To be honest, folks, we’re not quite sure what to do with ourselves at the moment.
Everyone and his wee dug is writing election-aftermath columns and offering the SNP advice of varying intelligence and solemnity about how to recover from the shattering blow they’ve just been dealt by Scottish voters.
But it’s a pointless exercise. They may as well be yelling down a manhole.
The Scottish Greens, in a feat of remarkable hubris and financial profligacy, stood 44 candidates in this week’s general election, knowing that most of them would lose their deposits, which they duly did.
But not quite all of them. And there the comedy arose.
Because while SNP boneheads on social media are raging idiotically at Alba, Wings and others for causing division and damaging the unity of the indy cause yada yada yada, a small handful of Green candidates made a real difference.
The 2005 election was the last time the Daily Record and the Scottish Sun both endorsed the same party at a UK general election. So, y’know, something is going on.
Survation released their final projection for the election last night. It’s quite a boring image because they had to make it mostly grey to correctly illustrate the margin of Labour’s lead.
Those ranges are substantial, but even their BEST-case scenario for the Tories is below 100 seats. The WORST-case scenario for Labour – 447 seats – still gives them a majority of 244, which would smash the all-time record of 209 set by the Tories exactly 100 years ago. (The best case is a dizzying 384.)
Scotland is probably the hardest area of the UK to call. In most polls there are only a few points between Labour and the SNP, and depending on how the votes are spread and who’s best at getting their support out either could still win the most seats.
That won’t, of course, make the slightest difference to the governance of the UK for the next five years. Even 57 Scottish MPs out of 57, for any party, would be completely meaningless to a government with a majority of over 200.
But it’ll make a big difference to the independence movement. Because if the SNP manages to hold onto to a significant proportion of its seats, we can all wave goodbye to the slightest chance of progress for another decade on top of the one that’s been wasted since Alex Salmond resigned.
In the modern political world, you don’t get anywhere without a movement, and movements don’t get anywhere without a flag. So we’ve decided it’s time to take action and stand up for a very large group of people who are genuinely discriminated against and significantly disadvantaged in our society.
Here’s their symbol.
Today is July 1st, and we officially, on behalf of all our oppressed kinfolk, declare this to be People Who Aren’t Eligible For A Railcard Pride Month.
I was going to write this article yesterday, but 2024’s miserable damp squib of a summer unexpectedly delivered a beautiful day – a perfect 20C of unbroken sunshine with a refreshing slight breeze – so I went for a nice walk instead.
Rather than my usual bird-feeding and bear-patrolling beat along the river and canal, I headed off on what used to be my standard summer stroll: up the long steep hill to Beckford’s Tower and its associated cemetery with stunning views over the city.
I’ll scatter a few pics from the walk throughout this feature, as otherwise I’m afraid it’s going to be a bit depressing and angering.
There are now just 10 days until the general election. Wings has never told its readers how to vote and we’re not going to start now. Which is lucky, because if we were, we wouldn’t have a clue how to.
Just, y’know, not for any of these wretched, worthless shiters.
Captain Caveman on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “People are allowed to change their minds without your permission, Dan. It’s called having an open mind, you should try…” Sep 24, 13:01
Hatey McHateface on Cowering From Destiny: “The Teletubbies? I don’t believe I’ve ever seen or heard a joke about them.” Sep 24, 13:00
Dan on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “Aye, NC seems to have had a coding change in what it churns out. Compare now to a comment trail…” Sep 24, 12:50
Captain Caveman on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “Thanks as ever for your erudite, “sophiticated” contribution, Confused. Brought to you by Evo-Stik and an odd fascination with slow-cooked…” Sep 24, 12:50
Aidan on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “@Sam – under limb one, the geographic separation requirement must include separation by sea. An NSGT cannot be geographically contiguous…” Sep 24, 12:48
Northcode on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “Resolution 1541’s criteria only apply to territories that were reported to the UN in 1946 as colonies, protectorates, or overseas…” Sep 24, 12:41
Mark Beggan on Cowering From Destiny: “No talent. No money. No plan. No grassroots support. What could possibly go wrong?” Sep 24, 12:41
Confused on Cowering From Destiny: “nige won’t be PM now since he pissed off the wrong people; the people you can’t make jokes about” Sep 24, 12:28
Confused on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “NC is in mystification mode; the UN is a useful tactic, which may draw blood – the anglos are raging…” Sep 24, 12:27
Effijy on Cowering From Destiny: “A very valid point. I would enjoy watching a stand alone England ruled by Trump style absurdity and corruption but…” Sep 24, 12:15
sam on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “Northcode, New post by Rev so you may not see this. Criteria of Colonial Status Resolution 1541 sets three objective…” Sep 24, 12:14
Willie on Cowering From Destiny: “No need big John has just announced that he wants to create six supra regional supra authorities. Like the NHS…” Sep 24, 12:02
Willie on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “Critically important to engage in the international environment and Sarah Salyers is certainly doing that. And let us not forget…” Sep 24, 11:43
Captain Caveman on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: ““The emotional force comes from grievance, destiny, and moral urgency; the procedural reality is left untouched.” In a nutshell -…” Sep 24, 11:43
Northcode on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “I watched Sara Salyers’ speech from Tuesday’s UN Geneva side-event – to which Fearghas provided a link – and here…” Sep 24, 10:58
Minceheid on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “Hatey McHateface says: 24 September, 2026 at 9:28 am Best go to SpecSavers MH. Any “quine” quoting Samuel L Jackson…” Sep 24, 10:16
Aidan on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “Oh look everyone “James” is back. Managed to persuade them to turn your internet back on?” Sep 24, 10:15
Hatey McHateface on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “I personally know folk who have built their house from bales of straw. They think it’s great. So do I.…” Sep 24, 10:11
Hatey McHateface on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “I’m confident Rev Stu can defend himself against my insults. If you get right back to basics, the fundamental fact…” Sep 24, 10:07
TURABDIN on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “Countries & peoples may be destroyed through invasion and occupation but the most effective method is to offer those countries…” Sep 24, 10:03
TURABDIN on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “Countries & peoples may be destroyed through invasion and occupation but the most effective method is to offer those countries…” Sep 24, 10:03
James on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “LOL.Fireshire Adrian; Comedy gold as always. Keep ’em coming, Curly!” Sep 24, 10:00
James Che on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “Yes thesbian does fit NS, however I personally had applied that word to the to the more recent group that…” Sep 24, 09:50
Aidan on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “You say “if the U.K. Government keeps picking fights with them” – but it is Ru**ia that has repeatedly invaded…” Sep 24, 09:50
James Che on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “Hatey, It was with sadness that I noted your lack of empathy towards a homeless veteran living in Bales of…” Sep 24, 09:39
Hatey McHateface on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “I guess a thesbian is an obvious hybrid. Probably an apt description for our former National Mammie as she establishes…” Sep 24, 09:35
Hatey McHateface on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “Best go to SpecSavers MH. Any “quine” quoting Samuel L Jackson in Pulp Fiction has to be 60 at least.” Sep 24, 09:28
James Che on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “Hatey, you start the day by insulting and dismissing Stu’s efforts over the years to present day. Not a good…” Sep 24, 09:24
James Che on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “Agentx. Additional ” Scottish income Tax” would apply to every one in Scotland, Its called Scottish income tax for a…” Sep 24, 08:58
James Che on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “Suspect NS was always a wannabe actor from start to finish, she certainly played the starring roll and false lead…” Sep 24, 08:45