I’ve always been obsessed, in cultural terms, with pivot points: the precise moments at which something significant changes irreversibly.
They can be a goal that ushers in a football team’s golden era – for me, Alex McLeish putting Aberdeen level in the 1982 Scottish Cup final. They can be a twist in a movie, like (first example that comes to mind) the shocking revelation of the bad guy in LA Confidential. They can spring out of nowhere, like the latter, or be something that was visibly on the way but finally crystallises, like the former.
Scotland’s biggest cultural problem famously used to be with its alpha males: hard-working, hard-drinking men, often sexist and openly sectarian, with an easy propensity for violence. (The archetype cut right across every social class, from shipyard workers to high-ranking police officers and everywhere between and beyond.)
But times change, and thankfully those characters are now almost entirely a thing of the past. Less happily, though, they’ve simply been replaced by a breed that’s every bit as unpleasant, just in slightly different ways. Readers, meet the Beta Bullies.
Slacky The Holiday Boy is off for the next THREE weeks, gallivanting around the globe on the clearly excessive wages we’re paying him. We hope he does actually come back, because his home city is becoming a poisonously hostile place for the creative.
Around 300 years ago, Edinburgh was the birthplace and residence of the Scottish Enlightenment, a remarkable period of intellectual and scientific accomplishment built around “the importance of human reason combined with a rejection of any authority that could not be justified by reason”, and which led to the city being famously dubbed “the Athens of the North”.
As far as we’re aware, LGBT Youth Scotland remains under police investigation for the suspected grooming and sexual exploitation of children. It’s impossible to imagine any other sort of organisation that could still expect to enjoy the patronage of a First Minister under such circumstances – especially when there were obvious other places he could be reasonably expected to show his face – but that’s how the SNP’s priorities roll in 2023 and there’s no getting away from it.
For any question to do with independence, folks, Humza Yousaf is not the answer.
At least, we assume there was a sizeable current being passed through it, as little else could explain the visibly uncomfortable half-hour experienced by hapless Stonewall chair Iain Anderson with Beth Rigby last night, or the seemingly random changes every few seconds in his facial expressions, body language and accent.
(Just about the only constant, other than his sweating top lip, was the deeply irritating modern phenomenon of stupid people starting every sentence with the word “So…”.)
If you’re a connoisseur of vacuous, nervous awkwardness you’re in for a real treat. If you want to see a human being actually answering any questions with even the tiniest shred of coherence, pertinence or honesty, maybe give it a miss.
It is our solemn duty to inform readers that deranged, shovel-handed Scottish Greens member and known associate of rapists and paedophiles Scott “Heather” Herbert has taken the hump at a Wings article from yesterday in which he was satirically featured.
He filed a malicious false copyright claim with YouTube which resulted in a silent video clip from the article showcasing his comically gigantic man-hands being scheduled for deletion, despite Herbert owning no copyright in the video (it’s the property of TalkTV, who have raised no objections to it) and having no legal standing to file any complaint.
But YouTube’s abysmal automated structures operate on the basis that all complaints are intrinsically valid, and allow absolutely no way for Wings to appeal this decision.
He popped up on Talk TV last night, explaining how a middle-aged man twerking at a number of very young children – some of whom seemed visibly distressed – during a recent Pride march was fine because maybe the children had asked him to (which they manifestly hadn’t), and anyway it was their parents’ fault that it happened.
And, y’know, readers can make their own judgements about that.
Hannah Graf MBE (below, right, receiving the decoration from Prince William in 2019 for his “work updating LGBTQ policy in the British Army”) is a very strange fella.
Hatey McHateface on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “Nine tenths of all rational BTL comments, Alf. Don’t you ever feel an overwhelming urge to mock some of the…” Mar 7, 19:16
agentx on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “Yes Scotland were great today and England were crap.” Mar 7, 19:06
David Holden on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “Oh well I see Italy has just beaten the mighty England at rugby union only a few years after our…” Mar 7, 18:50
TURABDIN on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “VIVA L’ITALIA…… the «big one», bring it on Donaldo, after your mega dose of viagra of course.” Mar 7, 18:43
Red on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “whatever happened to the Scottish independence movement? When they killed nationalism, which was the intellectual foundation of the independence movement,…” Mar 7, 18:38
Mark Beggan on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “The majority of their drones have been fired at the UAE. Who also think Starmers a wanker.” Mar 7, 18:25
TURABDIN on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “Forget Eurabia, we have Euramerica….. Some one’s end is nigh. Very Sad. Classical reason is cowering in a corner.” Mar 7, 18:17
Mark Beggan on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “It was on the good ship Dragon The deckhand started cryin’ His lipstick broke Coz he’s a poncy woke As…” Mar 7, 18:13
Alf Baird on Scotland’s Most Frightened: ““you already have a solid track record of mocking anybody” Pot and kettle, Hatey over Scotland, as ‘mocking anybody’ is…” Mar 7, 18:12
Hatey McHateface on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “Thousands, Willie? Reports indicate dozens certainly, maybe into the low hundreds in total. But thousands? Naw.” Mar 7, 18:11
Cynicus on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “Had you told me last week that France would come to Murrayfield and scored 40 points I would’ve put my…” Mar 7, 17:11
Willie on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “Seems that one of the UKs aircraft carriers is being readied in case it needs to head off to protect…” Mar 7, 16:59
Sven on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “I take it our Prime Minister was successful then, and they must have, “Released the sausages” then Mark. Calls for…” Mar 7, 16:38
Hatey McHateface on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “Does Milliband know it’s going full speed? That must be slaying the nautical miles per gallon figure. Won’t anybody think…” Mar 7, 16:35
Hatey McHateface on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “Not factually accurate, YL. We all know that in the Mad Mullah’s frame of reference, step 2 is: 2. Slay…” Mar 7, 16:22
Mark Beggan on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “HMS Sausage steaming full speed towards Cyprus. Britannia rules the waves.” Mar 7, 16:19
David Holden on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “Well that was a bit special as Scotland beat France at Murrayfield in what has to be one of the…” Mar 7, 16:14
Hatey McHateface on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “Actually, Geri, your juxtaposition of R and love reminds me. I was wondering if your recent absence was down to…” Mar 7, 16:08
TURABDIN on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “Aaaah…let us psychoanalyze the word SHITHOLES. «they make shitholes and call it peace» an update on an old theme. eneuch…” Mar 7, 15:20
Geri on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “You reap what you sow, hatey. Didn’t the good Lord tell you that? He’d spit you out of the land..…” Mar 7, 15:11
Hatey McHateface on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “Perhaps you need to read our history. Centuries of every horror imaginable. Our ancestors fought each other to a standstill…” Mar 7, 15:04
Young Lochinvar on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “1. Bomb the crap out of somewhere. 2. Create large numbers of economically displaced. 3. Experience a surge in migration…” Mar 7, 14:56
TURABDIN on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “HEGSETH is rather obsessed with masculinity, online links reinforce that by his dislike of homosexuality. Were the Atlantic to take…” Mar 7, 14:53
Hatey McHateface on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “The cants at airport security who make us take half our clothes off and go through our baggage with devices…” Mar 7, 14:48
Cynicus on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “TURABDIN says: 7 March, 2026 at 9:30 am ‘IS HEGSETH a woman despising, overscompensating closet «fag»….’ link to archive.is =============…” Mar 7, 14:20