Warning: despite the quite zingy title this is actually going to be a very dry stats post, readers. It is, on the other hand, based on a man having something disturbingly close to a complete psychotic mental breakdown, so there’s always that for a bit of colour.
Because the paragraph above, and in particular the highlighted part, is without a doubt the most dishonest, diametrically false and wildly extreme lie about Scottish politics that we’ve ever seen anyone tell in the 13.5 years of Wings Over Scotland’s existence.
And as a rule we don’t bother addressing them because they’re so demented you could spend 5,000 words pulling apart all the individual strands of lunacy every time, and lunatics thrive on attention, but this one does merit a very brief comment.
Because “Vote Labour, get indy” wasn’t our plan. It was John Swinney’s.
As readers may already be aware, my main hobby to distract myself from my day job in the profoundly depressing world of politics is to delve into retro videogaming via my Retropie. It’s an endlessly rewarding fount of discovery and entertainment for many reasons, but sometimes the two spheres collide in extremely unexpected ways.
So let’s talk about GORF.
Midway’s 1981 arcade hit was a pioneering and innovative game. It was the first game to be comprised of multiple highly distinct sub-games, boldly including direct lifts of other people’s coin-ops in the form of Space Invaders and Galaxian. And while it wasn’t the first arcade game to feature synthesised speech – it was beaten to that punch by the likes of Berzerk and Wizard Of Wor the previous year – it was famous for the extensive and iconic vocabulary with which it taunted and goaded the player.
It got numerous conversions of variable quality to various home systems, whether as contemporary licences or later homebrew ports, and that’s where we come in.
Even by the embarrassing standards of The National, the gulf between this morning’s blaring front-page splash and the weak, watery weasel words in the actual article is a chasm so wide and so yawning (in every sense of that word) that it would put the epic planetary scar of Mars’ Valles Marineris to shame.
Coupled with a feebly underwhelming Programme For Government (in which the main policy was the re-abolition of peak rail fares just months after the SNP insisted such a move was unaffordable, with no clue as to where the money had suddenly been found) and a pitiful list of candidates for next year’s Holyrood election featuring the likes of Sally “all aboard the gravy bus!” Donald, Kaukab “DECAPITATE TERFS” Stewart, Kirsten “DECAPITATE TERFS” Oswald, Alison “DECAPITATE TERFS” Thewliss and Alyn “throw anyone who doesn’t want to DECAPITATE TERFS out of the SNP” Smith, the story was an abject vision of a bleak future for independence.
On reflection, we feel we may have not taken this story seriously enough. After all, they don’t put just ANY old guff on the front page of the Sunday Mail.
The less said about the Scottish Government’s toe-curlingly embarrassing “summit” last week, the sooner we can all pretend it never happened. We’ve got little to add to the withering assessments of Robin McAlpine and Kevin McKenna and just about everyone else who’s bothered covering this pathetic waste of everyone involved’s time. (Not that the time of most of these useless quangocrats was worth anything anyway.)
We take a moment only to note something remarkable: the closest Scottish Labour’s hapless branch manager Anas Sarwar has ever come to understanding anything.
Yesterday the Scottish media gave Scottish Greens MSP Maggie Chapman what she’s never willingly given anyone else – a platform on which to make her case.
Most did a very poor job challenging her on her outrageous comments about the Supreme Court, with BBC Radio Scotland’s Drivetime show being an especially wretched example of allowing the interviewee to ignore every question and then just ramble on endlessly about something else entirely, but LBC’s Gina Davidson was on top of her brief and put all the points that reasonable people wanted to be made, while giving Chapman ample time to answer uninterrupted.
Let’s break down how that went, with the help of our handy Bullshit Buzzer.
At the weekend, Scottish Greens MSP Maggie Chapman was filmed applauding as a notoriously unhinged transactivist ranted through a megaphone to a small and almost exclusively male crowd of protestors about how he was going to openly break the law by continuing to use women’s public toilets, and addressing JK Rowling with the words “We should all take a shite on you, you heinous creeping old bitch”.
At another protest, Chapman herself asserted that the Supreme Court’s unanimous ruling on the correct interpretation of the Equality Act 2010 was motivated by not by a solemn consideration of the law or by the arguments of counsel who appeared before it, but by “bigotry, prejudice and hatred”.
Chapman is – incredibly – Deputy Convener of the Equalities, Human Rights and Civil Justice Committee of the Scottish Parliament, and as such her comments sparked a storm of wholly justified outrage over her flagrant breach not only of Parliamentary rules but also of the law – specifically the Judiciary and Courts (Scotland) Act 2008, which requires all MSPs to uphold the independence of the judiciary.
Fearghas MacFhionnlaigh on Steadying The Ship: “Excerpt from CONTACT podcast hosted by Montréal-born STÉPHAN BUREAU. Here he interviews Louis Sarkozy (son of Nicolas Sarkozy). Louis Sarkozy…” May 16, 00:42
Cynicus on Steadying The Ship: “A picture really IS worth 1000 words. The chart above illustrates perfectly what I’ve often said. Swinney was a dud…” May 16, 00:20
Young Lochinvar on The Broken Rainbow: “HMcH Jeyes fluid? Hmmmm.. I am guessing that is an in-joke in your homosexual circles? What you types get up…” May 15, 23:08
Geri on Steadying The Ship: “To be honest, Salmond was the only good thing about the SNP. Margo & Jim too. If I remember correctly…” May 15, 22:17
Northcode on The Broken Rainbow: ““A Voluntary Union? Not only was it not voluntary, it was unconstitutional and unlawful, and so was the Treaty since…” May 15, 21:43
Geri on The Broken Rainbow: “AI Dan Then why continue to phap yersel intae a frenzy over it? Unless they’ve written to you directly stating…” May 15, 21:05
Geri on Steadying The Ship: “? You’re government is run by paedophiles….? I don’t think I’ll ever tire of that tune…” May 15, 20:59
Lorncal on Steadying The Ship: “Personally speaking, both Swinney and Starmer’s voices send me spiralling into a coma out of which I have to be…” May 15, 20:48
Northcode on Steadying The Ship: “If all the years on the chart from the latest WoS post (bar 1999) are added together we arrive at…” May 15, 20:24
Bilbo on Steadying The Ship: “There has been article upon article about a £5 billion deficit over the course of next Holyrood parliament. There is…” May 15, 20:01
Mark Beggan on Steadying The Ship: “Joke Time! When is a resignation Not a resignation? When it’s a Wessignation!” May 15, 19:18
Aidan on The Broken Rainbow: ““ The UK is an English criminal enterprise run by the English establishment for the English establishment. That is the…” May 15, 19:18
Mark Beggan on Steadying The Ship: “You can take oor freedom but you’ll never take oor benefits!!” May 15, 19:12
Xaracen on The Broken Rainbow: “Nothing in your response to me is relevant, Hatey. As ever, you carefully ignored the point. You changed the subject…” May 15, 18:54
Blackhack on Steadying The Ship: “Probably better with the Benny Hill tune” May 15, 18:22
Mark Beggan on Steadying The Ship: “The Dance of the Cuckoos is the tune you’re looking for. What about ‘The Band Played On’ would be more…” May 15, 17:20
Effijy on Steadying The Ship: “Yes, no one in sight has the skills of Alex Salmond but do we wish Swinney to be replaced by…” May 15, 17:11
Colin Alexander on Steadying The Ship: “The Dance Of The Cuckoos is Laurel and Hardy’s theme tune.” May 15, 17:11
Dan on Steadying The Ship: “FFS, are you enjoying a holiday in the Southern Hemisphere or doing a headstand? Because that’s about the only way…” May 15, 17:00
agentx on Steadying The Ship: “But there has just been an election where the SNP lost seats and had fewer votes!” May 15, 17:00
Izzie on Steadying The Ship: “Two by-elections next month should perhaps show whether the SNP is, as I suspect, on the up.” May 15, 16:33
100%Yes on Steadying The Ship: “I don’t know about anyone else but can you imagine JS running a country what a freighting thought, thank god…” May 15, 16:21
Hatey McHateface on Steadying The Ship: “The band should start rehearsing. Does the Laurel & Hardy theme have a name, other than the “Laurel & Hardy…” May 15, 16:14
Mark Beggan on Steadying The Ship: “‘Nearer my God to me’. Was the tune the the band played as the Titanic was sinking.” May 15, 16:00
Mark Beggan on Steadying The Ship: “The Captain always goes down with the ship.” May 15, 15:56
Mark Beggan on The Broken Rainbow: “Satisfying because it’s the Last Waltz for radical lunatics. Time to pay the Tillerman.” May 15, 15:48
Knuckle_heid on Steadying The Ship: “Swinney definitely isn’t Salmond! With a collapsing vote like that, they should exit stage left at the next HR election…” May 15, 15:37
Hatey McHateface on The Broken Rainbow: “Not seeing that at all, Lorncal. Scotland is just as much a group of regions as England is. The Borders,…” May 15, 15:05
Hatey McHateface on The Broken Rainbow: “It’s not the miners being consigned to the scrapheap this time – it’s the oil and gas workers. It’s not…” May 15, 14:58
Aidan on The Broken Rainbow: ““ A study that involved two Universities, accepted by the electoral commission, Lord Ashcroft polling & the Scottish Referendum study…” May 15, 14:35