Don Paterson is a celebrated Scottish poet, writer and musician. The essay below comes from a new anthology of Scottish writers called Irish Pages: Scotland, and is reproduced with his permission.
Remember The Vow? Most of us have tried to forget it. This was Westminster’s Hail Mary as polling day approached in the 2014 referendum; a vote that Yessers – people tend to forget this part too – initially had no real expectation of winning, until an inspirationally positive campaign saw the polls draw neck-and-neck.
Then lo! There it was, splashed across the Daily Record: a fancy-font promise from Westminster party leaders that if Scotland voted to stay within the UK, we would enjoy new devolved powers. There was some other waffle about defence and opportunities and having an equal share in the UK’s prosperity. But the message was clear enough. We would be listened to.
The Scottish Tory MSP reacted furiously to a story in The National which said Scotland had been absorbed into England by the 1707 Act Of Union, rather than becoming a “partner” in anything, and had ceased to exist as a state in international law.
Which was a weird response, because that’s been the official stated position of both the UK government and the Conservative Party for at least the last 12 years.
Despite everything, we almost allowed ourselves just the very tiniest little micro-flicker of optimism when we read Tommy Sheppard’s latest in The National.
Because that much is certainly true, and it’s uncommonly candid to have anyone in the SNP admit it. So what’s the answer?
(Kelly’s article is here. Link to Grok’s answer here. The ChatGPT analysis that triggered the article can be read in this tweet thread. A verifiable analysis by Grok of the debate, based on a neutral question, can be read here.)
The legal imprint at the bottom means that that’s official SNP election communication. One assumes it’s intended for leaflets to be put through actual voters’ letterboxes.
Hi! I noticed, with very considerable amusement, your complaint last night that I hadn’t made a “substantive reply” to the [EDIT] EIGHT posts (totalling nearly 11,000 words) of semi-coherent ranting about me that you’ve made on your site in the last eight days.
(I’ll be absolutely honest, I’ve only skimmed the last few.)
We both know the reason that’s so tear-streamingly comical, of course.
In so far as it’s worth talking about Scottish constitutional politics at all these days, it’s worth taking a moment to analyse the bloodless, anodyne nothingness spouted by the First Minister on The Sunday Show at the weekend.
That clip is less than three minutes long, but it’s so soul-crushingly boring and full of content-free drone and waffle that it’s almost impossible to sit all the way through it, so we’re going to translate and summarise it for you.
Warning: despite the quite zingy title this is actually going to be a very dry stats post, readers. It is, on the other hand, based on a man having something disturbingly close to a complete psychotic mental breakdown, so there’s always that for a bit of colour.
Because the paragraph above, and in particular the highlighted part, is without a doubt the most dishonest, diametrically false and wildly extreme lie about Scottish politics that we’ve ever seen anyone tell in the 13.5 years of Wings Over Scotland’s existence.
And as a rule we don’t bother addressing them because they’re so demented you could spend 5,000 words pulling apart all the individual strands of lunacy every time, and lunatics thrive on attention, but this one does merit a very brief comment.
Because “Vote Labour, get indy” wasn’t our plan. It was John Swinney’s.
Even by the embarrassing standards of The National, the gulf between this morning’s blaring front-page splash and the weak, watery weasel words in the actual article is a chasm so wide and so yawning (in every sense of that word) that it would put the epic planetary scar of Mars’ Valles Marineris to shame.
Coupled with a feebly underwhelming Programme For Government (in which the main policy was the re-abolition of peak rail fares just months after the SNP insisted such a move was unaffordable, with no clue as to where the money had suddenly been found) and a pitiful list of candidates for next year’s Holyrood election featuring the likes of Sally “all aboard the gravy bus!” Donald, Kaukab “DECAPITATE TERFS” Stewart, Kirsten “DECAPITATE TERFS” Oswald, Alison “DECAPITATE TERFS” Thewliss and Alyn “throw anyone who doesn’t want to DECAPITATE TERFS out of the SNP” Smith, the story was an abject vision of a bleak future for independence.
Fearghas MacFhionnlaigh on Just Good Friends: “DOOYEWEERD: NORMS AND NORMATIVITY « No doubt there occur female feelings in men, and male feelings in women. But this cannot…” Jul 10, 22:38
Lorn on Just Good Friends: “A vox populi was carried out in London some months ago, and it asked passing young men whether they believe…” Jul 10, 21:16
Fearghas MacFhionnlaigh on Just Good Friends: “DfE SAFEGUARDING GUIDANCE PROTECTING GENDER-QUESTIONING PUPILS FINALLY PUBLISHED « Safeguarding guidance which recognises the risks of ‘social transitioning’ has finally been…” Jul 10, 21:01
agent x on Just Good Friends: “@ insider Many thanks – it worked for me.” Jul 10, 20:56
Hatey McHateface on Just Good Friends: “I’ve been swithering, x. Should I claim there’s a typo in your post? An extra pair of letters on the…” Jul 10, 20:00
Insider on Just Good Friends: ““I can’t read more because it is a paid for article” Go to your device’s “settings” and disable javascript for…” Jul 10, 20:00
James Galt on Just Good Friends: “Of course the exact opposite is the case – the women are firmly in charge – no middle-aged white male…” Jul 10, 19:49
Hatey McHateface on Just Good Friends: “They won’t bring it forwards because it was only ever intended as a Trojan Horse to protect men who masquerade…” Jul 10, 19:42
agent x on Just Good Friends: ““Crime writer Val McDermid has branded the current political landscape an “absolutely cesspit of misogyny.” The best-selling author suggested the…” Jul 10, 19:21
Mark Beggan on Just Good Friends: “The whole Scottish government is corrupt to it’s core. Our future must have a different political system. Party politics is…” Jul 10, 19:20
Anthem on Just Good Friends: “It would solve a lot of problems. Just saying.” Jul 10, 18:51
Hatey McHateface on Just Good Friends: “David Davis? The Westminster English Tory? That David Davis? Isn’t WM the pit of Hell, and aren’t Tories the devil’s…” Jul 10, 18:16
Hatey McHateface on Just Good Friends: “I’ve had more than enough of that lot. Strangely enough though, the people in the ME who really understand what…” Jul 10, 18:10
Hatey McHateface on Just Good Friends: “That’s just daft, sarah. If the people have direct and immediate power, then there is no need for politicians at…” Jul 10, 18:02
Hatey McHateface on Just Good Friends: “Cheers, Callum. I’m defo not a Yoon by that definition. I think Scots are too corrupt, too perverted and too…” Jul 10, 17:54
Red on Just Good Friends: “Don’t forget Nicola’s refugee pals. According to Police Scotland’s Operation Cerrar, they’ve raped a load of weans in Glasgow. Silence…” Jul 10, 17:34
Onlooker on Just Good Friends: “You lost me at ‘y’all’. Yank idiocy.” Jul 10, 17:34
Callum on Just Good Friends: “U.K. has given Scotland Thatcher, Major, Blair, Cameron, May, BoJo, Truss, Sunak, Starmer and possibly Farage. That represents institutional idiocy.…” Jul 10, 17:25
Cathures72 on Just Good Friends: “She really seems to gravitate towards the worst people.” Jul 10, 17:23
Hatey McHateface on Just Good Friends: ““Only the most cowardly and idiotic still support them” Yet they are predicted to do well in 2026. Because a…” Jul 10, 17:10
Hatey McHateface on Too Tight To Mention: “The Scots just want shot of the likes of you. We wouldn’t have the shits that are running us at…” Jul 10, 17:05
Hatey McHateface on Just Good Friends: “Defo something rotten in the state of Scotland. I’m grateful and relieved we still have the institutions of the UK…” Jul 10, 16:54
callum on Just Good Friends: “Progressive = Predatory” Jul 10, 16:49
Derek on Just Good Friends: “It’s amazing how obvious it is to other men when a certain type of right-on “anti-misogynist” guy is a wolf…” Jul 10, 16:17
Mark Beggan on Just Good Friends: “Another winner from the BBC.” Jul 10, 15:58
Sven on Just Good Friends: “Corrado Mella @ 14.09. I do believe that we’ve all got it, Corrado. It’s achieving independence and sorting out the…” Jul 10, 15:43
lothianlad on Just Good Friends: “The disgusting SNP! Only the most cowardly and idiotic still support them. They sure aint for independence.” Jul 10, 15:41