You now have less than 24 hours left to secure your copy of our intermittent cartoonist Mr Cairns’ latest beautifully-crafted volume of biting political satire featuring a cute lion. (No, not the one pictured below.)
For the love of God please don’t upset him or we’ll get more like this.
So the Supreme Court has delivered its brutal verdict. The prorogation of Parliament was completely unlawful and now, in effect, never happened. Parliament is officially still in session. The same Parliament that has stupendously failed to solve Brexit for three years can reconvene and continue to fail to solve it. What now?
Jeremy Corbyn stood up a few minutes ago at the Labour conference and demanded that Boris Johnson stand down immediately and hold a general election, as did several other opposition leaders. Which, alert readers may recall, is what Johnson tried to do, twice, barely a fortnight ago, and was blocked by the opposition.
Presumably if he tries again, they all now have to cooperate and vote for it, even though the dissolution of Parliament would render the Benn bill requiring him to ask the EU for an extension first null and void. So there’ll be a general election held on the subject of “Who rules the country – the people or the courts?”, which is what Johnson wanted all along. Um, victory?
.
PS Fun trivia fact: UK electoral law requires 25 working days between the dissolution of Parliament and the date of a general election. There are exactly 27 working days (inclusive) between now and 31 October.
A few minutes later, Momentum activist Cathleen Clarke and former Tony Blair adviser John McTernan appeared on Sky News to sort it all out for confused viewers.
(Editor’s note: as a result of this cartoon, Mr Cairns has been sent on mandatory administrative leave of absence to let’s call it a “health spa” for the next two weeks. While he’s receiving let’s call it “therapy”, fill the gap by purchasing the latest volume of his works, which is guaranteed not to contain this one, we can only hope and pray.) .
Yeah, we know, that could be a really long article. But we have a specific thing in mind.
Over the last few days, Jo Swinson and Willie Rennie have both endured toe-curling interviews trying to defend the comically-indefensible hypocrisy of the party’s positions on Brexit and independence.
(If you haven’t been following, official policy now is that a Lib Dem election win is a clear and unimpeachable mandate to carry out their manifesto promises, but an SNP election win isn’t a mandate to carry out theirs.)
But it’s not the mere crass, transparent hypocrisy that makes them stupid.
In normal times we’d at least find today’s landmark defeat of the UK government in a Scottish court amusing. But these are not normal times, and at the present moment our toxic loathing of every politician in Westminster makes it a bitter fruit.
Although we must admit this bit still did manage to raise a smile:
(The reason, incidentally, is that the English High Court wasn’t sitting in August.)
What does it all actually mean, though? Well, nothing good.
Supporters of the opposition’s plan to block a no-deal Brexit have been proclaiming vindication this weekend over a couple of polls which show significantly lower support for the Tories, and a lead for Labour, in the event that a general election is called after 31 October with Brexit not having happened.
In that scenario, Tory voters tell pollsters that they’re more likely to defect to the Brexit Party, and the resulting split in the Brexit vote appears to point towards a Labour-led government if you plug the figures into a site like Electoral Calculus.
The reality is much more complicated than that. But what we’re specifically interested in is how it would affect the chances of securing a second indyref, so let’s take a look.
Sitrep: we’ve given up any hope of turning on the television and seeing a politician – any politician – telling the truth.
Boris Johnson is lying about negotiating a new deal with the EU. Jeremy Corbyn is lying about pretty much everything (in so far as he even knows what he wants the truth to be, let alone what it actually is). Jo Swinson is lying about wanting to meaningfully work with other parties to stop Brexit. Nicola Sturgeon is lying about wanting to stop a no-deal Brexit – she just wants to stop Brexit full stop.
(Unfortunately, this also means she’s lying about having any real intention of holding a second independence referendum before 2021. If she did, she wouldn’t have all her MPs and MSPs frantically running around parliaments and courtrooms trying to destroy her own democratic mandate for it, which would leave her needing to secure a fresh one 20 months from now. And assuming she’d have any more idea how to put it into practice than she has with the ones she’s already got.)
The government is lying about the fact that it doesn’t have confidence in itself, and the opposition is lying about the fact that it does. Everyone now says they want an election, but somehow it isn’t happening because nobody wants it yet, and nobody can agree when they DO want it, and they’re all lying about why.
And absolutely everyone is lying about the fact that whatever they’re trying to do right now has any chance of solving the present shambles. Johnson is just stalling to run the clock down until no-deal, although he swears blind that he isn’t, and the opposition just wants to drag the whole agony out for several more months with not the slightest clue what they’d actually do then.
Grimly, the closest thing that British voters currently have to an honest man is Nigel Farage, who is at least clear about what he wants and what he’s prepared to do to get it. Which is ironic, as he’s only anywhere near getting it because he’s spent his entire political career lying through his teeth about it.
We don’t mind telling you, folks, it’s been pretty hard to get up in the mornings.
Dan on Looking up at the stars: “@Aidan What’s actually wrong with what Geri has stated. The content of the post touches on various relevant matters as…” Mar 15, 10:30
Aidan on Looking up at the stars: “Yes Geri – I am struggling to simultaneously; a) finish my morning coffee; and b) arrange for you to be…” Mar 15, 10:30
Hatey McHateface on Looking up at the stars: “You can’t ever know for sure your dugs don’t fancy me, Geri. Try not to let that keep you awake…” Mar 15, 10:12
Geri on Looking up at the stars: “Hark at shitface. The only thing you’ve signed up to in yer sad life is online chat forums 24/7. You’ve…” Mar 15, 10:01
Hatey McHateface on Looking up at the stars: “On the plus side, Geri, the F16s will finally get off the ground. So not all bad.” Mar 15, 09:57
Geri on Looking up at the stars: “Oh, you cannie multi task? Wid it be bot overload?” Mar 15, 09:55
Geri on Looking up at the stars: “Naw, why don’t you give us a clue, Dumbo? We all know who uses “alert readers” tho to try mimic…” Mar 15, 09:50
Hatey McHateface on Looking up at the stars: “Enjoying the overnight posts. Good to see supposedly Sovereign Scots so keen to have a go. The first Orcs or…” Mar 15, 09:42
Hatey McHateface on Looking up at the stars: “@James Isn’t your eyesight a bit “challenged” for you to be volunteering? I’m not seeing you manning any barricades unless…” Mar 15, 09:24
Hatey McHateface on Looking up at the stars: “Geri says: Boom. Boom. Alert readers will spot the other regulars who also say Boom. Boom. I wonder how many…” Mar 15, 09:14
Hatey McHateface on Looking up at the stars: “It’s harakiri. Unless you’re actually on about some kind of solitary pastime.” Mar 15, 09:10
Geri on Looking up at the stars: “Because, thicko, the UK is a Vassal state. You’re colonised. Did ye not know that? You’ll buy LNG & Oil…” Mar 15, 09:09
Mark Beggan on Looking up at the stars: “A warning from history. In 1979 the Marxist movement in Iran joined with the clerics to produce what we now…” Mar 15, 07:38
Sven on Looking up at the stars: “I enjoyed your wee ditty ‘Bout a Prince once so pretty. But, now I fear He’s no longer so dear…” Mar 15, 07:09
Aidan on Looking up at the stars: “I wasn’t aware that anyone on here was having a sensible conversation on either energy or food security, but if…” Mar 15, 07:07
Young Lochinvar on Looking up at the stars: “Two little boys Had two little toys One a tottie boat grey The other a helicopter-green, and Happily they played…” Mar 15, 06:22
Geri on Looking up at the stars: “Careful you don’t catch that zip running up the back of yer napper..” Mar 15, 02:23
Geri on Looking up at the stars: “Get a grip, ya balloon. Hello! Is that the polis? Someone upset me on the internet… Whhhhaaaaaa! Whaaaaa! I’m sure…” Mar 15, 02:15
Mark Beggan on Looking up at the stars: “If you comment on this platform again I will report your comment to the Police. Just fucking try me. Prick.” Mar 15, 00:34
Mark Beggan on Looking up at the stars: “You are coming in your pants hoping for a retaliation from the Islamic inbreds. It will happen. The attack will…” Mar 15, 00:30
Young Lochinvar on Looking up at the stars: “I see an advert has been created for Magnum Bon Bons that hasn’t learnt the hard lesson that trannifying products…” Mar 14, 22:38
Geri on Looking up at the stars: “Not going to happen. Now Iran will attack theirs. They said the other day they’d be moving to reciprocal targets.…” Mar 14, 20:39
Sven on Looking up at the stars: “Please, YL, It’s challenging enough for this old duffer’s weary and deteriorating grey cells to sort out and skip over…” Mar 14, 20:33
Geri on Looking up at the stars: “If predictions pan out as some suggest – it’s going to be you living in a Totalitarian Theocracy. A one…” Mar 14, 20:26
Dan on Looking up at the stars: “@Aidan You’re putting way too much effort into responding to the wrong conversations… You’ve time to “engage” and bicker with…” Mar 14, 20:24
Aidan on Looking up at the stars: “Oh fuck me another one has started. I can’t go watch the borders rally tonight as I’m in Spain but…” Mar 14, 19:45
Dan on Looking up at the stars: “Hey Aidan ya bawbag. No point in you complaining about Wing’s BTL discourse dying on its arse when your own…” Mar 14, 19:14