pulling Dugdale’s legal funding was first broken by the Huffington Post on 19 September. Below is all the coverage we’ve found between then and now (most recent first). As best as we can recollect, incidentally, we’ve been asked for quotes for TWO of these stories.

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We honestly don’t think they even see it, folks.

We truly don’t.