When I was a boy at Balbardie Primary School in Bathgate in the mid-70s, football was banned in the playground. Of course we were all fitba-daft laddies, so we sought ways around the prohibition. Occasionally someone would bring in a tennis ball, but those were difficult to control in school shoes and also apt to fly over the wall of the outdoor toilet block if somebody caught one sweetly on the volley.
So most playtimes somebody would produce a tin of Pepsi or Irn-Bru or Cresta, chug the contents, stand the empty container on its end and stomp sharply on it, producing something more akin to an ice-hockey puck that would serve for our kickabout.
But even after being skelped and scudded around a concrete playground into stone walls for 20 minutes, that can was still in better shape at the end of our game than the one the SNP have been kicking down the road since 2016.
The SNP now seem to be involved in some sort of competition where they dare each other to come up with the most blatant insult to their own members and/or the wider independence movement and see just how much they can get people to put up with.
First up was this drivel:
Humza Yousaf is leader of the SNP, a political party whose defining purpose – arguably its SOLE real purpose – is the pursuit of Scottish independence, but his “vision for Scotland” didn’t include a single mention of it.
Instead, Yousaf intends to spend the next three years on “equality”, “opportunity” and “community”, three meaningless buzzwords which every political party on Earth would claim to be in favour of. He might as well have identified his key values as kittens, lollipops and hugs.
But we’ve subsequently noticed a number of attempts by various people to muddy the story by talking about a “draft” warrant request, implying that there was no improper delay. So we checked up, and thought you might like to know how the process works.
Alert Wings readers will have noticed recent press coverage of events surrounding North Lanarkshire Council, centred around a scandal of sexual harassment by former council leader Jordan Linden.
Here we present the full story, directly from one of the SNP councillors involved.
Oily SNP MP John Nicolson – a man who was pompous and condescending even as a teenager presenting Open To Question in the 1980s – this week posted an extended and theatrical Twitter rant at the fine Herald and National columnist Kevin McKenna.
Young Lochinvar on Anything But That: “FC Is that a fact? Just checking. FYI: all sorts were at it feathering their nests at a time of…” Sep 6, 23:49
Young Lochinvar on Anything But That: “HMcH Ford Focus. The settled down ageing badly hairdressers car! Not bad mpg, nae room necessary for the (non existent)…” Sep 6, 23:25
Young Lochinvar on Anything But That: “MB Nah! Not allowed into those sorts of establishments till you were 18 years old. Air Cadets “Verboten” (spelling apols)..…” Sep 6, 22:50
Young Lochinvar on Anything But That: “HMcH Yer projecting again “old boy”.. As for my post; Not at all! I was merely making mild oblique reference…” Sep 6, 22:40
Mark Beggan on Anything But That: “I dont remember much about operation lion-heart. I was drunk in a whore house most of the time. Deutsche girls…” Sep 6, 21:29
Hatey McHateface on Anything But That: “Can’t you read, sam? It’s Mr Beggan to you. Seriously, though. Do you honestly believe you rate being hated? Get…” Sep 6, 21:25
Hatey McHateface on Anything But That: “What is it now, Sooty? Auld Lochnagar always quick to get the shirt lifting accusations in early? Well, he did…” Sep 6, 21:18
sam on Anything But That: “No friends, no wife, no job. Just hatred and Beggan.” Sep 6, 21:01
Young Lochinvar on Anything But That: “MB Wrong (yet) again.. You probably never heard those insults on yer air cadet “Lionheart deployment” in ‘84 (to make…” Sep 6, 21:01
Young Lochinvar on Anything But That: “To the Cow (Chas) from the Confused dot com tv add: “Who’s That Whistling!!! Lighten up FFS..” Sep 6, 20:50
Young Lochinvar on Anything But That: “HMcH Corrie and Emmerdale.. Sigh! Such is life Sweep (or is it Parsley the Lion) to keep a happy marriage.…” Sep 6, 20:42
Mark Beggan on Anything But That: “No they never. You just made that up. It was a Jerry helmet and a Japs eye. That’s why all…” Sep 6, 20:41
Chas on Anything But That: “It is refreshing to see a bout of common sense and realism breaking out on Wings and…….. from an unlikely…” Sep 6, 20:25
Hatey McHateface on Anything But That: “What’s that you say, Sooty? What would Auld Lochnagar ken aboot a TV soap that only his missus watches? You’re…” Sep 6, 20:24
agentx on Anything But That: ““Jenny Gilruth is being groomed as a potential successor to John Swinney” https://www.scottishdailyexpress.co.uk/news/politics/stephen-flynn-infuriates-civil-servants-37632876 —————————————— Could there be a more inappropriate…” Sep 6, 20:15
Mark Beggan on Anything But That: “If anyone turns up declaring that they are chicken farmer then we should really begin to panic.” Sep 6, 20:05
Young Lochinvar on Anything But That: “Call Quality Polis!! Hatey has Northcode locked up in his basement and has stolen his log-in details!!! It’s like a…” Sep 6, 20:03
Mark Beggan on Anything But That: “I would like to read more of what you wrote today. You are on it. Ideological europhiles are yesterday. The…” Sep 6, 20:01
Young Lochinvar on Anything But That: “MB We used to call the Germans “box heads”, they called us “island monkeys” Whits yer hat size Beggars? 12×12…” Sep 6, 20:00
Hatey McHateface on Anything But That: “There’s a precedent. Ribbentrop was a champagne salesman.” Sep 6, 19:53
Hatey McHateface on Anything But That: “Wow, Northy! The bridges are in sheets of flame today. I hope you’ve found the courage and decency to tell…” Sep 6, 19:48
Hatey McHateface on Anything But That: “Man up, Northy! Don’t let sam intimidate and cow you into agreement and obedience. Stand tall! Besides, even if he…” Sep 6, 19:40
Northcode on Anything But That: “Interesting… TURABDIN is chasing symbols: UN intervention external validation geopolitical rescue fatalistic narratives AgentX is describing strategy: democratic legitimacy internal…” Sep 6, 19:16
Northcode on Anything But That: ““Northcode, I have always enjoyed your posts.” As do I yours.” Sep 6, 19:13
Hatey McHateface on Anything But That: “Well, well. I predicted there would be a few things you wouldn’t want to talk about, sam. And my prediction…” Sep 6, 19:12
Mark Beggan on Anything But That: “It is Mr Beggan to you. You dont decide anything about this page. Threats of violence Sam is the squeak…” Sep 6, 19:04
Mark Beggan on Anything But That: “Auf Wiedersehen, Pet Who would have thought a perfume salesman would change German history. It is the end of the…” Sep 6, 18:51
sam on Anything But That: “Usually I scroll past much of what is btl comment regarding it as shite. A good deal of that shite…” Sep 6, 18:49
Young Lochinvar on Anything But That: “Missing person appeal! Will the real Northcode come forward please, his account here has clearly been hacked and it appears…” Sep 6, 18:36
Mark Beggan on Anything But That: “Salmond new how difficult the task to unite Scotland internally would be. Everybody was on board on the anti English…” Sep 6, 18:23
