You’d have to be living in a pretty strict prison not to have heard the big story from today’s Olympics in Paris, in which male Algerian cheat Imane Khelefi was put in a boxing ring with young Italian woman Angela Carini and allowed to hit her in the head for 46 seconds until she retired, in tears and in fear for her safety, saying “I had to preserve my life”.
Sound like your kind of fun, men? It’s surprisingly easy!
When you’ve been watching Scotland playing football for 50 years of your life, you become accustomed to disappointment. You expect disappointment. Anything better than disappointment becomes a bonus.
It’s probably as good an illustration of the madness currently engulfing Scottish politics as anything that the most unusual suspect, Anas Sarwar, may have just – temporarily at least – saved Humza Yousaf’s job.
And although our head hurts already, we’ll try to explain why.
News reaches Wings this evening that Humza Yousaf has called an emergency meeting of the Scottish Cabinet at 10 o’clock tomorrow morning, just a couple of hours before FMQs. (This information has been confirmed directly to us by a source very close to a member of said Cabinet.)
An emergency Cabinet meeting is an extraordinarily rare event. As far as we’re able to establish there have only been two during the SNP’s time in power – when the budget failed to pass in 2009 and Alex Salmond’s administration had to decide whether or not to trigger a general election, and one the day after the Brexit vote to supposedly plan a second indyref (LOL). But in any case they’re extremely unusual.
The subject of the meeting has not been disclosed to us. It could, for example, concern imminent developments in Operation Branchform, or it could relate to the Bute House Agreement between the SNP and the Scottish Greens. The men in grey kilts may have come for the FM. Or Scotland could be about to declare war on Morocco or something. But we are told that the fact of the meeting taking place is a 100% certainty.
So no sleeping in tomorrow, readers. It’s probably going to be big.
Everyone’s having a lot of fun with the farcical Hate Crime Act that will finally come into operation in Scotland in just a couple of weeks’ time, fittingly on April Fools’ Day.
Nicola Sturgeon is due to give her evidence to the COVID inquiry tomorrow – if, of course, she remembers anything. We’re awaiting, open-mouthed in genuine shock, her explanation for this.
Because try as hard as we might, we cannot for the lives of us bring to mind a single possible legitimate justification for a First Minister to do such a thing.
Alert readers may however note that 19 March 2020 was just four days before Alex Salmond was cleared of all charges, and might find themselves pondering the reasons why she might want to be in possession of a cheap disposable text-capable phone at that particular point in time.
DaveL on The Nobodies: “You just can’t shut up can you? You just spew any old rubbish that comes to mind. Who’d be Hatey?…” Jul 31, 03:11
Young Lochinvar on The Nobodies: “HMcH @ 10.54 I’m afraid I’ll just have to take your word for that. Voice of experience an’ that.. PS…” Jul 30, 23:21
Young Lochinvar on The Nobodies: “Between holidays and Mrs YLs big birthday I haven’t had a chance to see Odyssey yet, which I am looking…” Jul 30, 23:05
Hatey McHateface on The Nobodies: “Dinna fash, Auld Lochnagar. Wi a’ the glesses ye raise tae em, some loss o’ faculties is tae be expected.” Jul 30, 22:54
Hatey McHateface on The Nobodies: “Cheers, Alf, that’s me convinced. I’ll buy that bridge off you now. Remember your quoted price has to include postage…” Jul 30, 22:43
Alf Baird on The Nobodies: “““Want me to describe how”” Just to keep you happy, Hatey. ‘Burnham’s government is even more zion*st than Starmer’s’: https://dearscotland.substack.com/p/burnhams-government-is-even-more” Jul 30, 20:36
agentx on The Nobodies: “https://www.scottishdailyexpress.co.uk/news/politics/angela-constance-must-explain-snp-37491884” Jul 30, 19:44
Dan on The Nobodies: “After 6 years I wonder if this book is still doing the rounds. https://wingsoverscotland.com/brenda-isnt-a-sheep/” Jul 30, 18:02
Young Lochinvar on The Nobodies: “Errata Bell O the Brae.. My bad..” Jul 30, 18:01
Fearghas MacFhionnlaigh on The Nobodies: “NI FESTIVAL CANCELS WOMEN’S RIGHTS GROUP OVER GENDER-CRITICAL VIEWS An arts and culture festival in Northern Ireland has cancelled a…” Jul 30, 17:43
Young Lochinvar on The Nobodies: “Driving up the High Street in Glasgow today reminded me to mark the anniversary of the Battle O Bells Brae…” Jul 30, 17:41
Fearghas MacFhionnlaigh on The Nobodies: “SCHOOLS MUST STOP PROMOTING ‘DAMAGING’ BOOKS BY LGBT ACTIVISTS TO KIDS Parents and campaigners are urging schools to stop using…” Jul 30, 17:31
agentx on The Nobodies: ““‘Queer Milk’ charity gets public money to promote chestfeeding For Women Scotland campaign group describes the taxpayer support as ‘nauseating’…” Jul 30, 17:11
Hatey McHateface on The Nobodies: “Aye, Dave, we’ll be independent by Xmas. And because you’re so confident, you’ll be laying down some big bets at…” Jul 30, 15:37
Hatey McHateface on The Nobodies: “Aye, Confused, it’s just as well that one Scot is better than ten English. What with them outnumbering us by…” Jul 30, 15:06
DaveL on The Nobodies: “Check out the colonialists! This post really got them excited Aiden factchecker wee Adolf. I think they must’ve wet themselves…” Jul 30, 15:05
MaryB on The Nobodies: “Surely, this chest feeding practice is challengeable in law? It’s child cruelty to feed these babies an inadequate diet. Human…” Jul 30, 14:50
Hatey Mchateface on The Nobodies: “Cut Northy some slack, CC. He’s providing lots of reasons why the more prosperous regions of Scotland, e.g. the Northern…” Jul 30, 14:36
Confused on The Nobodies: “Scotland’s status has long been pored over by academics, we may have even coined the phrase “stateless nation”. Much navel…” Jul 30, 14:30
Confused on The Nobodies: “https://x.com/KevorkAlmassian/status/2077142696817573985” Jul 30, 14:26
Hatey McHateface on The Nobodies: ““Craig Murray is proposing the physical seizure by civilians of key state assets and confrontation between the police/army” He’s maybe…” Jul 30, 13:57
Captain Caveman on The Nobodies: “Sigh. Where to start eh? “You compare Scotland only to places that suffer more, as though injustice must reach a…” Jul 30, 13:55
Hatey McHateface on The Nobodies: “The Claim Of Right belongs only to the people who voted Yes. Do try to keep up! I bet you…” Jul 30, 13:51
Hatey McHateface on The Nobodies: “Haud Oan, we’re still waiting to hear from you how Scotland’s destiny is controlled from Tel Aviv. I’m more than…” Jul 30, 13:41
100%Yes on The Nobodies: “https://joansjigsaw.uk/2026/07/30/the-height-of-grotesqueness/” Jul 30, 13:36
Aidan on The Nobodies: “It wouldn’t be legal of course, and Craig Murray is proposing the physical seizure by civilians of key state assets…” Jul 30, 13:34
Hatey McHateface on The Nobodies: ““A nation becomes sovereign because its people recognise themselves as one” Oh aye, like in 2014. Erm. Cue “we wus…” Jul 30, 13:32
diabloandco on The Nobodies: “100%yes , where did you read that ? If verified then you are absolutely correct the SNP need removed to…” Jul 30, 13:23
factchecker on The Nobodies: “Sarah claims “John Swinney could, based on the SNP/Green majority, simply inform Burnham of the date of independence and then…” Jul 30, 13:04
100%Yes on The Nobodies: “The Scottish government is giving public money to fund a “Queer Milk Group” in which male transvestites meet weekly to…” Jul 30, 12:59
