Back in the 1980s there was a hit game for the ZX Spectrum home computer called Worse Things Happen At Sea. In it you play a robot whose job is to get a heavily-laden cargo ship safely to port, except that more and more disasters keep befalling it.
It springs leaks, it veers off course, the engine overheats and the robot’s power runs down, until eventually the catalogue of catastrophes overwhelms the harassed metallic custodian and the boat slides down into the murky depths.
We wonder if that feels familiar to anyone at the moment.
On 23rd March this year, after Alex Salmond was found not guilty of 13 criminal charges in the High Court, I called on the Scottish Government to set up a judge-led inquiry into the allegation that he had been the subject of a conspiracy involving the Scottish Government, which resulted in him being accused of criminal behaviour.
There’s an especially interesting post on the blog of Scottish solicitor-advocate Gordon Dangerfield at the moment, pointing out that there are no legal reasons whatever for the Crown Office and Procurator Fiscal Service (COPFS) to be withholding documents relating to the allegations against Alex Salmond, and indeed issuing dire threats of prosecution against him or anyone who might put them into the public domain.
(All of the blog’s coverage of the inquiry in general has been expert and revealing, and should be the first stop for readers seeking to understand proceedings.)
The items in question include the infamous WhatsApp messages exchanged by the group of people attempting to have Salmond imprisoned for crimes he didn’t commit, among them SNP chief executive Peter Murrell.
When two of Murrell’s messages were leaked recently it was front-page news in the Scottish press, and generated a huge amount of subsequent coverage. Commentators as diverse as Mandy Rhodes of Holyrood magazine and Alex Massie of the Times and Spectator have noted that while they’d initially disbelieved talk of a conspiracy, the Scottish Government’s actions have given them the opposite impression.
The message log is absolutely central to Salmond’s claim of a conspiracy against him, so the last thing that either COPFS or the leadership of the SNP wants is for it to become public knowledge. Indeed, COPFS has denied that the messages exist at all, which makes it a bit weird that the police are currently conducting a serious criminal investigation into who leaked some apparently entirely imaginary documents.
So it would be quite astonishing if they suddenly disappeared, wouldn’t it?
Readers, we can’t tell you how much we want to get back to just dissecting Scotland’s hopeless Unionist media for a living. It’s a lot more fun than what the current political circumstances are obliging us to do, so you can hardly imagine our excitement when we spotted what looked like an open goal in yesterday’s Mail On Sunday.
Our ears pricked up immediately at the sight of the words “up to”, which is invariably a sign of dodgy doings on the way, and so it proved. The article contained no solid data at all about the size of Scottish Government special advisers’ pay rises, only how many SpAds there were and which general pay bands they were in, each of which spans a wide range of between £14,000 and £23,000.
But while the Mail had spooned the sitter six feet over the crossbar – because the crude spin they’d put on it was total rubbish – there was still a loose ball just waiting to be knocked into the back of the net.
The SNP’s earth-shattering 2011 majority election victory, which paved the way for the 2014 independence referendum, dropped a bomb on Scottish politics.
What few people realised at the time was that it was also going to set up a series of massive paydays for one of Scotland’s wealthiest demographics: lawyers.
SNP Members For Independence? What a ridiculous phrase – surely every member of the SNP is in favour of independence, right?
That’s mostly true of course, but the leadership and many elected representatives of the party appear to be intent on repeating the failed Section 30 route to independence, and also on restricting serious debate about alternative strategies.
It seems that a revised “Plan B” may be discussed at the party conference, still almost two months away, and for all Plan B’s merits it is seriously flawed and its inclusion at the expense of alternative and better plans at conference would merely pay lip service to the term “serious debate”
Something clearly needed to be done, which is why SNP Members For Indy has been set up. So what’s it for and what is it trying to do?
We’re very busy today writing more FOI requests and the like, so we’ll just take a brief moment here to note that hiring super-expensive lawyers to object to the questions you’re being asked DEFINITELY sounds like the behaviour of people who are keen to co-operate fully and in the most transparent way possible with an inquiry:
Having been privileged to serve as SNP National Treasurer, I’m aware of the duties that go with the post. Of course, it’s changed in some ways since then due to the scale of the party, the resources available and even technology. The days are long gone when Joan Knott, who has sadly since passed away, required to take a taxi down to my legal office to have cheques signed between court or clients.
But some things still remain fundamental, and in particular providing annual accounts for the party. That has been done for 2019, in the administrative sense, but what’s missing is their publication and provision either to the NEC or the party more widely.
For sure there’s been no conference but there are other bodies and other ways of making them available to party members. At NEC, conference and indeed anywhere else, members were entitled to see them and question me. It was their right to see them, and it remains so now. So why haven’t they seen them?
A column on a Sturgeon-loyalist indy website that we read yesterday has been mildly annoying us ever since, and in the interests of open debate (but mainly because it’s cold and grey and rainy outside and we can’t go out and feed the swans) we thought it was worth taking half an hour to walk through it a little and explain just why it’s such a dangerous piece of fantasy nonsense.
But first here’s one of said swans. She’s about five months old and her adult feathers are just starting to come through. Isn’t she lovely?
In case things get a bit rough later we’ve got some squirrels and a really fat dachshund as emergency backup, so buckle in.
The comments from committee convener and SNP MP Linda Fabiani (we guess she must be another of those MI5 plants/secret Unionists) are really quite extraordinary. In terms of Parliamentary language they’re only a hair’s-breadth short of an invitation to step outside and settle things with an old-school dust-up in the car park.
Alf Baird on The Nobodies: “Hatey, you are on the wrong side of history and morality in your admiration for the mafia and its backers…” Jul 29, 09:19
Captain Caveman on The Nobodies: ““Racist yesterday, Alf, and now fascist today.” Is he really expressing such sentiments and views? If so, that’s a disgrace…” Jul 29, 08:53
Hatey McHateface on Ain’t it funny how things change?: “On the subject of shite, Dan, it’s interesting that you have nothing to say to a poster who not only…” Jul 29, 08:13
Hatey McHateface on The Nobodies: “Racist yesterday, Alf, and now fascist today. You academics don’t half like to throw the big, complicated words around. How…” Jul 28, 19:54
Andy Wiltshire on The Nobodies: “Apropos of nothing, Rev, what ever happened about Lynsay Watson? Was any kind of justice ever served?” Jul 28, 18:26
Alf Baird on The Nobodies: “Indeed, “another lesson learned” is that fascist colonialism always has the ultimate method in its toolbox, if assimilation disna wirk,…” Jul 28, 16:06
Dan on Ain’t it funny how things change?: “I had also wondered what Monsier Pantalon in Scottish thought about the GSA situation. Robin ain’t happy. http://robinmcalpine.org/an-elegy-for-scotlands-dark-age/ Was thinking…” Jul 28, 15:52
Chas on The Nobodies: “It appears Labour are shite. The SNP are useless. Lib Dems are nonentities. Tories are well Tories. Reform are the…” Jul 28, 14:09
Hatey McHateface on The Nobodies: “No connection between colonialism and democracy, Alf? Doesn’t postcolonial theory also have something to say about the dead ends the…” Jul 28, 13:54
Captain Caveman on The Nobodies: ““Labour: 22% (+1)” “Up 6 points in about 2 months and it is not a bounce.” “Since 14th May 2026…” Jul 28, 13:21
Hatey McHateface on The Nobodies: “Having exhausted all other decent options, Professor Baird resorts to trying the historically most fruitful one – blaming the Jews.…” Jul 28, 13:21
Dan on Ain’t it funny how things change?: “Are your posts still getting held in moderation Mr Scottish troosers? It’s jist that I haven’t seen several of your…” Jul 28, 13:11
sam on The Nobodies: “On May 14th 2026 the Labour MP, Josh Simons, announced his resignation in the Makerfield constituency in order to allow…” Jul 28, 13:07
Captain Caveman on The Nobodies: “Whether you like it or not (and whether you can even comprehend the implications – unlikely), the SNP has to…” Jul 28, 12:53
Cynicus on Ain’t it funny how things change?: “Breeks, I will occasionally re-visit this site in the hope of seeing a post by you, or by the one…” Jul 28, 12:47
Captain Caveman on The Nobodies: ““there is a Burnham bounce for now.” “Labour recorded in our tracker since September last year, and is up six…” Jul 28, 12:44
sam on The Nobodies: ““Although these three parties are all within the margin of error of our previous poll, this is the highest figure…” Jul 28, 12:28
Alf Baird on The Nobodies: “The “desire for independence” as you put it is entirely negated since the national party leadership enters into ‘an accommodation’…” Jul 28, 12:19
sam on The Nobodies: “I can only find surveys from 2023 about levels of trust the people in England and Scotland have in their…” Jul 28, 12:18
Aidan on The Nobodies: “Now that the approach to the UN has failed and been rejected, does that mean therefore that there is no…” Jul 28, 11:55
Captain Caveman on The Nobodies: “You’re trying to tell me things that are painfully obvious (and in keeping with what I myself have been saying…” Jul 28, 11:48
Captain Caveman on The Nobodies: ““Burnham Bounce” “Labour +1%” If that’s a “bounce”, Sam, I’ve got a bridge to sell you. 😀 Well within statistical…” Jul 28, 11:32
Alf Baird on The Nobodies: ““save for the moribund issue of the constitution” Its clear as day (except to colonialists it seems) that Swinney does…” Jul 28, 11:24
sam on The Nobodies: “While Scottish Labour elects another useless leader, there is a Burnham bounce for now. “Voting intention, 26-27 July 2026: Ref…” Jul 28, 11:11
Captain Caveman on The Nobodies: “Totally agree, Mincehead, red and blue rosettes both. Mind, I think most would agree that incomers hailing from Eastern Europe…” Jul 28, 10:42
Minceheid on The Nobodies: “Captain Caveman says: 28 July, 2026 at 10:02 am The product of years of counter-reality, supremely naïve, black-is-white doublethink politics…” Jul 28, 10:34
Captain Caveman on The Nobodies: “I admit nothing of the sort, Alf. As Stu notes in his piece (assume you read it, emphasis added): ‘……” Jul 28, 10:33
Alf Baird on The Nobodies: ““comparing the SNP to Labour is akin to looking at two near identical turds” So you finally admit that the…” Jul 28, 10:14
Captain Caveman on The Nobodies: “The product of years of counter-reality, supremely naïve, black-is-white doublethink politics of the Left forced down our collective throats has…” Jul 28, 10:02
Hatey McHateface on The Nobodies: “Hmmm. Yet I keep reading reports that across Europe, support for what the MSM likes to call the “far right”…” Jul 28, 09:41