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Orthodox Pete 421
As all alert Wings readers will know, we love a “1984” quote. Here’s one:
So with that in mind, let’s have some fun and talk about Pete Wishart again.
Pete’s New Programming 118
A few months ago, we all had a good chuckle at Pete Wishart’s screeching 180-degree turn on the subject of using a plebiscitary election for independence, a strategy which switched overnight from “suicidal, disastrous fringe lunacy with no hope of success” to “genius plan Nicola herself came up with”.
But after that crude ad-hoc field patch, we’re delighted to be able to report that Pete has submitted himself to SNP HQ for a full operating system update and is now fully compliant with the New Truth.
Pete’s Big Win 87
The National must have been enormously proud when it successfully fought off all the other newspapers to secure this stunning exclusive today.
We must admit, when we had a good look in the “Pete Wishart Victories” section of our extensive archives we drew a blank. So we were excited to read on and find out.
Traitor Pete 73
As you might expect, our return to Twitter yesterday caused quite a commotion among the more sensitive flowers on the social media platform. At the head of the pouting mob was of course our dear old pal SNP MP Pete Wishart, who was clutching his pearls as usual about such terrible elements as ourselves – “vile abusers” – putting people off independence.
And at such times, it’s useful to remember how much he cares about independence:
Because by his own admission, Pete Wishart would sell out Scottish independence at its most crucial moment for the sake of getting to wear the Speaker’s silk gown – adorned on special state occasions with golden lace, frogs and a wig – in the House Of Commons and uphold all its ancient traditions like a good little Briton.
Scotland’s whole future, 300 years of struggle to regain control of its own destiny, could hang in the balance, held solely in the hands of one man, and rather than disappoint the grey eminences of the British establishment and risk being frowned upon in their oak-panelled subsidised dining rooms, Pete Wishart would say “No”.
(We don’t know if you get an even bigger pension for being the Speaker than the £50,000 or so a year that Wishart will trouser when he leaves the UK Parliament after 20 years of spectacular non-achievement, but we’d be prepared to hazard a guess.)
There’s a word to describe people like that, which is never used on Wings, but we’re making an exception just this once.
Pension Pete’s Pickle 158
When we have a rare spare moment, readers, there’s nothing we enjoy more for a bit of fun and relaxation than to fire off a few Freedom Of Information requests.
And just for some variety, last month we sent a couple to the UK Parliament – mainly on behalf of our Number One fan, Pete Wishart MP.
The answers came in this week.
Pete’s Perfect Plan 241
We don’t mind admitting we were quivering with anticipation, readers.
So let’s go.
Objection Sustained 41
This must be some kind of mistake.
Because we’re sure you’ve spent the last decade telling us that just couldn’t happen.
End Of Part One 131
Well, we hope you all listened to us in January and got your bets in.
Enjoy your winnings. Because the real work starts now.
Outside the fence 108
We were a little perplexed by this story.
Because, for startlingly obvious reasons, even the SNP hasn’t had the brass neck to do a general fundraiser for this election, with the police’s inquiries still going on into the whereabouts of the cash from their last big appeals.
But in fact the party has managed to wring over £100,000 from the most gullible of its remaining supporters in the days since the election was announced. It’s just been a bit more subtle about it.
The Abyss 352
It’s rather apt that this happened on the last day of the calendar. Because it truly is the rock-bottom moment in the grotesquely sullied history of the Scottish National Party.
We’ve heard that line somewhere before, haven’t we?
The Fifth Columnist 115
This is the end of Humza Yousaf’s speech to the SNP conference today.
And if you examine what those words mean, the conclusion couldn’t be clearer.