Don Paterson is a celebrated Scottish poet, writer and musician. The essay below comes from a new anthology of Scottish writers called Irish Pages: Scotland, and is reproduced with his permission.
Remember The Vow? Most of us have tried to forget it. This was Westminster’s Hail Mary as polling day approached in the 2014 referendum; a vote that Yessers – people tend to forget this part too – initially had no real expectation of winning, until an inspirationally positive campaign saw the polls draw neck-and-neck.
Then lo! There it was, splashed across the Daily Record: a fancy-font promise from Westminster party leaders that if Scotland voted to stay within the UK, we would enjoy new devolved powers. There was some other waffle about defence and opportunities and having an equal share in the UK’s prosperity. But the message was clear enough. We would be listened to.
The Scottish Tory MSP reacted furiously to a story in The National which said Scotland had been absorbed into England by the 1707 Act Of Union, rather than becoming a “partner” in anything, and had ceased to exist as a state in international law.
Which was a weird response, because that’s been the official stated position of both the UK government and the Conservative Party for at least the last 12 years.
Despite everything, we almost allowed ourselves just the very tiniest little micro-flicker of optimism when we read Tommy Sheppard’s latest in The National.
Because that much is certainly true, and it’s uncommonly candid to have anyone in the SNP admit it. So what’s the answer?
(Kelly’s article is here. Link to Grok’s answer here. The ChatGPT analysis that triggered the article can be read in this tweet thread. A verifiable analysis by Grok of the debate, based on a neutral question, can be read here.)
The legal imprint at the bottom means that that’s official SNP election communication. One assumes it’s intended for leaflets to be put through actual voters’ letterboxes.
Hi! I noticed, with very considerable amusement, your complaint last night that I hadn’t made a “substantive reply” to the [EDIT] EIGHT posts (totalling nearly 11,000 words) of semi-coherent ranting about me that you’ve made on your site in the last eight days.
(I’ll be absolutely honest, I’ve only skimmed the last few.)
We both know the reason that’s so tear-streamingly comical, of course.
In so far as it’s worth talking about Scottish constitutional politics at all these days, it’s worth taking a moment to analyse the bloodless, anodyne nothingness spouted by the First Minister on The Sunday Show at the weekend.
That clip is less than three minutes long, but it’s so soul-crushingly boring and full of content-free drone and waffle that it’s almost impossible to sit all the way through it, so we’re going to translate and summarise it for you.
Warning: despite the quite zingy title this is actually going to be a very dry stats post, readers. It is, on the other hand, based on a man having something disturbingly close to a complete psychotic mental breakdown, so there’s always that for a bit of colour.
Because the paragraph above, and in particular the highlighted part, is without a doubt the most dishonest, diametrically false and wildly extreme lie about Scottish politics that we’ve ever seen anyone tell in the 13.5 years of Wings Over Scotland’s existence.
And as a rule we don’t bother addressing them because they’re so demented you could spend 5,000 words pulling apart all the individual strands of lunacy every time, and lunatics thrive on attention, but this one does merit a very brief comment.
Because “Vote Labour, get indy” wasn’t our plan. It was John Swinney’s.
Even by the embarrassing standards of The National, the gulf between this morning’s blaring front-page splash and the weak, watery weasel words in the actual article is a chasm so wide and so yawning (in every sense of that word) that it would put the epic planetary scar of Mars’ Valles Marineris to shame.
Coupled with a feebly underwhelming Programme For Government (in which the main policy was the re-abolition of peak rail fares just months after the SNP insisted such a move was unaffordable, with no clue as to where the money had suddenly been found) and a pitiful list of candidates for next year’s Holyrood election featuring the likes of Sally “all aboard the gravy bus!” Donald, Kaukab “DECAPITATE TERFS” Stewart, Kirsten “DECAPITATE TERFS” Oswald, Alison “DECAPITATE TERFS” Thewliss and Alyn “throw anyone who doesn’t want to DECAPITATE TERFS out of the SNP” Smith, the story was an abject vision of a bleak future for independence.
Young Lochinvar on Seven Days Too Long: “AI Dun @ 5.23 But you suggested disenfranchised SNP voters voting elsewhere would tip the balance in the constituency you…” May 1, 17:49
Northcode on Seven Days Too Long: “… your life must be pretty dull…you must reminisce frequently upon your halcyon days back in the “Roaring Twenties”… Almost…” May 1, 17:46
Young Lochinvar on Seven Days Too Long: “Fat Slag Wilma Flintstone @ 5.01 Were you crying as you typed that? Oh dear..” May 1, 17:44
Bilbo on Seven Days Too Long: “The individual in article is an economic migrant who sees better opportunities here in Scotland that is financially beneficial to…” May 1, 17:33
Aidan on Seven Days Too Long: “Because Alliance are not a threat to the SNP at the levels their support is at at the moment! Nobody…” May 1, 17:23
Young Lochinvar on Seven Days Too Long: “AI Dun @ 4.44 How so? Account for that.. I’d imagine those who vote alliance on the constituency ballot would…” May 1, 17:10
Captain Caveman on Seven Days Too Long: “He’s always come across as an exceedingly bitter, verbose troll to me. Granted, he’s not as bad as “Geri”, YL…” May 1, 17:01
Aidan on Seven Days Too Long: “Nope – but then of course the status quo would prevail and Scotland would be further and further away from…” May 1, 16:44
Aidan on Seven Days Too Long: “@CC – do you get the sense that Northcode is moving from charming simpleton to banal troll? I used to…” May 1, 16:43
Young Lochinvar on Seven Days Too Long: “JCD If you can’t bring yourself to vote for Tommy then just sharpie in large letters across the ballot “end…” May 1, 16:25
Young Lochinvar on Seven Days Too Long: “AI Dun @ 4.09 They wouldn’t have to hold their nose if they voted for the alliance and similar and…” May 1, 16:20
Captain Caveman on Seven Days Too Long: “Yes, your life must be pretty dull indeed, Northcode. I imagine you must reminisce frequently upon your halcyon days back…” May 1, 16:16
Oneliner on Seven Days Too Long: “We need to find a pejorative for ‘English based unionist’ ‘County Lines’ or just simply ‘Colonial’” May 1, 16:13
Aidan on Seven Days Too Long: “Yes and that’s perfectly sensible YL, but the Alliance isn’t going to hold the SNP to account when it comes…” May 1, 16:09
JCD on Seven Days Too Long: “Could someone advise me on the most constructive way to spoil a ballot? What I’m looking for is the nearest…” May 1, 16:01
Young Lochinvar on Seven Days Too Long: “Fat Slag Wilma Flintstone @ 3.35 “Maaaaaate”..” May 1, 15:44
Young Lochinvar on Seven Days Too Long: “AI Dun @ 2.30 PS: Sinn Fein I believe take their seats at Stormont (not Westminster). It’s the Unionists now…” May 1, 15:41
Mark Beggan on Seven Days Too Long: “One would have thought the Lady boys and the attempted brain washing of children would have been enough for most…” May 1, 15:40
Alf Baird on Seven Days Too Long: “Colonialism is described as ‘legalized lawlessness’ (Elkins), which raises questions about what may be deemed ‘lawful’ by a dominant power.…” May 1, 15:40
Captain Caveman on Seven Days Too Long: “Aww! Rambo’s triggered *again*… Good grief, you’re such a fragile little twerp aren’t you. Looks like my original remark went…” May 1, 15:35
Northcode on Seven Days Too Long: ““Oh my mistake…” That’s a pretty weak retort… you’re no fun to play with. In fact, none of the current…” May 1, 15:27
Young Lochinvar on Seven Days Too Long: “Fat Slag Wilma Flintstone @ 2.48 Oh I’m perfectly comfortable to be rated as smaller than you Wilma thunderthighs, heck,…” May 1, 15:24
Young Lochinvar on Seven Days Too Long: “AI Dun & 4.02 Somebody has to unambiguously hold the SNPs feet to the fire about actually striving for independence…” May 1, 15:18
Aidan on Seven Days Too Long: “Oh my mistake, it’s just that all of your posts are so verbose, boring and absurd that it’s hard to…” May 1, 15:11
sarah on Seven Days Too Long: “@ Potace: not ALL the candidates are “an utterly depressing shower”. You’re right about the established parties but there’s independents,…” May 1, 15:09
Northcode on Seven Days Too Long: “Good God! First… far from being tiny and deluded, my mind is vast and crystal clear and far, far beyond…” May 1, 14:54
Captain Caveman on Seven Days Too Long: ““All parties start small, that’s life.” Well, the word on the street is you know all about “being small”, Rambo.…” May 1, 14:48
Aidan on Seven Days Too Long: “I’m aware YL that all parties start small, but think also how many countless political parties have been started and…” May 1, 14:30
Young Lochinvar on Seven Days Too Long: “AI Dun and Fat Slag Wilma Flintstone All parties start small, that’s life. I believe I made that pretty clear…” May 1, 14:02
Aidan on Seven Days Too Long: “Your tiny deluded mind cannot possibly think that your life would be in anyway better if a war started with…” May 1, 13:31
